I Hope She Was Worth It
by Caseyx457
Summary: Bella and Edward Cullen; they were the envy of couples everywhere. Until the Denali sisters came into their lives, that is. Did Edward cheat on Bella? Or is there more to the story than what it seems?
1. Chapter 1

_A/N: This story has been edited to remove any Sexual scenes._

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight**

Chapter 1

_"Divorce is like an amputation: you survive it, but there's less of you."_

_-Margaret Atwood_

I got out of the scalding hot shower, but I wasn't relaxed and I didn't feel any better. My knee's were still wobbling and my hands were still shaking, I feared that if I even thought of eating any food, it would just come back up and I didn't need to add spewing everywhere onto my list of problems.

It was very surreal, but not in a dreamlike way, more like in a

_I-need-to-wake-the-fuck-up kinda way_. Up until last Friday morning, my life had been perfect. I was a successful realtor, I had a beautiful home, wonderful family, gorgeous and devoted husband_...or so I had thought._

Going to my closet, I made sure I had everything packed away in my suitcases before I slipped into the skimpiest piece of black lingerie I owned; one which Edward had never seen me in before. I applied my lipstick, eye shadow. Then I dried my hair and straightened it, I even sprayed on the perfume that I knew he loved.

Then I sat there, with a glass of red wine, wondering how the fuck he could have done this to me.

After only five years of marriage, he'd already strayed.

The evidence was not only sitting in my purse in a big brown folder, but that it was his own sister who had tipped me off about the whole thing.

"Bella, I'm home," Edward called as he came through the door. I could hear the clanking of keys as he set them down on the counter. He was so fucking lucky he didn't call me tonight to tell me he was '_working late again' _or I probably would have castrated him just to make sure he wouldn't be with anyone else ever again.

"Bella?" he asked when I didn't reply. I could hear his footsteps going into the living room before he went into the kitchen and spotted me waiting for him.

He looked at me for a moment, his eyes going dark with lust and his mouth hanging open, before it grew into an impossibly bright smile.

"What do we have here?" Edward questioned in a sultry voice, as I stood there, dolled up like one of his whores.

I didn't say anything and he began undoing his tie before he walked slowly over to me.

His hands grabbed my hips before he began his attack on my neck, trailing kisses up to the corner of my mouth and back down again. He inhaled my scent then groaned at what _he thought_ was to come. _Oh, was he in for a shock..._

I played my part well, tangling my fingers in his hair and letting him grind against me, pretending to moan in delight at his every touch.

"Bella, I love you," he whispered haggardly into my neck as he rid himself of his suit jacket before coming back to me and kissing my deeply. It turned my stomach. "You're so beautiful."

I could tell he was getting really into it now and just as he began to undo the strings on my tiny corset, with his lips still not breaking contact for my neck, I put my plan into action.

"_Ahhh_... do you like this?" I moaned, my voice oozing sex while he nodded frantically, his breathing coming heavier and licking his bottom lip as I promised myself that I wouldn't cry when I finished this.

"You have no idea," he panted through a smile. But it didn't fill me with want as it always had. Instead it made my skin crawl, knowing he'd touched others but then came back to me every night. I hated him for betraying and hurting me.

He would pay for fucking with me though; I'd make sure of it.

"Tell me how much you want me!" I ordered and his eyes grew impossibly darker as he still fumbled with the knot that I knew he would never get out. I'd made sure to tie it three times, extra tight, so he would never again have the pleasure of seeing me naked.

"I want you so fucking bad."

"Tell me!" I asserted and he bit down on my neck.

"I need you like I need air to breath. I need you like a dying person needs medicine, Bella."

_Show time..._

I gulped. "Tell me then Edward, was she worth it?"

He was as still as a fucking statue. He knew he'd been caught.

Tears welled in my eyes though I shook them off. I knew it was bad of me to do this, but I just really wanted to watch him suffer after the eight months he had been unfaithful to me; fucking some bitch in swanky hotels.

Then after three days of misery and blaming myself, I realized something; _screw Edward, it's all his fault. I didn't fuck my secretary._

"What?" he asked, his voice shaky and his breathing heavy, but not in the lustful way it had previously been like. No, this was sheer _terror._

He still hadn't moved his head up from my neck to look me in the eye and I knew he wouldn't until he was one hundred percent positive he had been caught, because, that was obviously how little I meant to him.

"I asked you if she was worth it, y'know the whore or should I say whores because you had more than one of them when you were _working late_, didn't you, darling?" I questioned in a strong voice, not letting any weakness show or give him any indication of how much he'd hurt me.

I deserved better than him.

Edward slowly moved his head up after a moment and I seen his face was pale white, like he had seen a ghost or something. Or like I had looked when Alice called me at work and told me we needed to speak urgently, only to find out that my beloved husband was having sex with some bitch in the most expensive hotel in town.

I tilted my head to the side and tried to look indifferent. He looked about ready to fall to the floor and weep like a girl. _Good_...I thought..._that's what I wanted. _

Rose had told me this was a good way to give him the ultimate _'fuck you' _and essentially make him pay and make me feel better, but now...I... I sort of _regretted _it.

It didn't make me feel better knowing I was supposed to be taking pleasure in watching his life crumble. Because although he'd made choices that had both hurt and humiliated me, this was still Edward.

This was the boy I used to share baths with as a child.

This was the boy I used to make mud pies with when I didn't want to play Barbies with Alice.

This was the boy I hadn't realised I loved until college.

This was the man I married.

And now, this was the man I was going to _divorce._

"It was nothing Bella, _they_ were nothing, I don't even know why I did it," he rushed out as his hands shook wildly and he ran a hand through his defiant hair, like he always did when he was troubled or nervous.

I really shouldn't have done things this way. I could have made this painless and easy for both of us. Like ripping off a band-aid.

"No, NO! Bella, please listen, I love you and we can fix this," he cried as I began to walk away, heading to the bedroom to collect my things and go back to Phoenix to live with my Mom and her husband Phil, until I got things sorted out.

When he saw my bags already packed, his hands flew into his hair and more tears streamed his face. "Oh no, no Bella, no, don't leave me. I'll tell you anything you want to know and I will never betray you again. I'm so sorry, don't leave me, Bella?"

He grabbed my arm, preventing me from leaving and I was already inches away from breaking down, so I spun around and hit him straight across the face. It felt really good and I was sorry I hadn't done it earlier.

"Your words mean shit to me now!" I screamed, he shook his head, still trying to fight me on this and recover from the slap I'd given him. _How could he think there was still a future for us, after everything he had done? Even though he knew that he would eventually get caught. _

"Talk to me," he begged through sobs as his hands shook with even more velocity. "I d-don't want you to g-go. I'll do anything, just talk to me! Ask me something!"

I don't know why I felt pity for him. He'd cheated on me with god knows how many woman for an entire eight months. Eight months that I had tried to be supportive of him because he was getting a big work load lately and, even though I missed him at night, I was so thankful to have such a wonderful and generous husband.

So you could imagine my surprise when I found out that he had indeed been doing something, but it wasn't work related. It was more like 5'9 with strawberry blonde hair.

"Fine, how many were there?" I spat and he fell to the floor, putting his head in-between his legs while I watched his body shake as he cried.

"Two...I-Irina and Tanya."

I knew there had been more than one already, but it still didn't make it hurt any less. It was like a punch in the gut to hear the truth coming from him. I hated him for this and if he thought there was anyway he was getting me to stay, he was sooo fucking wrong.

The moment he kissed them, he lost me.

"Do you love them? One of them or both of them?" I don't know why I asked, maybe just to torture myself some more.

"NO!" Edward shouted, his head flying up so he could look at me "I only ever loved you," he tried to promise me. But all I could think the moment those words left his mouth was, _was he serious with this shit?_

I blew a fuse, I could feel my face heating up in fury.

"THEN WHY DID YOU FUCKING DO IT?" I screamed at the top of my voice and hit a vase that had been sitting on top of a table in the hall to vent my anger and to make sure I didn't murder him. I wasn't going to do time for Edward or let him get out of telling his family what he had done. "I gave you everything for five years, Edward! Five years! Then Alice finds you and some bitch going into a hotel together and I tell your sister _'oh no, Edward wouldn't do that to me, he loves me,' _and I sat at home by myself while you worked nights. What fucking lawyer works nights!" I admit that I had had a small part in this, I had been so naïve and stupid not to see what was right in front of me.

"I'm sorry. I am so sorry. Please, please don't leave me, Bella. I need you, I am nothing without you, please don't go!"

Although I would never tell anyone, his hysterical crying on the floor almost made me stay, just because I hated seeing him hurt.

But then I remembered what he did and I knew that I would never look at him the same way again. I would never see him as the man that I fell in love with in college anymore, I would see him as the guy who fucking ruined me and the life we had built together all at the age of twenty four.

"Edward, I loved you so much-"

"Don't you say it, please, don't. I won't make it without you. Let me fix this," he begged as more tears cascaded down from his puffy eyes.

But as I had told him before, his words meant shit to me.

"...but I am done. I want a divorce and for your sake Edward, I hope she was worth it. You have just lost everything."

_And so have I..._

**-O~O~O-**

As I lay in the bed of my old room in phoenix, I couldn't stop my mind from running over every detail of today.

Edward and I were finished. There would be no us growing old together, no having kids, no nothing. My future with him was gone.

I remembered the day that all this started...

_"Isabella Cullen speaking," I answered when my phone rang and Alice took my ear off. I was clumsy to begin with, so when she scared the shit out of me by screaming into my ear, I dropped the phone. Then I had to scramble under my desk at work to find it, both smacking my head and ripping my tights simultaneously._

_"Great..." I murmured to myself as I got off the floor and picked up the phone __again, realizing that Alice still hadn't stopped talking. I doubted she even realised I'd let the phone fall._

_"Alice...Alice, calm down, okay, speak slowly and tell me what's going on." I told her calmly and she took a breath before telling a wife the one thing that could destroy both her heart and her life._

_"Edward's cheating on you. I'm so sorry!" she cried and I think I went into a state of shock._

_Edward was cheating on me? _

_My Edward, the one who worked his ass off for us to live in our expensive house we could have never paid for had he not taken the extra hours this year. _

_The one who made love to me almost every night and kissed me gently before telling me how much he loved me? _

_The Edward I had known my entire life and the one who had sworn to love and protect me through sickness and health in front of everyone we knew and loved._

_"Alice, I think you've got it wrong. Edward loves me he would never..." I started but she cut me off._

_"Bella, I just saw him walk into a hotel with some bitch. I have a photo of them on my cell. He's kissing her...how could he do this?" she screamed and I realised she was going hysterical. _

_Shouldn't that have been my job if Edward was cheating on me? I still didn't believe that Edward would though; he just wasn't that kind of guy. It __was probably the whole pregnancy thing Alice had going on. She could barley __remember what the remote was called these days. I liked to refer to what she was going through as 'pregnancy amnesia'. Maybe she was just being all crazy and hormonal because of the baby._

_"Al, where are you? I'll come get you and you can show me." I humored her, and hoped she would stop being stupid soon. I didn't like her accusing Edward of something as serious as this. I was only letting it slide because she was pregnant and my best friend. Had she been anyone else, I would have tore her a new one._

_"I'm in Port Angele's at the River-View hotel." she told me through sobs and __snuffles, before I hung up. I told my boss, Carmen, that there was a family __emergency and that I had to leave early. I then drove to Port Angele's to kick Alice's butt for making me miss a day's work._

_I knew Edward would never cheat on me and if he did, I would be more pissed he was taking some woman to the River-View hotel; it was so fucking expensive. We never even went to dinner there because of how much it cost and we were well-off people. _

_But I knew better than to believe Alice. I trusted Edward completely and I knew he would never be unfaithful to me._

_It took me fifteen minutes to get to Alice, who was bawling in her car, and jumped out as soon as she saw me to engulf me into a tight hug. My best friend was only 5'1 and for a pixie, she had a lot of strength in her, so I had to wait until she was done saying how sorry she was and that she was going to kill Edward for this, before she released me._

_"Show me the picture." I sighed, getting bored with this really fast. She was __starting to piss me off._

_She flipped open her phone and handed it to me._

_I nearly got sick._

_She was right, it was Edward in the picture and the woman who had him pressed against the wall of the hotel and who had her tongue down his throat, was definitely __not me. _

_I began to hyperventilate and I was pretty sure I was going to black out._

_Alice made me sit with my back pressed against the car as she and I did her birthing breathing thingy. Just trying to find a way to calm me, but the tears came and I had a fucking melt down._

_This was not happening... Edward loved me, he would never...would he?_

_"... Rosalie please hurry, she's freaking out. I should've said it when she was at home..." I registered through my pain as Alice cried down the phone to who I now knew was Rosalie. But I think I blacked out because one minute Alice was on the phone, the next Rose was helping me into her car._

_"Bella, look at me, fuck him, okay? He doesn't even deserve you. Alice I'm sorry, but your brother is a fucking prick," Rose shouted as she eyed me in her mirror from the front seat, while Alice rubbed soothing circles on my back._

_"We'll be fine," Alice chanted over and over again, trying to ease my suffering as my world blew up in a giant clusterfuck of emotions._

_I didn't snap out of it until two hours later in Rose's and her boyfriend, Royce's, house. We were all sitting on the couch, Rose playing with my hair as my head rested on her lap and Alice letting me rest my legs on hers._

_"I'm going to hire a private investigator," I blurted and they looked at me like I had a second head. "If Edward's cheating on me and bringing them to fancy hotels then...it has to show up somewhere, right?" _

"_I'm sure it will, Bella," Rose agreed before adding, "Do you want to stay here, Bella? You don't have to go home to him, you're __welcome to stay here for as long as you need." _

_"No. Thank you, though," I told her, holding back a sob that was threatening to break through. "I'm going to go home and go to bed. When he comes home, I'll ask him where he was and if he lie's, then I'll know for sure."_

_I gave them hugs and they promised me they would always be here for me and Alice promised me that we would always be sisters, no matter what happens between Edward and I._

_When I got home, I put on some sweats and a sweater, then just sat in my dark __living room, waiting for Edward to come home and give me some fucking answers._

_At 7:35 the phone rang and I knew who it was, but refused to pick up and hear the words that I knew were all just lie's now._

_Like I said, I knew who it was, didn't mean I wasn't praying I was wrong._

_"Hey, you've reached Edward and Bella, please leave your name and number after the beep and we'll get back to you."..._beep_... "Bella baby, it's Edward, I'm...um... swamped at work here, it's going to be an overnighter, I'm afraid. I'll see you tomorrow." I noted there was no "I love you" or an "I'm sorry" and that's because he probably didn't and he probably wasn't._

_That was it. I knew now at least._

_Edward was cheating on me, but with who?_

_Picking up my phone and unscrunching the paper in my clenched hand, I dialed the number and wiped away my tears angrily._

_"Hello, is this J. Jenks ? My name is Isabella...Swan...um, I'm inquiring about your services."_

**-O~O~O-**

_"Mrs Swan, I'm afraid I have good news and bad news," Jenks told me as we sat in the corner of a Starbucks, three days after our first conversation. "Your husband has been sending emails for around eight months to an unknown number of women. He's paid for Hotel bills on a regular basis using his company's card and you say his working hours were six am till seven pm. Well his company file says...six am to six pm," he finished before handing me a large brown folder. _

_"We also have proof...pictures of him and a blonde together. You're actually a lucky woman, Mrs Swan, you'll get a lot out of that one." We shook hands and Jenks left._

_His words made me feel sick. I didn't want anything of Edward's. Not his money, not his car, not even my engagement ring. I wanted zilch from him._

_I took a breath then and opened the file, effectively ending my marriage._

_I decided to look at the photo's first, one of him with his hand on the small of the girls back, though he didn't look as happy as I'd expected him to. Shouldn't a man breaking the rules with a woman, who looked like a supermodel, be over the moon?_

_The second one was od them walking into a hotel together. _

_Then it hit me; I knew that slutty bitch._

_"You're fucking your secretary," I whispered to myself and closed my eyes, __wishing the tears away until I could get to Rosalie's._

_Jenks had said an unknown amount of woman though, had that meant there were__more? Shutting the folder and dumping it in my purse, I pushed the thoughts away and drove straight to Rose's, intent on staying there until I figured out what to do next..._

**-O~O~O-**

I hated this room in Phoenix and I think my mom knew that Edward and I were over when I began ripping all the pictures of him off the walls, that were still there since our school days, like some shit 90's teen movie.

Thinking about the past was only making this harder. I hated Edward for doing this to me and it just was not worth the heartbreak of going back to him.

But the worst thing of it all...the reason why I was crying wasn't just because Edward had betrayed me or because I lost my house and my great life.

No, the fucked up thing was that beyond the hate, anger...and pure fucking sadness, was that I would always love Edward Cullen.

There would always be a part of me that would forever be entirely his; that yearned for his touch.

* * *

><p><strong>Hey,<strong>

**As you can tell, this is a new story and will contain a lot of drama.**

**If this doesn't catch on, I don't think I'll continue, so leave a review if you liked it.**

**Thanks for reading anyway,**

**~Casey**


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer:Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight

Chapter 2

_Two Years Later..._

"Jake, where did you put my other boot?" I called down the hall to Jacob as I sat on the floor of my bedroom, surrounded by piles of shoes. But unfortunately for me, not one of them was the boot I was looking for. _I was already running late_...

Jake had been staying over most nights, but we weren't seeing each other. I told him I couldn't handle another relationship just yet, with work and everything in my life, so we decided to just have fun with each other for now and if it lead to anything else, than so be it. He understood me and I was thankful to have him. We were like friends with benefits, I suppose.

"I didn't touch it." he shouted back from the bathroom.

"Well, I have to meet Rose in twenty minutes and I can't find it!" I knew I sounded like a child throwing a tantrum, but I didn't care because I was stressed out.

After my divorce, Rose too had opened her eyes and saw her long time boyfriend, Royce, for what he truly was; _an asshole_. They broke up, sold their house and, not three months later, Rosalie was in another solid relationship with Alice's brother, Emmett Cullen. I loved Emmett, always had. He was a bear of a man, but was soft on the inside and he had childlike tendency's that would make me laugh so hard my insides would hurt. Rose was head over heals with him, and vice versa. I was just happy he made her happy.

It was the other Cullen; he who must not be named, (_so I have a Harry Potter addiction, sue me),_ who I just didn't think of anymore. After we'd divorced and after the countless times he had showed up, drunk on my doorstep, begging forgiveness, he'd moved to Chicago for his work and I'd moved to my own apartment close to my Dads house.

I met Jake at a bar in Port Angele's. He had lived in La Push his entire life and that was only a mile or so away from Forks. I'd never seen him before since I'd never had any reason to go up to La Push. Jake was exactly what I needed, he was the exact opposite of everything I went for in a guy. He was tall and pure muscle, perfect teeth and a total flirt, dark skinned with jet black hair and he was young as well, only twenty two. I knew it was only four years but I still felt like a cougar, _don't ask me why_...

"Why don't you just wear another pair?" he asked, coming to the door. I sighed in defeat, knowing I'd have to if I wanted to get to Rosalie in time.

Pulling on a pair of Chuck Taylor's, and cringing at what Rose was going to say when she saw me wearing them, I put them on and grabbed my keys. I said goodbye to Jake, made my way out to my car, broke the speed limit, which was a no-no since my dad was a cop, and made it to the coffee house with time to spare. I was only sitting down with my coffee when Rose practically skipped into the room, which for her was incredibly rare.

"Hey, what has you so happy?" I asked her as she sat down with the biggest, brightest smile I had ever seen her sport. It looked well on her. Well so did everything since Rosalie was drop dead gorgeous.

"I was going to call you last night, but I wanted to tell you in person because I love you," she exclaimed and I looked at her with a raised eyebrow. Rosalie was the hardest person I knew, she never got gushy.

"Who are you and what have you done with Rose?" I earned a giggle from her,_ yeah, I know,_ _a giggle!_ Something big was up. _Was she drunk?_

"Stop it," she ordered as she smiled brighter than before. "Bella, last night... Emmett proposed to me! I'm getting married!" she squealed and I looked at her, mouth agape. She'd ony put her hand out to show me her giant rock before I pounced on her and enveloped her in a hug.

"Oh my god Rose! That's...I mean that's...you're getting married." I choked out as the happy tears surfaced. Rose was getting married, Alice and Jasper were having their second child in three months...so much was changing. The selfish part of me was saying..._it should have been me,_ but I barely heard it, choosing to focus on Rose's happiness instead of being selfish and focusing on my own.

"Esme was thrilled when she heard, by the way, she misses you." Rose started and I felt a pang in my heart at the mention of Esme. She was so kind and motherly, but I hadn't seen her in a while; too many memories. "Oh and you're my maid of honor. I was going to pick Alice also, but she's knocked up again, thank you very much Jasper." she said in mock anger and I laughed at her, nearly letting coffee shoot out of my nose.

"Some people are so selfish," I joked. "and I would love to be your maid of honor, thank you Rose."

Suddenly a look of hesitance came on her face and she looked away. Her bubbly mood all but gone as she mumbled, "And yeah, _um_...about that...Emmett sort of _em_...I mean...we sort of...he has to..."

"Come on Rose, spit it out."

"Edward is going to be Emmett's best man."

_Fuck . My . Life_

I'd forgotten that Rose getting married meant I would have to see Edward. I mean it was his brother who was marrying her. Shit, if I am the maid of honor that means I have to walk with Edward and do all the wedding stuff with him. _FUCK!_ Maybe I could turn down the position, no, Rose would never forgive me and I would feel like shit for doing it to her.

_Wait, what the fuck was worrying about?_ Rose was getting married, so what if Edward would be there, it was just Edward. I mean for Christ sake, I married the guy, now I was too much of a chicken to even talk to him. I did nothing wrong, it was his fault we got a divorce.

"Bella, you're freaking out, I knew this would happen. I told Emmett not to pick _him_ as his best man. I fucking hate Edward, he always has to ruin everyt..." she ranted before I held up a hand and stopped her.

"Stop, I'm alright, I don't care if Edward will be there. I can be civilized with him and it's going to be your day. If you want both of us to be there, we'll be there because we love you and Emmett. But...can I bring Jake?" Rose scoffed at my question.

"Of course you're bringing Jake. Edward's still single and you have to rub your piece of man candy in his face." she laughed and I may have smirked a little. I wasn't going to rub it in Edward's face that I had moved on, I wasn't that childish, plus having meaningless sex with someone wasn't exactly moving on.

"So, do you have a date set?"

"You're going to think I'm crazy when I tell you this, that's why I wanted to tell you in person. Emmett and I don't want to wait to get married, so we're getting married in three weeks. Alice has practically everything booked and organized, Esme too. We can do it."

She was right, getting married in three weeks was fucking insane, but if it was what she wanted, who was I to stop her?

"That's great Rose, if that's what you want then I am happy for both of you. Do you have your dress and everything?"

With that she started chattering away about everything they had planned and how things were going to look. I was truly happy for her and Emmett, they both deserved happiness, I just wished to fuck I wouldn't have to speak to Edward for too long.

**-O~O~O-**

"Bella!" Esme cried as I stepped out of the car outside of the hotel and ran into her waiting arms. "We've missed you so much, darling." she voiced, holding me tighter to her before releasing me long enough for Carlisle to claim me in another embrace.

"That we have. You have to see us more, no matter what you're still a daughter to us." Carlisle promised, looking at me with a warm smile. The Cullen's had always been far too kind to me. _I mean shouldn't the parents of your ex-husband hate you or something, no matter why you both split up?_

"I'm sorry, I've just been really busy with work and..." I started, but Alice cut me off.

"And Jacob, that hunk of man candy you're sporting! Come here you, don't make me waddle over there." she ordered and I complied, walking over and wrapping my arms around Alice, which was sort of hard since Whitelock number two was making it difficult.

"Oh, so there's a new man?" Jasper questioned before leaning down to kiss my cheek since he couldn't hug me while he was holding their daughter, Evelyn, in his arms. "Hello, darling." he greeted in his southern drawl.

"Hey. Um, yeah Jacob is...we're just..."

"Leave Bella alone, you're making her uncomfortable." Rose answered, coming to my rescue.

With that they let me off the hook and the boys grabbed my bags and headed into the hotel.

The wedding was in two days and, thankfully, I hadn't had to do anything except get my dress fitted and plan the bachelorette party for Rose. Both of the duties had been completed already, so now I just had to get through the wedding. I'd yet to see Edward though and for that I was thankful. I didn't know why I was nervous about seeing him, but I thought it was best if Jake didn't come to the wedding, but only to the reception. I didn't want him to feel weird and I didn't want to step over a boundary line or something.

Sucking it up, I headed inside the hotel where the reception was going to be held and looked around in awe. The place was freaking incredible. I shouldn't have been surprised the hotel was so swanky since the Cullen's were loaded. There were two spiral staircases in the lobby, in between them was a giant window and the reception desk was underneath it.

_I would love to know what the price of this was to build_... The real estate agent in me said.

"Amazing, isn't it?" A voice called from behind me and I cringed at it's velvety softness. Slowly, I turned around to see him standing there as beautiful as ever. His hair sticking out in a million different directions and his suit fitting perfectly on his body. He looked well.

"Yeah, it is. Hey, Edward." I greeted him and he smiled a little in return, although I noticed that it didn't quite meet his eyes.

"Hello, Bella, you look beautiful. How have you been?" I couldn't help but giggle a little at this conversation. "What?" he questioned.

"How cliché is this? We're practically having the ex-conversation. It's starts off with how you look, then how you've been doing, then you move on to _"Are you seeing anyone?"_ You're doing a good job by the way." I joked and he laughed, shaking his head in agreement. I couldn't help but notice how old he looked. He was only twenty seven but he didn't look how I remembered him, his youthfulness was gone.

I remember the days shortly after I'd left Edward, first Emmett came to me in Phoenix, saying Edward was a mess and that he just wanted to work things out. Then Esme came, she apologized for her son's behavior and begged me to reconsider divorcing him, saying he was devastated and she had yet to see him sober. Then Edward came, his hair was a mess, it looked like he hadn't shaved in a while and the bags under his eyes were almost jet black from not sleeping.

"_Why did you do it?" I asked him, as calm as I could manage while he sat on the couch, looking more broken than I'd ever seen him. I hated him too much to care though, I just wanted answers so I could move on with my life._

"_I was stupid. You were and still are everything to me. You gave me everything I could have needed...I just got stressed and I...when I did it, I felt guilty, when I was with you I felt sick for what I had done. It's no excuse..." he started, but I cut him off._

"_You're right, it's not. Admit it, Edward, you got bored of fucking me so you had to do it with someone else!" I shouted and started to pace before I could pick something up and hurl it at him for being such an asshole._

"_No, I could never get bored with you._ _I was going to end it, Bella, I was going to tell you the truth eventually. The night I called you, I was ending it with Tanya, I swear."_

"_But then she probably sucked your cock and you forgot all about me." I screamed and took a breath, trying to calm down, before I continued, "Do you have any idea what you have put me through? How much you've fucking hurt me? You're not the only one who's lost everything, you selfish prick. I loved you, Edward, I trusted you with everything I had, including my heart, and you threw it all away like it was trash. I hired an investigator by the way, I know everything and more, I could take you for all your worth." I threatened and he hung his head in shame as a few tears spilled from his eyes onto the floor._

"_But I won't." I told him and he lifted his head to look at me with a confused expression. _

"_Why not?" he asked, as a few more tears spilled from his eyes down his cheeks._

"_Because I don't want anything to do with you, Edward. So you can have your ring back." I threw the engagement ring at him and it hit him in the center of his chest before it landed in his lap. From the look on his face, you'd swear I just cut out his heart._

"_You might as well take everything else, Bella. You're fucking destroying me inside and out. I can't sleep at night, I can't eat, I'm pretty much fired from my job since I haven't gone in in three weeks." _

"_Don't worry, I'm sure your secretary will be happy to cover for you." _

"_So this is it? You...you don't...you don't l-love me anymore?" he choked out as he scrubed his face with his hands._

"_No, I do love you Edward. I just fucking hate you more." I voiced and he crumbled again. I was tired of him crying, if he didn't want this, he shouldn't have cheated._

"_Well, I love you and I am so sorry. I deserve this though. I don't deserve you. If it makes you feel any better I am dieing inside. So...yeah" he finished, then stood up and made his way out the door._

_He was suffering... good. He deserved it._

_So why the fuck was I on the floor crying my eyes out over him?_

"Bella are you alright?" Edward asked, trying to snap me out of my daze.

"Yeah I'm fine, but how are you? I heard you moved to Chicago?" I questioned, trying to change the subject.

"Yes, I moved to a better firm after I lost my job. They offered me the new job almost as soon as I'd been let go and I didn't mind leaving Forks behind. Get a fresh start, y'know?" he explained and I shook my head in understanding. I had thought about moving too, but realised that it wasn't worth it in the end. Edward had left, so I wasn't going to be seeing him around, all my friends and my dad were still there, so why leave?

"Yeah, I moved to a new apartment complex beside my dads house. By the way..._um_...I would avoid him if I was you because of...you know..." I trailed off not wanting to get myself angry. He looked horrified at what I had just said._ Why didn't I threaten him with my Dad before, I mean the man owns like seven guns..._

"Oh...yeah, thanks for the warning." he replied and the mood went awkward.

"So..." Edward started in a lighter tone of voice. "No date?"

I knew he would ask me that sooner or later. You could see the curiosity burning in his eyes.

"Oh...em...yeah, Jacob's only coming to the reception." His face fell and his eyes widened, he looked as if I'd punched him in the gut.

"Oh," he whispered and avoided my eyes. "Well, it was good seeing you, Bella," he spoke again, through a voice that was barely audible, before making his way to god knows where like a bat out of hell.

I stood there thinking and trying to compose myself for a while after he'd gone. I thanked God no one was around the lobby to see me like this.

"Bella, my Mom wants to see you..." Rosalie called, coming out of a door and saw me standing by myself, lost in thought. She came over and put a hand on my shoulder. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah I'm fine...I was...talking to, you know who." I told her and she looked at me with understanding written all over her face.

"Want to go get a drink?"

"Hell yeah."

**-O~O~O-**

_I sat in the room with my lawyer and his waiting for Edward to come through the door so we could settle everything up and be done with this._

_It had been four weeks and six days since I had last seen him when he came to Phoenix to talk to me, but when Edward finally walked into the room, I barley recognized him. His hair was thick with grease and it looked as if he still hadn't shaved from the last time I saw him. He had also gotten thin, like really thin, it was scary to see him like this. His eyes were practically in the back of his head and the dark patches under them hadn't gotten any better. He still must not have been sleeping..._

"_Well now your here..." My lawyer started, but Edward stopped him._

"_I'm going to stop you right there," he slurred and I sighed, because I knew by how he was talking that he was drunk. "Bella can have everything she wants, because my life is fucking meaningless now she's gone." His lawyer was whispering something in his ear, probably telling him to shut the fuck up, but he was having none of it. "Let me just...I just want to..." he started, trying to stand but wobbled and fell back into his seat. "Whoops," he mumbled before turning back to me._

"_Bella, I am so sorry I had sex with Tanya, but I lied to you...see her daddy is a big client to my boss here." he told me, motioning with his thumb to his lawyer who I knew I recognised from somewhere before._

"_Edward, shut the fuck up!" His lawyer shouted and Edward sat down._

"_Sorry Mr Volturi," Edward answered before reaching over and grabbing my hand from across the desk. "Bella, I love you." _

_I stood up and so did my lawyer. "We'll send you the paperwork." My lawyer told them, before we exited the room._

_"Bella don't leave me!" _I could hear Edward shout_ from the room as we went._

I woke up then from my nap, realizing that sleeping wasn't an option anymore since I'd spoken to Edward. How, after all this time, did he still capture my thoughts twenty four fucking seven? I mean I hated the guy...well I disliked him, hatred was when I first found out, it had died down over the years.

"You okay, sweetie?" Alice asked and I wondered what she was doing in my room until I remembered that I had gotten hammered with Rose, and that Alice had taken me back to my room for a nap and some coffee to sober me up.

"Uh, yeah, I think I am. What time is it?"

"A little before five. Oh and you got a few texts while you were in a coma nap." she joked and I smiled.

"Good thing Carlisle's a doctor," I teased and she laughed, I think I was still a little tipsy. Alice left then and I went in search of my phone.

It turns out that I was very popular.

**One missed call from Charlie**

**Two missed calls from Mom**

**Four missed Calls from Jake**

_Did someone die? Why was everyone calling me?_

I decided to call my Dad first and he said that he had only called to talk and see if everything was alright. Of course my bullshit meter was going off the charts, but I just didn't know what he was up to.

I called my mom then and she just wanted to scold me for forgetting to mention I was maid of honor to Rosalie, who I didn't think I would really need to tell her about since she had never met her or listened to me when I spoke about her. Plus, my Mom wasn't as close to the Cullen's as my Dad was.

Then finally I got to Jake.

"Hello," he answered in a gruff voice and I wondered what had him so grumpy.

"Hey Jake, what's going on?" I asked and he went quite for a minute.

"Oh, nothing Bella. I just found out the real reason you don't want me to come to that wedding. Your ex-husband, huh? What, do you want to fuck him while I'm not there? Or maybe you're just ashamed of me?" he shouted down the phone and I stood there in shock at his outburst.

"What the fuck Jake? Who even told you my ex was going to be here?"

"Half of Forks is fucking talking about it. The big Doctors son who lost you. So...you do want to fuck him...Edward isn't it?"

"No, actually, I don't. I didn't bring you because I didn't want you to be uncomfortable with his family here. And I told you about Edward already, besides you're not my boyfriend, so you don't get to be the jealous, overprotective guy. Even if you were my boyfriend, I wouldn't take that shit from you." I shouted at him, losing my cool. "Y'know what? I've been through this before and I'm sick of the drama. I'm sorry but I can't do this. Don't come to the wedding, I'm done." I finished, not even waiting to hear the insults he was going to throw at me before I hung up.

Why did guys always have to fuck things up?

Or maybe it was just me.

* * *

><p><strong>Okay, I am blown away by the response this has gotten and thanks all so much for it.<strong>

**I have gotten a lot of people saying that with cheatingfics Bella is always so weak and that is exactly why I wrote this. This isn't particularly a cheatfic, just saying, you'll see soon enough. Anyway, I hate that Bella is weak and that she always get's knocked up. I am here to tell you it will NOT be happening in this story. Sorry if you hoped it would. **

**I have a banner on my profile for this...well it's more a poster I think but you should check it out.**

**Thanks again for everything and please review.**

**- Casey**


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer:Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight

Chapter 3

"Bella," A voice called in my dream. "Bella," it called again. I could tell that voice from anywhere. My head was pounding, probably because I had consumed so much Tequila last night that I was lucky if I didn't get alcohol poisoning, but still, somehow I found the will to answer the voice.

"Edward," I replied and it really hurt my head when I spoke. _Even in my dream my head was going to explode..._

"Bella, wake up." he called again. It was so weird, _why was Edward telling me to wake up if this was a dream?_ I mean, it had to be a dream otherwise Edward was in my hotel room and I wasn't wearing any Pajamas or underpants.

_Wait a second..._

"Edward!" I screamed, opening my eyes and pulling the sheets over my naked body, watching him jump back in fright as I screamed at him."What the fuck are you doing in here?"

"Don't worry...I just...it's three o'clock...Rose wants...Emmett sent me!" he finally choked out in a rush of words. I sat up in the bed and clutched the practically see-through white sheet closer to my chest in a pathetic attempt to hide my shame. I knew that he had seen me naked before, but I was serious when I said he would_ never_ get that honor again.

"Oh my god," I muttered, totally mortified. _Note to self: Kill Emmett. _"..um... Edward turn around while I get decent." I ordered and he spun around. I couldn't help but notice his perfect ass; it looked so drool worthy in his black denim jeans and I scolded myself for admiring it. "If you try to peak, I'll murder you, Edward Cullen." I hopped out of the bed and quickly tried to scramble into my jeans and sweater. I nearly fell a couple of times trying to put on my pants but I was very proud when I was fully dressed and unharmed.

"Okay, I'm decent." I told him and he turned to me, his entire face flush all the way up to the tip of his ears "Are you okay?" I asked him and he nodded frantically.

"I'm the breast I've ever been," he said before his eyes widened and he corrected himself. "I mean, I'm the _best_ I've ever been. Best," he repeated and his face went even redder than I had ever seen it go. He looked like when he was sixteen and Esme found his porn collection.

"O-kay, anyway, you said Emmett sent you. Why?" I questioned and hoped it was because Rose wanted to give me some Tylenol. My head hurt like a motherfucker and for once, it was over another guy, not the one standing before me with a tomato red face.

"Rose wanted to know if you were alive and sent Emmett to get you, but his friend from college, Tyler, just flew in today and he wanted to meet him at the airport, so I said I would come and wake you up." He said it as if coming into your Ex-wife's hotel room while she was sleeping was nothing.

"Wait...how did you get into my room?"

"Yeah, I may have lied to the house keeping staff and said that it was my room." he admitted bashfully as he looked to the floor and shoved his hands in his jeans pockets.

At that moment, I didn't have the willpower to care if he'd lied to anyone or if he was in my room at this moment. I just needed to get some water, take a shower, two Tylenol's, find Rose and then go die somewhere.

"Well, I'm alive, so, will you tell Rose that I'll be down to her in half an hour after I take a shower?" he nodded and I felt bad for being such a bitch so I added "...thanks for coming to wake me up, by the way." he smiled meekly before gliding out of the room.

I could see a light bleeping on my phone, which was placed on the seat Edward had been standing beside. Trudging over to it, I saw that I had eight messages from Jake and sixteen missed calls. I deleted them all, knowing I was being such a bitch to him but not able to go through this with him as well. It seemed hearing the words, _I am so sorry, don't leave me,_ was all I got from guys nowadays and I was sick to death of it.

Looking up, I caught my reflection in the bathroom mirror since the door was inched open. I looked hideous; like I'd gotten hit by a train and then run over by a bus. Then I noticed something else, I could see behind me in the mirror. No wonder Edward had been acting weird; I just did a fucking strip tease for him.

"_Motherfucker!"_ I shouted more so at myself for allowing him to be in the same room as me while I changed.

_Well, so much for never getting to see me naked again_...

Now to kill Emmett, wedding be damned.

**-O~O~O-**

"You're going to love it Bella, Esme and I picked it out to suit your skin tone. It's long though, so you'll have to wear pretty high shoes." Alice voiced as she described my bridesmaid dress. I'd seen it on the computer already and had fitted one on in another colour, but my dress had only gotten delivered yesterday, so Alice was dragging me to see it.

"Okay, sit there and don't move." Alice ordered as she waddled into the next room and came back with a stunning champagne coloured dress.

"It's beautiful," I gushed as I came over to it, eager to put it on, but the little pixie grabbed my hand as I reached for the dress.

"No, you're not allowed to go near it. We already know it will fit you so you'll just have to wait until tomorrow." she scolded me and even though there was no reason why I wasn't allowed touch it. I just let it go, knowing Alice would get her way in the end.

"Fine," I grumbled and stood up from my seat. "I have to get ready anyway, I'll see you at the rehearsal dinner." she waved at me and mumbled something I didn't quite hear.

The rehearsal dinner was tonight and although I was still mortified from my encounter with Edward this morning, _or evening, since it was three when he woke me up_, I wasn't about to let him ruin Rose getting married for me. I still had a few minutes, so I decided to explore the hotel a bit, since the only places I had really been were the bar and my room. The room I was staying in probably cost more than my apartment anyway, _so why not explore where the rich and famous stay before I have to go home to normalcy?_

I wandered for a while until someone playing the piano caught my attention. I was going to turn around and walk back just in case it was _him,_ but out of curiosity, I peaked and discovered it was Carlisle who was playing.

"Hey," I called to him. He looked at me and smiled warmly.

"Hello, Bella, sweetheart. What has you here?" he asked and went back to his piano.

"Oh, you know... best friend getting married, nothing to do and feeling sorry for myself, same old, same old. How about you Billy Joel?" I joked and was rewarded with a chuckle from him.

"Just sneaking away from wedding planning and cake talk. I love my Esme but there is only so much wedding stuff a man can take." he replied and I giggled, sitting on the seat beside him and laying my head on his shoulder. He placed a soft kiss on it and it reminded me how much I missed him.

Carlisle and Esme had always been in my life, they had been best friends with my parents when they were still married, although my Mom and them had a bit of a rocky relationship now. But when Edward and I divorced, it was just too much of a reminder of everything I had lost when I saw them, so I just stopped going.

"Kid, we've missed you, y'know. Esme was so upset for a long time when you stopped coming over. But I don't blame you for stopping seeing us. I understand that it hurt and never had I been as ashamed of Edward as I was when he told me what he'd done. I was so angry with him, not only because he broke his vows, but because he wasn't the only one who lost you." he spoke and I looked down to the ground, ashamed of how I had acted.

"I'm sorry Carlisle, for my part anyway." I told him and last year, had we of had this conversation, I would have probably been hysterical at this point. If anyone even mentioned Edward's name I was in tears. But now, I was stronger, I didn't even feel the need to cry. _Maybe I have moved on..._

"You, Isabella Swan, have nothing to be sorry for, I just want you to stay in contact with us. It's been two years, you don't even have to come to us. Give us your address and we'll come to you. I don't think Esme will survive losing her daughter again." he voiced and I nodded, promising him that I would not only give them my address, but that we would all go out for dinner sometime, Edward included. Although I didn't really want include him but if everyone else was going it didn't seem fair to leave the asshole out.

After my talk with Carlisle, I went to get dressed for the rehearsal. I was a tad excited for it, it was an excuse to wear my ridiculously expensive black shiny dress Alice had bought for me. It was my favorite item of clothing that I owned, it was short but not slutty and it covered most of my body apart from my shoulders. I teamed it with a simple pair of black heels and did my hair up and my make-up smoky.

Grabbing my silver clutch bag, I made sure I had everything I needed; room key, perfume, lip gloss and tampons, _you know, just in case_. Then I was ready and out the door. I deliberated going to Alice and Jasper's room but then I remembered that they were probably putting Evelyn down for the night, so instead I just headed down to the room where the reception was being held.

I pressed the elevator button and as soon as the doors slid open, I saw a devastatingly handsome Edward standing before me in a _Gucci_ suit I knew Alice must have gotten for him. He looked me up and down with his mouth agape, making me feel very self-conscious.

_Was it too late to take the stairs?_

"Bella," he breathed out as I forced a smile and stood in the elevator with him. "You...you look incredible." he complimented and I smiled bashfully. I never took compliments well; they always made me embarrassed for some reason.

"Not too shabby yourself." I joked and nudged him in the ribs playfully, feeling the spark that ignited at his touch. Moving into the furthest corner away from him, we stood in an awkward silence for a moment. "So, Gucci huh?" I questioned, desperate to break the silence.

"Oh yeah, y'know Alice. I really don't care about designer brands. She could dress me in a suit from Walmart for all I care, so long as I have clothes on my back it's all good." he said before the doors glided open and we stepped out into the lobby.

"So, whens Jacob getting here?" _You had to ruin a good conversation.._.

"He's not coming. We're not..."_ having meaningless sex anymore_ "...seeing each other anymore"

"Oh," Edward said. "I'm sorry," I could see the flicker of delight in his eyes before he covered it up.

"No you're not" I replied and he smiled crookedly.

"No, I'm not."

With that he walked off chuckling to himself. I just stood there confused as to what the fuck was happening.

**-O~O~O-**

_The whole house was covered in boxes. Some had **BELLA** written on them and others had **ASSHOLE**. Okay, I was still a bit bitter but who could blame me? At least I wasn't milking him for everything he was worth. Not that he didn't deserve just that but I didn't want any of his stuff._

_He called me last Wednesday night to tell me he would be over to collect his things and give me the divorce papers, even though, I was sure he could have sent the papers to my lawyer, but I think he wanted to do it himself. Maybe try to talk me out of it again._

_I was in the middle of taping up my last box when the door opened and keys clanked down. Just like old times..._

"_Bella?" Edward called and I stood up, took a breath and prepared for what was sure to be another battle._

"_In here." I replied curtly and he trudged in. He looked better than he had before, but still not at all healthy looking. "Your stuff is over there. I boxed them for you." _

"_Asshole," he read as he seen his box's. "Very creative. Thank you for boxing them."_

_I said nothing. Just turned my back to him and continued taping my box shut so I could have all my stuff ready to be moved across town into my new apartment. _

_Edward came in the door after bringing a few boxes to his car outside and I could feel him standing behind me. But I refused to acknowledge him, knowing he was just going to start the same old shit again. _

"_Bella, I need you to..." he started, but I threw my head back and groaned._

"_Do you ever get tired of fucking begging? I'm tired of it and I wish you would stop. Let's be clear, I hate you Edward Cullen for everything you have done to me and I will never reconsider divorcing you." I shouted as angry tears streamed my face. It was strange, for once, I was the one crying._

_We went into a silence for a few minutes, staring into each others eyes, but not in a romantic way, more of a I-have-to-figure-you-out kinda way._

"_I know you won't reconsider," he whispered breaking the silence. "I just want you to know the truth before we part ways." _

_I was seriously considering telling him to shut the fuck up, take his shit and leave. But curiosity got the better of me._

"_Fine, talk." I said coldly and I sat on the floor, arms crossed, glaring at him._

"_We were in trouble when this first started, financial trouble." he told me and I already knew about that since I had had to take another job for a while until we had gotten back on our feet. We were too stubborn to ask for a loan from Edward's parents. "I was failing you. I couldn't even support my family when there was only two of us, I remember thinking 'what the fuck am I going to do when we have children?' then Mr Volturi came and said I was taking on too much work, more than I could handle. But we needed the money. He said he was hiring me a secretary and that her father was a big client. She had a sister as well and that I had to be good to the both of them." he spoke and I cringed, knowing exactly what good meant._

"_At first it was innocent. Tanya was nice and polite, if not a tiny bit of a handful. Some days her sister, Irina, would come and she was nice enough as well. I was making good money and you got to quit that other job. We were in the clear again. Then one day Irina started getting...handsy. I told her to stop, that I was married and I wasn't that kind of person. The next day, I was called to Mr Volturi 's office, he said that if I rejected Irina again we might lose her father as a client. Then I would lose my job." When he spoke, it was as if he had been practicing what to say. Like he was reading this, so called, confession off a script or something._

"_I was such a fucking idiot. I thought...it would only be once and you'd never know...so why not if it kept me my job and everything you deserved to have, like the house and your car...everything. I thought it would only be one time, I really did, but Irina kept coming back and when I tried talking to Mr Volturi he said he would fire my ass if I turned her down again. Eventually though, after around two months, Irina left to get married. It was a huge sigh of relief. But then Tanya came, putting me back on square fucking one and then you found out. What I had thought was the only way of saving what I had, was actually the thing that destroyed everything. I am so sorry Bella." he finished and I could barely look him in the eye._

_I didn't say anything for a while, I didn't even look at him. I couldn't..._

"_Bella, say something." he begged and I finally turned to glare at him._

"_You know, I may not have been happy if we had of lost the house or the car or whatever. But I would have been fucking content to know that I still had you. That no matter what we would have had each other. You think that if we went broke I would think you failed me? Well, you're wrong. I would, however, think you failed me when I find your pregnant sister going into hysterics because she saw you with your tongue down some slut's throat. Now you're telling me you're practically a fucking gigolo, but you're sorry. So don't worry, Edward, it's fine. It's fine that I've lost everything. It's fine for the past eight months I was living a lie and not even knowing it. It's fine I can't even look your mother in the eyes without breaking down. So yeah, it's fine, you're sorry, so now you can go fuck yourself!" I spat at him before marching out of the room and heading to the bathroom, where I locked myself in until he left the house._

"Bella, you look amazing! Is that the dress we bought last winter?" Alice asked snapping me from my thoughts as she clung onto Jasper's arm.

"Yeah," I muttered, not feeling quite up to talking fashion.

"Are you okay?" She asked looking at me with a concerned expression as Jasper sensed the mood and made himself scarce.

"Alice, I hate your brother," I told her and she looked at me like I was crazy. Maybe I was now, but that's what Edward Cullen did to me, he drove me crazy.

"Emmett?"

"No, Edward."

"Well, duh." she laughed but continued when I didn't join in. "You've hated Edward for a while now, honey."

"Yeah," I agreed and she waited for me to elaborate. "Only, I'm not sure if it outweighs lust anymore." I admitted and her eyes widened. Then I actually listened to myself. "I'm sorry, don't listen to me. I'm just weirded because Rose is getting married and Jake and I broke up. Well, we didn't break up since technically we were never together." I rambled, really, I didn't even know why I said that. I would never love Edward after everything that happened.

But sometimes love and lust don't usually share the same company.

_No...Never_.

"Bella, do you still care for him?" Alice questioned and I didn't know how to answer.

"No...yes...there will always be apart of me that loves Edward. But I don't think I could be _in_ love with him again. I've moved on. I think it's seeing him after all this time that's making me like this. I mean the guy is still a dickhead and a cheater, no offense." I added.

"Non taken," she replied. "I can't honestly say that I understand what you're going through, but I can say that I'm here for you if you need me, Bells. Anytime, anyplace, anywhere, just call me. Now come on, Rose will kill us if we are late and I only have one night of fun before I have to go back to Mom mode."

I had to laugh. Alice always knew what to say, she was a terrific friend.

We walked arm in arm into the rehearsal dinner and, if there was one thing I was happy about that came from my marriage, was that it brought Alice and I impossibly closer to one another.

I don't know why I was always worrying about stuff, it was only making my life harder. I had to calm down and be cool about everything. Just be myself and be happy.

After practicing all the speeches and where everyone was sitting, we had dinner and the foolery began. All the couples were twirling around the dance floor, Rose and Emmett in the center. They all looked completely in love and I was happy they had each other.

"May I have this dance, Ms Swan?" A velvety voice asked and it seemed a lot more carefree like it used to.

"I don't know," I told Edward. "Can you keep your hands to yourself?"

He laughed for a minute and this time it was a real laugh, it sounded like bells chiming and for once, it reached his eyes. I could see the familiar spark of happiness in them again. "I promise nothing," he said menacingly before he whisked me onto the floor. Edward had always been a good dancer and I was actually having a good time with him.

Being his friend was nice, even if he was still a total asshole

"I've missed this. I've missed _you_. But you do seem happy." he said as his smile died down and the music began to slow.

"I am happy. Why wouldn't I be? I have everything I wanted." I lied, but in my defense I didn't know it until tonight.

Maybe it was him or maybe it was Jacob leaving, but I didn't want to be alone anymore.

_I wanted to be loved again._

"That's good. You look beautiful by the way."

"You said that already." I teased, trying not to let him get the wrong impression. This was strictly a dance between friends.

"I know." he said simply and looked into my eyes with his scorching emerald ones.

"May I cut in, E_dward_?" A deep voice spat his name from behind me and I froze. Edward looked to me, disappointment replacing the spark in his eyes before reluctantly letting me go and letting Jacob take me into his arms. I'll admit Jake looked good in a suit, but why the hell he was here now was beyond me.

"Jacob, what are you doing here?" I asked angrily, since I'd told him specifically not to come.

But that was all I got out before Jacobs lips clashed to mine.

Now I definitely knew, it was guys who fucked things up.

* * *

><p><strong>Sorry to leave it there but it had to be done.<strong>

**I am actually gobsmacked at the response to this and thank you all so much for reviewing. I hope she was worth it already has 249 alerts. So thank you all.**

**I have a picture of Bella's cocktail Dress on my profile if you want to see it.**

**Please leave a review and tell me what you think.**

**Bye for now,**

**Casey**


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer:Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight

Chapter 4

"Jacob get the hell off of me!" I screamed, pushing him away and noticing that the whole time he hadn't even been looking at me. He was looking directly at Edward the entire time with a smug smile on his stupid face. Edward was just standing there, jaw taut and nostrils flared, he looked about ready to kill him.

I had to get Jacob out of there, now.

Grabbing him by the collar of his shirt, I dragged him all the way to the lobby like he was a dog. Then when we finally got away I unleashed my anger on him. "What the fuck was that Jacob? Are you really that immature?" I screamed at him, my face going bright red in fury. I just couldn't believe he had done that. I mean the guy just embarrassed both myself and Edward in front of all Edward's family and our closest friends.

"Why do you care Bella? It was just a kiss. I mean, did you see him with you? He was about to fucking mount you on the dance floor!" He shouted back and the whole lobby just went silent and stared at us.

I didn't know which was worse, the anger or mortification.

"Outside," I ordered through clenched teeth and had there not been a room full of people watching us, I probably would have murdered Jacob right then and there.

It was really cold outside, but I think that I was just so angry I managed to block the cold out and tear Jacob a new one. "Who do you think you are? How dare you embarrass me like that in front of everyone I know. You are not my boyfriend, you are not anything to me anymore so you do not get to just waltz in and act like you own me. We're done, whatever we had going on, is over, got it?" I asked, although it was more of a rhetorical question.

"Whatever Bella," Jacob dismissed. "You'll see soon, you won't find another one like me. You'll be sorry and when you come crawling on your knees to me because you can't keep your man in there satisfied like before, I might not be your boy again." He spoke with a shrug and I laughed in his face.

"Jacob, that's all well and good but I'm looking for a man, not a boy," I told him and his eyes narrowed at me. "Oh and so we are clear, when you come crawling back on my doorstep begging for me to take you back, just remember that I hate you, so then I don't have to come answer the door and waste both of our time." With that I left him standing there and marched back into the hotel, hoping the tears would stay away until Jacob was out of sight.

As I walked in the hotel door, a hand grabbed my wrist and I nearly shit myself until I saw it was Edward. "Jeeze, you scared me," I breathed, holding my chest and taking my hand away from him.

"Sorry. I just wanted to make sure you were okay. He didn't do anything inappropriate did he? Because I will track him down and ki..." Edward started but I cut him off.

"Whoa, calm down there tiger. I'm fine and if he did something inappropriate, with all due respect, it has nothing to do with you Edward. I'm a big girl, I can handle myself," I assured him and saw his mouth turn into a small grimace before he quickly covered it up.

"I know you can handle yourself, I just don't want you to get hurt." He spoke and I bit down on my tongue to stop the replies that were about to spew out of my mouth. Like, _That's strange, you didn't care about hurting me when you were fucking those whores..._But instead I settled for a "Well, thanks anyway," and walked away to get back to the party and tell Rose I was going to hit the hay.

The party had died down since Jacob had crashed it and I felt guilt surge through me for ruining everyone's night. Jacob was such an asshole and I didn't know what I ever saw in him._ Except for the muscles and good looks that is..._

"Rose, Emmett, I am so sorry about that. I had no idea..." I started but Rose stopped me.

"You have nothing to be sorry for. What was Jacob's problem?" she asked and I just shrugged my shoulders not wanting to get into it.

"Bella, if you want all you have to do is say the word and I will crack some heads," Emmett joked._ Well at least I hoped it was a joke._

"Thanks Em, but I don't think that's necessary. I can hold my own y'know," I told him with a smile, hoping to make the conversation lighter and hoping Emmett wouldn't kill anybody. I wouldn't wish Emmett on anyone, if he was coming after me I would just kill myself and get it over with. The guy was soooo scary.

"Yeah," Emmett boomed before continuing, "just ask Edward." He was teasing and I forced a smile.

"Yeah erm...well I'm going to go sleep for a while, see you tomorrow you guys."

"Bella are you sure you're okay. I mean Alice could stay with you tonight if you want?" Rose offered and I just rolled my eyes at her. This was her night and tomorrow was her and Emmett's day, I was not going to ruin it for them.

"Don't be stupid, stay and have fun you two. But not too much. We have a wedding to go to in the morning."

**-O~O~O-**

Sitting alone in my room, depressed and demolishing the mini bar, was not how I envisioned spending the night before Rose's wedding. _Thank you Jacob!_

I should have been dancing and laughing with everyone but no, I had to sit in my room crying because I am going to die alone. If I was going to die alone though I made a promise to myself that I wasn't getting any cats. I was alright with dying alone but I couldn't do Cat Lady.

At around eleven someone knocked on the door and I debated pretending not to be here since I looked hideous with puffy eyes, smeared make-up and pieces of pretzels in my hair... but the knocking just wouldn't stop.

"I'm coming already!" I screamed at the door.

_Please don't be Edward, please don't be Edward,_ I chanted to myself as I unlocked the door and saw Esme standing before me.

Esme always looked beautiful but at the moment she looked like a 1940s Hollywood movie star and I really envied her. I looked like a hill-billy who got kicked out of her shack.

"Oh Bella darling," she said soothingly before pulling me into her embrace. "Tell me all about it"

Now my mom was a great mom, but she had nothing on Esme Cullen. She was the mother that everyone wanted, the one that made you brownies and let you go out on a school night. She was maternal by nature and that made her someone you could spill your guts out to about anything.

I stood back to look at her before I began bawling.

"Jacob's such an asshole...be a cat lady...Edward's here...Alice has two babies... die alone," was all I managed to choke out through my hysterics but the whole time Esme just nodded and rubbed my back making me feel so much better._ I had no idea how she did it._

"Sweetheart, you are a beautiful, smart, confident woman. I'm telling you there is no way you are going to die alone, Bella. Did you not see the heads you were turning down there? Or do I need to make you a list?" she asked, and I just rolled my eyes at her. "You have so much to offer and although you haven't had much luck in the relationship department, I know you'll find happiness in the end. Trust me."

Her words should have made me feel better but I just couldn't believe what she was saying. I was so incredibly plain, brown hair, brown eyes, pale skin there was nothing different or exciting about me. I was so boring.

"How could you know that though? I mean the only person who ever thought I was good enough for anything ended up in another woman's bed," I whispered and mentally slapped myself for forgetting I was talking to his mother. "Shit, I'm sorry," I apologized and she shook her head.

"Bella, don't apologize. Edward was an idiot to let you get away," she said and I smiled a bit since I had very rarely heard her speak badly about any of her children. The only other time I remembered was when Edward actually told her that he had cheated. Alice told me Esme blew a fuse and dropped F-bombs and everything. She even asked Edward to leave her property she was so angry.

"I know you dislike him for how much he hurt you. I myself still hold anger at him for what he did...well, _who_ he did," she corrected herself and I couldn't stop the laugh that escaped me. "But what I am trying to say is, you are doubting yourself because of the negative things that happened between the both of you. When you think back to your time together, what do you remember? Honestly?" she asked and I fidgeted, knowing where this was going the moment the words left her mouth.

"I _erm_...it's always..what he did. When I found out and after when...when I left," I admitted and she nodded.

"I bet if you think back to the times before you were married you would remember how desirable you were and still are. Do you remember how many boys wanted your attention and all the ways Edward tried to get it as well?" She smiled and I didn't answer. I didn't like to remember those times just because of how much it hurt when I came back to reality.

It was so much easier to hate Edward.

"See Isabella, you're anything but plain."

"But I am different than how I was in collage." It was the truth, I was significantly different. For one I wasn't a book worm anymore, I wasn't as fun and I definitely wasn't as skinny.

"You're right. You're not how you were, you're better. You're confident and independent now. The world is your oyster" Esme teased and I laughed a little. "You don't see yourself clearly, my darling"

With that she stood up, gave me a kiss on my forehead and glided out of the room. She had helped me by talking to me, but in a way she had also confused me more.

-**O~O~O-**

I was restless that night, I just couldn't find sleep as I tossed and turned. My mind just kept replaying what Esme had said to me and although thinking about the good times hurt, maybe it would be good for me. Like when they say, it has to get worse before it gets better.

Closing my eyes, I let my mind drift to better times.

"_Yeah so erm...the party is on S-Saturday and erm...I w-wanted to know if...maybe you wanted to...to go with m-me?" Eric Yorkie stuttered out as he cornered me outside of the lecture hall. He must have been really nervous, it was either that or he was just a really sweaty person. I liked Eric, he was a nice enough guy but I just didn't see him that way. _

"_Eric..." I started as I tried to think of a way to let him down gently._

"_Bella!" Edward's voice called and I looked to see him strutting over, a trail of giggling freshman girls behind him. I didn't blame them, Edward was gorgeous. He was lanky but muscled, his hair always looked like he had just rolled out of the bed but only his sister Alice and I knew that he took hours doing it in the morning, and his eyes were the most incredible shade of green. "Sorry I hope I'm not interrupting," Edward said to Eric as if he hadn't been listening the entire time. "Bella I just wanted to know, are we still on for Saturday night?" he asked with a crooked smile and I was about ready to jump into his arms and kiss him._

_We had no plans for Saturday night and although I wished we had, I was so thankful he was helping me get out of this._

"_Um...yeah I was just about to tell Eric that I can't go to the party with him because I have a..." I tried but Edward cut me off._

"_A date with me. Eight o'clock, don't forget. I'll pick you up, okay?" he asked with another crooked smile and I couldn't not smile back._

"_I won't forget," I replied and he nodded before walking back down the hall, chuckling as he went. "Sorry Eric," I muttered before I too made my way out of the building._

_It wasn't until that Saturday night when I was sitting in my dorm room that Alice came screaming in. "Oh my god, why didn't you tell me you have a date with my brother?" she gushed and I looked up from my book in confusion._

"_What? I don't have a date. Who told you that?" I asked her and tried to think if anyone other than Yorkie had asked me out._

"_Uh Edward. He's been bragging about it all day. He is so nervous. Even went out to buy a new shirt this evening. How cute is that?" Alice giggled and all I could do was sit there in shock._

_Edward was actually taking me out tonight. _

_He was nervous for Christ's sake!_

_Edward Cullen liked me as more than a friend or a sister._

"_Oh my god," I whispered and it only made Alice scream and bounce more. "Alice you have to help me. What am I going to wear?" I questioned and felt the butterflies fluttering around in my stomach._

_I had been on dates and even slept with someone before but this was Edward we were talking about. The guy I had been dreaming about since high school. _

_My best friend._

_Alice had helped me out more than enough. She had dressed me casually in tight skinny jeans that made my ass look good and a dressy blue blouse. She wanted me to wear heels but I refused since I could barely walk without falling down as it was, so I just wore my Chucks._

_When my hair and make-up were done I sat there and at exactly 7:45 a terrified looking Edward pulled up outside my dorm. He had flowers with him and he was wearing a dress shirt and tie. I may have snuck a peak at him through the spy hole and yeah, he was definitely nervous. He looked at his watch first and lifted his hand to knock on the door before chickening out and pulling it back down. I was nearly dying with laughter when he began speaking words of encouragement to himself._

_I decided then to put him out of his misery._

_Opening the door I turned and said "Oh you're here, good timing. Are those for me?" I asked and he nodded his head wildly._

"_Yeah I erm...know you like them so I got them for you," he said awkwardly and I thanked him before going to put them in water._

"_You look breathtaking by the way," he voiced as we walked to the car and I blushed scarlet before looking down and muttering, "You look handsome too"_

_Half way into the drive I wondered where the hell we were going?_

"_Where are we going anyway?" I questioned and he smiled exuberantly._

"_Wouldn't be a surprise if I told you now, would it?" _

"_No, I guess it wouldn't."_

_We finally stopped on a small road next to a woodland area. I wasn't scared of the woods per se, I was more scared of the many ways I could injure myself in it. When I voiced my concerns to Edward he just grabbed hold of my hand and I couldn't help but love how easily my hand fit in his._

"_I'll keep you safe," he promised and I believed him._

_After a ten minute walk he led me into the most beautiful meadow, it was in the shape of a perfect circle and he had laid a dozen twinkling lights along the trees. It was so beautiful, he must have gone to a lot of effort which seemed pointless since he had me at "date". Then in the center of the meadow he had two garden chairs and a bottle of champagne. _

"_You really went all out didn't you?" I teased and he looked to me in alarm._

"_It's too much isn't it? I knew it was too much but Alice said it was a good idea and she knows you better, so I went with it and now I look like an idiot. I can take you somewhe..." he rambled until I held a hand to his cheek, marveling at the electricity that pulsed between us._

"_It's perfect," I whispered and a smile grew on his face as I looked into his emerald eyes._

"_Dance with me?" He asked suddenly and I looked at him like he was crazy._

"_Dance with you? Here?" He was insane, it was official. What kind of weirdos dance in the middle of a meadow. Except hippies I suppose..._

"_Just dance with me," he breathed, pulling me closer to him and I couldn't say no to him. He began swaying with me and at first I was a bit uncomfortable but then when I relaxed and leaned into his embrace, it was actually the most beautiful moment of my life._

_We swayed together for what must have been hours, but our time together felt too short. Eventually he stopped and I made the mistake of looking into his eyes, smoldering with emotion as he looked into mine._

_He tilted his head down and my breathing grew heavy as our lips came into contact. It was perfect, I knew the moment I kissed him that I had never felt this way about anyone before. The current that charged between us only made it so much more intimate and made me want more as my fingers tangled in his hair. _

_When we finally broke away from each other we laid down under the stars, my head on his chest and my body tucked under his arm._

_We didn't say anything, we didn't have to. We both knew what we had going on between us was different. There were no words required and I loved that about us. _

_He turned to me after a while, took his hand that wasn't wrapped around me and gently caressed my cheek._

"_You're something special, Bella Swan," he whispered before he lowered his lips to mine again._

_That was when I knew._

_I was in love with Edward Cullen._

I was in tears when I eventually forced the memory from my mind.

Our relationship had been so innocent back then and we had been so in love. It was actually such a shame it had been wasted for what?...A house...A job for a sleazy firm...A good fuck with someone other than your wife.

I didn't know, only Edward did. But what I did know was that I was right.

It would be so much easier for me to hate Edward and just screw the past.

But I couldn't because in all honesty, the days I spent with him, the ones that weren't lies anyway, had been the best days of my life.

I just hated that he had to fuck them up.

Because, my bet was that he was as lonely as I was right now.

* * *

><p><strong>Hey<strong>

**So great news, I have a Beta now! Yay! PeppahLouhie, thank you so much for taking on this story and my horrible grammer :) **

**Thanks so much to everyone who reviewed, and please leave another one because I love hearing what everyone thinks. Good and bad, I want it all.**

**I have a new poster for this story on my profile if you want to check it out.**

**Also if you haven't read The Elusive Mr Cullen by dariachenowith yet, you have to. I'm obsessed with it! Just gets better and better, I am telling you.**

**Thanks again for everything,**

**- Casey**


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer:Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight

Chapter 5

As soon as the alarm went off at six thirty the next morning, it was full steam ahead.

In fact, the moment I had woken up, I saw Esme in front of my face and was pushed into a shower, then whisked away to be primped and polished to perfection. When they had finished with me, I was told to go get dressed and that if I dirtied the dress whatsoever, Alice would ring my neck because she wasn't finding another one for me to wear on such short notice, so I took extra care putting it on. The dress, as it turned out, was even more magnificent on than I had imagined it would be, clinging to the curves of my body nicely and making me look like a Greek goddess. _Not to toot my own horn or anything... _

I twirled in front of the long mirror in my room, admiring myself and feeling a whole lot more confident since my talk with Esme. She really understood where I was coming from and I was so thankful to have her, even if our relationship wasn't what it used to be.

A gasp coming from the door alerted me to Alice's presence in the room. "Bella," she whispered as tears filled her eyes. "You look incredible, Rose will be so happy," the little pregnant pixie finally choked out, and I looked at her with concern.

Why the hell was she crying? I wasn't the one getting married.

"Are...are you okay Ali?" I questioned as she sniffed and nodded her head.

"Yeah, yeah I'm wonderful. It's just these damn hormones and I feel like...like everything is changing," she spoke as her bottom lip quivered. "Rose is getting married to Emmett and I'm having another kid, which I didn't even know I wanted until last year. Also, you're not married to Edward anymore and I feel like the world has gone in a completely different direction and it not only scares me Bella, it terrifies me."

I completely got where she was coming from and I knew what she was worrying over. Alice had everything she wanted right now, the perfect husband, child, home and business, she just didn't want to lose it to change.

"I know Alice," I told her as I went over to her and wrapped my arms around her tiny frame, dress be damned. "You're scared because everything is perfect the way it is for you, but you don't have to worry. Jasper loves you, you have a wonderful family and great friends, if I may say so myself," I joked, trying to lighten the mood. "And you're a fighter Alice. If something knocks you, you always go down swinging. You'll be fine," I assured her and myself at the same time.

_I will be fine...well at least, I hope I will anyway..._

"You're right," she agreed and wiped away her tears. "I was being stupid, sorry."

"Don't be, if you ever feel the need to be stupid again, call me and I'll come running Ali. Okay?" I asked and she nodded.

"I love you Bells, thanks. Now come on, we have a wedding at one and it's quarter to twelve. Time to check on the bride!"

-O~O~O-

I was going to cry.

I was not going to make it through this ceremony without having an emotional fucking break down.

Rose looked beyond words and I was still speechless as we stood outside of the church doors about to make our way in.

Her dress was just incredible, it was white and had a lace bodice with a tiny champagne coloured ribbon, that matched the colour of my dress, going around the waist until it tied into a bow at her back. It was tight around her amazing figure until it reached her knees and flowed elegantly around her.

Emmett was a lucky man indeed.

"Oh...shit balls, I'm freaking nervous," Rose voiced, her hands shaking with a death grip on her bouquet of flowers.

"Don't worry Rosalie, just remember that it's Emmett at the end of the aisle waiting for you and you'll be fine," Edward assured her as he stood beside me, ready to walk down the aisle as the best man and me as the maid of honor.

"Okay," she breathed before she began chanting "Just Emmett and me, just Emmett and me, just Emmett and me..."

The doors swung open, the musicians began to play Ave Maria and Edward smirked at me, offering me his arm which I had to take before we began our descent. I had a hard time trying not to look at the ground as I walked, my biggest fear was tripping and landing flat on my ass in front of all these people. But still, I felt safe with Edward for some reason, I always had. As we walked and all eyes turned to Rose, I couldn't help but look at Emmett's face. His eyes were alight with happiness and joy.

As we reached the end of the aisle, Edward went to the left to stand beside his brother and I to the right to await Rosalie who was a few steps behind us. As soon as Edward had left me to go stand in his place, I immediately felt the loss of his touch and berated myself for it.

When Rosalie finally came to stand beside me, I took her flowers from her and the ceremony began. I tried really hard to concentrate on what the priest was saying but the whole way through I could feel his eyes on me. I looked to Edward, to make sure my assumption was correct and feeling something stir in me as I saw his piercing green eyes not just looking at me, but worshiping me. I could also see the sadness that was eating at him and for some reason I wanted to help him.

I had always told him his eyes were the windows to his soul.

But ever since _that_ day, I had no longer liked what I had seen in them.

Turning away from him, I tried to rid him from my thoughts, if that were even possible, and went back to listening to the priest.

I came back at the right time.

"Well then, by the power vested in me by the state of Washington, I now pronounce you husband and wife, you may kiss the bride," Father Pat said as the church erupted in laughter and clapping.

Rose and Emmett were passed from person to person before we eventually made it out of the church and back to the hotel. Edward had at least quit looking at me and for that I was thankful. Today was supposed to be a joyous occasion and I wasn't going to let him ruin it for me.

_He's already ruined enough,_ one part of my mind thought, but the other part was screaming, _It's been two years, you destroyed him for what he did to you, let it fucking go!_

Could I let it go though? I didn't think I had it in me to forgive him.

The hotel was decorated beautifully, with the chairs and tables matching Rosalie's colour scheme and the flowers on the tables tying everything in together. If Alice didn't make it with her salon then her and Esme should go into wedding planning, they were that good.

We ate the meal and I was knocking back the champagne until dessert came out and I switched to ice-cream. It was vanilla, my favorite, and I couldn't resist a second helping. Plus, I wouldn't be able to stand if I kept drinking like that.

Eventually the dancing started and I sat back watching Rose and Em swaying together until Carlisle grabbed my hand and dragged me onto the dance floor. We danced together for two songs until Charlie cut in, which was a shock to me since my father didn't dance at all. It all made sense, though, when he eyed Edward and looked to me with a concerned expression.

"You okay with him here Bells? We can go home if you like, I didn't have anything to drink yet, so I can drive you," Charlie offered but I just shook my head and told him I would be fine.

Then the worst thing that could have happened, happened.

"May I cut in, sir?" Edward asked, suddenly behind us as a new song started playing. My dad froze as I looked between them in terror.

"Dad..." I tried but he cut me off.

"No you may not cut in Edward. Unless you want me to kick your ass, I suggest you stay away from my little girl. You've hurt her already and I'll be damned if I let you do it a second time." My dad spoke through clenched teeth as he tried to move towards Edward, but I gripped his arm to prevent him from advancing.

"Dad," I scolded him "It's just a dance and I know you're trying to protect me but whatever happened between us is none of your business," I voiced and Charlie's face turned furious.

"Bells, this is the asshole who was unfaithful to you for eight months. I can't let that go"

"Trust me Dad, I am a police chief's daughter, I can take care of myself. I love you though, for trying to protect me." That seemed to calm him down a bit before he sighed in defeat and moved away to go speak with Carlisle. Probably to complain about his son, but that was fine so long as he wasn't killing Edward.

The moment my dad was gone, Edward let out a deep breath he had been holding. "I thought he was going to kill me. I really think I just shit myself," he joked and I giggled at him as he twirled me around. "God, I always knew he was scary but that was..." Edward tried but I cut him off.

"It's your own damned fault, I told you specifically to avoid him. Did you think I was kidding when I told you he would kill you?" I asked and he just smiled at me crookedly.

"I figured I would take the chance if it meant holding you for any length of time," he whispered to me as he brought us closer together.

_Damn him and his sweet words!_

"The way you look today is indescribable by the way, truly," he added and I felt my insides turn to mush as his breath fanned across my neck.

_He smells so good..._

"Edward..." I whispered. _I've missed you, but I can't_

"Don't," he stopped me before continuing, "just be happy here with me. Right now,"

"I..." I tried but it seemed I wasn't capable of stringing together a sentence anymore.

"Bella," he begged quietly as the rest of the world just disappeared and it was only him and me dancing together.

His head tilted and his eyes shut, he was leaning in towards me and I could feel his breath on my lips. My eyes closed and I too leaned in, suddenly wanting his lips on mine as much as he did, maybe even more. The familiar spark was there and it was only intensifying as he grew closer.

Then voices started ringing in my head.

"_Edward's cheating on you, I am so sorry!"_

"_Tell me then Edward, was she worth it?"_

"_Oh dear Jesus no, don't leave me. I'll tell you anything you want to know and I will never betray you again. I am so sorry, don't leave me, Bella?"_

"_THEN WHY DID YOU FUCKING DO IT?"_

"_...an unknown number of women..."_

"I'm sorry," I choked out before I ran from the room and out to the lobby, determined to pack up my shit and leave before I did anything else stupid.

I was frantically pushing the elevator button but it wasn't coming any faster. Sighing and giving up I headed for the stairs, pulled off my heels and made my way up the four flights of stairs.

He didn't even come after me.

Was I merely a bridesmaid that he thought he had a shot of laying? Was I really that lonely that I fell for it?

I was about to reach for the door to exit the stairs when it flew open and I stumbled back, only to see a terrified looking Edward on the other side.

"Whatever you're going to say, don't..." I started but he cut me off.

"I refuse Bella. I refuse to believe I've lost you forever and I'm going to work so hard to win you back." I could hear the sincerity in his voice but I just couldn't trust him.

"I told you this before, your words mean shit to me now!" I shouted at him trying to be intimidating but it was a lost cause since he now had me trapped against the wall. _Plus he was like, 6ft 2 and towering above me..._

"I know, believe me I know I failed you before, but I've grown and I've changed. I'm not the same idiot I was two years ago Bella, and I need you. Everyday I go without you I'm dying inside; I need you to survive. Please," he begged, but I just shook my head.

It wasn't worth the heartbreak.

"Please, I'm not asking you to marry me or fall back madly in love with me. I just want a chance, because I've discovered life means nothing without you in it. I only want a chance at winning back your trust."

I didn't know if it was the alcohol in my system or simply my low self worth that possessed me to kiss him, but I did and by God it was incredible.

Grabbing his head in my hands, I roughly tugged his head down to my level and firmly pressed my lips against his. Fireworks exploded in my vision the second we made contact and I felt woozy, like I was drunk on him..._ or maybe it was the champagne?_

Edward was surprised at first but after a moment of shock he returned my kiss and pushed me back hard against the cold concrete wall. His whole body was pressed flush against mine while His hands tangled into my hair. He pushed closer again, always trying to get closer, like he was trying to meld are bodies together and become one.

His mouth opened and we moaned in unison when our tongues invaded each others mouths. His breath was whooshing into me and it made thinking of anything else a challenge. All I cared about was that I had Edward pressed against me, alone in a hallway.

And suddenly, I wanted more.

Fuck, I needed more.

"Bedroom Edward," I ordered in the few seconds he released my lips before coming back to claim them.

"Are you sure Bella? We're going really fast," he spoke, breaking contact. I didn't want him to be thinking realistically and I don't think I was either. _Oh yeah, it was definitely the champagne..._

Sucking on his Adam's apple that was bobbing up and down, I whispered boldly, "Do you want me or not?" I would never say that if I was sober and I would probably never sleep with him if I was sober too.

"Of course I do...it's just...I want to do right by you," he breathed and I knew by the sound of his voice that his control was slipping.

"I'm telling you, take me," I ordered, authority somehow ringing in my words.

He looked at me, his eyes hooded and darkened with lust, before he swept me up in his arms, my legs wrapping around his waist as he carried me to my room. I attacked his neck as he walked and only barely registered him taking the key out of my hand and opening the door. Then suddenly he was everywhere at once and I was pressed up against another wall, the bed somehow too far away for us to make it.

We were a mess of sloppy kisses and heavy breathing.

"I love you so much, I always have," he breathed as he set me on my feet and rid himself of his suit jacket and shirt. _I could stay at home and just watch his abs flex all day._ His lips came back to mine and his fingers unzipped me out of my dress so it fell to the floor, leaving me in my lace panties and heels before him.

"So beautiful," he whispered to himself before he picked me up again.

We came together beautifully; as if we were made for one another. We took it slow because Edward told me he needed to savor it. That this was a moment he had been dreaming about every day since we'd been apart.

He gave me every piece of him while we made love and I gave him every piece except the one that really mattered.

He would never have my heart again.

But for one night only, I gave him my soul.

When it had gotten too much and we both slipped off the edge with strangled cries, I slipped into a peaceful slumber, content and loved. Then listened as Edward sang me to sleep..

-O~O~O-

I had to stop drinking or join AA or something.

My throat was bone dry, my head was pounding and I was incredibly warm for some reason.

I could barely remember anything that happened last night, I didn't even remember seeing Rose and Emmett off.

Suddenly images of last night flashed in my mind.

Gasping, I shot up only to be horrified when I saw that I had been wrapped in a sleeping Edward. _Correction, a naked sleeping Edward. _But I was no better, I was naked too and I was as much at fault as he was.

"Fuck," I muttered to myself as I stumbled out of the bed.

"Bella? Are you okay?" Edward asked sleepily as he sat up rubbing his eyes.

"I have to go," I blurted out as I scrambled into the jeans I had left in a pile on the floor and headed to the bathroom to escape the situation.

"What? Why do you have to go?" he questioned, concern evident in his voice as he came to the door wearing just his trousers from last night.

He wouldn't get why I wasn't going to do this again with him. He hadn't been the one who had gotten betrayed and now he probably thought that I forgave him. _Fuck!_

"Last night was a mistake, I'm sorry but I can't," I told him and his face contorted in pain.

Why the fuck did I still care if I hurt him?

"But, we...I...last night was just...you were the one who wanted to have sex. You can't just... Bella, you can't do this to me, I love you." I just shook my head at him. I knew he wouldn't fucking understand.

"I was drunk, okay? It was a wedding and I was being selfish because I was alone. I'm sorry if I hurt you, really I am, but last night was just another drunken mistake, it happens all the time to people..." I tried but he cut me off.

"That wasn't a drunken mistake!" he shouted pointing to the bed for some reason before coming back to me, "I know you still feel something for me and I need you to survive, I always have. I was close to death when you left me, I wasn't eating or sleeping and the only reason I'm here now, alive, is because of my family. When Em told me he was getting married I knew I would see you again so I made Alice buy me new suits and I got a haircut, I even started eating properly and working out. I was trying so hard to make you see that I'd changed. Then when you told me Jacob was coming I just broke down all over again but I didn't give up, because that's how badly I need you Bella. So don't give me that shit, it was a drunken mistake. It was more and you know it." He spoke and I could hear the desperation in his voice.

But I was confused and I wasn't going to forgive him, I didn't have it in me to.

I did love him, I always would, but whether I could be _in_ love with him remained to be seen.

"Bella?" he asked and roused me from my thoughts.

"I'm not ready to forgive you and I need to if I want to love you again. I still have a lot of hate in me and if I'm with you I'm afraid it'll only get worse."

He shut his eyes, as if I had just delivered him the most devastating news imaginable. In a way, I probably had but when he cheated on me I made a vow to myself, that I would put myself first instead of a man because in the long run it would be me who suffered when it didn't work out.

"I don't want you to forgive me, I couldn't live with myself if you did. I just want us to move passed it and rebuild the trust that I ruined."

"It's not that easy, Edward. I can't when you betrayed me so completely. I don't know if I'm strong enough to be with you again," I admitted.

We stood in silence for a minute, both of us not really knowing what to say.

He was the one to break the silence.

"I meant to tell you, I'm coming to Forks for a while to take a break and live with my parents. They're worried and I'm stressed so I figured, why not? But I can cancel if you need more time," he whispered and didn't look me in the eye at all.

He was going to be around Forks and I would feel like shit if Esme and Carlisle had spent a while talking him into this only for me to ruin it. So I couldn't tell him he wasn't allowed to stay with his own parents just because I lived in the vicinity. _No matter how much I wanted to..._

"No, don't be silly. Stay with Carlisle and Esme, they'll be happy you're coming home." I whispered and felt a pang in my heart when I noted that his home wasn't with me.

Why was I being so stupid? I had built walls around myself for two years in case this exact thing happened and now with just one night they'd been demolished and I was as vulnerable as ever.

I was suddenly the girl I promised myself I would never be again.

"I meant what I said though, I love you Isabella Swan."

_But that's not the question, it's can I love you Edward Cullen?_

"You should go," I spoke to both him and the frightened girl inside of me.

When they had both gone, it was just me alone again.

And maybe that was the way it was meant to be.

* * *

><p><strong>A big thank you to my Beta, Peppahlouie, who is amazing by the way. Without her this story would be a big pile of grammatical errors so thank you!<strong>

**I have pictures of Bella and Rosalie's dress on my profile if you want to see it.**

**Please leave a review and tell me what you thought.**

**Thanks,**

**- Casey**


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer:Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight

Chapter 6

As soon as Edward left the room, I threw all my stuff into my suitcase and went to say goodbye to everyone, telling them that I had a viewing the next day that I completely forgot about. It was a two hour car journey home and I somehow managed to keep it together the whole way.

When I got home though, I broke the fuck down.

I was such an idiot for sleeping with him and now he was moving back to Forks for a while. How the fuck was I suppose to look him or his family in the eye? I couldn't even tell Rose about what had happened because as of yesterday, she was a part of his family.

So, I did the next logical thing.

I picked up the phone and sobbed to my other best friend from work, Angela.

Of course not even I could understand what I was saying to her. She got worried and assured me she was racing to my house as we spoke. I didn't have it in me to argue with her and tell her I was okay by myself, because I wasn't... and I needed to vent to someone.

"Bella?" she called as she ran through the door, her face full of panic as she franticly searched the room for me. When she spotted me, a snotty, tearful mess on the floor, she visibly relaxed. "What's the matter? I thought someone got murdered by the way you were bawling on the phone."

I forced a meek smile but even she could see right through me.

"I slept with him," I cried into my hands, feeling stupid for being so emotional and pathetic. It didn't escape me how ironic this was. Only two years ago I'd been crying, _he slept with her _instead of, _I slept with him_. But at least when I had been crying about him sleeping with someone else I hadn't had the guilt placed on me.

"Who did you sleep with?" Angela asked softly as she sat down by me on the floor in my living room, her hand rubbing my back soothingly.

"Edward, I slept with him. I was drunk and lonely then I woke up this morning and I realized what we had done. I'm such a stupid fucking idiot, now he wants to try again. Well, he always wanted that but now he knows I still care for him because I couldn't keep my fucking legs closed," I shouted at myself in frustration. I shouldn't have let him get close to me, I should have been on my guard with him.

"Edward? As in your ex-husband, Edward?" she questioned and I nodded as another sob ripped through my body. "Did Jacob find out? Is that why you're upset?"

I snorted in a very unladylike manner, "No, as if I'd ever be this upset over that prick. He came to the rehearsal dinner and tried to stake his claim in front of Edward by sticking his tongue down my throat. He thought I wanted to have sex with Edward and that was why I didn't bring him. I told him he was just being immature and dumped his sorry ass, but he was fucking right. He knew it before I did."

"That's crazy and you know it, you didn't plan on sleeping with Edward. Jacob was just being a dick; he doesn't deserve you anyway and neither does Edward. So get your ass up off the floor, Isabella Swan!" Angela ordered and I looked at her in confusion. I had never seen the bossy side of her, she was always so kind and easygoing.

I stood up, wiping the tears in my sleeve before Angela began speaking again. "You are a beautiful, sexy, strong woman. Man up Bella! Those guys treated you like you were shit but you are everything a man wants in a woman. So say it with me, fuck them, I can do better!" Okay, I loved this Angela, she totally kicked ass.

"Fuck them, I can do better," I spoke, but my voice was still shaky from crying.

"You can do better than that. Scream it, they have to know you mean business."

I laughed a little and it wasn't forced for a change. "Fuck them, I can do better!" I roared, squaring my shoulders and acting tough.

"That's my girl, now go get dressed because we, my friend, are going out to prove just how incredible and desired you really are."

Going out wasn't something I was in the mood to do. It wouldn't remind me of how much other people wanted me, it would only remind me of how sad it was that I was nearly thirty and my life still wasn't figured out.

"Angela, I don't know. I really don't think it's going to help. Can't we get ice cream and watch old movies instead?" I asked and she looked back to me with a raised eyebrow. "Yeah even I heard myself," I relented "I'll go get ready and be down in an hour."

"Excellent" she cheered, clapping to herself before she went home to get ready for a night of partying.

_Why did I agree to do this again?_

**-O~O~O-**

_The lion and the lamb_ was the hottest nightclub around and lucky for Angela and me, her ex-boyfriend from high school, Eric Yorkie, owned the place with his friend from college, we never met the other guy. It was very helpful though, because we didn't have to wait in line for hours to get in and we got two drinks free every time we went. _Yeah, Yorkie still had a thing for Angela..._

The place was decorated like an enchanted forest and it had a really cool atmosphere. There were plastic leaves and fake grass on the walls with lights coming from them making it look like fireflies flying around at nighttime. It was probably my favourite place to go if I had to be dragged out with anyone. I had to hand it to Yorkie and his business partner, they knew how to make a good club.

"I'll get the first round," Angela shouted in my ear over the roar of the music before she began pushing her way through the crowds.

While she was gone I decided to find somewhere to sit seeing as I was wearing six-inch heels that weren't designed for walking. I spied a table and halfway there I was stopped by a guy who was tall and muscled, with dark brown hair and dimples.

"Hey, you're that girl from the wedding... Bella, right?" he asked through a wide grin as he held out his hand for me to shake.

"Yeah, um...I'm sorry I can't really place you," I admitted as a blush crept over my face.

"Oh yeah I was with Emmett most of the time. I'm Tyler Crowley. Emmett and I went to college together,"he informed me. And it clicked in my head. He was the one Em went to get at the airport causing Edward to wake me up when I was stark naked.

_God, I couldn't even talk to a guy without it involving Edward..._

"Yeah, sorry Tyler, now I remember you. How are you? Shouldn't you be at the hotel with the rest?"

"Shouldn't you?" he asked with a raised eyebrow. I smirked and was thankful when he let it go. "I only have a few days before I go back to Atlanta so I wanted to see my mom and brothers while I was here. My brothers ambushed me when I got here and dragged me out to this place."

"Oh, you're from Forks?" It was a small town and I'd never heard of him or anyone around by the name of Crowley.

"No, I lived with my dad when he and my mom separated. My mom moved here with my brothers."

"Are you Beth's kid?" I asked because I remembered my father having to arrest her two sons. She had told him that they were acting up because of the divorce she and her husband were going through. Dad warned me to stay away from those kids because they were troublemakers.

"The best one," he joked, and I laughed with him until I spied Angela sitting on her own with our drinks.

"Well, it was great talking to you Tyler. I have to get back to my friend but I'll see you around sometime."

"_Um_...could I have your number?" He questioned hesitantly. I was about to give him the whole, I'm just getting out of a relationship bullshit when I realized... I wasn't. Jake and I hadn't been in a relationship, and I was done with Edward_...well I hoped I was.._

"Yes, you can have it," I told him with determination."Can I have your phone and I'll type it in?" He smiled brightly, as if he hadn't been expecting my answer before handing me his phone. I typed my number in quickly and saved it, telling him to call me sometime before I made my way back over to Angela.

"Wow, you work quickly," she smiled at me and I forced a smile back at her.

"He was at the wedding, he and Emmett went to college together. He's just a friend really," I offered but she could see my bullshit meter was going off the charts.

"Right," she said disbelievingly before she looked at me with a devious grin. "It's actually perfect if you date him though. He's Emmett's friend isn't he?"

"Yeah, but what does that have to do with anything?" I didn't understand how being friends with Emmett meant anything when I was the one who gave him my number.

"Because, Tyler will no doubt boast that he scored the hot bridesmaid's number. He'll brag to all his friends including Emmett who will tell his..." she trailed off waiting for me to finish.

"Brother," I whispered._ Shit. _"Why would he tell Edward though?" I was freaking out, for some reason I didn't want him to know I gave Tyler my number. I knew he had no right to be angry so I couldn't figure out why I was being weird about it.

"It's guy code Bella. Edward is obviously still fawning over you, so Emmett will tell him first to soften the blow of you seeing another guy. He'll think its better for his brother to hear it from him instead of someone else."

Crap...she was totally right. If it had been planned and I wanted revenge, I would have been a genius. Rose would have been proud had I meant to hurt him.

_But I didn't want to hurt him..._

"Oh no..." Angela spoke, shaking her head and looking at me. "You still love Edward, don't you?" She didn't even have to ask, she knew already.

"I'm so fucked, aren't I?"

"No, you'll get through this. You just have to...maybe if you...yeah, I'm sorry but you're fucked."

I knew it before she said it.

"If you need me Bella, I'm here for you," she promised, reaching over the table and grabbing my hand.

"Thanks," I muttered, finally sinking back into the depression. "I'm going to go home. I'm sorry Angela but I can't be around people right now." she nodded her head in understanding.

"Want me to go with you?"

"No, I want you to stay and have fun. I'll be fine," I lied_...well only the last part was a lie._

**-O~O~O-**

I payed the taxi guy and walked up the stairs to my apartment with my shoes in my right hand. When I neared my front door, I stopped dead in my tracks at the sight of red, pink and yellow tulips waiting for me. They were my favourites and I knew automatically who they were from.

_I know you like them so I got them for you, p.s I'm sorry – Edward_

I laughed a tiny bit even though I knew I shouldn't. The first part was exactly what he said to me on our first date when he gave me flowers, albeit a little less awkwardly. I debated leaving them there to prove a point to him, but they were too pretty to leave outside so I took them in and put them on my kitchen table.

My answering machine was blinking and it was more than likely a message from my boss Carmen since I had been gone all weekend and had to catch up with things.

Throwing my shoes in the corner, I pressed the play button.

"Hey Bella, it's Carmen. Hope you had a good time at the wedding... just calling to tell you the Jeffersons made an offer on the bungalow, so well done you. See you bright and early this Tuesday. Bye."

At least that was some good news for my disastrous day. I had been trying to get rid of that house for over a year now and I gave it my all when the Jeffersons had been around to view it.

The message light was still blinking so I pressed play again.

"Um...hey," A voice sounded and I froze. "It's Edward, um I just...I wanted to...I wanted to say I'm sorry for how I acted last night, I should've realised you wouldn't have...slept with me if...if you weren't intoxicated. I left flowers by your door because you weren't in when I got to Forks, hope you like them. But...Bella I meant what I said, I love you and I really need you to survive...okay that came out deeper than it sounded in my head I..." _beep._The answering machine cut him off and I rolled my eyes when I saw the light flashing again.

"Hey, me again. The machine cut me off." He laughed nervously, he was such a dork. "Now I sound like a tool, but anyway, I'm sorry and...I really want another chance if you can find it in your heart to forgive me for last night. I know you said you need space and I'm willing to wait for however long you need. Just even telling me that in nine years you might be mine again would...give me...reason to keep myself healthy and...stuff. Okay so I'm going to go and I know this message sounds stupid...I just...I'm nervous, don't listen to me...well, no, do listen to me because I...I mean it. Shit, I'm going to go. Bye"

Wow, Geekward has made a return appearance, I only knew him in the seventh and eighth grade before he transformed into Handsomeward.

I even liked that motherfucker back then.

"I hate you," I spoke to the machine but it was directed at Edward, "and it's shit that I love you fucking more, asshole!"

**-O~O~O-**

I decided within the next few days that I would fess up to what I had done to Alice. I think it was so I could look her in the eyes again without feeling guilty.

We were in Starbucks where for some reason we all go when we need to tell each other stuff._ Don't ask me why..._

"So what's up with you?" Alice asked as she took a sip of her coffee.

"I had sex with your brother," I blurted out causing Alice to spit the liquid onto the floor.

"YOU DID WHAT?" she screamed as everyone in the coffee shop turned to us. My face was bright red and Alice looked around sheepishly. "Sorry," she told everyone and they all began to look away. "Bella, did you just say you had sex with my brother?" she questioned, calmly this time.

"Yes I did and I feel like shit for doing it," I admitted burying my hands in my hair as I slouched over the table.

"I'm assuming you're speaking about Edward. But I don't know which would be worse, you sleeping with married Emmett or you sleeping with the asshole who cheated on you."

Wow, she was so nice to her brother..._even if he was the asshole who cheated on me..._

"I was drunk... like, so drunk and I remembered kissing him in the hall... and other parts you really don't want to hear... then I woke up the next morning and we were naked together. When I told him it was a mistake, it was like I'd punched him in the gut, Alice. Now he's sending me flowers and leaving me messages." I rushed it all out and took a breath when I was done.

"He's stalking you now? I'll talk to him and tell him you're not interested. Don't worry, I'll handle it," Alice assured me in return. Now for the worst part of it all.

"Alice...I...I still have feelings for that secretary-fucker." I muttered and let my head fall down on the table. "But I still hate him and...and... I don't want to be alone anymore," I choked out and felt the tears begin to trickle down my face. "I'm becoming this whole other person now, one I don't want to be. I cry all the time for him and I used to be so strong." I was bawling at that point and the rest of my words weren't making sense.

"Shh Bells, calm down, okay? What are you going to do? Give him another shot?"

"NO!" I shouted back on instinct "Well, maybe...I don't know Alice. I love him but I hate him. He's kind and sweet but he's still the same asshole. He says he's changed, but I haven't seen anything to prove him right. My mind is going in two different directions and I hate that this is about him again."

Alice looked down at her hands as she thought - I could tell she was thinking by the look of concentration on her face. "I can't honestly tell you what I think you should do. As Edward's sister I say, give him a chance; he was an asshole but I agree with him when he says that he's changed. But as your friend, I think you should try to move on; he lost you and it's his own tough luck if he's not happy without you."

Her words were so true and I really wished I could move on.

I wished that in the future when I saw his picture, I could say, _"Yeah that was Edward Cullen, we were married but he lost me years ago, though I'm better because of it," _Instead of looking at it and crying for all that could have been had he not cheated.

There was no lying to myself. I wanted him and if he hurt me again, I would be the only one to blame.

"However Bella, if you do take him back, tread carefully, I really couldn't stand to see you hurt again."

"Of course, thanks Alice. Do you mind if I..." I trailed off and she gave me a small smile.

"Go ahead, I'll call you later."

"You're the best," I told her, giving her an awkward hug before making my way to my car, pulling out my phone on the way.

"Hello?" his voice answered.

"It's Bella. My house, two minutes. We need to talk."

**-O~O~O-**

He got to my house incredibly fast considering the lack of information I gave him and it felt very surreal, seeing him sitting on my couch as I stood in front of him. His eyes were alight with curiosity and a tinge of fear.

I was going to play hardball though.

"You want me?" I asked him, and his eyebrows knitted together before he nodded.

"More than anything."

"Good, I want you too, however not more than anything. Not getting hurt by you again is my main priority."

"I will never..." he started, but I cut him off.

"No, I'm speaking, not you," I told him bluntly and he shut up. I had to be like this with him or he wouldn't understand that I was in charge here until he could be trusted. "As I was saying, I don't want to get hurt but I do want you... even though I believe you're an asshole. You say that you've changed? Well I say prove it. You also say you want my love, prove it."

"Can I speak?" he asked politely and I nodded. "How do you want me to prove it to you?"

I just shrugged my shoulders. "That, Edward, is up to you. To win my love you're going to have to get creative. But to prove you've changed, however, you'll have to be patient."

He looked at me in confusion and hope, it was sort of cute to watch, in an I-sorta-hate-you kind of way.

"Not that I'm not willing to do anything to win you back, but could you explain a bit more to me please?"

"Here's how it's going to go: we are going to start from the very beginning. For now, until I've deemed you worthy to move up a step, you will be nothing but an acquaintance. Think of it like a promotion system, your next step up is friend. A few guidelines: There will be no kissing, no hand holding, definitely no sex...and I won't be officially yours until I say so. Also, giving me gifts won't get you anywhere so don't try it. If I see you with anyone else, you won't have to worry about how I will react, because you will already be dead. If you do something to piss me off Edward, I will demote you. Are we clear?" I asked him and he looked at me with wide eyes.

"You've really thought this through," he commented and I smiled proudly.

"Take it or leave it. It's the price you pay when you cheat," I replied and he nodded slowly, clearly hating when I brought it up._ Shouldn't have done it then..._

"Of course I'll take it, thank you for this," he smiled as he stood up off from the couch.

_Don't thank me yet..._

"Can I at least have a hug to seal the deal?" he questioned, opening his arms to me.

_You wish..._

"Nope," I replied, popping the p and skipping around him, over to the door. "Out now, and I might call you for coffee sometime."

* * *

><p><strong>Okay, so first things first, thank you all for reviewing, it's a fuck awesome feeling to know people like my ramblings :)<strong>

**Thank you to Beta, Peppahlouie, who puts up with my horrible grammer and spelling. Also, she has a story called _Wild, _I only started reading it the other day and now I'm addicted. You have to read it...**

**I have a picture of the flowers Edward sent to Bella on my profile because they're really pretty.**

**Please leave a review because they are what keeps me going. Y'know, fuels the fire and what not.**

**Thanks,**

**Casey**


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer:Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight

Chapter 7

"Bella," Carmen called as I spoke with a client. "Do you have that file for me?" she asked and I gave her my best, no-because-I'm-so-fucking-swamped look. She didn't seem impressed, but it wasn't as if she could fire me. It seemed like I had been doing everything for everyone the past few days. I did viewings and I met with clients, I filed paper work and made offers on houses, it had been an insane week to start with and it only got worse because Angela was out sick.

I turned back to the man in front of me when Carmen went back into her office. He was geeky looking, with thick, black rimmed glasses and shiny black hair that badly needed to be cut. "Sorry about that Mr..." I trailed off since he hadn't told me his second name.

"Cheney, Ben Cheney," he informed me, and I realised instantly where I had heard his name before.

"I know your name," I spoke as I looked up at him. "You own _The lion and the lamb_ with Eric, don't you?" I asked and he actually looked surprised that I knew who he was.

"Yeah, I do. You go there often?"

"Of course I do," I snorted, because really whoever didn't go to that club was crazy. "It rocks. Plus Eric always buys me and my friend Angela a drink," I added and he laughed.

"Well, maybe next time you come in I could, maybe, buy you a drink?" he offered and I realized he was trying to ask me out.

He was a nice guy, but so not my type and plus if I was going to try with Edward, I would have to be exclusive with him like he was going to be with me.

Ben was more Angela's type of guy anyway. It was a shame she wasn't here so I could introduce the two. I would just have to drag her down to the The Lion And The Lamb and get her to meet him. Even though if I mentioned cute guy and alcohol in the same sentence she would probably be the one doing the dragging.

So just for Angie's sake I told him, "Yeah, I'd love to," and he smiled brightly back at me.

"Great, I'll call you sometime," he said and we got back to looking for his dream house..._or something close to it anyway because, let's face it, I'm good, but not that good._

When he left and I had scheduled my viewings, I told Carmen I was going to lunch. She offered to come with me since Angela wasn't there and I was about to accept until I remembered Edward. We hadn't met up at all since our talk because I had been working a lot. I knew he was just waiting for me to call him so he could have his chance.

"Hello," his groggy voice answered, deep with sleep.

"Shit, I'm sorry. Did I wake you?" I asked and looked to my watch seeing that it was one in the afternoon. _Someone had a rough night..._

"Oh Bella," he exclaimed suddenly wide awake when he realised it was me. "No, um...Emmett dragged me out last night and...my head is going to explode," he explained and I chuckled a little.

"Well, I was going to ask you to lunch but if you're dying, it's fine. I'll call Rosie or your sister..." I tried but he cut me off.

"No, no, no...it doesn't hurt that much. I can meet you wherever you want," he rushed out and I could hear him jump around, probably trying to find some clothes. I was glad he was coming though. If I was honest, I was happy about giving him another chance, if not a little scared. It was Edward after all and I had missed him a lot.

"Great, do you have anywhere you want to eat or is _The glass house_ fine with you?" _The glass house_ cafe had long been my favourite place to eat. Angela and I went there every Monday for lunch, but since it was Thursday and she wasn't with me, Edward would have to come instead.

"No, the glass house is great. See you in a few Bella," he said before he hung up.

I was close to the cafe already, so I got a table while I waited for Edward.

Felix, the waiter who normally served us and tried to flirt with me every time I came here, strolled over with a delighted smirk on his face. "Isabella, all alone for lunch today?" he asked, as his hand fell on top of my shoulder. I just shrugged it off.

"No, I'm waiting for someone," I replied and right at that moment Edward strolled in, Ray Bans covering his eyes and creased clothes on his back. He still looked sexy as ever though. _Some people just had it all...well he had everything except me..._

"Hey," he smiled as he sat down across from me and took his glasses off. He mustn't have been exaggerating when he said he thought his head was going to explode. To me, he looked about ready to die.

If I'm honest, I took a tiny bit of pleasure from it.

"Hello, zombie version of my_ acquaintance,_ Edward," I teased and he shook his head and laughed with me.

"I know, I look like shit." he spoke and looked up to Felix with narrowed eyes. "We're not ready to order yet, you can go." Felix glared right back at him but reluctantly left my side.

"I wouldn't be mean to him. He could spit in your food," I warned him, and he shrugged his shoulders.

"I find it adds to the flavor."

"That's gross," I told exclaimed through my laughter and he joined in with me. I hadn't laughed like that in a while and I think it's just because I've missed our playful banter so much.

"I wanted to ask you something," he started when we had stopped giggling, "...about our agreement."

"Shoot," I told him and took a sip of my iced tea.

"Since I'm _only_ an acquaintance, how do I get creative in order to win your love?" He sat up and put his hands on the table in front of him. It was like he was talking about a business agreement and I guess in a way it was, since it wasn't going to be anything else until I could fully put my trust in him.

"You don't, not yet. You have to be patient and when you get past friend you can pull out all the stops." I winked at him and was rewarded with a genuine smile.

"Ready to order, my beautiful swan?" Felix asked from beside me and I rolled my eyes at him. He had been calling me that ever since he found out my last name and I hated it just as much as I hated him calling me Isabella.

"Watch it," Edward warned him through clenched teeth and I rolled my eyes again.

_Boys..._

Then I got a brainwave.

_Test number one, Eddie darling, is about to begin._

"I'll have the veggie burger, Felix. You know how I like it." I smiled at him and Edward's eyes widened before he turned to glare at me.

"Of course I do," Felix responded and I sort of felt bad for leading him on. But then I remembered what a pig he was and came to the conclusion that he deserved it.

Edward gave his order but didn't say anything else when Felix left, he just took a deep breath and tried to calm down.

"You okay?" I asked innocently and he looked at me incredulously before he nodded his head. "So, it's been two years since I last saw you. What do you enjoy doing now?"

"Nothing much different. I still play piano, I love baseball..._um._..I picked up cooking since I lived on my own. There is only so much take-out and pizza I can eat before I blow up."

When we had lived together, he wasn't even allowed near the kitchen. I swear, he was such a bad cook he could set cereal on fire. Just after we had started dating, he decided he wanted some toast and when he went to make some, he set half of Esme's kitchen on fire using the toaster alone. I still remember how red Carlisle's face became in fury when he came home to find what Edward had done.

"You're thinking about when I set the kitchen of fire, aren't you?" he asked with a knowing smirk. _Creepy..._

"Whoa, you can read minds now?" I questioned and he smiled boyishly.

"No, you're just easy to read. I can tell when you're somewhere else by how you smile or frown, I can tell when you're thinking by how your eyebrows come together, I know when you're embarrassed by how you blush and I know when you want something by how you bite your lip," he explained and I blushed because of how predictable I was.

"Great, no more secrets safe from you then..." I muttered just loud enough for him to hear.

"Secrets?" he asked me with a raised eyebrow.

"Huh, guess they're safe after all." I spoke just as Felix brought out our food.

"For my smoking-hot-lady-friend," he announced in his heavy Russian accent. Edward's jaw locked together and his fists clenched. If he didn't hit Felix, then he would pass this test of endurance. "Bella, my beautiful swan, you are an incredibly attractive woman..." he started but stopped when Edward stood up and marched over to him.

"Shut your fucking mouth, that's my.." he began but I cut him off before he could say anything else.

"Acquaintance," I reminded him and he looked torn between killing me or Felix. "Apologize and sit the fuck down." I ordered and looked around the room to see everyone was watching us.

Edward said nothing and I was a little scared for him. Felix was even bigger than Emmett and Edward looked like a shrimp beside him, if they actually fought over me, which I didn't think would happen when I'd started this, Edward would get the shit beaten out of him. _He's too pretty to win a fight..._

"Edward," I tried again and he took a breath.

"That's my acquaintance," he muttered in defeat and then said, "sorry Felix," through clenched teeth before coming back to sit down with me. "Sorry Bella."

"It's okay," I assured him because I felt like a bitch for causing a scene. "Felix, beat it before I complain to the manager and get your ass fired." He dissapeared after that and the rest of the cafe went back to eating their meals.

"I messed up, didn't I?" Edward asked as we sat in silence, eating our food.

"No, you passed, believe it or not."

"What?" he asked. "That was a fucking test? I could have killed that guy because you wanted to test me?" I had to laugh at his cockiness... the only way Edward would have killed Felix is if the giant Russian had a heart attack while punching him to death.

"Correction, he would have killed _you _and it wouldn't have gone that far. Felix is an asshole but he's not an idiot. Unlike some..." I added and he shot me a don't-test-me look. My smile stayed firmly in place though.

"Well, if I passed your test does that mean I move up a step? Are we friends now?"

_So naïve...as if it would ever be that easy..._

"No we're not friends, far from it actually. Did you really think it would be that easy Edward?"

"I didn't think it would involve getting sent to prison," he snapped at me and I was starting to get a bit pissed off.

"You said you were willing to do anything," I reminded him and he nodded in agreement.

"I am and always will be. Sorry, I'm being a jerk because I'm jealous. But, so I can sleep at night, if I can't see anyone, you can't either, right?" Edward questioned and I could have been a total bitch to him and said, _Of course I won't, who would date or have sex with two people at the same time? _But I did want this to work, so I decided on a different response.

"Of course I'm not going to date anyone else, I told you who I want."

His eyes lit up like a Christmas tree when I reminded him that it was him I wanted. It seemed like nothing to me but maybe it was a lot to him because I'd been telling him how much I hated him since we had divorced.

The check came then, thankfully not from Felix although I left him a hefty tip for not killing Edward. I tried to pay for the food too but Edward wouldn't let me. _Just like old times... _He asked me if I wanted to go for a walk because he didn't want to leave me yet, but I felt like if I said yes, I would be stepping over the line I have so carefully drawn. So I declined, telling him I had to go back to work, even though I still had thirty minutes left of my break.

_It's for the best though,_ I told myself as I walked away.

**-O~O~O-**

"We are going to try again," I said with as much confidence as I could muster.

By the look on her face, I could see she was going to explode.

I didn't have to wait long until it happened.

"No fucking way!" Rose screamed and gave me a death glare. I knew she wouldn't take the news well, she still hated Edward for what he did, brother-in-law or not.

"Please, like you would be any different if you were in my situation," I stated, putting my glass of wine on the coffee table and going out to the kitchen, so she could stew for a moment. But she followed me and _World War Three_ erupted.

"No, because I never would have opened my legs for that prick!" she screamed and I turned around to her.

She had basically just called me a whore and I wasn't fucking taking that.

"Oh please, I knew you in college Rose, you should have a sign between your legs that said _open 24hrs a day. _So don't look at me like I'm a slut for giving him a second chance," I spat at her and she slammed her drink on the counter.

"Who the fuck do you think you're talking to?" she questioned but began ranting again before I could say anything, "I'll tell you who, the one who fucking held you while you cried and let you sleep in her home when you had no where else to go because of that motherfucker. Now he's suddenly back and I'm getting the fucking abuse. That's bullshit Bella!" she roared, I could tell that she wasn't even getting started. but I wasn't some weak little girl anymore.

I was a fucking strong woman and I could take care of myself.

"You started this Rose, I didn't call you a whore first or tell you that you're wasting your life going after someone you want. You're standing in my fucking house telling me all this and you're such a hypocrite. I have two words for you Rosie, _Royce King_." Her nostrils flared and I knew I had hit a sore spot with her.

"That was nothing compared to what Edward did," she complained but I laughed in her face.

"Nothing? Really? Could have fooled me. When you found out he cheated the first time, he said sorry and it was all okay. You fucked him right then and there!"

"You swore you wouldn't tell or judge me!" Rose bellowed as more tears streaked her face.

"I didn't because I'm a good friend and although I hated Royce, I said nothing about you going after him because he was who you wanted. All I want is for you to do the same for me, Rose."

"That wasn't true, you told me you hated Royce," she accused and I shook my head, she was either missing the point or purposely avoiding it.

"Only when you left him," I defended before continuing, "Now answer me this, can you do the same for me?"

She didn't say anything and I guess I had my answer.

I didn't want to believe it though.

"Rose?" I questioned, hope seeping into my voice.

"He'll hurt you, just like Royce hurt me and you didn't stand up to save me. I'm trying to save you Bella, but you're not listening," she whispered as her ice blue eyes stared me down.

"I told you to be careful, that if Royce hurt you again you were the only one to blame. I didn't love him, you did. I didn't trust him, you did. Don't pin your bad mistakes on me. I'm not you and Edward's not Royce, that's why you're so jealous." She spun around and was looking at me like I had two heads, but we both knew I was right.

"I have everything I've ever wanted..." Rosalie began, but I cut her off.

"Really Rose? Because a part of me thinks you still love Royce." I lied, because it wasn't just a part of me, it was my whole fucking being that knew.

"Fuck you Bella, you and Edward can both go to hell," she spat before she grabbed her bag and left my house.

I had just lost one of my best friends.

_It wasn't a great feeling._

**-O~O~O-**

I didn't even go to bed that night, I knew it would be a pointless effort.

So I just sat there and thought about the past...

"_Rosie baby, I'm going golfing." Royce called from the door while Rose and I sat in her sitting room. We had been talking about how much we missed Alice, since she was gone on her honeymoon. _

_I regretted coming here, I should have just stayed at home with Edward and watched old movies. _

_With Royce and Rose there was always drama._

"_What the fuck Royce?" Rose shouted at him as she stood up and marched over to him. I was thinking about trying to make a break for it, I knew they would have a fucking battle whether I was here or not. "You promised to take me out tonight, remember, since you went golfing yesterday?"_

"_Stop being so needy would you? I'll take you out tomorrow, I mean, Christ sake woman, we live together and I have to get away from you sometimes." With that he shut the door in her face and it was silent for a while._

_He always treated her like shit and I hated him for it. She deserved better but if I told her to leave him, she would kill me._

"_Rosalie?" I spoke to break the silence. _

_She grabbed an umbrella and hurled it at the door in anger before she broke down and fell to the floor. I ran over as quickly as I could, managing not to trip, and rocked her in my arms._

"_He's cheating, I know he is. He hates golf and daddy never sees him there. He's fucking some slut and he's going to leave me," she wailed into my shoulder and I rubbed her back._

"_No, Rose look...you need to just forget about him. He's not a good guy and he treats you like dirt when you're so much more. You need to toughen up and lose him," I told her and she pushed me away._

"_I love him Bella, I can't lose him!" she whined, her eyes red and puffy from crying, "You wouldn't know, you have Edward and he's perfect, he loves you and you love him. He brings you to fancy dinners and stays at home with you." _

"_Listen, I understand that you love him but right now you need to do what's right for you Rose. If he's cheating now what's to say he hasn't done it before?"_

_Her eyes widened and guilt was written all over her face before she hid it away and regained her composure. But I saw enough to know what was going on..._

"_He's done it before, hasn't he?"_

_Rosalie looked away and I knew my assumption was correct. It sucked being right sometimes._

"_I forgave him and he promised...he said he was sorry and I just really...I really love him, Bella. I think if he loves me he will change,"_

"_Do you think he loves you like you love him?" I questioned softly and she nodded._

_"Of course I do, I mean look at me. Who wouldn't love me?"_

_Shallowness was one of the reasons someone wouldn't love her. Edward wasn't her biggest fan because of it, but it wasn't her fault, it was the world of money and snobbishness she was brought up in._

_I didn't see this relationship ending well for Rose, but she wasn't going to leave Royce until she saw sense. She would learn from her mistakes at least, but I just couldn't let her do this without a warning._

"_Be cautious Rose. Being with him will be like playing with fire, if you're not careful you're going to get burned. I'm staying tonight by the way, you need me and I'm here for as long as you want."_

_Rose laughed at that, "Don't tell me that. I might keep you forever," she joked and I hugged her to me. I loved her and I hated that she would have to learn the hard way._

_Better her than me though..._

Wow, that's karma for you.

* * *

><p><strong>Hey,<strong>

**Thank you all for your wonderful reviews, they're really great and if you like or even if you don't like this chapter, please leave a review so I know what you think.**

**A big thanks to my Beta, Peppahlouie, she's as great as ever with this story and I'm so greatful to have her.**

**I have written chapter 1 in EPOV of "I Hope She Was Worth It" for Fandom4LLS. If you would be interested in reading it, please donate. The link is on my profile...**

**I know you've been waiting a bit for this chapter and I'm afraid to say, you might be waiting longer for the next. My grandfather is very sick and is in hospital. Between work, school and visiting him, I don't have much time to write. Even when I do write in the hospital, when he's sleeping, I make thousands of errors and end up dozing off myself. So, please be patient with me while waiting for chapter 8.**

**Thanks a bunch,**

**Casey**


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer:Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight

Chapter 8

I had spent two days crying over the whole me and Rose thing...I had done so much for her through the years and she didn't even have it in her to return the fucking favor. So when Saturday rolled around and I'd got all that crying out of my system, I decided it was time to vent.

"Who does she think she is? I did so much for her when she was with that asshole again and again, now she can't even try to be supportive of my decision!" I all but screamed down the phone to Alice, since I had already called Angela when I was an emotional wreck this month.

"I'm not saying anything. I refuse to pick sides while you're at each others throats," Alice said and it really wasn't what I needed to hear.

"Alice, please...I won't say anything, just tell me I'm right." I had to hear it from someone else so I didn't crack first and apologize. I knew I sounded sort of crazy, but that was just how mad Rose made me when she was in bitch mode.

"No, I will not take sides Bella. You and Rose are going to have to patch things up and do it soon. We have dinner tonight with my parents and it would be super awkward if you two just shout the whole way through the meal. On another note, I've called you like fifty times in the last two days, where the hell have you been?"

_Sobbing hysterically in my room and gorging on Ben & Jerry's..._

"Um...I was busy, sorry," I lied, albeit not that well, and she could tell.

"Well, you tell Edward that. He was going out of his mind with worry, he thought you gave up on him after the whole, _my dick is bigger than yours _thing with Felix in _The glass house_ last Thursday."

If I was being honest, I had been avoiding Edward the last few days, but it wasn't about the restaurant thing, since that was more my fault than his. It was because... I was angry with Rose, upset and vulnerable. So if Edward tried anything with me, I wasn't sure my resolve would hold because of my low self worth at the moment.

"He knows I wouldn't back out, he's being stupid. I'll talk to him at dinner, he is going isn't he?" I asked, since I wasn't sure having dinner with his parents and playing Scrabble after, was his ideal way to spend a Saturday night. _I was just a nerd and Charlie sucked at that game...and holding a conversation..._

"Bella, you're going to be there so obviously he'll go. Imagine his face if we told him he wasn't invited, it would be like giving a pubescent boy HBO and telling him he couldn't watch porn," she laughed at her own joke, but I was still in shitty humor, so I waited until she was done. "Come on, that was funny. I'm so writing it down to tell Jasper when he comes home." I didn't doubt she would, so had to make my move before she put me on hold.

"Okay, have fun with that. I'm going to go, dinner is at seven, right?"

"No, at six. Dad has a meeting early tomorrow and wants to get a game in before he hits the hay," Alice explained and I looked at my watch. It was only three, so I had a while yet.

"Fine with me, see you later pregnant version of my friend Alice," I rushed out before she had a chance to complain about my choice of name for her, then hung up the phone. _Getting away with that did make me feel a little better..._

I wasn't in the mood to go to dinner really. If it wasn't for Edward, I would have lied and said I was sick just to avoid Rose. But I had to go, not only for Edward but to show Rose that she hadn't gotten to me_. Well, to pretend she hadn't gotten to me...which she totally had...bitch..._

"Okay, one more," I told myself as I plopped down on the couch and watched another episode of The O.C. from the DVD box set Angela had given me for Christmas last year._ I swear, Jasper and Rosalie look exactly like Justin and Sadie, but anyway..._ I had never seen The O.C. before and ever since I had watched the first episode, I was hooked. It was like heroine to me.

Needless to say, I couldn't stop myself and watched another two episodes, arriving at the Cullens' house thirty minutes late.

"Bella," Emmett smiled at me as he answered the door. But I knew Rosalie must have been looking or something since he would have killed me with a death hug by now.

"What? Did you say Bella?" Edward called, striding out of the kitchen with bright eyes and sighing in relief when they landed on me. "You're here," he smiled.

"What, did you think I would ditch Scrabble?" I asked and watched as his face dropped.

"Um...I was hoping you came... well, because...you missed me," Edward murmured, seemingly unsure if he was allowed to say that or not.

Next plan of action, be a bitch to him. I had to do it to see if he was willing to stick with me through thick and thin. No matter what way I was.

"Like I said," I spoke."I would never ditch Scrabble."

His face crumbled in disappointment and for a moment, I was about to take it back for fear I had hurt him too much, but Carlisle stopped me from doing so.

"Bella sweetheart, you look wonderful. Perfect outfit to get your ass kicked in," he teased and I mock glared at him. Scrabble was mine and Carlisle's game, we kicked ass. Together we were unstoppable, apart we were rivals and he was such a sore loser.

"As if, old man."

This time I planned on winning. I hadn't been over for dinner in a while and I hadn't played Scrabble in even longer, but I knew I could beat him. _Did I mention I'm incredibly competitive...?_

"Dad, will you tell Mom we'll be in a second? I have to speak with my Bella really quickly," Edward said and I raised an eyebrow at his choice of words.

"_Your _Bella?" I questioned.

"Oh, um...no...I didn't..." he stammered as his eyes widened and his face went red all the way up to the tips of his ears.

Luckily for him, Carlisle saved his life. "I'll tell her, just don't be too long." Carlisle left and Edward and I stood awkwardly for a moment or two before he looked up from his feet and ushered me into the study.

"I'm sorry for that, it slipped out..." he trailed off, obviously embarrassed.

"Whatever," I said, trying to sound as bitchy as possible. _He has to work for your trust Bella... _I reminded myself.

"O-kay," Edward said slowly, picking up on my mood. "Anyway, I was wondering if we could tell my parents about us yet?"

_Oh God, stop giving me such great openings Edward. You're bringing the bitchiness on yourself!_

"Might I remind you, which I have been doing a lot today, that there is _no _us yet."

He looked like I'd stabbed him and really it was hurting me just as much to say these things to him (_even if they were true)._

"I...I know that but...we're still going to try, right?"

"Yes, for the millionth time."

His eyebrows furrowed together in confusion at my snippy tone.

"Bella what's going on? I haven't heard from you since the restaurant thing and now you're acting like I killed your puppy. Have you changed your mind? Did you...find someone else?" he asked, well more like choked out. It sounded like it physically hurt him to picture me with someone else.

It earned a mental "awww" from me, so I was nice when I replied.

"Nothing's going on, I haven't changed my mind, although, I did see this hot guy the other day..." I couldn't stop myself saying it, it had to be done. "Kidding Edward," I assured him when he cringed. "Rose and I had a fight, that's why I haven't spoken to you. Sorry about that, and no we are not telling your parents yet in case it doesn't work out."

It not working out was my main concern. You know that saying, _once a cheater, always a cheater, _well I had yet to find out if it was true or not and if it was, God help Edward_...and his balls, which I'll cut off..._

"You and Rose had a fight? Was it about me and you?" he asked and seemed nervous.

"Yes and that's all I'm saying because it's between me and her, so if you say anything, I'll fuck you up." That was enough to make him swear he would keep his mouth shut, so we left the study to go eat.

**-O~O~O-**

"You so cheated!" I accused Carlisle as he packed away the game.

"I didn't cheat, I'm both incredibly handsome and smart. It's a curse really," he joked as he put it back on the shelf. I huffed and looked away noticing that Jasper and Alice were putting on their coats now that the game was over, Rose was glaring at Edward, Emmett was setting up the X-box, Esme was starting to clean up, but Edward...he was just gazing at me affectionately. Like I was the most loved person in the entire world.

It made me feel warm and happy, something I hadn't felt in a long time.

"Okay kids, I'm going to bed. Great game Bella but you'll have to try harder," Carlisle said making me tear my eyes away from Edward while he kissed my forehead goodnight. I decided it was time to go too and stood up awkwardly to leave.

"Did you drive here?" Edward queried as I went to grab my phone.

"No, I got a cab, I'll just get one home."

"I'll drive you, hold on let me get my keys." He sprinted from the room looking for his keys which were in front of me on the mantel.

"Such a dork," I said to myself through giggles as I picked them up and went to get him.

"Edward you left..." I started as I rounded the corner of the hall only to hear hushed voices coming from the kitchen. It was Carlisle and he was angry as hell. Edward's back was turned to me, but his shoulders were slouched.

"...do not even think about it. She's too special and you've ruined her enough. Have you forgotten why you're here with us right now, son? Why you've had to fucking run and leave everything in Chicago to come home to your parents? You are in serious shit back in Chicago and I won't have you hurt her again..." Carlisle's stopped abruptly when he spotted me. "Ah, Bella... I was just saying goodnight to Edward. Hope you had a good time."

"Um...yeah, it was great," _until now... _"I have your keys Edward," I told him and dangled them from my fingers. What the fuck was going on?

Edward turned, but he was no longer bright and happy, he was emotionless.

"You okay?" I had to ask, he looked so..._depressed_.

"Fine," he said curtly. "Come on."

We left and went to his car, which had changed from an Aston Martin to a Volvo. Had he not been in such a strange mood, I would have made fun of him for his old man car.

He made no attempt at conversation and I just sat there, looking at him and trying to figure out what he was hiding from me. It was obvious now that he had lied about coming back to Forks on his own terms. He was running from something...but what?

"What's happening with you?" I asked and he said nothing, just clutched the steering wheel tighter in his hands. "Edward?"

"I'm fine."

"No you're not, what are you not telling me?"

"I shouldn't have done this," he whispered and kept his eyes on the road. "I'll only hurt you again."

"I'll decide that, now tell me what the fuck is going on?" I was starting to get scared. Was he sick? In danger? Although I knew it shouldn't yet, the thought made me nauseous. "I can help with whatever it is if you tell me," I offered and could see from where I was sitting that his eyes were brimming with tears.

"You can't help me, I'll only hurt you. You have to move on, this was so wrong of me, I'm so sorry Bella," he told me, keeping his eyes straight ahead as a single tear trickled down his cheek.

I didn't know what to say. I wanted to help him with whatever was going on but the fear of getting hurt was stopping me from reaching out to him.

We pulled up outside my apartment complex, he wiped his eyes with a shaky hand, snuffled and without looking at me he said, "You have to go. He's right, I'll just drag you down. I should have just..." I knew what he was going to say and the thought of leaving him alone when he was in this kind of mood- it was not happening. Who knew what he would do or decide in this kind of state?

"Come inside, we don't even have to talk. You can stay in the guest room tonight and I'll be right across the hall."

"No, I have to go."

"Edward get out of the fucking car!" I asserted and he looked at me in shock. "Please."

I knew that if I let him go, he might not come back.

He said nothing for a minute, before pursing his lips and nodding. I sighed in relief when he got out of the car and walked with me into my apartment.

"It's nice," was all he said as he stood in my sitting room.

"Thanks, come on, I'll show you your room and we can come back down and watch a movie," I offered. Had I expected this to happen at dinner, I would never have gone. But this was Edward we were talking about, I wasn't going to let him hurt himself.

"There's a problem with your plan," he spoke in a low voice. "That's not something acquaintances do."

I had forgotten about that for a minute; I was more concerned about him than the fucking plan.

"Well just for tonight we're friends," I stated and I expected him to chuckle or something, but I got nothing. _Something big was up..._

I showed him the guest room where he would be staying and made the bed up for him. He was like a fucking zombie standing there watching me and I was a little freaked out. When that was done, I took his hand and pulled him downstairs, practically forcing my company on him as we watched _Changeling. _

I tried to watch it, but my mind was still reeling from what was going on.

Edward had a secret that was killing him and hurting his family.

Something that could also hurt me. That fact terrified me, my heart just couldn't handle anymore hurt, but was I willing to risk it for him?

I didn't honestly know.

The credits rolled on the screen and I looked at my watch to see it was past midnight. I so wasn't going to work tomorrow... Carmen would kill me for it, but I had to make sure he was okay.

"Do you want to go to bed?" I asked and seemed to snap him out of his thoughts.

"Together?"

Had he not been in a zombie-like state and severely depressed, I would have torn him a new one for that.

"No, you in your bed, me in mine."

"Yeah," he said and we both stood, heading to the bedrooms. "Goodnight."

"Night," I replied as I walked into my room and purposely kept the door open should he get any ideas while I was sleeping. He kept his open too though, so I didn't think he was planning on killing himself anymore. If that was ever his intent.

"Love you," I heard him say as I got into bed.

But I didn't reply.

How could I right now?

**-O~O~O-**

I woke up the next morning, tired and groggy from lack of sleep. I used the bathroom quickly and then went to check on Edward. I peeked into his room and saw that it was empty. The bed was made, the curtains opened and everything as it should have been, like he had never been there in the first place.

It scared the shit out of me.

"Edward?" I called out, walking around the house and not finding any trace of him. Had I been dreaming last night? Had he even stayed here?"

I looked out the window to see if his car was still parked across the street, it seemed a slim chance so I wasn't shocked when I saw that it was gone too.

**Where r u? - B**

I hoped he would text back and tell me he was okay at the very least. I told myself that if he didn't text back, I was going looking for him myself.

**Home. I'm sorry for last night – E**

I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding. He was okay and at home, that was all that mattered. I was about to call him to make sure he was really alright and not downplaying it, when I suddenly got incredibly nervous about speaking to him again.

Something was going on, I hadn't seen Edward in two years and I was naïve to think he had stayed the same. Maybe he meant it in a bad way when he said he had changed.

Could I leave him knowing something was wrong?

The hurt was the main thing stopping me from doing something. I really couldn't go through it again after the last two years. If I did continue this, I would still stick to my plan, nothing would change there. I couldn't trust him and last night proved it some more now I knew that he had a secret he wasn't about to tell me.

It left me in a hard place.

I couldn't trust him, but I wanted him.

But there was something big going on with Edward Cullen. Something so big it forced him to flee Chicago, that also made his father try to force him to stay away from me.

Something so big it was destroying him.

* * *

><p><strong>Hello,<strong>

**So, Edward has a secret that he's not sharing. Anyone want to guess what it is? **

**Thanks for being so patient while waiting for this chapter and thank you all for your kind words about my Grandfather and sending well wishes. Good news is, he's getting better. But I'll still be a bit slow with chapters because he needs me at the moment.**

**Thank you to my Beta Peppahlouie for everything :)**

**Please leave a review and tell me what you think. Good and Bad I want it all.**

**Thanks,**

**Casey**


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer:Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight

Chapter 9

"You can do it Bella," I told myself as I stepped into Carmen's office. "Hi..." was all I got out before she cut me off.

"Where the fuck were you? Couldn't you have called? I've been up to my ass in all your shit and you couldn't even call!" I knew she was going to kill me for taking more time off work, but I wasn't going to turn Edward away when he needed me the most. _Although I still didn't know what the fuck was going on with him..._

"I can explain..." I started but stopped when I realised that, actually, I couldn't because I myself didn't know.

"Well?" She asked, impatient because I had sort of fucked her over. Yesterday was supposed to have been her day off, she must have gotten a call from the office saying that I hadn't come in and that they needed her.

"It was ex-husband stuff. I couldn't just leave him alone. He was incredibly depressed."

She held her hand up and stopped me, this was the moment where she would yell at me and scream about why she should never have hired me. But we both knew I was good, so she couldn't afford to lose me.

"You know what, I don't want to hear it. Pack your stuff, you're fired."

_WHAT NOW?_

"What? Carmen, come on, you can't do this. I'm the best at what I do, we're friends for fuck's sake." I couldn't lose my job, I loved being a realtor. This was the only place I had ever worked, I couldn't imagine myself anywhere else. _Especially not in the unemployment line... _

"Look, I know you're good, believe me I do, and we may be friends, but this is a business. I'm done taking this shit from you, I've saved your ass too many times in the last two years because of your ex and I'm done. I have an ex-husband too and he is pissed that I missed my kids play yesterday. You made a choice not to call ahead and this is your own fault. Pack your stuff and leave or I'll call Security."

_Fuck, now I was fired and feeling guilty._

I admit it was selfish of me not to call ahead, but I was so worried about Edward that I'd assumed I would get away with it, like I normally did. Then I realised what I was tellin myself and worrying over him put me back on square one. I had just lost my job over Edward, he was still affecting me after all this time and I refused to let it happen again. _I had to suck it up... _

"I'm sorry you missed your kids play and I'm sorry I let you down, Carmen," I said as a lump formed in my throat. "I'll go...pack my stuff."

I couldn't believe I had been such an idiot and lost my fucking job over him. Now I was down a best friend because of my fight with Rose, my..._acquaintance_ had a big secret that I didn't know, but I was damn sure going to find out and finally to top it off, as of now I was unemployed. _Swell..._

Carmen didn't say anything else as I left her office. Everyone seemed to know what was going on by the way they stared at me. Did I have a big _I just got fired _neon sign on my forehead?

I packed away my things as tears streamed down my face. No one even bothered to ask me if I was alright, they were probably glad I was going since we all worked on commission and my sales were through the roof. Assholes...except Angela, but she was still sick.

As I walked out the doors of my, now former, work place, I couldn't seem to pull myself together. So snatching my phone out of my bag, I called the one person I knew would come and get me without judging, perhaps even make me feel better.

"Emmett?" I sniffled as he picked up the phone.

**-O~O~O-**

"Bells, you okay?" Emmett asked as he hopped out of his jeep to engulf me in a big bear hug.

"I've been better, Em. I just got fired and my life is going to shit again."

"Well, Rosie doesn't know I'm here and you'd better not to tell her because she'd have my ass for it. Y'know, with you guy's fighting and whatnot." he told me with a shrug. That was why I loved Emmett, he was so easy going and kind. He wasn't one to judge and in a way he was like the brother I'd always wanted. "You want to go grab breakfast and tell me about your problems?"

"See? That's why I love you," I cried, jumping into his arms.

We drove to a diner not too far away. It was a small business that was always empty, but in my opinion, sold the best pancakes in town.

"So, I was speaking to my buddy Tyler the other day... it was so strange, he said he scored your number." Emmett told me. I had completely forgotte about Tyler. Hopefully Em hadn't said anything to Edward.

"Um...yeah, Tyler. I saw him at the _The lion and the lamb _awhile ago. He asked and I didn't want to be rude. You...didn't tell anyone?"

"No, I wanted to make sure I had it right before I said anything. I'm glad you're going out with him though, might get you away from...other things," he said very ominously.

"O-kay."

" Amyway, wach goim om wich yhu?" he said with his mouth full of pancakes.

"Be a big boy and swallow your food Em," I teased and he glared playfully at me before gulping down his food.

"Oh Bella, you only need to ask Rosie to hear about what a _big boy _I am."

"Gross," I muttered, but couldn't stop myself laughing at his innuendo. _He was still such a kid..._

"What's going on with you?" he said, his voice taking a serious tone. "You said and I quote, _I just got fired and my life is going to shit again. _Does your life going to shit have anything to do with..." Emmett trailed off, giving me a knowing look.

I knew who he was talking about, but figured maybe I would get something out of him about Edward's situation if I played dumb.

"With what?" I asked, taking a small bite out of my burger and trying to look indifferent.

"With a certain brother of mine."

"Why do you assume Edward has anything to do with my problems?" I questioned and he looked down to his plate, probably regretting opening his mouth.

"I don't know..." he started, but I cut him off.

"Bullshit!" I accused. "What's going on with Edward? I know there's something and I'm going to find out either way, so just fucking tell me." I lost my cool for a minute and I really wanted to apologize to him but by the way he looked back at me, I could tell he was going to leave my question unanswered.

"Bells," Emmett took a deep breath, "I can't tell you what's going on, I swore I wouldn't tell anybody, not just you, when I found out. I'm going to tell you something though and it's in your best interest to listen, okay?"

"Yeah," I replied, thinking that if he even gave me the tiniest clue I could piece it together myself.

"Don't waste your time on him," he said and I was completely thrown. Emmett always adored Edward and me together, what the fuck had happened to make that change? "I love Edward, I mean he's my brother, how could I not? But I love you like a sister too and I'm telling you that it's not worth it. You will only get hurt, probably in more ways than one. I don't want that for you and neither does Rosalie. Leave him be and go back to your life."

_"Leave him be and and go back to your life." _as that even possible? Just forget about him at a time like this?

"H-how can...you're his brother!" I was enraged that he was saying this to me. "He needs you, Emmett. I don't know what's going on but what I do know is when he dropped me home the other night, he looked fucking suicidal. _I_ helped him though, where the fuck were you?"

"I was..."

"Don't even answer because I already know. You were sitting on your ass playing X-box in your Mom and Dad's house. If you really loved him, you would help and if no-one else will be there for him, maybe I will," I finished, jumping up from my seat and marching out of the restaurant.

**-O~O~O-**

As I sat at my kitchen table, wine in my hand and Google at the ready, I tried to think of every possible scenario that could make Edward so scared and depressed.

My first thought was...a baby. That he had a lovechild with someone else while he was married to me and was afraid I'd find out. That one made me feel sick; there was so many things I could forgive, but that wasn't one of them. It would be like twisting a knife in my already damaged heart.

My next thought was...his health. Was he dying? Did he have HIV or something from all the skanks he did? Wait...if he had AIDS, did that mean I had it too? Emmett did say I would be hurt in more ways than one. I started to freak out for a minute but then remembered that we had always used a condom and that Edward would've told me if he did. He may have been a cheater but I knew he would never risk my health.

So what could it be? I was nowhere closer to figuring it out and I felt very unsettled.

A beep from my phone made me jump out of my skin.

**Heard about your job. Want to come to the bar tonight and let me cheer you up?- Ben**

"Not a good time Ben," I whispered to myself as I tried to make up an excuse so I could just sit here and scare myself with other theories.

But...maybe it would be good if I did go out? If I stayed at home I would just drive myself crazy.

**Love to, can I bring a friend? - Bella**

He had either been waiting for my text or was an incredibly fast at typing, because I got his messages literally seconds after I sent mine.

**Yeah sure. Meet you here at eight or pick you up?- Ben**

**Meet u there. C u later – Bella**

I rushed upstairs to get dressed and ended up just throwing on a figure hugging blue dress with black heels not even bothering to do my hair before rushing to Angela's, praying she wasn't too sick to go. If she couldn't go, I'd have to go by myself since I wasn't taking pregnant Alice who couldn't drink or Rose who hated me.

"Ange?" I called as I unlocked her door with the spare key she had gaven me.

"Yeah," came a groggy voice from her bedroom. She was asleep at seven thirty?

"How are you feeling?" I asked stepping into her room to see her tucked up in bed. She was a mess and there was a pile of used tissues surrounding her bed, so I didn't dare go closer.

"I'm a lot better now actually, I can breathe through my nose again. I'll be back at work tomorrow so you don't have to do extra work anymore." _I sure won't..._

"Yeah, about that, I... sorta... got fired today. You'll be flying solo from now on," I told her, trying to lighten such a depressing subject.

"You what? How could you get fired Bella? I can't believe it. Are you okay?" She asked, stepping out of her bed and over the tissue mountain she had created.

"I'm fine but I need your help," I started and she waited for me to go on. "Edward and I are trying again and a client of mine, a cute client who happens to own the other half of_ The lion and the lamb_, asked me out. I said yes because I was sad from being fired," I lied and hoped that she bought it. "So, will you come with me? You might even like the guy."

"I don't know Bella," Angela replied and so I was forced to unleash the puppy dog eyes on her. "What's his name?" _Score..._

"Ben Cheney. Angela you'll love him, he's smart and funny..." I told her as she sighed and went to get dressed.

As I sat waited for her I made a plan of what was going to happen tonight. _I was a planner by nature...sue me... _First I would set Ange and Ben up and when they hit it off, I would get smashed to the point where I wouldn't even be able to remember my name, never mind Edward Cullen's.

"Okay. Let's go," Angela said, her voice airy with apathy, as she came down the stairs.

"Thank you for this Ange, I really appreciate it."

"If anything I owe you for the last couple of days. If you hadn't covered for me I probably would have gotten fi...in trouble," she corrected herself and gave me an _I'm-sorry-for-being-an-idiot_ look.

"It's fine Ange, I'm not all that sad really," I assured her as we went to get a cab.

"Then why...?" she questioned and I mentally slapped myself. Being sad was supposed to be the reason I was going out, not Edward.

"Um...it's...there's a lot of stuff going on with me right now..."

She stopped and took my hand in hers, "Bella, you can tell me anything."

I looked at my friend and realised the truth in her words. I had never fully spoken to Angela about my problems with Edward..._except when I bawled in front of her after he and I had sex_... but I wanted tell her everything... _soon_. I trusted Angela completely.

"Edward's hiding something and it's big," I whispered and her eyes widened.

"What's he hiding?"

"I don't know yet but I'm going to find out."

**-O~O~O-**

The music blared around us and for the first time I was glad it so loud that I couldn't think.

It was just what I needed.

I searched the room but couldn't find Ben anywhere. "Do you see him?" Angela asked, I shrugged my shoulders, thinking he was probably doing business stuff first and then coming out to us.

I bought the first round and Angela and I danced together for a bit before we finally spotted Ben.

"Hey," he greeted and gave me a hug. "You look wonderful."

"Thanks," I replied, blushing before turning to Angela. "This is my friend Angela Weber, Ange this is Ben Cheney."

"Hi," Ben breathed, looking at Angela with wide eyes. _Oh yeah, I had struck gold..._

"Hello," she smiled bashfully and I never saw shy Angela before, of course she was always kind but she was never a total softy. It was cute.

"I'm going to go get a drink... why don't you two get to know each other?" I didn't think they heard me from inside their little bubble. I didn't want to disturb them so I went on my way.

On the way to the bar I counted: one ass squeeze, two guys offering to buy me a drink and another one trying to grind o me. It was disgusting but sort of flattering in a weird way. I ordered my drink and sat with it for a moment watching Ange and Ben giggle and laugh together. It was a beautiful sight.

"Bella," Eric Yorkie greeted me as he made his rounds throughout the crowd. He was more the meet and greet guy while Ben did more of the behind the scenes type of thing. "No Angela tonight?" he asked.

"Yes, she's fraternizing with the management," I stated and he looked to where I was pointing. I hoped he wouldn't be too crushed since I always suspected he had a thing for Angela. Strangely though, he didn't show any signs of hurt.

"That's my man Ben, the Lady Killer," he teased and I laughed because he and Ben were the two biggest nerds I knew. The last time I saw Eric in the club, he was wearing a _"Live Long and Prosper"_ shirt, but tonight he was done up in a sharp looking suit and tie.

"Speaking of Lady Killer, what has you looking all snazzy?"

"What? I always look snazzy Bella," he replied and I just raised an eyebrow until he cracked. "Okay, it's this new chick I'm dating. She's hot and rich and she wants me to look the part."

I was happy Eric finally found someone, I never recalled him ever going out with anyone. He was a nice guy..._when he wasn't pining over Angela because, seriously, that shit got annoying..._

"That's great...wow. I'm impressed," I told him and he smiled proudly.

"You want to meet her? You'll hit it off, trust me she's a doll. She's actually up in the private room right now, I can bring you up and introduce you?"

I had nothing else to do and I was a tiny bit curious to see this mystery girl. "Okay. I'd love to."

He grabbed hold of my arm and led me through the overflowing club to a door that had two giant security guards posted on either side. When we got through, we went up a small stairwell that led to a lavish and expensive looking office. It had plasma screen TV's on the walls and the right wall was just a large glass window that looked out over the club. It must have been tinted because you couldn't see it from below.

"Sweetheart, I want you to meet someone," Eric called as we walked further into the room and I ran a hand through my wild hair hoping to reign it in.

"Be there in a minute," a voice called back and I vaguely remembered it from somewhere. I knew I'd heard it before... _Where was it again...?_

Long legs stepped out of the back room in six inch killer heels and I suddenly felt ill.

She was just how I remembered her, except her hair was now bleached blonde, but she was still everything I had directed my hate against.

She was one of the whores.

"Bella Swan this is my girlfriend, Tanya Denali," Eric stated as her eyes stared daggers into me and an amused smile crossed her face.

"Oh, this is priceless..." Tanya taunted through a wicked smile.

* * *

><p><strong>Hey,<strong>

**TANYA! Things are about to heat up.**

**Anyway, there's another chapter for you, I hope you liked it. Leave a review and tell me what you thought.**

**I've gotten some very intresting theories about Edward's situation and most of you think that he has a lovechild...well, you'll have to read and find out. ;) **

**Thanks to my Beta, Peppahlouie, who basically makes this story what it is. **

**Thank you for all the reviews. I could spend my entire life just reading all your wonderful comments.**

**Until next time,**

**Casey**


	10. Chapter 10

Disclaimer:Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight

Chapter 10

"_Oh, this is priceless..." Tanya taunted through a wicked smile._

I couldn't move, it seemed as though my feet were stuck to the floor and my gaze was locked straight at her perfect features.

This was one of the women Edward had betrayed me with.

"You," I growled through clenched teeth.

"Bella, darling, we meet again. Tell me, how's Edward?" she asked, her voice dripping with sweetness. "I see by the way you're glaring at me that you finally found out; took you long enough. But if you knew all along, it would have taken the fun out of sneaking around."

I was beyond furious. I was about to march over and rip her fucking head off when Eric asked, "You two know each other?"

"It's nothing you need to concern yourself with, baby," Tanya replied and I laughed bitterly.

"What?" I asked through my laughter. "You don't think he should know that you're a man-stealing whore? That you ruined my marriage because you couldn't keep your skanky hands off my husband?"

Eric looked to me and then back to Tanya. She appeared unaffected, like I hadn't just told her boyfriend she had whored herself around the office and was unashamed of the fact.

"Tanya, is that true? You...you're the one that Bella's husband...?" I ripped my gaze from Tanya and saw that Eric looked devastated by the news. I felt like a bitch for how I told him, but I was furious and if it hurt that slut, then I wouldn't regret doing it.

"Eric, Bella says it as if I was the only one involved. It takes two to tango and, last time I checked, Edward was more than willing to fuck me and my sister. Guess you just weren't enough for him." Tanya shrugged nonchalantly and I lost it. I was going to fucking tear her perfect little plastic face from her stupid whorish body. Then I was going to burn her and piss on her ashes.

My claws were out and Tanya's calm demeanor slipped as I pounced. Her eyes widened in fear and, lucky for her, Eric caught me before I could rip out handfuls of her over-bleached hair.

"I'm going to fucking kill you! You're a no good whore. You say I couldn't satisfy him, well you must have done an even shittier job if he's begging me to take him back." Her face fell for a split second before she covered it up, but it was too late, I had already seen it. "Oh? That's beautiful, perfect even," I said softly as she tried not to cry. "Did you really think he would ever love you? That he would leave _me_ for _you? _You're nothing Tanya Denali and not even daddy's money could buy you some class."

Tears began streaming her face and I rejoiced in the fact. I wanted her to fucking suffer as I had.

I was the one Edward would always love.

She was just a big fucking error in judgment.

"Enough Bella, it's time you left," Eric ordered and I smiled in victory.

"You're right Eric, it's time I go. But if I were you, I'd get out quickly too. Did you ever hear that saying, _what comes around, goes around? _Well I have a feeling something big is coming for you, Tanya." With that I gave her one last stare before I turned on my heel and made my way out of the VIP room.

I didn't even bother looking for Angela and Ben, I ran outside as quickly as I could and broke down as soon as the cold night air hit my face. I couldn't believe I had shown such strength against a woman like her. It was very strange, considering for two years I had sat in bed thinking of everything I wanted to say should I ever see her. Now that it was off of my chest, I felt lighter somehow, like a weight that had been crushing me was lifted.

It didn't explain why I was hysterical outside the nightclub, where I had yet to stay a whole night without something biting me in the ass, though. Strangely enough, it was always over Edward.

_Edward..._

_No more lies..._

I stood up, straightened my dress and ran to hail a cab. When I got one, I scooted in, ignored the cab drivers wary glance at my mascara smeared face and gave him Edward's address.

I was getting my answers and I was getting them now.

**-O~O~O-**

I knocked on their front door as loudly as I could, not caring that it was two o'clock in the morning or that Carlisle and Esme were in bed.

I was done being the one who was kept out of the loop.

I needed to know what Edward was hiding.

Ten minutes of constant pounding on the wooden frame and, finally, I heard movement.

"What do you want?" Carlisle roared as he ripped the door open and held a hand gun up to my face. I shrieked and jumped back in fright, landing on my ass. "Bella? What's the meaning of this, its two in the morning!" Carlisle shouted as he tried to hide the gun behind his half naked body.

"Is that how you fucking answer your door?" I asked and he gave me the look. Y'know, the _watch-your-mouth-with-me-or-I'll-rip-it-the-fuck-off _look, but I just ignored it and pressed on. Standing up I asked, "Why do you have a gun?"

"For protection," he said curtly. "Now answer me, what's wrong? Are you hurt? Is Charlie okay?"

"He's fine, but I have to speak with Edward."

"Well, it will have to wait until morning..." he started but I cut him off.

"No, I said I have to speak with Edward and I have to do it now."

Carlisle looked at me intently for a moment, but I wasn't backing down. Reluctantly, he stepped to the side and let me in, shutting the door behind me and walking back to his bedroom. I turned to my left to see Edward coming out of the kitchen with another gun in his hand. _What is with people and guns in this house...?_

"Bella?" he said and although I knew I had to speak to him urgently, I let my eyes wander over his toned body. He was in only his black boxer briefs, his hair was in complete disarray and the gun in his hand only fueled my imagination. "What are you doing here? Are you hurt?"

Snapping out of my lust-filled thoughts, I went back to the matter at hand. "Tell me what's going on, I'm done with waiting."

Edward looked at me, his face emotionless and I knew he wasn't going to answer.

Needless to say, it pissed me off even more.

I had to hurt him to make myself feel better and, possibly, guilt him into speaking the truth.

"I saw _her_ an hour ago," I said and his eyes filled with shame. He knew who I was speaking about. "Tanya Denali, she's fucking Eric now and I made_ her _cry for a change. I guess now she's suffering like I did... or like I _am_. This isn't a test anymore Edward. This goes so far beyond my fucking rules and I'm going to find out what you're hiding," I assured him and he shook his head angrily.

"Did it ever occur to you that maybe it's better you don't know? That I'm trying to protect you?" he asked, his voice laced with warning.

I had it up to here with people thinking they knew better. Therefore, I wasn't taking that shit from him.

"What a crock of shit! If you wanted to protect me from getting hurt, you should have never slept with me at the wedding. But we both made that mistake now, didn't we?" I spat and his face turned furious.

Suddenly I was pushed against the wall and his body was pressed into mine. "What happened at the wedding was _not_ a mistake," he stated in a dark voice, and suddenly his lips were on mine. It felt really good, but I knew he was trying to distract me and he'd just told me he was trying to protect me, yet he would rather kiss me than tell me the truth. Pushing him away, I lifted my hand and swung it until it made contact with his cheek. It made me feel a lot better.

"So now you can kiss me, but I don't get the truth?" I shouted and he stood back away from me. _Probably a wise move..._

"You're right," he whispered.

"So you'll tell me the truth?"

"No, I shouldn't have kissed you. It's wrong of me to lead you on anymore. You need to go and find someone who's worth your love, Bella."

"I'm so sick of hearing that. I told you already that I want you and it took me two fucking years to admit it. Now tell me the truth Edward, because I won't be cheated out of my happily ever after by _you_ again."

He seemed shocked at my words for some reason. Like he hadn't expected that level of commitment from me.

"I can't," he spoke in a low tone as he sat himself down on the floor.

"You can tell me anything," I replied in a soft voice and sat beside him.

"It'll only hurt you, just like it hurt everyone else."

"What hurt everyone else?"

Edward looked distressed, like he was battling something inside himself and debating on whether to let me in or not.

"Him...I...it was...I was just..." he started, but it kept getting stuck in his throat. His eyes met mine, full of pain and begging for mercy.

"Who is _he_? Who do you mean when you say '_him'_ Edward?" I asked, trying to encourage him to tell me more.

I could actually see it in his eyes when he came back to himself. "No, stop it, I won't tell you. You say you want the truth, well I can't give it to you. Besides, when you hear it you'll leave anyway and you'll be back to the hurt you say you know so well." Edward was silent for a moment before he whispered. "If I hurt you again it will destroy the last sane piece of me."

I knew he would say nothing else.

Part of me wanted to tell him to go fuck himself and curse him for wasting more of my time.

But I couldn't. It was time to face the facts, there was no moving on from Edward Cullen. No matter how much I wished there was.

He had ruined me for other men years ago...

_We were making out like crazy on the couch of his dorm. We'd been seeing each other for around three months and the whole time he'd been nothing but a gentleman. Sure, there was some groping and... heavy touching of sorts...but Edward never pressured me to go further._

_His roomate would be gone all weekend so I decided that tonight would be the night._ Edward and I were going to do it. _I had never been so turned on before by someone and by the looks of things, either had he._

"_Bella..." Edward grunted before he captured my lips again. "We need to stop now or I won't be able to control myself."_

"_I don't want you to stop or to control yourself," I moaned, wantonly. I was going to spontaneously combust if he didn't touch me soon._

_He pulled away and I whimpered at the loss of his lips from mine. "Do you mean that?" he asked in a husky voice and looked down into my eyes._

"_Yeah...I... I really do. I've wanted you since you first brought me to our meadow." My cheeks flushed crimson at my admission and his eyes darkened considerably. What I saw in them was hunger and I delighted at the fact I was the one to make him feel like that._

"_I've wanted you for forever," Edward said before slowly bringing his lips back down to mine, but this time our kiss wasn't frantic or needy. It was slow and sensuous._

_My hands began to tremble and I was starting to feel nervous now that I knew we were going to go all the way. I mean, I had done it once before, but Marcus had told his friends that I'd been no good. What if I disappointed Edward? Would he leave me?_

"_Are you okay?" he asked, sitting up and pulling me with him so I was straddling his lap._

"_I'm just...nervous," I admitted, looking down sheepishly. I whipped my head up when I heard his sudden intake of breath._

"_You're not a virgin, are you? If you are, we can wait. I can make everything perfect for you and rent a room or something in a nice hotel..." Edward always rambled when he was nervous and it was one of things I loved about him: that under his rugged and sexy looks, he was still the awkward nerd of my childhood._

_I silenced him with my lips. "I'm not a virgin, don't panic. But I only...y'know...once before and I wasn't good at it. I just don't want to disappoint you."_

_He grabbed my face in his hands, forcing me to look him in the eye. "You could never disappoint me Bella Swan. Whatever we do will be utterly and totally perfect just because it's you I'm doing it with."_

_He was such a cheese-ball, but I loved it. Every single word..._

_I attacked him then, not that he minded, and was carried to his bedroom and laid down on the unmade bed. Things happened fast from there. We were one big ball of sexual tension waiting to be unraveled. And it wasn't how it was in the movies or in books. There wasn't any fanfair about it. Edward simply took a condom out of his wallet and then we were having sex__._

_Then as I neared my peak my word filter disappeared and I spewed my thoughts out loud._ _ "Edward, I love you." _

"_God Bella, I love you too!" he breathed, and in that moment my life was beyond perfect. _

_He loved me and that was all that mattered._

I was so naïve back then and maybe I still was now.

"Edward," I said and he continued to stare ahead. "Look at me goddammit!"

Slowly he turned to me. It was startling how much he had changed, I would forever remember the boy with the lightest eyes and brightest smile as he moved in me.

Was Edward still that boy? He looked nothing like him and acted nothing like him. Was I kidding myself with this?

"Who are you?" I questioned, utterly at a loss.

His eyebrows furrowed. "You know who I am, Bella."

"No...I really don't. I knew the old you. The one that would laugh, joke, dance with me. The one who would play the piano and would watch shitty movies with me all day long. That's not you anymore and, Edward, I get that. I'm different too. Times change, people change, I know better than anyone."

"So what do you want from me? You said it yourself: apparently that's not me anymore and I'm sorry if you wanted me to be that. But I'm just a fuck-up now, I can't do anything without destroying it. I want you so badly it fucking hurts, Bella, and everyone knows that you're so far out of my reach!" Edward shouted, swells of clear liquid rolling down his cheeks. "I was so sure when you left me two years ago that I would win you back and when you refused me...I...I just...I broke down."

"Is that what caused whatever is going on?" I queried.

"Yes." _Finally a fucking answer...!_

"Look, I...can I take two guesses just to ease my mind? Then if they're not what I feared the most, we'll continue with the plan."

"Okay... and if it _is_ what you worst feared?" he asked.

"Then I'll walk out the door and you won't see me again. Because if it is what I imagined, there's no coming back from it; we have no hope of salvagin what we used to be." At my words, the last spark of light in his eyes dimmed and was replaced with terror.

"Alright," Edward agreed, and I took a breath.

"Do you have a child or children that I'm not aware of by another woman?" I asked and he looked at me like I was crazy.

"Of course not, do you think that I would sleep with anyone after I lost you?"

"Wait...you haven't slept... with anyone in two years?" I asked incredulously. _Two years was a really long time..._

"No, I...it would be wrong. Like I was...betraying you again," Edward murmured.

I don't know why, but hearing him say that made me feel so much better, like maybe he was worth my time after all.

"Okay," I sighed in relief. "So, no illegitimate children. Final guess, are you sick or something?" I asked and he looked like he was thinking about his answer carefully.

"Define sick?"

_Oh God!_ The moment he said those words my hands flew up to my chest and I began to panic. He was sick...no, he was going to die. I didn't want to lose him.

"Bella, calm down," he ordered and I realized that I was hyperventilating.

"What's wrong? Is it fatal?"

"Bella..."

"You're going to die aren't you?"

"Bella..."

"No, we'll get you help, whatever you need."

"Bella, for fuck's sake, will you listen please?" Edward shouted. "I'm not dying, but I am sick. That's all I'm going to give you on this. Go home now, get some rest and we'll talk more tomorrow, I swear."

Now that he mentioned it, I was exhausted. My feet were aching from the heels I was wearing and I felt dirty and sweaty from being in the crowded nightclub before I came here.

"You promise we'll speak tomorrow? You're not just going to vanish before I can call?" I asked and he smiled sadly at me.

"I promise. Do you want me to drive you home?" _Yeah because that turned out great last time..._

"No, I'm going to grab a taxi... clear my head a bit," I explained when a look of rejection crossed his face.

"Are you sure it's safe?" Edward questioned and I wondered why everyone was so concerned about protection all of a sudden. _Was there a serial_ _killer on the loose that I wasn't aware of...?_

"Yes, daughter of a cop, remember?"

"How could I forget?" he replied and I smirked a little at his attempt at humor.

Then I left and walked into the night, longing for the comfort of my home.

* * *

><p><strong>Hello everyone,<strong>

**I've gotten a few good guesses so far and I'm loving some of your theories. For those of you who guessed love child, sorry, you got it wrong. Hope you're not too dissapointed.**

**Thanks so much for all of the amazing reviews and for adding me to your favourite authors and adding "I Hope She was Worth It" to your favourite storys. **

**A big thank you to my Beta, Peppahlouie. You're amazing!**

**Please leave a review and tell me what you think, because, in the words of Edward Cullen**_..."Your review, it's like a drug to me. Like my own personal brand of heroin." _**:D Never gets old LOL!**

**Until next time,**

**~ Casey**


	11. Chapter 11

Disclaimer:Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight 

Chapter 11

When I woke up the next morning, at eleven fifteen, the first thing I did was phone him to see if he was there. When Edward told me the night before that he'd tell me more about his problem, I was sure it was lie and he was going to disappear. But yet again I found that he was truthful.

"Hello, Bella," he answered on the first ring.

"You're there." I sighed in relief. "I was sure you were just going to leave me hanging. Can we meet somewhere?"

"I can't right now but the afternoon would be good, around five maybe, if that suits you?"

I didn't really want to wait until five, it seemed like such a long way off; but if he was busy then I supposed I couldn't demand that he meet me right away.

"Yeah, that's fine. Do you want to meet me at Starbucks or get something to eat?" When he didn't reply, I wondered if he had hung up. "Edward? You still there?" Still nothing. I was about to hang up when he finally spoke.

"Oh...um...Bella, I gotta go. I'm in the middle of something, but...em, yeah, wherever you want, just text me." He hung up and I was left wondering what he was doing that was so important. But it wasn't my business, so I let it go.

I got dressed in my favourite pair of jeans and a violet blouse, opting for something a bit dressy so I wouldn't have to get changed again later when I went to meet Edward. I decided that, for today, I was just going to chill around the house for a while and then job search on the internet. I was going to go crazy if I didn't have something other than Edward to occupy my mind.

When cleaning the house, watching T.V. and job searching only got me to three o'clock, I decided to walk to my dad's house. I hadn't seen him since the wedding and it was mostly because I had been dreading telling him about losing my job. I had always been a high achiever but once in a while I failed. But whenever I slipped up on something, Charlie would give me his disappointed face. It was worse than having him shout at me, it filled me with guilt but always made me want to try harder next time. _God, Charlie should write a book on parenting..._

I opened the front door to walk out, but collided with a hard, muscled chest.

"Oh, Bella, I'm sorry. I was just calling for you." Tyler smiled as he looked down to me.

"Hey, that's okay. I was just on my way out actually. What's up?"_Shit,_ I had totally forgotten about him. He had called me once or twice and, like the coward I was, I ignored my phone and asked Emmett to tell Tyler I was trying again with Edward. Emmett must still have been hoping I'd go out with Tyler and forget about Edward, since he didn't tell him. _Or maybe Tyler just wasn't getting the message..._

"I called you a few times, but your phone must have been turned off or something. I was wondering if you're free for dinner tonight?" he asked, his voice hopeful.

"I...I can't, Tyler. You're such a great guy but my ex and I are trying again and it was unfair of me to lead you on in the first place. I'm sorry," I told him and he smiled sadly.

"Oh, don't worry about it. Your ex is a lucky guy... but, if he ever slips up, you'll call me? I'd really like to take you to dinner sometime."

"Thanks, and if it doesn't work out, you're first on my list."

"You have a list?" he raised an eyebrow.

"Shut up, figure of speech," I said in mock anger.

"Alright, well, I'll get going." Tyler kissed my cheek and started to walk back to his car, but came to a sudden halt just as he began to cross the street. "Bella?" he asked, turning around to face me. "When you say your ex, you don't mean your ex-husband, right? You mean an ex-boyfriend, not Edward?" Tyler looked concerned and started walking back toward me.

"No, I mean Edward. Why?"

"No, you can't do that, Bella, are you insane? I know trouble when I see it and that guy is the worst kind. You need to stay away from him, trust me!"

I felt offended by his outburst. How dare he speak about Edward like that when he barely knew him. "You don't know anything, Tyler." _That makes two of us..._

He paid no notice to my words and continued on. "I shouldn't even have to tell you, you should know all that already with the whole James Treckar thing. I didn't think you would be that careless, because of what? Love?" Tyler ran a hand over his tightly cut, chestnut hair and seemed to be trying to calm himself down.

_James Treckar. Who the hell was that? _Tyler obviously knew and it was something related to Edward.

Playing along, I said, "I know a bit about James Treckar. I'm going to overlook it though. Why? Do you think I shouldn't?" I asked and he looked at me like I had two heads.

"Are you...what are you crazy? I can't believe you."

"Why am I crazy? Tell me," I urged. But I knew I had been caught by the way he looked at me.

"You don't know about it, do you?" My silence answered his question. "Edward didn't fucking tell you and he's just going to let you walk in blind. He's such a fucking dick."

"Tyler, please, tell me what's going on? No one is answering my questions and I'm getting scared." He looked at me with a pitiful expression.

Sighing, Tyler said, "Edward is in deep shit right now... hell, we all are thanks to him. I can't tell you because it's not my place. If Edward wants to drag you in, that's his choice but you're a good person and I don't want that for you. You're a big girl though, you can make your own mistakes. Lord knows Edward made his. Friendly advice though, Bella? Stay the fuck away from Edward Cullen. That's all I'll tell you."

Tyler walked to his car, hopped in and sped off, leaving me bewildered in front of my apartment. When I got my head together, I began slowly walking to Charlie's house.

James Treckar meant something to Edward. Did Edward become a part of the mob or something? Was he a criminal now? _Charlie would have a field day if he was..._

"Bella!" Charlie exclaimed as he saw me standing on the porch and pulled me into a hug. "How's it going, kid?"

"I'm great." I lied. We separated and he brought me into the house. "I've missed you, Dad. I haven't spoken to you since the wedding."

"Yeah, Sue's hogging all my time. Not that I'm complaining. By the way, tell Rose that Sue's sorry she couldn't go to the wedding. Leah broke her arm and she had to be taken to hospital. I completely understood, remember how many times we went through that?" he asked through a chuckle and I recalled sitting in hospital cradling my arm as a child. _I fell down a lot..._

"Yeah...um...can I ask a favor?"

"Yeah, sure." Charlie replied, looking at me with a concerned expression.

"A friend of mine is seeing this guy and I don't like the look of him. Do you think you could check him out on your police computer-thingy?" The lies were coming too easy now... I was doing it too much.

"Bells, I'm not sure I can do that..." he started but I cut him off.

"Dad, I wouldn't ask if it wasn't important to me. Isn't your job to protect and serve? My friend needs your help."

He seemed reluctant but eventually gave in. "Do you know his full name?"

"James Treckar."

Charlie nodded and went out to his cruiser while I sat there biting my nails. What the fuck had Edward gotten himself into? Whoever this James Treckar guy was, Tyler didn't make him out to be a stand up guy.

"Bella," Charlie called as he marched back into the house. "You stay away from that guy, you hear me? Let your friend make her own mistakes, just stay away from him," he warned and my stomach churned. _That's not good news.._

"Why? What did you find?"

Charlie didn't answer, he just handed me a piece of paper he had been holding which had his messy handwriting all over it.

It read...

_James Levine Treckar._

_Place of birth: New Orleans, Louisiana._

_Date of Birth: 19th June 1981._

_Criminal record: _

_2nd January 1995: Breaking and entering._

_7th July 1997: Grand theft._

_25th August 1999: Possession of illegal substances._

_8th December 2008: Human Trafficking._

"Holy shit, does that say_ human_ trafficking? For real?" I asked and tried to keep the contents of my stomach down.

"Yes and watch your language. You need to stay away from him. But it's important that you to tell me where he is. That's not everything he did, it's just all he was caught for and right now he's wanted for murder, Bella. We need to find him and your friend is in danger. Where does he live?" he asked with his serious face. I almost shit a brick.

James Treckar was wanted for murder and Edward knew him. Was Edward involved? When he said _"Define sick?" _did it mean mental illness? Did Edward kill people too?

Things were starting to make sense.

"_You will only get hurt, probably in more ways then one."_

"_...when you hear it you'll leave anyway and be back to the hurt you say you know so well."_

"_Are you...what are you crazy?"_

My dad was still waiting for an answer and it was one I didn't know how to give.

I could either rat Edward out to Charlie or make up another lie that would surely make him mad.

The lie was out of my mouth before I could even register it.

"I'm sorry, I lied to you, I don't know him. I just saw him on the internet and wanted to know more." _WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING?_

"Are you kidding? Bella, you don't get to mess around like that! What has gotten into you? This is serious. What's going on, this isn't like you?" Charlie shouted and I bowed my head in shame.

"I'm sorry for wasting your time, Dad. I won't do it again."

"You better not! I have better things to be doing Isabella Marie Swan!"

He was pissed off and it wouldn't have helped if I stayed.

"I'm gonna go, okay?"

He didn't say anything back and I flew out the door. I sprinted back to my apartment as fast as I could and locked the door shut behind me.

What was I supposed to do now? I was meeting Edward for coffee in an hour. The guy who might or might not be a killer.

I decided that texting him was better than actually speaking to him. _Plus, I was a bit scared..._

**I know about James Treckar – Bella**

Flinging my phone onto the table, I tried to get my breathing back under control. What would I do if I found out Edward was a criminal? I mean, how fucked up would that be, a killer and the police chief's daughter?

My cell phone buzzed on the coffee table and I just stared at it, trying to find the willpower to read his response.

**How much do you know? - Edward**

How much did I know? More than he wanted me to, obviously.

**Enough – Bella**

What was I doing with him still? Maybe I was the fucking sick one still trying to see the good in him.

**I'll be there in two minutes – Edward**

No! What the fuck was I supposed to do now? Was he going to hurt me? _Edward would never hurt you, _my head told me but I couldn't help my doubt in that conviction.

**No. Meet me at your parents house. Make sure they're home – Bella**

I could trust Carlisle and Esme, they wouldn't let any harm come to me.

**Do you not trust me? - Edward**

**No. I don't trust you – Bella**

Grabbing my bag, I called ahead to see if Esme was indeed there and she assured me both she and Carlisle were there with Emmett and Rosalie. I mentioned nothing to her about coming to talk to Edward, though. _Did she even know about it like Carlisle did?_

I don't know why I expected things to be crazy when I got to the Cullens' home, but for some reason I was shocked that it was so normal: like they didn't know anything about Edward. _Maybe they don't, maybe Edward lied..._

I was getting a bit paranoid at that point, thinking that everyone had an ulterior motive, so when a hand touched me and I saw it was Edward's, I screamed and jumped away from him.

"Bella, it's only me," Edward said, trying to come closer and get me to calm down.

"Yeah, it's just you. Who the fuck are you, Edward?" I spat as angry tears slid down my cheeks. I think it was just the crazy day I'd had that was making me cry.

"I'm still me. I'm still Edward, I just made another wrong choice."

I laughed bitterly, "You make a lot of wrong fucking choices. I do too. Like seven years ago, I said _"I do"_ when the priest asked if I took _you _as my husband!"

"Is everything okay out here?" Esme's voice came from the door.

"We're fine. Bella's just had too much for one day. Can I take her up to your room for a minute while she calms down?" Edward asked Esme and she nodded.

"No, I don't want to go with you," I whispered as more tears slid down my cheeks.

"We'll talk upstairs, I swear I'm not going to hurt you. I could never hurt you." he assured me and I stared him down, looking for any indication that would show he was lying.

"Fine, but if you even try anything Edward..." I trailed off giving him the evil eye before, reluctantly, making my way up the stairs.

**-O~O~O-**

Edward was sitting in the rocking chair across the room from where I sat on the bed.

"How did you find out?" he questioned, breaking the silence.

"You don't need to know that." I didn't want him to hurt Tyler.

He didn't say anything for a minute, he just looked down at his intertwined hands on his lap.

"I didn't want her to do it, I never even asked, she just did and he went insane." Edward tried to explain and I didn't think we were on the same page anymore.

"Wait, what?" I asked and he glanced up at me. "You didn't kill anyone?"

By the way he looked at me, I had clearly gotten it wrong.

"No, of course I didn't. I couldn't...I wish I had killed James though," he muttered to himself before coming to sit down on the side of the bed. "You don't know the full story, do you?"

"No," I confirmed, although it seemed pretty obvious that I didn't.

"But you were under the impression that I killed people, so you came here to confront me?" he queried with a raised eyebrow. Even I had to admit that was a dumbshit move. "You're fucking insane, Bella. Christ, I mean, had I been a murderer, I could have killed you."

"I know, but let me remind you that I wouldn't have to be doing this if you just fucking told me the truth!" I countered and he looked down, avoiding my eyes.

"Bella," he said in a low whisper before looking up at me. "I'm so fucking scared, and I didn't mean for you to be brought into this. I just missed you so much and when I saw you again at the wedding... I just had to have you. I wanted to call you mine instead of sitting on the sidelines, watching some other guy dance with you and stick his tongue down your throat just because he could. I got caught up in you again and you tore open my heart like you always do. When we danced and kissed at the reception, I completely forgot about the repercussions and what would happen for us tomorrow because I...I had you in my arms and that was all that mattered."

As touching as that was, I needed to remember he, and possibly me too, were in trouble. I had to know what kind of trouble it was before I allowed him to affect me with his gushiness.

"Tyler told me you're in deep shit and that you're dragging me in blind. If you really care about me, you will tell me the truth and you'll do it now."

"So, it was Tyler who told you then?" he questioned. _Shit, me and my big mouth..._

"He thought I knew already and I lied a little to get more out of him." I defended, and Edward nodded his head.

"Once I tell you or we try again, you'll become a part of this thing and I'm truly sorry for that. So, this is your last chance to walk away..." Edward offered and I could see that he was torn. He both desperately wanted me to stay and really wanted me to go.

I thought about it for a minute.

If I left, I would be leaving my heart behind. I couldn't move on from Edward, no matter how hard I tried. _And believe me I tried..._

On the other hand, if I stayed, I could get pulled into something I really might not want to be a part of. I could get hurt by whatever this thing is.

But I'd have Edward and his family. I'd have the life and man I had wanted since I was in high school. I could have everything again and be happy, if we tried hard enough.

So in the end, it wasn't really a hard question.

I already knew the answer.

"I'm staying."

* * *

><p><strong>Hey,<strong>

**Sorry to leave you hanging there but I swear, next chapter we'll find out what Edward's been hiding. So keep reading ;)**

**This chapter was a total bitch to write, so good job I had my amazing Beta, PeppahLouie, to help me out. Thanks so much to her.**

**Thanks so much for all the reviews, I love them, so please keep them coming.**

**I have a few rec's this week:**

**_1. Who Says You Can't Go Home _****By _RND4EVA_**

**_2. My Secret Sin _By _An End Has A Start_**

**_3. Distracted _By _WoahNow _**_(That one's for Lemon Lovers )_

**They're all in my favourite storie's on my profile if any of you are interested.**

**Thanks,**

**Casey**


	12. Chapter 12

Disclaimer:Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight.

Chapter 12

"_I'm staying."_

Edward didn't look too surprised, but he did look really relieved.

"Thank you," he whispered and smiled meekly. "I should have told you all this already, I was just really nervous that you would leave me. But then, I needed you to leave because that was how I could be sure that you would be safe. In the end, I guess selfishness won." He was rambling, so I knew for sure he was nervous. I needed to know, though.

"Edward, stop stalling. Tell me what's going on," I asserted. He fidgeted with his hands in his lap for a moment before beginning.

"It all started when I moved to Chicago. Like I said before, when you left me, I was sure I would win you back somehow. Then when you still refused to see me and the divorce papers came through, I was catatonic. Emmett said I was like a zombie all the time and he tried to get me back, he really did, but it still hurt too much. It was like someone had punched a hole through my chest, or like, I was hollow inside. Emmett started to worry after a while that I was suicidal, so when he had to go back to Forks for his work, he asked his buddy from college to watch out for me in Chicago."

"Tyler," I said, filling in the blank as things started coming together. Now I knew where Tyler fit into whatever was going on. He had been there with Edward all along.

"Right," Edward replied. "Tyler lived about three blocks away from my apartment. He would come in every once in a while, see how I was or what I was doing that day and then he would report back to Emmett. It pissed me off a lot. They were treating me like I was a child when I was capable of picking up a fucking phone and speaking to my brother myself." Edward still seemed to hold a lot of anger towards Emmett. Emmett was right though, if Edward had felt worse than I did when we divorced, _and I hurt pretty badly_, then he would have needed constant monitoring. If I had been there, and if I hadn't been as angry as I was, I wouldn't have let Edward out of my sight. _Well_,_ if I had been with him, there never would have been a problem..._

"So, to get them both off my back, I forced a smile or two when Tyler came around, made an effort to converse more with him and told a joke once in a while. It worked, eventually, he only came around every three months or so."

"Wait, you pretended to be getting better, hid your feelings and lied, to get Tyler and Emmett off your back?" I asked.

He frowned. "When you say it like that, it sounds bad..." Edward started, but I cut him off.

"Of course it does. That was so dangerous!" I exclaimed. "What would have happened if you really did feel down one day and thought about doing _it_? No one would have had the chance to help you."

"Please, I'm too much of a coward to kill myself, Bella. Plus, I know you, and if I did kill myself, you would have seen it as blood on your hands and you'd been even more broken. I'd hurt you enough, I wouldn't have intentionally caused you more pain." I couldn't help but be amazed at how well he knew me.

If Edward had died, even in my _man-hating_ stage, it would have destroyed me. He was a big part of my life, be that past or future.

"Okay, so back to the story..." Edward continued, "one day when I was in work, on a particularly down day, I got a new client."

"James," I guessed and a shiver ran through me at the thought of his criminal background.

"James had been arrested for human trafficking and had already committed a string of offenses; by the looks of it, he was going to be put away for a very long time. James begged me to take him on as a client. He told me of how he had grown up with abusive foster parents and was forced into a life of crime at thirteen. He told me about how he had wanted to make something better of himself, but made a lot of wrong choices because he knew no better. I...sympathized with him. Not the life of crime or knowing no better, but the making wrong choices part. I had lost you because of my mistakes. So, I took on his case.

"I defended him, maybe stretching the truth a little bit along the way, and we won. He basically got off scott-free. When the trial was over, he invited me out for drinks with him and his wife, Victoria. I thought, _"Why the hell not?" _All I was going to do when I got back home was wallow. He brought me out to this nightclub that they went to regularly and I got pretty hammered." Edward seemed hesitant to say what happened next and I already had a fairly good idea about what it was.

"It's okay," I assured him. "You can tell me."

Edward looked at me, took a breath and then continued, "He had cocaine and asked me if I wanted some. At first I said no, I may have hit rock bottom but, I thought, surely there was more to me than drugs. Then James told me about how good it made you feel and that it was what I needed if I wanted to be numb to all the pain. So, I did a few lines and he was right, it did make me feel good..._numb_. But when I came down, I came down hard. I started buying from a friend of James', Laurent, and I pretty much stayed high to avoid the low." He looked down in shame as my mind started spinning.

"_Define sick?" _he had said to me.

He was sick, but not in the ways I had suspected.

He was an addict.

"Edward, why...why didn't you tell me? I could have...I would have helped... Oh my god..." I whispered, shocked that this had happened and I knew nothing about it.

"Like I said, wrong choices," he repeated.

"Is that what this whole thing is about? Drugs?" I asked, not really sure if I wanted it to be or not. In a way it _would_ be a relief if it was drugs, that he had gotten addicted and left Chicago to come home and rehabilitate in Forks.

"No...not entirely. I wish it was, but...it's only part of the story," Edward admitted and I took a breath before I motioned for him to continue.

This was a lot for me to take in, but I needed to know the truth.

"My performance at work was lacking because I was out partying every night with James and Vicky. Tyler also noticed that I didn't look healthy on one of his _visits_ and told Emmett. My brother eventually came down to Chicago. He suspected I was on drugs and asked me about it, but I denied everything. I was still good at lying. I mean, I had been doing it for a while; first with my job, then lying to myself that I didn't have a problem, that I could stop taking coke whenever I wanted to, that I was just having fun for now." He laughed bitterly, in spite of himself.

It was strange hearing all of this. He was telling me about this very dark and depressed part of himself that I'd never seen or heard about before. I didn't think his words had sunk in yet, because it still felt as if we were talking about another person.

"One night when I was out with James and Vicky, she started coming onto me. It started with small hints before she got to it and told me that we should hook up, that James would be none the wiser. I considered James a friend and I wasn't going to be sleeping with any woman other than you again, so I told her straight; that I would never do that to James and that I'd made enough mistakes when it came to sex. I expected her to be angry or to tell James that I had been coming onto her, to get revenge, but she never did either. It was like it never happened, I went back to doing coke and she never said a word." Edward shrugged, but I had a feeling that there was more to this Victoria person.

"But she didn't keep it quiet forever, did she?" I ventured and he nodded with a tight smile.

"You're very perceptive, y'know that?" I shrugged in response.

"About a month after our _conversation_, I got a call from James saying that Vicky was sick and they wouldn't be coming out that night. I figured they were just screwing or something and hadn't had enough of each other yet. I even joked about it with him for a while. But I noticed, when we were joking, that he didn't sound like himself. I just shrugged it off, hung up, did a line, sat around watching T.V. and went to bed. That night, I woke up to a thunderous boom coming from downstairs. I thought I was being robbed, so I grabbed a pocket knife I had in my top drawer and went to investigate."

Sometimes he was such an idiot_. "Oh yeah, I'm being robbed. Give me that tiny knife and I'll go fight off the intruders.." _Stupid men and their precious egos...

"When I crept out of the bedroom and looked down the hall, the door had been smashed down and James was standing in the living room, covered in blood. At first I thought, Victoria must have died or something and he must have downplayed her illness. I ran out and asked him, "_What's going on? Is Vicky alright?" _and it set him off. He started shouting, _"You'd love to know, wouldn't you? Always so concerned with Vicky." _I had never seen him that angry and I started to realised that James was fucking insane. He was screaming that Victoria had tried to leave him for me and I swore to him that I'd never wanted her to, that I told her he was my friend. He didn't believe me though. He wanted to kill me for trying to steal his girl and when I saw his gun, loaded and ready, I thought I was done for."

"The blood?" I asked when I could control my voice. "The blood on his shirt, it was hers, wasn't it?"

Edward frowned and I knew my answer.

"The police report said that Victoria hadn't gotten too far out the door before he grabbed a pair of scissors and slit her throat."

I felt sick.

So Victoria was the person James had killed. She was the one he was wanted for murdering.

This James guy was a psycho and now, thanks to him, Edward was in trouble.

"Do you want me to keep going?" he asked in a soft tone and I noticed that my breathing was coming faster.

"Yeah," I said, trying to control it. "I'll be fine."

He looked a bit apprehensive but continued.

"James put the gun on me and I hightailed it back to my room. He shot it a few times and missed, then he ran out of bullets. I was fumbling around my room in a panic, trying to get my phone so I could call the police, when he tackled me. He gave me a few good punches and when the opportunity arose, I whipped out my pocket knife and cut his face. It left him with a scar but it didn't stop him. We wrestled and he tried to get the knife from me. He didn't succeed though and I stuck him in the neck with it. He went limp and rolled off me but I knew he wasn't dead, he was still breathing and I didn't have it in me to kill him. I also knew he probably had guys on their way, so I got out of there and ran to Tyler's."

"Wait, why didn't you call the police, Edward?" I questioned, because if a gunman had come into my home and I had stabbed him in the throat, the last thing I would do would be to run to my friend's house.

"Bella, the guy was a criminal and he had connections. The police wouldn't have been able to help me if I went to them and Tyler was the only one I could trust."

He made a valid point. The police probably would have put him in a protection program but I doubt, if James was as ruthless as Edward made him out to be, that they would have been able to protect him.

"I went to Tyler, pounding his door down at four in the morning in my boxers and covered in blood. He let me in and I told him what happened. Tyler said I should go to the last place they would look. I told him that James knew me well, he knew I would rather die before I put my family in harms way, so Tyler suggested I go home and lay low. At first I was against it but Tyler called Emmett and he convinced me. Then Tyler realized that since I had come straight to him, he was probably in danger too. So he up and moved away from Chicago to Atlanta or something."

I had remembered Tyler telling me about living there. _"I only have a few days before I go back to Atlanta so I wanted to see my mom and brothers while I was here..."_

"Yeah, it was Atlanta. He mentioned living there, but I thought it was for business."

How fucked up was this? Nothing with Edward Cullen could be simple.

"Anyway, I broached it with my parents and they were scared to death, especially when I told them I'd been using. Oh, and um...the whole James thing is why my Dad pointed a gun at your head the other night. Sorry about that," Edward murmured and I didn't really know how to reply. _"Yeah, it's fine, can't be too careful with that murderer around..."_

So I settled with "It's okay." It came out a bit high pitched, though you really couldn't blame me after all I had just taken in.

"Edward?" I asked, another pressing issue coming to mind. "Are you clean now, or do you still..."

He seemed a little surprised that I'd asked and looked down to the floor. "I'm trying to get clean. I've been doing good so far, but...I have a lapse in control sometimes. The last one was when you told me about Jacob the first day of the wedding. When I heard... the pain was so... I slipped and used."

I remembered that day. He'd looked like I had stabbed him when I admitted Jacob was my date, and then he had taken off like a bat out of hell.

The thought of him abusing his body like that made me feel ill.

"That's why you took off so fast," I observed and his eyes filled with shame. It killed me to see him like this. "Look, we all have our problems, some are just more serious than others. You can get through this and I want to help you, but I guess we need to be friends to do that. You're lucky that I'm willing to make an exception for that step of the plan, but don't think I'll hesitate to knock you back down to acquaintance if you step out of line."

His eyes lit up. "So, we're friends?"

"Yeah, I guess we are," I replied and I could see he was deliberating giving me a hug or not. So I added, "But don't push it."

"Sorry," he muttered and I stood up to leave.

"It's okay. I'll see you tomorrow," I assured him, a bright smile crossing his face as I left the room.

**-O~O~O-**

When I got back to my apartment, I found Rosalie waiting for me at the front door.

_Great, more drama from the queen herself..._

"He told you," she stated, her voice cold and unfriendly.

"You knew?" I questioned and her lips tugged in the corners.

"Emmett and I don't keep anything from one another. That happens when you find the _right _one." I knew that was a dig at me for choosing Edward, I just refused to be immature and give into her. "Anyway, do you see now that I was trying to protect you?"

I said nothing, because I knew if I opened my mouth I would lash out.

"I haven't forgiven you for what you said though." Rosalie told me, flicking her blond hair over her shoulder.

The words were out of my mouth before I could even register it. "I didn't ask for your forgiveness!"

Her icy blue eyes narrowed. "I was trying to help you. Why are you being so ungrateful?"

_And the battle commenced..._

"You called me a whore! You made me feel like nothing for choosing the man I love when you did it a million times over with Royce. You know what, I think you're not only jealous of me having Edward, but I think you're jealous because I'm stealing your limelight. Is this all because you're not the center of attention anymore, Rose?" If I was being honest, I wasn't sure if she felt like that. I was just so angry with her for being such a bitch that I needed to get a dig in.

"Fuck you, Bella," she spat and began to march away.

"Yeah, well, fuck you too and the horse you rode in on!" I shouted back, not giving a shit if I woke the neighbors.

Rose stopped when she heard my words, turned around and began stalking back over to me. She was right up in my face when she finally stopped walking but I refused to feel intimidated by her. "When your fucked up love story doesn't work and you die alone, don't expect me to go to your funeral." she seethed.

"Whatever Rose, you wouldn't have been invited anyway. It would only be for friends and loved ones and you're neither."

She laughed bitterly at my response. "So this is it? The end of an era because you chose Dickward over me. You're pathetic Bella Swan and I can't say I'm not surprised. I really thought you were stronger than that."

That was what really irked me.

A strong person was what I had spent two years training myself to be. I didn't want to be pathetic, weak Bella Swan who got her heartbroken by her husband and was never the same again.

I wanted to be Bella Swan, who became the person she was today because of what her husband did to her.

I knew I was an emotionally strong person and I wasn't going to take that shit from Rosalie.

_No one fucks with me..._

"Not as pathetic as you, you snobby bitch and I'm strong enough to beat your fat ass into nothing. Now do yourself a favor and get the fuck off my porch." That wasn't even half of what I could have said to her but judging by how red her face went in fury, I think I won that round.

Her mouth opened to scream something at me but I spoke before she could. "Anyway, I'm so glad we had this chat. Tell Emmett I said hello." Then I walked into my apartment and shut the door in her face.

Oh yeah, I was totally the alpha bitch now...

* * *

><p><strong>Yay, now everyone's in the loop.<strong>

**What do you think about it? Is Bella making the right choice or is she naive in thinking Edward can change?**

**A few of you got part of Edward's problem right, but nobody got the whole thing. I got really great theories though so thank you to all who made a guess.**

**Thanks to my wonderful Beta, Peppahlouie. No one would read this story without her because of all the mistakes I make when writing. She is the pea's to this stories carrotts. :)**

**Thank you for all the reviews and please leave one because, unlike Edward Cullen, I can't read minds and I NEED to know what you're thinking. **

**Great news for people who like my stories, I have another one in the works and I will be posting it soon. I just want to promote it a bit before. It's called "_Alls Fair In Love And War_" and it's set during WWI. **_If you haven't noticed from my other stories, I really like period pieces._** This one is going to be an Edward and Bella story with the rest of the gang and it's Rated M. Here's the summary and I'm also looking for someone to Beta it but I'm going to hold off choosing someone until I have the prologue posted. **

**Summary: **Three weeks. I was only allowed three weeks of loving her and then I left for the trenches. We both knew it had to end after those twenty one glorious days. After all, I was only sixteen, and she was married. 

**Okay, see you next time :)**

**~ Casey**


	13. Chapter 13

Disclaimer:Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight

Chapter 13

"_Bella," he whispered in my ear as I lay tangled in the sheets. The light seeping through the curtains reminded me that I had another wonderful day to spend with him. __"Wake up sleepy head." Edward laughed, he could tell I was awake but I kept my eyes closed to prolong the moment of being in his arms. He placed a gentle kiss on my neck, his naked body pressed flush against mine and his arm circled around my waist._

_I never knew happiness like this._

"_I love you," he said and snuggled further into me._

"_I love you too." I replied and flipped myself over so I was on top of him, staring into his captivating emerald eyes. We watched one another, almost in wonder, and I didn't know what he was seeing when he looked at me, but what I saw was the most beautiful person, body and soul; I could tell all that with just one look._

_We had been living with each other for around a year now. This was what I woken up to every morning and went to sleep with...well, there was a bit more before the sleeping part..._

_Sure, we fought some times about stupid insignificant stuff, like him leaving the empty carton of milk in the refrigerator or me messing up the bathroom, but that was normal. Plus make-up sex was really hot... _

_I was on cloud nine and nothing could pull me down._

_He lifted his lips to mine and I eagerly complied. The spark ignited as our lips touched and a whimper escaped me. _

_Morning breath be damned...He still tasted sexy..._

_When we broke apart, he fixed a stray piece of my hair and tucked it behind my ear, then skimmed his finger down my cheek. "I want this forever."_

_I smiled brightly. "Me too. So badly...but I have to get to class soon, as much as I would love to stay here forever." _

"_No. You don't understand," Edward expressed. He sat up, taking me with him and placed his hands in mine. "I want this, I want you, I need you... I love you. My future is with you, I'm sure of it. I know now isn't perfect timing but..." he trailed off._

_Was he...was he asking me to...?_

"_Marry me, Bella?"_

_I went into a state of shock._

"_I...I..." I couldn't fucking answer._

_We were still so young, we hadn't even finished college. Sure, I loved him and I did want to spend the rest of my life with him. But...I was so scared we were rushing into things and at the same time I was terrified he would leave if I said no. _

_Why did he have to ask me this now?_

"_We're so young, Edward. I want that someday but I'm only twenty and..." I started in a panic but he cut me off._

"_Calm down, Bella. It's okay, I understand." he said cooly, as if me rejecting him was nothing. Edward brushed his lips against mine as if to prove he was okay._

_For some reason though, I was a bit peeved that he didn't even try to make me see why marrying him was a good idea. He just gave up as if it meant nothing._

"_That's it? You're not telling me all the reasons why you think I should marry you?" I questioned._

_He kissed my head before pulling me into his embrace. "Bella, I'm not going to pressure you into marrying me. If I have to tell you all the reasons I think we should get married, then it's not the right time. I admit asking now was an impulsive decision, so I'm sorry for putting you on the spot. But one day, Isabella Marie Swan, I'm going to get down on one knee, give you a beautiful ring and it'll be perfect. You won't have any worries because you'll feel like I feel right now."_

"_How do you feel right now?" I asked, slightly afraid to hear the answer._

_He smiled and gave me one last lingering kiss before he replied._

"_Ready to start our forever."_

I jerked up out of bed as if I'd had a nightmare.

That particular memory caused my heart to constrict painfully. Those days had been the happiest of my life, when everything was simple and Edward could do no wrong by me.

I reminded myself not to dwell on the past, but to look forward to the future. Edward had told me the truth and, although I didn't like what had happened in the slightest, it was a relief to know what was going on.

Plus, we were friends.

That was a whole new step but I was taking things with Edward extra slow since I found out about all of his _extra baggage. _He was flawed, I knew that a long time ago but I strongly believed in him.

Even if I had no reason to.

My phone rang and the caller ID showed me that it was Alice.

"Hey," I answered.

"Hey, I heard about last night with Rosalie. You okay?" she asked, cutting straight to the point.

Tears sprung in my eyes but I shook them away. Rose wasn't there for me and I'd spent so many months supporting her when she was with Royce. I deeply regretted what I said to her now, but what she had said, on top of the emotional day I'd had with Edward telling me about James, was just too much and I lost it.

Even if I claimed to hate Rose, I could never. We had gone through too much together for her not to have a place somewhere in my heart, but I wasn't able to go and work things out just yet.

My wounds were too fresh and I had a feeling hers were to.

"I'm fine. I shouldn't have said what I did to her though. I just had a rough day and having her lecture me wasn't helping." I muttered and was even more ashamed of my actions.

Alice sighed. "She's just looking out for you. Y'know Rose, she just doesn't want you getting hurt."

"I know that, but Alice, I'm an adult and she's not my mother. If I get hurt it's on me and only me. I know she cares but I'm not asking her to welcome Edward back with open arms. Hell, _I'm _not even doing that. I just want my friend to support my decision and understand that everyone has to take a risk once in a while and this is my risk. I'm done being unhappy and lonely, it's time I stopped lying to myself. I want Edward and it's not up to her to stop me." Tears slid down my cheeks and, at this stage, I was sick of crying. It seemed to be all I did these days.

"I know, sweetie. She'll come around eventually and you will too. If it helps, I'm here for you, Bella. If it were me and Jasper instead of you and my brother, I would probably be doing the same thing. You can't help who you love, right?"

"Something like that," I smiled small and wiped my tears. "I've gotta go. I have to get to an interview at two, but thanks for understanding Alice. You're the best and I'll swing by tomorrow with those doughnuts you love."

"Ooooh!" she exclaimed. "The ones that have chocolate on the top but custard in the middle?"

"Of course." I laughed as she squealed in delight. _Pregnant women and their food... _"Talk to you tomorrow Alice."

I hung up and went to my closet, looking for something professional to wear to my interview. I had an appointment with Mrs. Katrina Griffith. She was a very well known realtor and I couldn't believe it when her secretary actually scheduled me for an interview with her, so I wanted to look good. Plus, I had been on, what seemed to be, hundreds of interviews already and I was fed up with them. This one felt like my 1000th interview, that was just how many I had been on. Everyone said the same thing once they saw I'd only worked in one place and gotten fired from it. _"Oh, we'll be in contact, Ms Swan...but there are a lot of other applicants."_

If I heard it again, I would scream.

I chose a black pencil skirt and jacket, then teamed it with a violet ruffled shirt and black sensible heels. I got my bag and everything I needed, then I headed out.

Who knew, maybe 1000 was my lucky number?

**-O~O~O-**

"Ms Swan, it's a pleasure." Katrina Griffith said as I entered her office. Katrina was a middle aged woman, maybe in her late forties, her hair was straight and the colour of corn silk. She was tall and graceful in all her movements and had cold greyish eyes that seemed to always bore into mine.

I was so nervous, I didn't just have butterflies, it felt as though there was a swarm of angry bee's in my stomach. But somehow, I managed to stay cool on the outside while freaking out in the inside.

"Pleasure's mine. Thank you for seeing me today, Mrs Griffith." I told her and we both sat down.

"Okay Ms Swan, I've looked over your resume and it says here you've only worked in one agency before. When did you start and when did you leave?" she asked, her eyes not meeting mine for a change as she looked over the page in front of her. _And here we go..._

"I started four years ago, I went there straight out of college and in that short time I learned a lot. After the first two years with them I was their top seller."

She looked up at me and then back down to the paper. "If you were their top seller, why are you sitting in that chair in front of me looking for a job instead of being in a big office with their agency?" _It'll be here soon, the "Oh, we'll be in contact Ms Swan..."_

Her tone sounded accusing and I shifted my gaze nervously. "I was let go for an error in judgment."

"An error in judgment?" she asked, her intense and cold eyes staring me down.

"There was a family issue and I forgot to call and tell the agency I was unable to go into work one particular day."

Katrina snorted. "That's not an error in judgment, Ms Swan. To me it sounds like stupidity on your part or lack of common sense."

For some reason that annoyed me. She knew nothing about me except what it said on that piece of paper she had in her hand, someone could have died for all she knew and yet she laughed at me.

"Family is very important to me, Mrs Griffith, and although I wish I had of handled that situation with my former employer better, I wouldn't take back doing what I did for my family. God only knows what would have happened if I went to work that day." I answered in an angry tone and my outburst seemed to get Katrina's attention.

Her gaze had softened and it looked as though she was appraising me.

"I like you," Katrina declared to my utter surprise. "You don't know how many people I've interviewed today that have disappointed me." Finally Katrina dawned a smile and I was still completely lost. _What the hell was going on? _"I agree with you, family is important and to me this agency is one big family, so that's why I've to be very careful with who I let become a part of it, but I trust you'll be a good addition. The job is as good as yours Mrs Swan, we'll be in touch and welcome to the family."

"Um...thank you." I choked out once I could use my voice. "I'm honored that you would allow me to..." I started but she cut me off.

"No need to suck up, leave." She ordered, going back to being cold and I nodded then hurriedly escaped the room.

But just as I was about to walk out the door I heard her call my name.

"Yes Mrs Griffith?"

"Call me Kate from now on."

**-O~O~O-**

As I walked out of the building, I couldn't believe I'd actually gotten the job.

And I really needed to tell someone.

**R u doing anything? - Bella**

**With Ben at his grandma's house for the evening. Why? - Angela**

I pouted looking down at the screen.

**It's ok. Ttyl – Bella**

I remembered then that I had another friend, as of yesterday, and I supposed I could hang with Edward for a bit.

**Wanna come over to mine, friend? - Bella**

I added the friend bit just in case he got any idea's about coming to mine. Really, all I wanted to do was chill with him, have a beer, share my news and watch a shitty film. It was sort of like our past time

**Yep. On my way, friend ;) - Edward**

His dorky smiley face made me laugh as I walked back to my car and I couldn't regret the fact that we were trying to piece back whatever we had before.

Because what we had was incrediable.

**-O~O~O-**

"_Sharktopus_!"

Edward raised an eyebrow and I laughed at him before I slid it into the DVD player.

"It's about a shark hybrid who was made by the government. It gets loose and starts killing everyone. It's pure cheese and I just bought it on account of celebrating." I explained to him as I sat on the end of the couch.

"Alright, _Sharktopus_ it is then. May I ask what it is we're celebrating though?"

"I got a job!" I exclaimed and practically jumped up and down in my seat. _Okay...so maybe I'd had a few beers..._

"Congratulations, but didn't you already have a job? You've worked for them forever."

_Shit...I knew there was a reason I hadn't told him already..._

"Oh...um...yeah...I got...fired a few weeks ago." I muttered and ducked my head in shame.

"What? You got fired? How is that possible? You're the best at what you do and Carmen is your friend."

"It's not her fault. She had to do it. I missed work and I never called, I was being an idiot and..." I started to say but he stopped me.

"Wait...did you get fired because of that night after my parents?" he asked and the look on his face begged me to say it wasn't because of him.

But I couldn't lie, so I just stayed silent.

"Shit, Bella... I'm so sorry. Why didn't you tell me? I never..." He started but this time_ I_ cut _him_ off.

"No, none of that. " I ordered. "I just want to have fun tonight, I got an awesome new job, bought an awesome new movie and we'll watch it together as new friends. Let's just be happy for now." He looked a little hesitant at first, but agreed to let it go.

We settled then, laughing at the ridiculous special effects and listening to the cheddar filled lines. When the movie ended, we just got talking about old times until it hurt my stomach to laugh anymore.

"Do you remember when Esme found your porn collection?" I questioned through giggles as tears rolled down my eyes._ Happy one's this time..._

"Oh my god, that was the worst. I can still remember her screaming and my Dad trying to explain that it was what all teenage boys did. I was beyond mortified and you just stood in the corner laughing your ass off!" he shouted in mock anger and it only made my giggles turn into hysterics.

"Could you blame me? I was only fifteen and at the time it was the funniest thing that could have ever happened."

"Whatever." he grumbled but amusement danced in his eyes, so I knew he wasn't serious. "Do you remember when your Dad caught you making out with Marcus behind the bleachers in high school?"

I blushed crimson and covered my face with my hands. That had been the most embarrassing moment of my childhood. After catching me necking the bad boy of the school, who had his hand halfway up my shirt, my police chief father caught us and warned him that if he ever touched me again, he would chop of his hands and... _another _part of his body that was standing to full attention...

"Marcus practically shit himself and didn't speak to me again until senior year." I voiced and Edward chuckled at my expense.

"We had some good times, didn't we?" he questioned and I saw the familiar spark of sadness flicker in his eyes.

"Of course we did." I assured him and smiled. "We had so much more good than bad. But hey, we get to make up for the bad now. It's time to stop looking in the past and start towards the future."

He gazed at me adoringly, all traces of sadness forgotten and I saw the real Edward.

The happy one with a future and reason.

It was beautiful.

The moment was ruined when his phone alerted him to a message and he excused himself before picking it up to read it.

He looked to his phone and his expression turned shocked.

"What is it?" I asked, alarmed that maybe something bad had happened.

Edward stood up quickly and held his hand out to me. "We need to get to the hospital."

I freaked out immediately, my mind jumping to the worst conclusion.

"Is someone hurt?" I all but shouted at him but a smile just crossed his face.

"No, no ones hurt." he announced happily.

"Then..?"

"Alice had the baby."

* * *

><p><strong>For once a chapter that doesn't end in some bad news?<strong>

**On another note, I have some bad news. I'm Beta-less again :( I know, it sucks... but what can you do? Shit happens and I'm so grateful for everything PeppahLouie did for me. This chapter was Un-Beta-ed, hence forth, please excuse any mistakes in grammar, but it's only this chapter because I'll have another Beta soon enough, I hope.**

**The last chapter didn't go down too good and I recieved a few bad reviews. I suppose this story isn't everybody's cup of tea and you're all entitled to your own opinions. I hope you'll stick with me though, because we have a long way to go yet and I promise Edward will be redeemed.**

**Thanks for everyone who reviewed and since I got my confidence knocked a bit last chapter, I would really appricate reviews.**

**See you next time,**

**Casey**


	14. Chapter 14

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight

Chapter 14

Waiting sucked!

It seemed that seconds had turned into hours as I sat in the uncomfortable plastic chair looking at nothing in particular. Edward had driven us both to the hospital. The whole way down he had smiled happily and bragged about the fact he was an uncle again and that I would just have to wait until Charlie married Sue. I knew he wanted to say, _until I took him back _instead of _until Charlie married Sue_, he just didn't want to push it and I was glad he didn't. It was good to see him happy and I didn't want to ruin it for him.

Apparently the text message Edward had received was from Carlisle. It said that Alice had gone into labor three weeks early and that she and the new baby were doing great in the hospital. Additionally, Esme and Carlisle had Evelyn while Jasper was with Alice and the new bundle of joy.

I was practically bouncing in my seat by the time we arrived, but sadly, I wasn't allowed in to see the baby. It sucked, big time.

I knew it was for the baby's own good though. Only immediate family was allowed to visit in case of germs, which was especially necessary since the baby had been born a few weeks premature. Edward had tried to pass me off as his sister, but the nurse didn't buy it. Even I raised an eyebrow. I mean, we looked nothing alike and if we were related, well, let's just say it would be wrong on many levels.

When they still refused to let me in, and when Edward was done arguing with the staff, I had resolved to just wait. I begged Edward to bring me back pictures when he came back out. He offered not to see the child until I did, but I just waved him off and told him he was being stupid. Then I plunked myself down on the stupid, crappy chair and waited.

And waited...

And waited...

_Why is time going so slow...?_

Emmett passed me as I sat. I looked up and greeted him, but received nothing but a cold shoulder; obviously _someone_ was still bitter. I didn't have long to feel bad over it until Edward returned.

"Bella!" he called, practically skipping over to me, passing Emmett without so much as a glance. "Look at the baby!" I had never seen him so excited about something. We hadn't been together when Evelyn was born. But if I had seen him at that time, I more than likely would've killed him. So it was probably best I didn't. But now he just looked so fascinated and happy.

"It's a boy?" I asked and Edward nodded.

He thrust his phone at me and I looked at the image of the tiny infant.

"He's...Oh my god..." I was beginning to tear up. The baby was so small and perfect. His tiny eyes were closed as he rested against Edward's chest. The baby was just like Jasper, but he had Alice's nose and chin. "He's beautiful." I cried and wiped my eyes, slightly embarrassed that I was having an episode in the middle of a hospital.

"Jasper told me that Evelyn is freaking out at my parents' house. She wants to see her brother now, but Alice said it's too late tonight and she'll have to see him in the morning. It's the cutest thing."

"She must be so excited to see him. Did they name him yet?" I asked since the baby had been referred to as _him_ since its birth.

"No, they haven't decided yet. You know what Alice is like with names. She says they have to come naturally, like in a dream or something, and then she'll know it fits for sure. Jasper's loves her too much to object," he shrugged as we began to make our way out of the building. My eyes were still glued to the screen. I just couldn't stop looking at him, he was such an angel and Edward looked amazing holding him.

_What? Hell no, we're not getting on the baby train until we're thirty! _My mind shouted at me.

"He's adorable. Now I have to make Charlie get married to Sue. The whole ride up you've been bragging about your _uncle status_ and I think I want that upgrade." I joked handing him back his phone.

Glancing to the side of me, I saw that Edward had a serious look on his face.

"Bella, you know that I was kidding when I said that." he explained. "No matter what happens or happened, you will always be a Cullen. You're as much of an aunt to that baby as I am an uncle. You don't need Charlie to get married. You've got all the family you need right here," He came closer and I was inches away from his face. "...and all the love you need," he breathed.

We stood there for a minute, his eyes had a hold of me and I couldn't get away, no matter how much I tried; they were like magnets pulling me in. It was as if he was staring straight into my soul and by the looks of it, he liked what he saw. It was really intense and I felt as though we were crossing some line that we really weren't ready to cross.

I could see he wanted me to be the one to make the first move though. But like I said, I wasn't ready to cross that bridge.

"Thanks," I replied, my voice nothing more than a whisper. It instantly broke the connection and he looked away, a bit disappointed. Desperate to lighten the mood again, I said, "Leah would kick my ass anyway if she knew I wanted her to get knocked up at nineteen." He smiled, but it seemed forced and we continued back to the car in silence.

**-O~O~O-**

"Swan!" A nasally voice called and I inwardly sighed.

"What is it Lauren?" I asked. My patience was wearing thin since this had been the fourth time she had called me today. It was my first day on the job and it had been going really well... until I met Lauren Mallory who had decided to make my life miserable. I knew Lauren would be a pain in my ass the moment I laid eyes on her. She was like the head cheerleader in high school, the popular one who had her group of brainwashed drones behind her. She was pretty, but very fake. Her boobs were too big to be real and her hair was dyed black and cut short. She had good skin and a nice face, but for some reason, felt the need to pile on make-up before coming into work.

All day long she had been ordering me around. I had done my best to stay on top of things, but it was my first day and some things slipped by me. Then when she discovered I hadn't done something, she would chastise me in front of all my co-workers and it was humiliating.

"Did you get to that paperwork I left on your desk?" she asked, her hand on her hip as she stared me down. _What the fuck did I do to make her hate me?_

"No...I just finished the Judson estate paperwork, so I was going to..." I started but she cut me off.

"Save it for someone who cares," she snapped and I had to bite my tongue to save my job. There was no way I was looking for another one over this bitch. "You're not going anywhere until it's done. Either stay behind after work or do it during your break." Before I could protest the plastic-bitch marched back to her desk. _You need this job_, I kept telling myself. _Do not kill her_. I figured if I just kept saying that, I would make it through the day. _And so would she..._

Lunch hour came and I got a start on the paperwork, ignoring the protests from my stomach. I was starving, I hadn't eaten breakfast that morning since I was so nervous and now I didn't even get a sandwich._ I should be in the glass house with Angela right now!_

About ten minutes in, I got a text and looked behind me in panic to see if Lauren was around. Even though it was technically my lunch break, she would have my ass if she saw me on the phone and I didn't want to give her the satisfaction.

**You are not in the Glass house and it's lunch hour. You ok? - Edward**

_No, I'm going to die of starvation and stress. Save me...!_

**I'm the new kid again, gotta work. Wish I was there. - Bella**

I switched my phone off then and slid it into the middle drawer of my desk. There was no way I was handing my ass on a silver platter to Lauren over texting. So, I went back to work: Boring, mindless work. This was the part of the job I hated. It was going out and actually selling houses, or trying to find a place that suited a person or family that I loved. _Filing stuff...not so much._

"I have a delivery for a Ms. Isabella Swan?" A voice called. I stopped and look around in confusion.

"Edward?" I asked as he stood there. Then I saw what he was carrying and nearly jumped him. "You brought me food from _The Glass house_? My Savior!"

Edward was smiling proudly as he glided over to my desk. He plopped the bag of food he had in his hands down in front of me. "If you can't come to restaurant, the restaurant must come to you. Plus I thought if you're doing slave labor you need fuel to keep you going." I couldn't stand it anymore.

I hugged him…and it felt awesome. But it was a friendly hug, because...I mean, the guy brought me food from my favorite restaurant...

"Thank you, Edward," I sighed and released him. I only noticed then how impeccably dressed he was in a grey suit with a blue unbuttoned shirt. His hair was tamer than it usually was, but still a crazy mess of bronze spikes. "Why are you all dressed up?" I questioned as I rooted through the bag to see what he had brought me.

_Oooh! Veggie burger...this man knows me..._

"I had an appointment."

"Oh, with a doctor, are you sick?"

" No...I em...Ihadatherapysession." he rushed out and I raised an eyebrow.

"Come again?"

He took a breath before he squared his shoulders and quietly replied, "I had a therapy session. That's why I'm wearing a suit. It was my first time and I didn't know what to wear so...I went with sharp. What do you think? Because I think I overdid it. Now Dr. Gerandy probably thinks I'm into fashion when I don't really care about it. But he's a shrink so he'll figure it out about me soon that I don't really care..." he rambled aimlessly.

"Sharp always works, I'm sure you didn't over do it." I voiced and laughed at his ramblings. "But I didn't know you were going to therapy?"

"Yeah, I...I'm working on my issues. My Dad has a friend who can help me and he comes highly recommended," he explained and looked away bashfully.

"Edward, that's great. I'm glad you're getting help and it's nothing to be ashamed of." I told him and he finally met my eyes.

"Bella...could we maybe-"

"Swan, have you finished or did you decide to just take a nap, because I swear...Oh!" Lauren gasped as she saw Edward perched on the side of my desk. "I didn't know you had company. I'm Lauren Mallory and you are?" she inquired, practically eye-fucking Edward and pushing up her fake cleavage.

"A friend of Bella's." he said curtly and I had to reign in my smug smile as Lauren's face fell. "I'll be on my way now, I was just saying goodbye to Bella before she gets put back to work."

"Well that's great, but I need that file now so you need to..." she started but I cut her off.

"I already sent it to you. So we'll just be a minute." I snapped, finally having as much as I could take of her.

Lauren glared at me before nodding and reluctantly leaving Edward with me.

"Sorry," I whispered, although I didn't know why.

"Why are you apologizing for someone you work with acting like a bitch?" he asked, although it was more of a rhetorical question. "Anyway, before she rudely interrupted, I was going to ask if we could meet up tonight and talk. We could even watch a movie? I have some things I need to say as part of therapy."

I wasn't sure being alone with him was a good idea because of our little moment the day before, but I wasn't lying when I said I would be there for him.

"Yeah, sure. Could we do it at my house though? I'll be spent after work so I'll want to be close to home."

"That's fine."

"Great. What time should I be expecting you?"

"Around eight, if that's okay?" he asked and I nodded.

Lauren scowled at me from her desk and I took it as Edward's cue to leave.

"Okay." I said, standing up. "I'll see you later and we'll talk then." He seemed to get the point and quickly made his way out.

"Break ended five minutes ago. I don't appreciate you conversing on the agency's time." Lauren spat at me.

Sighing, I apologized. "Sorry, it won't happen again."

"See to it that it doesn't." She stormed off and I was glad to be rid of her.

"You need this job. Do not kill her." I repeated over and over again. _Looks like I have a new mantra._

**-O~O~O-**

The first thing I did when I came home was sink into a hot bath. My first day had been hell, so I kept telling myself that it was only my first day and that things would get better when they saw what potential I had.

I sat in the bath until I was a shriveled prune and then, in no mood to get back into jeans, I changed into my PJ's. I was sure Edward wouldn't care what I looked like and he had seen me at my worst already. I was watching a rerun of _Friends _when he came over.

"What are we watching?" he asked, but before I could answer he cut in. "Please don't say _Sharktopus,_ I can't go through that movie again."

"Nope. _Friends _this time. And _Sharktopus_ was awesome!" I argued and he smirked, glad to be getting a rise out of me."Anyway, you said you wanted to talk?" I questioned, turning off the T.V. and noticing that he seemed nervous all of a sudden.

"Yeah...um..." he whispered but didn't seem to have the voice to continue.

I put my hand on top of his to reassure him that he could speak to me. "Edward, it's alright. Tell me."

It took him a while to get the courage, but finally he spoke.

"I have something I need to tell you. It happened a while ago and...I'm trying, but I can't even admit it to myself at the moment. Dr. Gerandy said that if I told you I had something I needed to say, that it would be a sort of incentive for me to tell you the whole thing when I'm ready."

"So you're not going to tell me?"

"Not yet, Bella. I swear I will though, as soon as I'm able."

_More secrets?_ I was angry but I didn't want to show it. I knew that this was something he was having a hard time with, but the anger was because I had thought we had gotten all the secrets out of the way. It pissed me off to know he still had something under wraps.

"What are you thinking?" he inquired.

I shrugged, trying to act cool for his sake because I wanted to be supportive.

"Better yet, how are you feeling?"

I said nothing, not wanting to lie to him or let him down. "You're spending too much time with Dr. Gerandy. You're speaking like him now." I said, trying to change the subject. It didn't work.

"You can tell me if you're angry, Bella. I won't hold it against you," he voiced and I looked at him to see if he meant it. He did. _Shit...now I had to tell him..._

"I know I should be glad you're working on telling me, but I'm angry because I thought we had all of the secrecy out of the way. I thought we were being truthful with one another again." I admitted.

"I know and you have every right to be angry. But, I want all the secrecy gone as much as you do. That's why I'm going to therapy. I want to be able to tell you everything without hesitation. I want to start living the future we were meant to have together, Bella."

He was speaking like he was in purgatory at the moment, not moving forwards or backwards. I wanted what he was saying about the future, but while I cared deeply for him, I had to remember that this wasn't just about him.

I had to look after myself too or I'd be right back to square one. "I want to start living our future too..." I started.

"_But?"_ Edward asked.

"But you hurt me before. I have to make sure what we're doing or working towards is good for me too. I have to be sure I'm doing what's right for _me_."

He was silent then as he looked at me. He seemed torn about answering.

"Bella, I can't tell you that what we're working for will be perfect, because it probably won't, and yeah, we might have problems. But it's worth trying for because I'll give it my all. I lost you once and I won't do it again. I'm not going to lie to you…it is a risk, but I'm asking you to bet on _me_. I won't go down without a fight and if you don't either, we're a sure thing."

Edward looked cool and composed on the outside, defending his case like the lawyer he was. He was dressed still in his suit, his hair was back to being a crazy mess which meant he had probably been running his hand through it nervously. His eyes however, showed a completely different story. They were frantic with worry and riddled with stress.

Not only worry and stress, but he was scared. There was an urge inside of me, one that commanded I_ help_ him. That I _care_ for him…

_That I __love__ him._

"Even though you have a bad track record and you've lost me before, I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt. I'll bet on you, Edward." I started, and a triumphant smile lit his face. "Even with the secrets. But I swear to God if you let me down..." I trailed off and he seemed to heed my warning.

"I won't let you down. Thank you for understanding. I was nervous you would give up on me," he admitted in a small voice.

"I won't if you won't." He smiled and looked down to the floor for a minute, before unleashing the full force of his eyes on me again.

"Then I think I need to work on wooing you and making you more than just my friend." he whispered and I could feel myself falling all over again.

Whether that was good or bad I didn't know, but I would take my own advice and tread carefully.

**-O~O~O-**

"It's time you complete another test." I smiled wickedly as we sat on the couch.

"What test? Please tell me there's no Russian guy this time." Edward voiced and I giggled.

_That would be interesting..._

"Nope. It's another test of endurance though. It'll just be me, you and the girls from _Sex __and the__ City _tonight." I told him as I held up my DVD box set for him to see.

He groaned. "No, please no, Bella...I'll watch _Sharktopus _again with you...or _Beaches_, you love that movie. Hell, we'll watch both of them one after another, anything but _Sex __and the__ City_."

I shook my head with a smug grin on my face. _Who said wooing a girl was easy?_

"Oh come on Edward, you'll love it. It's season two and Carrie just broke up with Big."

He sighed and took off his suit jacket, plunking back down onto the coach and getting comfortable. "Fine, if it's_ Sex __and the__ City_ you want, it's_ Sex __and the__ City_ you shall get. I'll watch as many as you like." he said cockily.

True to his word, Edward watched an entire season with me until I fell asleep on the couch and he had to carry me to bed.

If I remembered correctly, he kissed my forehead goodnight before he left.

But it could have been a dream. It wouldn't be the first time I dreamt about Edward, _but it would be the first one that was PG..._

I woke up the next morning, stumbling over to the coffee maker to get my two cups in. I knew I would need it if I had to deal with Lauren again. That's when I found something, that hadn't been there before, in the center of my kitchen table.

"Daffodils." I said to nobody in particular.

There was a card by the side and I knew immediately who it was from. I could tell Edward's hand writing from anywhere but what I wondered was how he got them here before six thirty in the morning?

The card itself had only five words on the white piece of card. It read,

_The Daffodil: A new beginning._

Needless to say, I smiled all the way to work. Maybe I had bet on the right person after all?

* * *

><p><strong>Okay, so there's another chapter for all my lovely readers.<strong>

**GREAT NEWS, I have a new Beta! A big thank you to _RND4EVA _who has agreed to be my new partner in crime. She's really great at Beta-ing and if you want someone to thank for this chapter, you know where to find her. ;)**

**Also, as most of you know already, I screwed up on my Fandom4LLS outtake. I make two of every chapter and the one I sent by mistake was basically the rough draft of the real outtake. So if anyone has read it, sorry, but hey, that one isn't going to be re-posted so you at least got to read it. I'll post the real one soon though and you can swing by and read it if you like.**

**I posted my new story, _Alls Fair In Love And War,_ if you want to give it a read. I changed the summary so I'll leave it on the end.**

**Thanks for all the reviews and support I have gotten, it means a lot and PLEASE LEAVE A REVIEW!**

**Thanks again and see you next chapter,**

**~ Casey**

New Summary for Alls Fair In Love And War: _Set in WWI. Edward has finally met the woman of his dreams. Problem is...she's married and he's only sixteen. When he illegally signs himself up for duty, is it too late for true love or will they overcome all of the obstacles together? Rated M._


	15. Chapter 15

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight

Chapter 15

"Swan!" I gritted my teeth together as I heard her shout my name again. I swore to God that if she didn't stop, I was going to jump over my fucking desk and kill her with my bare hands.

"What Lauren?" I practically spat at her, not turning around to meet her gaze.

"Mrs. Griffith is upstairs and she's asking for you." I could hear the envy in Lauren's voice as she spoke about Kate wanting to talk to me and I wondered why she wasn't calling Kate by her first name. _Maybe I wasn't the only one who didn't like Lauren?_

Running a hand through my hair and taking a breath, I walked past Lauren, giving her a smug smile for good measure and went upstairs to see why Kate wanted me. The last time I'd seen Kate was the day of my interview and that had been a week ago. Apparently Kate sold homes to the high and mighty of Washington, so she wasn't really in the office much. _What I would give to b__e out there instead of listening to Lauren..._

"Kate?" I asked, knocking on her office door and glancing in to see her sitting at her desk.

"Bella," she smiled and waved a hand at me to come in. "I just called you up here to see how you were getting along. How are you doing back in the working world?"

_How was I doing?_ I mean I didn't hate it, but then again, I didn't particularly like it. The work was a lot harder and I wasn't selling any houses yet, just doing all of the paperwork. But I supposed that it could have been worse. It was a job and I would eventually work my way up.

"I'm getting on alright. It's harder than I expected but I'm not a quitter."

"Good, good. Everyone is treating you well, I assume?"

I debated telling her about Lauren. If I told on her, it could just backfire dramatically and she could hate me more. Also, if I really had that much of a problem, I wouldn't let someone else fight my battles for me.

"Yes, everyone's very welcoming." I lied and forced a smile.

"Glad to hear it. I was..." she was cut off by a knock on her door. "Excuse me a moment," Kate said. "Come in!"

"Mrs. Griffith, a Mr. Spillane is here to see you." Lauren informed her as she sauntered in, ignoring me completely.

Kate sighed, seeming fed up with her for some reason and my theory about her hating Lauren was starting to seem more likely.

But then she had to go and ruin it.

"Lauren, please, how many times do I have to tell you? If you won't call me Mom in the office, call me Kate," she ordered and I choked on my own saliva.

"Mom?" I blurted out. "You're her mother?" I asked and tried to sound upbeat about it even though I was totally freaked out. There was no way in hell that someone as nice as Kate could have spawned Satan.

"Yes, Lauren here is my little princess." Kate beamed as Lauren groaned. _Little princess...!_

"Mom, please be professional and hurry up with Bella. She's behind on paperwork already." Lauren glared and in that moment as Kate and Lauren stood side by side, I could see the resemblance. Lauren's hair had probably been the light blonde color Kate's was, but they still had the same grey colored eyes that always bore into me and the same supermodel height. But still, that left one thing unexplained...

"Isn't your name Lauren _Mallory_?"

"Oh, she uses her father's name in the office. Although I don't see why because I brag about my daughter working with me to everyone." Kate laughed and Lauren threw her a dirty look.

I smiled back and managed to squeak out, "That's great. See you now." With that sentiment, I all but ran from Kate's office and thanked God I decided not to squeal on her _little princess. _That mistake more than likely would have cost me my job.

_Might __have__ cost me my dignity too..._

**-O~O~O-**

"Her mother? No way!" Edward shouted, disbelievingly, through chuckles as I told him about my day.

"I'm serious; she was even calling that _thing_ her_ little princess_!" I stated and made Edward choke on the mouthful of beer he had just tried to swallow.

"Could you imagine if you had started complaining about her? It would be the ultimate embarrassment and I would be forced to keep bringing it up for the rest of your life like you do with my Mom finding my porn."

"I do not!" I defended, although I totally did always bring it up just to embarrass him.

"Fine," he said, holding his hands up, sinking back down into the couch and drinking the end of his beer.

"Hey Edward?" I asked and he looked at me.

"What?"

"Remember when your Mom found your porn collection?" I teased. He mock glared at me and stalked into the kitchen. It still felt so weird to be in his parents' house with him after all this time. "Oh come on, you were asking for it!" I laughed and followed him. His back was turned to me, but I could see his shoulders rising up and down as he laughed.

"Alright, I'll let you get away with that one because it was sort of funny. But next time you say it, you're going down." he warned and I smirked at him.

"Oh yeah?" I asked. "You're bluffing."

"Try me." he challenged.

_Game on, Cullen..._ I thought to myself.

"Remember. When. Esme. Found. Your. Porn. Colle-" That was all I got out before I was on the ground and he was tickling me to the point where I couldn't even breathe.

"No...Ah...Ple-Please...I hate being tickled!" I screamed as I tried to catch my breath, but he wasn't caving.

"I know. Say you're sorry and I'll stop!" he shouted and his fingers went double time at my sides.

"NEVER!" I roared through my laughter and it only spurred him on. "Edward!"

"Ahem..." A throat cleared from behind us and we both stopped and scurried away from one another, trying to look respectable again.

"Mother," Edward acknowledged as Esme stood in front of us. "You're home early. Can we help you?" he asked and I looked at the floor guiltily.

"It's good to see you Bella. Edward, can I speak to you upstairs please?" Esme questioned and I could see by the expression on her face that she was pissed. I knew we should have just gone to my apartment but _no_, Edward had assured me Esme would be at her book club for most of the evening.

I really didn't want to be in this situation and it was worse to have to stand here and be humiliated while Edward spoke to Esme about me upstairs. That was why I was shocked when he said, "No, I have company. You can speak to me about whatever you want later on. Bella, would you like to go for a walk with me?"

To say I was surprised was an understatement. Edward was the golden child..._well, m__inus the drugs and everything... _but Esme never dared say a word against her baby boy and vice versa. "Are you sure?" I blurted out and I think Esme must have been thinking the same thing.

"Yes," he chuckled. "Would you like to?"

"Okay," I squeaked out and threw and apologetic look to Esme, who was turning red with fury, as we marched out of the house.

It was dark and a tiny bit chilly outside, so Edward lent me his coat as we walked side by side. We were silent for about five minutes, _I think I was more __so in shock than anything else_, before Edward began to speak.

"I'm sorry about that. I had no idea she would be home so early. Are you okay?"

"I think I'm in shock. I can't believe you said no to your mother," I said, disbelievingly. "Why did you anyway? Why not just talk to her?"

"Bella, I knew what she was going to say and I wasn't going to leave you standing there. It may be hard to believe, but I care more about what you think than what my Mother does. I mean, she's programmed to love me and she'll get over it eventually. But you, I only have one shot with you and I'm not going to lose it because of other people's opinions. No one else matters apart from you." he whispered, and even in the chilly air I felt my entire being heat up.

I smiled at him warmly and we continued to walk in silence.

"Thanks for the flowers by the way."

I could see his smile in the dim light. It seemed to brighten up everything. "I'm glad you liked them. Do you know how hard it is to find daffodils this time of the year?"

"Can't say I do." I laughed.

"Well, it's very hard."

"I'll keep that in mind. How did you get them into my house before I woke up anyway?"

"That's for me to know and you to find out."

"I'll also keep that in mind." I repeated, a little warily this time, causing him to chuckle. "So, will you be at Alice's tomorrow? She asked me to swing by since she'll have the baby at home." I couldn't deny my excitement at seeing the newest Whitlock. I'd had Evelyn over to my apartment the day Alice had gotten home from the hospital and all Evelyn had spoken about was her new little brother. It was adorable.

"No, I don't think I can make it. I have a thing I need to do," he informed me and I don't why, but I was disappointed he wasn't going to be there.

"A thing?" I nosed, wondering if it had anything to do with the secret he was working on telling me about.

"Yeah...a therapy thing. I took an extra session," he whispered low and avoided my eyes.

I wondered why he disliked talking to me about therapy. I wasn't angry about it. Hell, I was glad he was going. Was he afraid to talk to me about it because he felt I was pushing him to be better?

"Edward, are you going to therapy because you want to be better for me?" I asked and stopped walking so I could look into his brilliant eyes as we spoke.

"Yes," he answered without hesitation and guilt surged through me.

"Then you should quit."

"What? Why would I quit?" he asked, clearly confused at my response.

"Because Edward, unless you're going for _you, _it's not going to help. It's the same with drugs; you can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped."

My words only seemed to anger him.

"You think I don't want to be helped? I do want to be helped." he snapped at me, fury seeping into his words. "I really don't know what you want me to say Bella, you want to know the truth?" he ranted, his words coming out in a rush. "I'm not doing this for you or me; I'm doing this for _us._ I'm also doing it so I can sleep at night, so I can live again and forget about what she..." he stopped abruptly and his breathing became ragged.

He just started shutting himself off.

His eyes closed and he willed himself to calm down. He looked very distressed and it worried me immensely. I grabbed his hand and rubbed it in mine to try and soothe him. "It's okay. Relax, Edward. I'm here, I'm sorry." I told him and at hearing my voice his breathing started to return back to normal and he turned back on.

"_I'm nothing less...I'm nothing less...I'm nothing less._.." he chanted to himself before opening his eyes and looking down, ashamed.

"Are you alright now?" I inquired, my voice a bit shaky. He nodded and tried to smile. "What's going on in that head of yours?"

He frowned. "If you saw what was, you wouldn't sleep at night."

**-O~O~O-**

"Look at you, little man. You have such big blue eyes, you're adorable." I cooed as I held the baby in my arms. "Did you guys pick a name yet?" I asked, but never took my eyes away from him.

"Yes," Alice squealed in delight. "Bella, this is Henry Carlisle Whitlock."

"Henry..." I tried and found it fit him perfectly. "It's perfect for him. How did this one _appear_ to you?" I teased and Alice mock glared at me.

"Well if you must now," she started and stuck her tongue out at me. _She spends too much time with Evelyn... _"I was sitting in the hospital feeding the baby when all of a sudden he starts coughing. Not just a tiny cough, like a middle aged smoker cough. I started panicking and the baby can't breathe so I shout for help, because Jazzy wasn't there.

Then out of nowhere this guy wearing white scrubs takes the baby out of my hand, gives him this weird drink and, viola, he's better. I ask the guy his name and he says "_Henry." _Then I woke up and it just... fit." she shrugged. _Alice and her all __Seeing Eye__..._

"Maybe this one is destined for greatness." I voiced and gave Henry a tiny kiss on the forehead.

"Well, if he is I want a share of the profits."

"Alice, you home?" I heard being shouted from the door. It was a voice I didn't recognize and it was a deep man's voice which had a hint of an accent.

Yeah, we're in the sitting room Diego!" Alice called back and I gave her a _'__who's-that?' _look.

A guy came in and I had to admit, he was good looking. He was tall with dark brown hair and broad shoulders that supplemented his muscled chest and toned stomach. He smiled when he saw me and I noticed how perfect his bright white teeth were. _He's good looking, friendly and chummy with Alice. Why is Jasper not having a coronary? Maybe he's gay...?_

"Hey Alice, I just came by to see su nuevo niño." He smiled broadly when he spotted the baby in my arms.

"Bella this Diego, Diego this is my best friend Bella." Alice introduced and I smiled at him.

"Hola, nice to meet you," he said and we shook hands awkwardly since I had the baby.

"Likewise. Would you like to..." I trailed off, offering him Henry who he gladly took off my hands.

Diego made silly faces at Henry for a while before he said, "He's adorable, and Evelyn must be thrilled. Speaking of cuteness how is that fine specimen of a man you have locked away?" _Totally gay, knew it..._

"He's great. He took Evelyn to the park just after Bella came. I'd be lost without him, he's been so wonderful." Alice sighed dreamily, getting all googly eyed at the thought of her beloved husband.

"Puke!" Diego shouted and a giggle escaped me. "Am I right, Bella?"

"Amen to that!" I shouted back and with that, I'd made a new friend.

**-O~O~O-**

"I got to go home now!" I slurred as Diego and Alice laughed about something they had said ten minutes ago. Jasper was upstairs sleeping since he was on night feeds that night. So Diego and I took it upon ourselves to make the best of Alice's free night. _Naturally, that included alcohol_..._lots__ and __lots__ of alcohol..._

"No no no, chica," Diego told me. "You're not driving anywhere like that." _Shoot! I'd forgotten about that in my drunken haze.._.

"I know!" I exclaimed as an idea popped into my head. "Edward will come get me...he loooves me!" I exclaimed and Alice gave me a warm, albeit drunken, smile.

Snatching my phone from my pocket and trying to type in the numbers was harder than I expected but eventually I got it.

"Hello?" A sleepy voice answered and I giggled for no reason at all.

"Edward," I sang and steadied myself as I began to tilt sideways. "I need your help, please."

"Are you okay?" He questioned, more awake now. "What's wrong? Where are you?"

"Diego got me drunk because it's a free night and he said I can't drive myself home because I'm too drunk." I slurred as I sat on the ground, feeling like I was about to fall.

"Diego? Who's Diego and why are you with him?" he asked, sounding panicked. _Silly Edward..._

"Diego's cool and he's Spanish! Listen I can say stuff, _mujer hermosa._" I told him in my best Diego accent.

"Who the hell is Diego and why is he calling you beautiful and getting you drunk?" he shouted and I could hear the roar of a car engine in the background. "Where are you?" he demanded and I frowned knowing he was grumpy.

"I'm at Alice's house. He's her friend and he's mine too." I couldn't understand why he was angry. Why couldn't he just be happy like me? I felt so light and free, I didn't want to be grumpy.

"Stay on the phone. Don't hang up until I get there." he ordered and from where I sat perched on the windowsill. I could hear his car in the distance. "Yes, Bella, that's my car, I'm only around the corner." _Huh, did I say that out loud...?_

"Alice, Diego? Edward's outside and he's mad." I informed them only to see that Alice was gone and Diego was passed out on the couch.

"Bella?" I heard Edward whisper as he came in the door. He was wearing a wife-beater, sweatpants and was only in his socks. His hair could only be described as sex-hair and I wondered how one person could be so beautiful. It really wasn't fair.

"What's not fair?" he questioned as he hoisted me up into his arms. _How do I control my mouth and not say __that kinda __stuff out loud...?_

"Nothing," I sighed as I let him carry me through the house, placing my head in the crook of his neck. "You smell good." I blurted out and took another whiff.

"Thank you." he replied with a laugh and stopped abruptly all of a sudden. "Is that Diego?" he asked, through clenched teeth and I looked down to see Diego sprawled across the couch, snoring.

"Sí señor." I giggled and Edward sighed before continuing to the car.

Edward put me in the passenger seat and buckled me in. Automatically, I wished I was back in his arms. _He smelled really really good..._

"How much have you had to drink tonight Bella? I ask because it's four fifteen in the morning and you called me to pick you up from hanging out with _Diego_." Edward spat Diego's name and I was still confused as to why he didn't like him.

Or I was just too buzzed to care...

"Who pissed in your cornflakes, Mr. Grumpy?" I questioned and laughed at my own joke. _God, I was funny..._

"Maybe I should sober you up before asking questions?" Edward smirked and I felt myself begin to doze off in the warmth of the car. "Go to sleep Bella and we'll talk in the morning."

Sleep sounded _sooo_ good and the car smelled like Edward. _Did I mention he smelled good...?_

"You may have, once or twice." Edward laughed and I couldn't find the will to keep my eyes open any longer.

"Thanks Edward," I yawned and was dead to the world.

**-O~O~O-**

My eyes blinked rapidly. I glanced around in panic when I noticed that I wasn't in my room and I wasn't sleeping in my own bed. _What the fuck did I do last night?_

Frantically looking under the covers, I sighed in relief when I saw I was still wearing clothes. _So, __good news is: I'm not naked. Bad news is: my head fucking hurts and __I might hurl..._

"Good morning sunshine," A cheery voice called loudly, causing me to groan and hold my head. "What? Not feeling too good?"

I looked up and saw Edward standing across the room wearing sweats and a vest, just smirking at me as he sipped a cup of coffee.

"Why must you torture me? Also, why am I in your house? Please tell me we didn't have sex again." I moaned and pushed my head back into the pillow, wanting to shut away the world and die in peace.

"The answers to your questions are, because it's fun, you got drunk and called me at four in the morning last night and nope, there was no sex involved."

"Sorry," I sighed. I must have been pretty wasted to have called him and not remembered it.

"About what? Not putting out or getting me to pick you up." I turned and glared in response. "Too soon?" he asked and I nodded, lying back down on the bed.

"I meant thanks for picking me up, smart-ass."

"Don't worry about it, it was...interesting." he stated and I flew up.

"What did I do?" I asked immediately and he smirked.

"Bella, by any chance, do you think I smell nice?" he started and laughed when I blushed scarlet, burying my face in my hands, completely mortified. "Or what do you think about my _sex hair _this morning?"

Fuck. My. Life.

"Edward, please don't do this?" I begged but he just ignored me.

"Hmm, I think this is what I'll use to get you back for the years of embarrassment I've suffered through because you keep bringing up the porn incident."

"What will it take to buy your silence?" I questioned, just wanting us to bury this and never go back to it. But that wasn't how things worked with us. It had been eleven years and I still brought up the porn charade to embarrass Edward.

"I already have something in mind. Diego…Who is he?" he asked and I saw something familiar spark in his eyes. _Jealousy..._

"Do you mean the hot Spaniard, Diego? Alice's friend?" I asked innocently, just to tease him because...well, it was funny to watch him get riled up_._

Edward's eyes darkened significantly and his eyebrows began to come together in anger. "Who is he?" he repeated and I smirked because he was way too easy to taunt nowadays.

"He's my new friend and don't worry, he's got nothing on you." I assured him and he cheered up a bit. I wasn't going to tell him Diego was gay just yet. It would help me see how much he trusted me around other men. _Plus, I liked to mess with him..._

"Nothing huh?" Edward inquired cockily and I rolled my eyes, making my way passed him to get to the bathroom. "Not even the _sex hair_?"

"You promised!" I screamed and jumped on him, making coffee go everywhere as another tickle war broke out.

Most of our friends and family thought we were making a big mistake and my head felt like it was going to fall off. But as we rolled around in coffee and shouted at one another playfully, I really couldn't have cared.

I hadn't felt happiness like that in a while and with Edward, it felt mighty good.

* * *

><p><strong>Another feel good chapter. Readers, I spoil you so. But be warned, where there's good, there's always bad.<strong>

**Thanks to RND4EVA for being my awesome Beta. She works wonders with this story and I'd be lost without her.**

**Thank you for all the reviews. I really appriciate the support and would really love it if you left a review for this chapter too.**

**I have a few rec's this week because I've come across some really good stories recently.**

**1. **Game of a player** by _KarenCullen2007. _**I'm in the middle of this story at the moment, but it's a great read and I'm really enjoying it. Charlie and Esme get married, resulting in Bella and Edward (A.K.A a total womanizer) moving in together. It's a sexy step-brother/ step-sister scenario and is brilliantly written. You should read it ASAP.

**2_. _**How To Paint A House **by _Maggie's Gutter. _**This story will bring you back to when you were 15. It's beautifully written and delves into life of 15 year old Bella Swan who meets, the new kid in town, Edward Cullen. He's a hot eighteen year old who's hired to paint her house and she's looking for someone to share her first kiss with. It's sweet, realistic and very worth a read, trust me.

**3.** Hourglass **by _Bronzehairedgirl620. _**This one is for Darkward fans. Edward is an elusive and mysterious author who no one understands. Bella is a journalist looking to make it big. She gets an interview with him and a whole lot more than she could've expected. Once you start with this story you will not be able to stop. It's addictive and I love a good Darkward!

**All three can be found in my favourite stories on my profile.**

**Okay, that's it from me until the next chapter.**

**Thanks,**

**~ Casey**


	16. Chapter 16

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight

Chapter 16

The sun was beating down on my skin; my feet sunk into the sandy shore as I felt the warm ocean tide run over them. I was naked, not bothering to dress myself because no one could see me on this private beach. A hand grabbed my waist and I was pulled into a warm chest. I could smell his skin and the feeling of having nothing between us was incredible.

"Bella, I want to..." he breathed, but I pulled away, putting a finger against his lips to silence him.

"Shut up and kiss me." I ordered as he smirked a panty-wetting smile. _Well...if I was wearing panties that is... _He got a wicked glint in his eye and I gasped when his mouth opened and he sucked lightly on my finger. My breaths were coming in short gasps as his lips separated away from my finger only for him to clash his lips against my own.

"Edwa-" was all I managed to choke out before we both crashed to the ground. Skin against skin, sweaty and sliding together in a desperate attempt for release.

His fingers began sliding down my stomach and I whimpered as they skimmed over where I needed them the most, to trace lazy circles on the inside of my thigh. "I'm going to make you feel so good." he promised and I nodded dumbly, too worked up to be coherent.

"Have me then..." I managed to say and he smiled cockily.

He dipped his head, trailing kisses down my stomach instead. _Hell yes...! _He was so close, his nose skimming my lips, his tongue an inch away from darting out to my entrance. I was going to-

"_Come on Barbie, let's go party."_

"What the fuck?" I jumped out of bed, beyond horny and furious as hell when I heard that annoying ring tone Alice had programmed into my phone for herself.

"_I'm a Barbie girl, in the Barbie wooorld. Life in plastic, it's fantastic..."_

I fucking hated _Aqua_ now.

"Hello?" I snapped, still pissed she interrupted my sex dream when it was getting good.

"Well, don't you so sound happy at...eight in the morning? Shit Bella, I'm so sorry. I was up early with the baby and I forgot normal people can sleep in on Sunday mornings." All anger I had at her disappeared. I found myself laughing and telling her it was fine, then lying and saying that I'd already been awake..._and wasn't having sex dreams about her brother... _"Well, now you're up. I wanted to know if you're doing anything today. We haven't had girl time in a while and I miss you." she stated in a sad voice.

"Alice, I saw you two days ago. We hung out the entire day and half the night." I reminded her and she huffed.

"That doesn't count as girl time. Diego was there."

I wasn't even going to get into it with her…there was no way I was going to win this fight. "Where are we meeting?" I asked, giving in. I wasn't that bothered because I would've ended up doing something with her anyway.

"I was thinking of going to the Mall for some retail therapy and then to _Starbucks?_" I laughed at the way she asked as if it was a question, it was like I had a say in it. But my laughter halted when I heard _Starbucks. _We only went there when something was happening, like when Rose told me she was getting married. At the mention of my ex-friend, I was filled with guilt. It was still too soon though for apologies. She wouldn't even hear it if I tried.

"What's going on? Why are we going to _Starbucks_?"

"What?" Alice asked defensively. "I can't go for a coffee with my friend without having some ulterior motive?" Okay, someone was going crazy from lack of sleep... _or may__be it was me?_ After all it was eight on a Sunday morning and I wasn't drooling on my pillow.

"You're right. I'm sorry; I thought that there was something because usually when we go to _Starbucks_ there's big news."

"Huh?" she said and something was off in her voice. "I never realized. I'll see you in the Mall in an hour, ciao." She hung up and I knew immediately something was up with her, I had no idea what though.

**-O~O~O-**

"How have we not been to every store in the Mall by now, Alice? I'm going to die; my legs are going to fall off and then I'm going to die." I whined as we went into what seemed to be the billionth store we'd visited today.

"Oh come on, it's not that bad. Plus, I think Henry needs a new wardrobe." she voiced and I looked at her in disbelief.

"Alice, he's a week old. How could he need a new wardrobe already?"

"Because he's my son so, naturally, he'll always look fabulous. Also I bought Evelyn a new wardrobe and I don't want him to get jealous." she said and I couldn't stop the laugh that escaped me. Alice was insane, but I think it made me love her more.

"Okay, Ali. Whatever you say." I told her and walked along beside her, giving my opinion when asked about an article of clothing.

"So Bella," Alice started while browsing through a rack. "I heard about the other night from my Mother. You and Edward are getting close, huh?" I could hear the worry in her voice and it made me frown. I thought Alice was behind us a hundred percent but I guess I couldn't fault her for caring. She was just scared that I'd end up hurt again. _She wasn't anymore scared than I was_...

"It's not like that yet," I assured her and she seemed to relax. "We're friends right now. He doesn't have my trust to be anything more."

"Mom said you two looked pretty cozy in the kitchen when she came home from her book club the other night."

"That was..." I started, trying to think of a way to describe what we'd been doing without it sounding sexual. Because really none of it had been. It had just been a really innocent tickle fight. "Okay I can't explain it." I admitted and she cocked an eyebrow.

"Come on Bella, spill it. Wait, do I need to cover Henry's ears?" she teased but concern shun in her eyes.

"No, Henry will be fine," _Not sure about me though. _"We were kidding around and I was telling him about Kate being Lauren's mom..." she cut me off.

"No freaking way!"

"Yeah way, I'll tell you more later. _Back to the explaining.._ Then I started teasing him about the whole P-O-R-N incident," I spelled it out since we were in the kids department. God only knows what they could pick up and blame on me. "So, he started tickling me and we ended up on the floor in the midst of a tickle battle. Before we realized it, Esme was standing at the door looking all kinds of pissed and asked Edward to come speak to her in the other room. But he said no."

"He said no to my mother?" Alice questioned, looking about as shocked as I had been.

"I know. He said he didn't want to lose me just because of what everyone else thought." I bit my lip to stop the goofy smile from spreading across my face. Trying to hide the fact that I was falling for him from Alice. I should have known better though, because by the way she looked at me, it was clear she knew.

"You're falling for him." she stated, because it wasn't a question. I looked down sheepishly.

"I know," I whispered, thinking how inappropriate the setting was for this conversation, but never the less continuing. "I'm trying to be careful and guard my heart. But he's weakening the wall I built around myself. Pretty soon, it'll be rubble and I'll be on full display. I'm not sure I'm ready for that though."

I glanced up to see Alice looking at me with an intense expression. "I've never seen a person fight as hard as you have. I mean, Edward's fight is with himself, because all of this is his fault, but I do believe he's paying for it. _You_, however, are fighting two battles. But you can't win them both, Bella, so you'll need to surrender or call a truce." she stated and I looked at her in confusion.

"I don't understand." I said, totally lost in the battle metaphors.

"You're fighting Edward on his love for you. You won't let him into your heart so you'll fight until you're sure it's safe to surrender, which may be never. The next fight you're having is that, you're fighting for the both of you to be together. Bella, you're contradicting yourself! You have to either surrender and forget about Edward or call a truce and let him in." I didn't say anything back, knowing she was right. Alice knew me better than I knew myself.

Sensing the mood had turned heavy; she felt the need to lighten it. "At least if you let him in he can _storm the castle._" she winked suggestively and I giggled, hitting her arm as we made our way out of the store.

"That's your brother, you pervert!"

"I know, it was just a joke and I paid for it with mental images I did not want to see." she frowned.

"But Alice, I can't just give in to him. If he wants me, he'll need to work for it." I stated, turning the conversation serious again.

"Of course he'll work for it. Even if you didn't make him, he'd still work for it."

"I know."

"Bella, you're my best friend and I love you. You know that, right? I only want what's best for you."

"Sure. I love you too, Ali." I replied and she sighed in relief.

"Good, now remember you said that."

"Why?" I asked.

"_You'll see."_

**-O~O~O-**

We walked into _Starbucks_ and Alice seemed a bit nervous. I knew there had to be something going on. I was pushing Henry's stroller and Alice was on coffee buying duty since she demanded she foot the bill this time. There was no point trying to reason with the pixie.

"Oh my god!" I gasped and ducked behind the stroller as soon as I saw her. "Alice," I hissed and she looked at me innocently. "You fucking set me up!"

Alice glanced to the right and dawned a _fake_ surprised face. "Rosalie's here!" she exclaimed. _Well duh, that's why I'm crouched behind a fucking stroller... _"I had a feeling that you two would reconcile today. What a coincidence?" I was going to kill her. Why would she do this to me when all Rose and I would do was make our problem worse. Rose was as stubborn as I was, so I knew there was no bringing her around.

"I'm going home." I said resolutely, trying to think of a way I could escape undetected.

"Shut the fuck up. You're not going home. Get up from behind the stroller and stop being such a coward. Fight your battles, Bella, don't run away from them." She was right and I hated it. Since when had Alice become so knowledgeable?

"Fine. But you broke girl code and for that, I'm telling Jasper it was you who spilled water over his _Xbox 360 _two years ago, not Evelyn." _Girl code? What was I in high school now? _

"You wouldn't," she dared and I gave her a _try-me _look. I would totally never do that to her, I lacked the evil trait..._unless it came to torturing Edward_.

Sucking it up, I stood up and began to make my way over to the blonde sitting by herself in the center of the coffee shop. The good news was she hadn't seen me yet; she was too busy looking at her cellphone.

"Do you mind if I sit?" I asked as I stood across from her. Her head snapped up and her eyes narrowed.

"Yes. Leave," she asserted and I was about to comply when Alice glided over.

"Shut up, Rose. Bella sit down, we have some stuff we need to discuss." Understanding flickered in Rosalie's eyes as she put the pieces together and looked at me with an _are-you-behind-this _glare, to which I shook my head and her eyes went back to Alice.

"This has got nothing to do with you and I'd appreciate it if you butted out." Rose spat. Alice just rolled her eyes in return.

"It's my brother and my two best friends. It has everything to do with me and I want this fighting to stop." Alice replied in an authoritative voice like a parent scolding her child.

"Friends again then, Bella?" Rose asked in a sweet voice, while fluttering her eyelashes at me.

"Oh joy," I replied, my voice heavy with sarcasm.

"See Alice; good has been restored. You can back the fuck off now." Rose was out of line. I was mad at Alice for doing this too but I knew her heart had been in the right place when she tried to get Rose and I to reconcile.

"Don't speak to her like that," I warned and Rose laughed humorlessly.

"Or what?" she questioned. I was about to tell her exactly what I'd do, _or rather, where my foot would go, _when Alice interrupted me.

"You guy's, quit it! Bella, believe it or not, Rose isn't out to get you or Edward. She's just worried that Edward is going to hurt you and she doesn't think she's strong enough to see you go through that kind of hurt again. Rose, Bella is a big girl and can make her own decisions. You're not in charge of her and if she wants to be with Edward, you have no say in it. It's exactly the same way you stayed with Royce when Bella told you to leave him. She stood by you though, even when she didn't agree with what you were doing." Alice rushed out. Rose and I were silent.

"What Bella doesn't understand is that Edward is a good-for-nothing asshole. He doesn't deserve another chance and she's an idiot for giving him one." Rose voiced and I tried to keep my cool when I responded.

"What Rosalie doesn't seem to understand is that she isn't my Mother and I'm a fully grown woman. If I still have feelings for Edward and it doesn't work out, it's my problem, not hers."

"How the fuck could it not be my problem? Do you know how much it kills me to see you hurt?"

"Probably as much as it killed _me_ to see _you_ hurt. But I'm not happy without Edward. I took your advice before, Rose, I left him and it was a good thing I did because I needed the time away from him to truly understand how unhappy I was without him in my life. I don't regret divorcing him because it was the right thing to do then but I know I'll regret it if I don't at least allow him to prove to me that he's worth my love now." Not five minutes ago, Rose looked ready to murder me and I wondered how I'd let things get so out of control. How did I let my best friend become my enemy?

"But I'm sorry for what I said to you Rose and...I miss you." I admitted in a whisper, my eyes blurring as my hands fidgeted in my lap.

Rose looked back to me, her eyes slightly watering. "Yeah...well," she murmured and I thought I wasn't going to get her forgiveness_. _"I may have been a bit controlling," A single tear fell from her eye. "...and fuck Bella, I missed you too." She all but jumped over the table to bring into her embrace.

We hugged for a while, telling each other how sorry we were and our reasons behind doing what we'd done. In the end, we realized we had both been childish and had handled things badly. Rose admitted she shouldn't have blown up at me and I told her I should have stayed calm and I explained how I felt to her properly.

We'd both made mistakes.

"Bella, I love you, okay. You're my friend and I will support you because of that. But I_ hate_ Edward Cullen. I won't ever like him, so don't expect me to." she warned and although it sucked, I understood.

"I don't expect or want anything but your friendship and support. I love you too, Rose."

"Yay!" Alice squealed as she brought us back together for a group hug. "The gangs back together again."

_Yay indeed Alice..._

**-O~O~O-**

I woke up the next morning; thinking I'd feel relieved my fight was over with Rose, and I was, believe me when I say it. But I also felt nauseous, sweaty and generally like I was going to die. I'd heard there was a stomach bug going around and it was just my luck that I'd obviously caught it.

"Lauren," I breathed into the phone, feeling tired already just from talking. "I can't come in; I have that stomach bug that's been going around."

"Eww Swan...Good, stay at home. We don't want your disgusting germs." With that, she hung up and I wondered if I recorded my conversations with her and gave them to Edward, could he find a way to sue her ass or get her fired?

"Whatever," I said to myself, not in the mood to dwell on it anymore as I sunk back down into the covers. I had a bucket beside my bed, for when I would no doubt puke my guts up, and some classic literature to take my mind off of the sickness.

I only realized I'd fallen asleep when my phone rang hours later and my copy of _Jane Eyre _was lying across my face. "Hello?" I groaned into the phone. _My voice even sounded gross..._

"Bella!" A voice shouted, filled with relief. "Do you have any idea how worried I've been? No one has heard from you. You didn't go to work, I went to your house and you didn't answer. I called Charlie, Alice, I even called your Mom. Where the hell are you?"

_I bet that bitch didn't tell Kate I was sick... _"I'm in my house, Edward. I'm germ ridden and was practically unconscious for the last four hours."

Concern replaced relief in his voice. "Shit, are you okay? I'm sorry for shouting; I panicked and assumed the worse when I couldn't find you. I thought maybe...God, I don't know what I was thinking. Do you need anything? Do you want me to come over?"

His offer sounded tempting. I knew I'd feel better if he even lay beside me for a while and talked about something unimportant. But he'd get sick if he came over and if he did, he would probably pass the bug on to Carlisle and Esme.

"No, you'll get sick too." I breathed, wiping the perspiration from my forehead with my pillow and removing the sheets from my overheated body.

"Don't worry about me. I never get sick, it's a fact. Do you want me to come over?" he asked and I bit my lip. He was actually immune to most sicknesses I'd had. I know that because when I was sick, he'd tell me I still looked beautiful. I'd tell him to prove it, which ended in him kissing the hell out of me. _Hmmm...could friends do that to other friends?_

"Yeah," I sighed, giving in and admitting I wanted him near me.

"I'm on my way then." He hung up and that was it.

Edward had scoured Forks and Seattle looking for _me_. He had been relieved to find _me_ safe and then concerned to find _me_ sick. Now he was coming over just because _I'd_ asked him too. He had dropped everything for _me _and I felt myself fall a tad more for him.

He'd done everything for _me_.

I closed my eyes and it felt like only a minute later when something cool touched my forehead. "How are you feeling, beautiful? You have a temperature so I'm not sure if it's just a stomach bug." A velvety voice said as a hand began to move my hair out of my face.

"How did you get inside?" I asked, not really caring if he'd smashed a window or broken the door down to get in. I was just happy he was there.

"I um...might have gone to Charlie's house and forced him to give me the spare key to your apartment." _What now? _That definitely got my attention. I opened my eyes and met his sterling emerald one's.

"You went to Charlie's house and you're here? Alive?" I questioned, not even joking about the getting out alive part; I was honestly shocked.

He chuckled. "I'm alive, barely though. I swear, at one stage he was reaching for his gun, but I had to know you were okay. I called Charlie when I couldn't find you and after I got the key to your house, I called you one last time and you answered. Figures," he shrugged and I felt sorry that he'd already gone through all that when I picked up the phone. "Can I get you anything?"

"No, I'm good. Could you...would you lay down with me for a minute?"

"There's nothing I'd rather do." he murmured, more so to himself than me.

The bed dipped as his body lay down on the other side of the bed,_ probably not wanting__ to push me with his closeness. _Our pinkies touched off one another and sleep seemed to evade me knowing his body was so close but yet so far away. Sighing, I rolled onto my other side and scooted my body over to his. His arm wrapped around me and he sighed contently into my hair.

When we touched, a voice in my head was saying: _This is where you're supposed to be. _I couldn't help but agree with it.

"Talk to me until I fall asleep?" I questioned and he laughed.

"My talking does that to you? Put's you to sleep?" he asked and I could hear his smile as he spoke.

"Shut up. You know what I mean. Tell me a story, please."

I felt him nod his head as he hummed an "Okay," and I snuggled further down into him. "One day, in my senior year of High school, I was walking through the crowded hallways, just minding my own business, when a flash of brown suddenly smashed into my chest. I looked down to see this beautiful brunette, who happened to be a friend I'd known for a while, and who'd I noticed had...let's say, come into herself over the past Summer." I laughed; _come into myself _meant I had started taking pride in my appearance instead of hiding it with frumpy jumpers and baggy jeans.

"Not to say the beautiful brunette hadn't been beautiful before that, because I'd noticed her then too when she and Alice had slumber parties and she wore these tiny pyjama shorts." I rolled my eyes at him. Of course tht's what he noticed. "But as I bent down to help her collect her things off the floor, I made the mistake of looking up and was entranced by these captivating brown eyes. They were..._ God,_ they were amazing. They were like bottomless pools of chocolate and tiny flecks of amber."

Even when I was sick, I didn't miss the opportunity to tease him. "Good thing you didn't tell her that. She probably would've thought it was too cheesy and ran the other way." It was such a lie, if he had of said any of that to me in High school, I would have jumped him that very second.

"Probably," he agreed, chuckling to himself. "The brunette started apologizing fervently and, even though I had spoken to the girl millions of times before and I'd even bathed with her as a child, I was terrified to speak to her. I was afraid that if I did, I'd mess it up. So I tried to play it cool, although I doubted she noticed because I was such a dork." he tried but I cut him off.

"_Was_ such a dork?" I teased with a small smile.

"_Whatever_, _Swan_," he replied, amusement in his voice.

"I didn't actually work up the nerve to ask her out until College. I'd had other girlfriends before then but she was the dream. The one for me, I just knew it. I saw this kid trying to ask her out one day, and at first I thought he was just some dweeb who she'd never date. But then I thought, what if someone else asked her out? Someone she _would_ want to date and it made me... I'd never felt so... _jealous._ It was weird, I was jealous of something that might possibly happen in the future.

I decided I couldn't wait any longer to make this girl mine. I had to have her. So I went over and I saw that she was struggling to let the guy down easily because she was too kind to flat out reject him. I told the guy that the beautiful girl and I had a date and set it for the next night, hoping she would get the hint and come out with me."

"Did she?" I asked, already knowing the answer since I'd spent that entire day with Alice fussing over what to wear because Edward Cullen was taking me out.

"She totally did." he smiled. "I was so nervous as soon as she said yes, I went to a meadow my Dad brought Emmett and me to once before and set up everything for a picnic. Then I went and spent eighty-five dollars on three shirts because I didn't know which one she'd like better on me and another fifteen on flowers for her."

"How did they get squished?" I asked, remembering the maimed flowers he'd given me.

"I sat on them in the car and then had to change my pants because they had pollen on them." That got me to giggle and I had to stop when I felt light headed and nauseous. Edward waited for me until I was ready to listen again. "I remember freaking out at her door, wondering if I should knock or wait by the car, but she saved me by opening it and making the decision for me." he stopped then and although I'd been there, I wanted to hear how the story ended from his point of view.

"Keep going." I urged and it caused him to chuckle.

"Weren't you supposed to be sleeping?" I shrugged.

"Yeah, but it's an interesting tale. I got caught up in the storyline so now you have to tell me what happened next."

"Okay, fine, back to the story. She opened the door and I could hear my sister laughing in the background when my dream girl brought in the sat-on tulips. She told me they were perfect and I didn't care if she was lying, I was too happy to. I brought her to the meadow and when we got out of the car, she was afraid of walking through the forest at night. So I held her hand and whispered _"I'll keep you safe."_ She stopped and I was afraid I'd done something wrong, but apparently I didn't because, very quietly, she said, _"I believ__e you."_ In that moment, her eyes shun brighter than I'd ever seen before and her hand in mine made my heart beat a million miles an hour." he sighed at the memory.

"Why did you choose that story, Edward?"

"I chose it because it was the most important moment of my life."

"What was it?" I asked, thinking the day we got married or had sex for the first time would be the top moment of his life.

"It was the moment I fell in love with you, Isabella Swan." he stated proudly.

I jumped up to look at him. "You knew then? Just because I held your hand and trusted you?" I questioned, disbelievingly. "We didn't even have sex with each other before that." _Didn't guys need sex before they __realized__ they loved you?_

"Yeah, I knew then and it wasn't just because of that. You trusted me, you were sweet, incredibly gorgeous, you always surprised me and you made my heart pump in my chest like I'd ran a marathon just by holding my hand. You still do..." he trailed off, looking down at our pinky's that were still intertwined.

His other hand slowly reached for mine and gently he captured it and placed it over his chest. _Dum dum, dum dum, dum dum..._ there it was, his heart beat pounding furiously in his chest. Smiling, I did the same with his hand and placed it over my heart, showing that he did exactly the same thing to me.

"I knew I loved you that day too. The second you danced with me and told me I was something special, you owned me." I whispered low and his eyes burned with emotion. "I think you still do."

"Bella," he breathed heavily, trying to put down the tears threatening to spill over. "Tell me what to do." I knew what he meant, but I didn't have a proper answer for him.

"I can't tell you that. No one can, Edward. You just have to be patient with me because I'm not ready to take you back yet. I'm only adjusting to being your friend."

He shut his eyes and nodded his head, taking a breath as he pulled me back down to lay with him.

**-O~O~O-**

The next morning I woke up to hear movement in the kitchen. My first instinct was to run in before Edward burned my apartment down, but then I remembered him telling me he'd learned to cook when he lived by himself.

"Edward?" I asked, glancing into the kitchen to see he'd made me toast and was putting soup, for later, in my fridge. "You didn't have to do that." I smiled.

"I wanted to." he replied and motioned for me to sit down. When I did and started nibbling on my toast, he sat down the other side of me. "I have to tell you something."

"What? Everything okay?" I asked, noticing he was as white as a ghost.

"No...um, Emmett called me this morning when you were asleep."

When he didn't go on, I asked, "And?"

"Tyler was found dead in Atlanta this morning."

* * *

><p><strong>Told you there would be more trouble in paradise.<strong>

**Sorry this took so long to get out, I was in the midst of wedding planning because I was a maid of honour.**

**Thank you everyone who reviewed, you thoughts and suggestions mean a lot to me and I'd really like it if you reviewed some more.**

**Thank you to my Beta, RND4EVA, who's awesomeness knows no bounds for putting up with me and my crap grammar.**

**Another few rec's this week. So if you haven't read any of the following, you need to, A.S.A.P.**

**_1. Off the Beaten Path_ by _rpgirl27: _**Set in the thirties and it involves a very sexy mountinward. OTBP has lot's of drama and lemony goodness. It's well worth the read if you're looking for a good story.

**_2. Evading Edward _by_ VampiresHaveLaws: _**Bella and Edward can't seem to get along. But they can't deny the sizziling sexual chemistry between one another. Bella's determind to ignore it and Edward's set on embracing it. It's such a good story and the dialog is amazing!

**_3. A Room With a View _by_ ShortHappyLife: _**Such a feel good story. There's no big emotional drama, just two people falling in love with each other and starting a brand new relationship. It's so different and enjoyable, it's also hilarious and is brilliantly written.

**_Okay, that's all from me._**

**_~ Casey_**


	17. Chapter 17

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight.

Chapter 17

"_Tyler was found dead in Atlanta this morning."_

_Dead? _It took a moment for the words to sink in and when they did, it shook me to my core. I was suddenly feeling sicker than ever; it didn't seem real that Tyler was gone. He was a great guy and I'd only known him for a little while, but it seemed like only yesterday that he was standing in my drive-way, talking to me..._Alive._

"H-how?" I managed to choke out as my eyes began to blur.

"Maybe you should wait for a minute so you can let everything sink in..." he tried but I cut him off.

"How?" I said in a stronger voice but my traitor tears began to trickle down my cheeks.

Edward sighed. "Emmett told me a friend of Tyler's found him in his apartment after he didn't come to work. The police said he was surrounded by..." he seemed hesitant and I was praying it wasn't what I suspected. That this wasn't because of _who_ I feared it would be. "Are you sure you're okay for me to continue?"

"Yes," I whispered.

Edward scrubbed his face and took a breath before continuing, "He was surrounded by pills and other various types of drugs. He overdosed and they're saying it's suicide because there was no sign of a struggle or any evidence that someone else was there with him in his apartment."

"No!" I defended as soon as Edward had finished. "Tyler had no reason to kill himself. How could the police even think that?"

"Bella, you can never know about a person's background or true feelings. I'm not saying I agree with the police, I'm just saying we don't know what he was feeling. Anything could've happened."

I stood up and wiped away my tears. I couldn't even begin to think about what poor Beth Crowley was going through with the police telling people her oldest son had taken his own life. But Edward had a point, I may have known Tyler to some degree, but I didn't know him very well at all.

He'd asked me to get to know him, but I'd rejected him for Edward.

"I'm sorry," I apologized to Edward. "I shouldn't have snapped at you, I'm being so insensitive. Tyler was your friend too, much more than mine. How are you taking this?"

"It's...unexpected."

Guilt surged through me. He was hurting and I'd gotten angry with him. "I'm so sorry. I'm being selfish. I can't believe I was such a bitch to you when you're upset."

"Don't beat yourself up," he ordered and brought me into his arms, my head tucked into his neck. "You've got nothing to be sorry for and...Okay, I'll admit I'm hurting slightly. Tyler was there for me when I was having a hard time and although he may have disliked me for what I did, I wish I could've helped him when he needed me too. But it's too late for regret. What's done is done and he'll be missed. It's okay for us to be hurt; we've lost a friend." he kissed my forehead and I reveled in the safeness I felt at his touch.

It was strange, he was the most dangerous person to be involved with, but I only felt truly safe when I was in his arms.

His face stayed buried in my hair, his hand holding the back of my neck so I was tucked tightly into him. His scent was all around me and I knew that with one false move, I'd get caught up in him. Especially since I was having a moment of weakness with Tyler's untimely demise. I loosened my grip that was around his waist and he got the hint. Backing away slowly, I told him, "I have to get to work."

"You're not going to work. You were extremely sick all day yesterday and..." he didn't finish, he knew he wasn't going to win. "Bella, I'll take care of you if you stay at home today. You won't have to lift a finger while I'm here, I promise."

"I'll stay if _you _need me." I offered but he shook his head.

"I'll be fine. I _am_ fine. I only care about you."

It comforted me knowing he was going to be here for me if I needed him, but if I stayed in the apartment all day with nothing to do but be looked after, I would've made myself even more depressed thinking about Tyler's death while I sat around being waited on hand and foot.

"I can't Edward. I appreciate it, I really do. But I need to get out of the house and Lauren must have _forgotten_ to tell Kate I was sick. I have to go in and make sure I don't get fired." I shrugged, as if it was no big deal. Like Tyler's death didn't freak me out or that Lauren wasn't bothering me, because I really didn't want to worry him when he had so much on his plate already.

But I'd never been a good lair.

"You don't have to hide from me. I want to help." he promised.

"Thank you," I leaned up to kiss his cheek. "I really have to go to work though. You're welcome to come back...y'know if...if you want to, later?"

"Alright." he smiled at my awkwardness. "I'll drop you to work and I'll pick you up later, then we'll come back here and drink to Tyler. Of course you'll be drinking Ginger ale because I don't want you sick again."

I agreed and got dressed for the day. The drive to work consisted of him telling me if I needed him to come get me, he'd be there in a flash. Then me telling him to relax, that I was only going to work and that I'd last the day without having an emotional break-down. I surprised him, when hopping out of the car, by giving him a warm hug and telling him I was glad he was around to help me.

The goofy grin on his face showed he appreciated the gesture.

"Look who decided to show up," Lauren sneered as I walked into the office. "You don't seem so sick to me."

"You remembered?" I asked sarcastically. "So what? You decided not to tell Mommy because you're jealous that I'll get some attention? Grow up and get a life, Lauren." I sighed, not even having the effort to smile at her shocked face as I walked to my desk and plunked down in my seat.

"That was incredible, feisty even. Looks like this new job will work out all right after all." A deep voice commented over my cubicle wall. A blonde mop of hair appeared over it, a pair of hazel eyes to match. The guy was young still, maybe in his late twenties and he was sort of attractive, but he was no Edward in the looks department_. _His only flaws were that he was really skinny and fragile looking; like if you touched him he'd just break in your hands."I'm new here, only started yesterday. My name is Riley Biers. How's it going?" he held his out and I took it carefully. _Nope, not breaking, strong grip too..._

"Bella Swan. Nice to meet you Riley. How's the day treating you?" _Better than my first day went, I hope..._

"It's going averagely. The people here are real nice, but that one…" he pointed to Lauren, "has been following me around like a lost puppy since I started. Might get a stick in case she starts humping my leg." Riley was actually funny and seemed a nice enough guy.

"Okay, well if you wouldn't mind, could you possibly sharpen the stick before you start jabbing it at her?" I teased and he chuckled.

"I will. It'll kill two birds with one stone."

"Yeah, it would make my life a whole lot easier. Well... I have to get to work now. Great talking to you." I waved and he sat back in his cubicle. I wondered where Shelly had gone since Riley was there instead. She'd been a nice woman who'd regularly chatted with me in the mornings. _Had she retired? When can I do that?_

"Bella!" A annoyed voice called. "Kate wants you in her office."

_shit..._

**-O~O~O-**

"I called Lauren, I swear to God, I called her. I told her that I had that stomach bug that was going around and she said, _that's gross Swan, we don't want your germs, _and then she hung up." I told a very annoyed looking Kate.

"Why on earth would Lauren do that?"

"Because she hates me and has been making my life here a living hell since I started." I blurted out and mentally kicked myself. _Now tell her that you think her little angel's fake boobs look like pointy, plastic triangles..._

"You know what Isabella, if you had a problem you should have come to me about it. Now as soon as there's trouble, you're blaming Lauren? Excuse me if I find it a bit far-fetched." Kate was getting even more pissed and I could see where this was heading. _Unemployment, here I come..._

"You know what? Fine, I'm done working my ass off for this agency. Mrs. Griffith, there's no point fighting you on this because I can't beat nepotism." With that I stood up and marched out of her office, going back to my desk to collect my things.

What the fuck was Lauren's problem? Why couldn't she act like a normal person and talk about me behind my back, if she didn't like me?

"Going somewhere, Swan?" her delighted nasally voice asked.

"If you want a fight Lauren, you're about to get one." I warned her as she sat with her fat ass perched on my desk, filing her nails as she spoke. _Was I the only fucking one seeing this...?_

"Don't make me laugh."

"What the fuck do you have against me?" I growled, partly because I was curious and also because if I didn't change the subject away from kicking her ass, that was where it was most likely going to end up.

"You want to know?" she questioned rhetorically. "You think you're so great after being in your tiny office in a shitty little agency. You think you can just waltz in here and have everything handed to you on a silver fucking platter. You think you can take what I have because you're so pretty with your long brown hair, big brown eyes and hot-shot boyfriend. Well you're not! You're nothing but a slut with a big fucking mouth who doesn't know her place!" she screamed, her face going red with rage.

I was about to jump on her and rip off her fake nose when a voice stopped me.

"I think I've heard enough." Kate's voice said from behind us and Lauren's eyes widened. Riley stood beside Kate with a shit eating grin on his face and I was so glad I befriended that guy. He winked and I threw him a grateful smile. _Thank you for whoever let me make a friend in Riley..._

"M-Mom...she...I was only...she provoked me." Lauren stammered but Kate stopped her. She smiled warmly and sauntered over to Lauren who was trying to act innocent.

Kate hands cupped Lauren's face gently as she kissed her forehand. Slowly, she loosened her grip and in the sweetest of voice's, said, "Pack up your shit and don't step a foot in my agency again, Lauren." I smiled brighter than I ever had before as Kate begged my forgiveness and told me to take two days paid leave for all the shit Lauren put me through. I didn't want to use them yet, so I figured I'd save them for a rainy day.

If I hadn't been depressed and freaked out over Tyler, I probably would have laughed my ass off at the sight of Lauren bawling on the floor.

**-O~O~O-**

That night, to celebrate Lauren getting fired, Edward and I rented a movie._ I know...dream big..._ It was only twenty minutes in and Edward was out cold. I watched him instead of the movie that was playing on the screen. I knew it was creepy to watch someone while they slept, but he looked so at peace and innocent that I couldn't stop myself. His eyes were closed and although his captivating emeralds couldn't pull me in, I still felt drawn to him. His mouth was opened slightly and light snores were escaping him.

It was beautiful. _He _was beautiful.

Suddenly, his body began to quiver and his expression contorted into, what could only be described as, a look of pain. "Don't" he begged, his voice fearful. "Bella..."

"I'm here."

His eyes shot open and he sprung up, taking me with him, securely tightened, in his muscular arms. "Bella, are you okay? Where is he?" he panted as his head spun around to scope out the place.

"Can't...breathe..." I choked out and he loosened his grip with an _"Oh shit." _When he'd calmed down enough, I continued, "I'm fine. You had a nightmare, that's all."

His shoulders sagged in relief as he sunk down into the couch. "Sorry," he mumbled, his cheeks up to the tips of his ears turning red. It was sort of adorable.

"Don't worry about it." I pretended to turn my attention back to the television screen, but I kept sneaking glances at Edward. He still looked tense, not like he had when he was having his nightmare, but still pretty tense. "Are you okay?"

His eyes widened as he looked at me. I'd obviously ripped him from his thoughts. "Yeah, I'm-" he stopped abruptly, "Can I ask you a question?"

"Shoot," I told him and he gulped.

"If I was any less of a man, would you still have me?"

I didn't understand what he meant by _"less of a man..."_ Was he talking about drugs or his mental health? "That's a bit too cryptic. I don't understand what you mean."

"I mean that, if something happened that I was ashamed of...maybe even a little bit scared of...would you still want me?"

Ashamed and scared? I was thinking this was a drugs thing again. "Did you slip up and use again?" I asked.

A look of horror came onto his face. "No, no...nothing like that. I haven't slipped since the wedding."

I let out a relieved sigh followed by an exasperated one. _Another mystery to Edward Cullen... _I was sick of the secrets. But if I was honest, I was in too deep to back out now because I was sure he was worth it; I think I'd known all along.

"Edward, I have no idea what you're talking about but I have faith that when you're ready, you'll tell me. I already accept you, no matter what you've done or failed to do." I assured him and he nodded.

A small smile lit up his face and he took my hand and placed it in his. "I don't deserve you. You're too good a person for someone like me, but I'm thanking whoever the hell is up there that they decided to let me be with you."

I knew Edward wasn't entirely a good person because of his past. However, it was moments like these when I could see the good in him shine through.

I knew all he wanted in this world was me and I was pretty sure he loved me to the fullest. Alice's words rang in my mind. _"You have to either surrender and forget about Edward or call a truce and let him..."_

I was so done fighting.

"I'm promoting you."

"Promoting? I can date you now?" he asked with excitement laced in his words.

"Whoa, slow down there, cowboy. You've now been promoted to_ Best Friend_, that means this is your time to woo me and show me why I think we should take it to the next level." I could see the wheels in his head spinning as he thought of ways he could go about wooing me. "I'll give you a tip though, nothing ridiculously expensive." I warned and his bottom lip jutted out. _God, I wanted to kiss that lip..._

"But..."

"No buts, nothing expensive."

"Fine, nothing too expensive," he agreed reluctantly. "But you better prepare yourself to be thoroughly wooed."

"Woo away." I smiled and it didn't escape that my notice that my hand was still in his.

I wasn't going to do anything about it though; it felt too good a feeling to ruin.

**-O~O~O-**

"Angela!" I waved as she smiled and darted over to me, locking me in a bear hug that could give Emmett a run for his money. It seemed like forever since we both sat down to lunch in _The_ _Glass House._

"I'm so sorry I haven't seen you in forever. It's just Ben's been keeping me so busy and I know I've been a really shitty friend to you and you've every right to hate me..." she rambled and I silenced her.

"Shut up, Angela. I'm happy you're happy." I told her, because I really was. "So, where is lover-boy today and how did you manage to free yourself from the bedroom?" I teased and her cheeks reddened.

"He's at home...well, his apartment." she corrected when I raised an eyebrow. "I've never felt like this, like my whole world is centered around him and only him. I love it. He's the one for me, Bella, I'm sure of it."

"Holy shit," I blurted out as she produced a rock on her finger. I blinked twice to see if I was imagining things and when the diamond was still there, I looked to her in awe. She had only known the guy for like what, five, maybe six months and they were getting married? "Angela...are you sure? I mean, you hardly know him and marriage is a big thing."

This was crazy. Angela always thought things through thoroughly, from what coffee she was getting to what shoes she would wear for the day. Why the fuck would she decide to be so reckless with one of the biggest decisions of her life?

I'd felt the way she was feeling once upon a time, _and I think I was starting to feel it again_. But even when Edward was the center of my universe and asked me to marry him, I kept a level head and told him we were too young to commit. Where was the non-impulsive Angela gone?

"Believe me, I know everything about him, I've met his parents and family; his grandmother is the sweetest woman. Plus, it's not like we're getting married tomorrow, we're going to have a long engagement. The way we see it is that there's no point in waiting around for something that's going to happen sooner or later. I want to start my life with Ben. When you know, you know." She shrugged. _She fucking shrugged...!_

I couldn't say anything, she had rendered me speechless.

"What do you think?" she asked, squirming in her seat under my gaze.

"I...I think you're both fucking insane," Her face fell but I continued, "but I'm so happy for you. I'm glad you found the one, Ang."

She jumped me then and we discussed the usual wedding things. They really hadn't planned anything yet. She just knew they'd get married in a year or two and then move closer to Ben's parents' home because Angela's parents lived in Turkey and they wanted to be near family.

"How're things with Edward?" she inquired and I remembered that morning when I went into the kitchen.

"_Who are you and what have you done with Edward?" There were pancakes, sausages, bacon, muffins and fruit...the list was positively endless. He'd made enough to feed an army rather than just the two of us._

"_Shut it, Swan. Sit and eat. Please." he ordered with a smirk as he cleaned the frying pan in the sink._

"_Here let me do that," I offered and he gave me a don't-try-me look. I shrugged and sat down, happily munching on the bacon he graciously made for me. "Uhhh..." I moaned as soon as it went in my mouth. I'd been eating toast and porridge for the past two days because of my illness. So eating, greasy, mouthwatering bacon was like a mouth-gasm. "So good..." A loud clang filled the room._

_I looked to Edward and noticed his eyes were dark with lust and he had all but abandoned the pan in the sink, hence the banging noise. I smirked, noticing the effect I was having on him. "Mmm...so good in my mouth." I breathed, in my best porn star voice because I felt the need to torture him. "Want a taste?" I asked seductively, holding out the bacon._

_He groaned, turning back to the sink. "You're killing me."_

"Things with Edward? Yeah, they're going good." I smirked and she raised an eyebrow.

"Did he tell you what was going on with him?"

I hated lying to her. But it was either that or betray Edward and that was not an option. "Yeah, it was only about some stuff he did in Chicago. Nothing big though."

"Oh, I thought it was something big by the way he dragged it out. Didn't you say Emmett wouldn't even tell you what was going on? I mean, if it was nothing why wouldn't he just tell you and not make you worry so much?"

"I don't know," I shrugged, hoping she would drop it.

"You can tell me, Bella. Why would Emmett not tell you? What's the story? Come on, spill."

Suddenly this was turning into an inquisition.

"Angela, not to be rude but it's really none of your business. I told you it's nothing, can't you just believe me?" I asked in a soft voice because I'd only gotten out of a fight with Rose, I didn't want to start another one with Angela.

"Of course...sorry, I'm prying. I'll let it go." she smiled and thankfully dropped it.

We continued on with our lunch as normal, but after the whole questioning thing, everything Angela said seemed to be a bit of an act. She was agreeing with everything I was saying, when I knew she was against it. Also she was being strangely sweet, trying to get on my good side. I wasn't angry though, so I wondered what was going on with her.

Was she hiding something? _What is it with people and secrets...?_

* * *

><p><strong>Hello readers,<strong>

**What did you think of Chapter 17? Leave a review and tell me, please. **

**I want to thank my Beta, RND4EVA, for her speedy work and help with this chapter. ;)**

**Thanks for everyone who left reviews and added me to their favourites and alerts, you're all awesome!**

**People have been asking me a few questions, so I'll answer them for you all here:**

**1.**_** Thanks for asking, but no, I don't want this story translated.**_

**2.**_** This story will be roughly 30-40 chapters long.**_

**3.**_** No, Edward did not kill Tyler. You don't have to worry.**_

**Also, I am afriad that after Halloween I'll be a bit busy with stuff in RL so I might be a bit longer with updates. Don't worry, you won't be waiting that long.**_ I would never do that to you guys..._

**Hope everyone has a great Halloween and I'll see you next chapter.**

**bye,**

**~ Casey.**


	18. Chapter 18

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight.

Chapter 18

_7 Years __earlier__..._

_"Do you think that things between us will change much when we get married? Alice says it won't but how could she know? She's not even married." I told Edward and he looked at me with a raised brow._

_"Are you getting cold feet?"_

_"No," I assured him. "They're toasty warm. I am curious about what you think though."_

_"For the bad? No, nothing will change. We'll be the same Edward and Bella only you'll have a different __last__ name." he smiled at me,__ leaning over and nibbling my earlobe__. __"But somethin__g that will change for the good? __We'll probably be even more in love than before."_

_He always knew how to make me feel better, like no matter what happened we'd get through it together. Hand in hand. Husband and wife..._

_"I love you."_

_"I love you too, Bella. So much.__" _

**-O~O~O-**

"What do you think I should go with, sexy kitten or sexy sailor?" Diego asked, as he held the two costumes in his hands. _Why a kitten is sexy, I will never know_...

"What does it matter? Halloween was two days ago. Why are you only buying a costume now?"

He laughed loudly and looked at me with an amused expression. "Oh sweet, naïve and innocent, Bella. They're on sale and I have a sexy, Spanish, beast-of-a-man to go home to … and satisfy."

My cheeks brightened, only making Diego laugh harder_. He had to learn what TMI meant_... "Bella, relax, I'm fucking with you. My office is having our Halloween party later than usual this year."

"You're such a jerk!" I shouted but couldn't stop the giggle that came from me. I had to admit, he got me good with that one.

"Don't be mad, _mi chica hermosa_. You're just so easy to fuck with."

"That better not have a double meaning," I joked causing him to chuckle.

"Sweetheart, if I didn't play for the other team, you would've been on your back a long time ago," he laughed and I hit him in the stomach playfully_. He was pretty hot__, but Edward was hotter._

"Keep telling yourself that," I told him and pushed Henry's stroller down the aisle as Diego followed. Alice had taken Evelyn to the bathroom so Diego and I were looking after him. Thankfully Henry had no idea what we were saying to each other, because if his first words were _sexy Spaniard, _I was blaming Diego.

As we came to the counter a woman, in her forties with bright red hair, peered over the desk to look at Henry. "He is just the cutest thing. You and your husband must be so proud," she commented, looking at both Diego and me.

I was about to correct her when he cut me off. "Yeah, we're so proud. Aren't we honey?" Amusement was written all over his face. "My wife Bella and I," he said while he wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me to him, "have never been happier. Well, come to think of it, there was this one other time when she sucked my co-"

"Okay, that's enough. Pay the woman." I cut him off. Thankfully he couldn't say anything else through his laughter. Once we were out of the store I smacked the shit out of him. "That was _so_ not funny!"

"That ... was ... hilarious," he managed to get out as he clutched his stomach.

"Alice is going be pissed when I tell her you used her son as a prop."

"But you will not tell her because I'm your new bestie and you love me. Plus last time you saw me, I stopped you from driving when you were wasted. _Being_ pulled over by your Dad would've probably ruined your night." _Shit, he had me there..._

"You suck, you know that?"

"And I'm oh so good at it darling," he purred.

We went to find Alice and weren't shocked when we found her in another store beside the bathrooms.

"Mommy, I still gotta go." Evelyn moaned, bouncing up and down on the spot.

"Evelyn, I told you one second. I dropped my phone in here and I have to find it."

"But Mommy..."

The look on Alice's face told me she was close to breaking point. Her lips were pressed into a tight line and her face was going red with rage. I figured it was best to get Evelyn out of there as soon as possible.

"Diego, you look for Alice's phone with her. I'll bring Evelyn to the bathroom. _O__kay_?" I asked with a smile. Then I took the six-year-old's hand and we made our way to the bathrooms.

When Evelyn was done relieving herself, she made her way out to me.

"Aunt Bella?" she asked (although with the way she said her L's it sounded like "_Bewa._")

"What is it, sweetie?"

"Are you and Uncle Eddie going to get married and have lots of pretty babies?"

_That threw me __for__ a loop_. "Um ... em ... I don't really know, munchkin."

Her bottom lip jutted out. "Uncle Eddie said the same thing." _What now?_

_She'd__ asked Edward whether or not he wanted to marry me again?_ I shuddered at the thought of marriage. It wasn't something I took lightly in the first place thanks to my parents' divorce. Then considering my own divorce, the whole prospect of doing it again … especially with my ex-husband, terrified me.

"What did Uncle Edward say?" I questioned, stopping so we could talk.

"I just told you."

"I mean, what _exactly _did he say?"

"Um...He said, 'I love Aunt Bella but I don't know if we'll ever get married or have pretty babies because I hurted her'. Is that true, did Uncle Eddie hurted you?" she asked, her bottom lip quivering.

_How to tell a little girl in a way that won't scare her? _"He did, sweetie. But it was a long time ago. Before you were even born. Uncle Edward made a big mistake. Like, remember when you broke Mommy's favorite necklace, the one her Grandma gave her before she died?" The little girl nodded with sad eyes. "He hurt me like that."

A little crease came onto her brow. "But Mommy forgave me for breaking it. Why won't you forgive Uncle Eddie?" _The kid was either a genius or was being put up to this._

"Because Uncle Edward did something worse than break my necklace." _Like a million times worse..._

"What did he do? Steal you crayons? Toby Ryan did that to me in school." she said with a tiny scowl on her cute little face.

"I'll tell you when you're older, munchkin. Right now we got to go save mommy's phone." I began walking again and she bounced alongside me.

"Well I think you should get married because my Daddy says without any bad people in the world there wouldn't be any good people."_ Okay, definitely a genius_._ Alice and Jasper sure did an amazing job with this one..._

"I'll keep that in mind." I promised and, with that, she skipped off back to her Mom.

**-O~O~O-**

The doorbell rang at eight p.m. on the dot. Edward was always so punctual and organized. I had no idea how he did it. I was always late and sloppy when it came to organization._ They do say opposites attract..._

"I'm coming," I yelled, running for the door.

"Hello," Edward smirked before peering around behind me. "Sorry, I didn't wake the baby, did I?"

"What baby?" I asked, totally confused.

His smirk only seemed to grow. "Y'know, your son, Henry? If you don't remember why don't you ask your Spanish husband, Diego?"

_How the hell did he find out about that?_ My cheeks reddened for a moment but then I thought: _Well, if he was going to fuck with me, I was going to do it right back._ "Hold on, I'll get Diego, he's in the shower right now." His face fell, his eyes went wide and his mouth was agape. I laughed so hard, I nearly died.

"Very funny, Swan," he nodded and stepped around my hunched over form.

"That was priceless. You should've seen your face," I teased.

He plopped down on the couch as I closed the front door. "Yeah, whatever. _So_…what movie are we watching tonight?"

"I don't know." I shrugged as I sat down beside him. "It's your choice, since I nearly scared you to death."

"_What_? You mean me?" he asked, feigning shock. "For the first time since I met you, I, Edward Cullen, get to choose the movie? Shit, I would have brought my camera had I known."

I laughed because he was a dork and his bad acing was sort of funny. _And maybe because he was the tiniest__ bit cute..._

"Shut up or I'll pick it." I warned and he chuckled before grabbing _300 _and sliding it into the DVD player.

"So what _was_ the deal with you and Diego today?" he asked, trying to make it sound casual. _However_, I could hear the curiosity and jealousy in his voice.

"Nothing, he was only kidding around and he dragged me and Henry into it. How did you find out anyway?"

"Maggie is my Mom's friend. She saw you in her store in the Mall and was telling me about your new husband. She was also telling me how I should find a girl since you've moved on. _To say I was confused was an understatement_."

Suddenly I felt bad that I hadn't told him Diego was gay. It seemed bitchy now, that he was telling me every secret he had and I was purposely keeping them from him for fun.

"Diego's gay, by the way. I would _never_ do that to you." _So, I don't know why you did it to me..._

By the pained look on Edward's face he was thinking it too. His breathing became shaky and he looked to me with tear filled eyes.

"I didn't mean it like that …" I rushed out but he ignored me.

"I'm ready now."

"Ready for what?" I asked.

"To tell you the truth. To say what I told you I was working on saying." He took a deep breath. "Promise me something first, Bella. Promise me you meant what you said about not caring if I was less of a man?"

I knew he said he would tell me when he was ready. But judging by how he was shaking, it seemed like whatever he was going to say was really serious.

"I promise." I whispered, afraid of what he was going to say next and terrified it would ruin us. "God, Edward you're shaking ... Are you okay?"

He ignored me and started to speak. "Do you remember when I said I wasn't with anyone after you left me?"

"Yes," I replied hesitantly.

Tears spilled out the side of his eyes. "It wasn't only because I felt I would betray you. It was because I was fucking terrified to be with anyone but you in that way again. _I still am_." His breathing was frantic and I could see he was trying to control it.

"Edward, I don't understand..." I started but he cut me off.

"Do you remember the day I took my stuff from the house? I asked if you would let me explain to you why I did it. Bella, I lied to you that day. I thought you would be disgusted with me if you found out. That you would think I was pathetic because I couldn't even..." He broke down, his head in his hands as he sobbed. I rubbed his back soothingly, not knowing what else to do.

"I could never, _ever_, think that about you." I assured him and before I even noticed the tears began to flow from my eyes too.

"No one knows but Dr. Gerandy … and you can't tell anyone, Bella."

"I won't, I won't." I bawled, totally terrified, even though he had yet to tell me what was going on. "I'm here, Edward. I won't tell anyone. I love you." I blurted out and my eyes widened at my own confession.

He lifted his head, his eyes were puffy and his nose red. With quivering lips and a frightened look in his eyes he told me what really happened.

"Irina...s-she raped me."

* * *

><p><strong>Facts about Male Rape:<strong>

**Every 1 out of 5 men has been or will be sexually assaulted in their lives.**

**Rape and sexual assault can happen to anyone, including males. Many thousands of men and boys are sexually assaulted and raped every year, and it has nothing to do with their race, class, age, religion, sexual orientation, size, appearance, or strength.**

**If a man gets an erection it is not just because the man may want it. Getting an erection is NOT under the persons control; it is a REFLEX reaction to stimulation, as is ejaculation**.

**Male Rape is no joking matter and should be taken seriously.**

Authors note:

Hey everyone,

So shocked? Love it or hate it? Leave a review and tell me.

Next chapter will be in EPOV and it will be the one that never got to Fandom4LLS. So if you read the other one that did get there by mistake **FORGET ABOUT IT**, just try to wipe it from your mind completly. It will make it so much better, I swear.

Thanks to my Beta, RND4EVA, who's been awesome and helped me out with my horrible grammar, she basically makes this story what it is, so thank you.

Thanks for leaving all the reviews and I would really appreciate it if you left another one, because they fuel the fire and all that...

I hope everyone had a great Halloween and I'll see you next chapter,

~ Casey


	19. Chapter 19

**Written for: **_**Fandom for Leukemia & Lymphoma society **__(but I'm an idiot and it never got there.)_

**Rated M for Mature content and contains dark themes that some may find offensive.**

**This chapter is set two years ago, before Bella left Edward. It's basically EPOV of Chapter 1. **

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight

Chapter 19

No more.

I couldn't keep doing this.

The guilt was eating at me and it only got worse every time I picked up the phone and lied to Bella about working late again.

She was my life and all I wanted was to give her everything I had promised her; a nice home, a nice car, nice clothes...

_What about a faithful husband, you dick? _My mind screamed at me.

It was my fault that I was in this mess. When Irina came asking for sex, I should have said no and quit my fucking job right then and there before she even had time to react. I didn't though, instead I tried to avoid her, but it didn't help anything. She still...

_I didn't even want to think about it._

Slouching over my desk, I ran my hands through my unruly hair, pulling at my scalp just to feel the pain. I was a fucker for lying and for the last few months, I had tried to justify what I was doing. I was trying to tell myself, _if I didn't do it, I'd get fired and we would lose everything. Bella could get hurt and she would hate me for failing her. It was Irina's word against mine..._

Bella was bound to notice eventually that I didn't actually work nights.

But I knew I was wrong to try and justify sleeping with another woman, no matter what the situation may be. The other night had been a real eye opener...

_I had come home from work and Bella wasn't there. The first thought that ran through my mind was: fuck, she knows. She's gone..._

_The thought of Bella leaving, made me feel fucking sick._

_I couldn't live without her._

_A life without Bella would be meaningless._

_The first thing I did, after I'd calmed down, was run to our bedroom. I sighed in relief when I saw all Bella's clothes still neatly arranged in the wardrobe. That meant if she had left me, she would need to come back for her stuff eventually._

_I called her cell, just in case, and was so glad when she picked up. I noticed, however, that there was something off in her voice. Her tone wasn't as warm as it usually was, it was more hollow. Of course, when I asked her what was wrong, she said, "I just got an upsetting call in work, that's all," When I asked if she was okay, she told me curtly that she was fine and would be staying with Rosalie until she "figured something out."_

_But that was __all I got out of her__._

_At first I thought, maybe she's pregnant and is worried that I can't provide for her and our child. Was she thinking of getting rid of the baby? If there even was one... I mean, it would be unexpected, but I could be a good father if it was Bella's child._

_Or of course, it could be a worse situation, she could have found out about my... indiscretions._

_My heart began to beat furiously against my chest and my body began to shake. Had she found out? Was that why__ she had sounded so __unusual__ on the phone?_

_I didn't sleep the entire night because of my fears and it was then that I knew, for sure, what my next step was._

_I needed to tell Tanya that whatever she was playing at had to end. That no matter what she had on__ me, I loved my __wife__ and she was everything to me._

_I needed out of the situation._

"Eddie, baby," Tanya purred, ripping me from my thoughts as she stood in the doorway of my office. "You look tense. Why don't we..." She sauntered over to me and twisted her manicured nails in my hair. Her touch was repulsive and it made me shudder in disgust when she whispered "...relieve it."

She craned her head down and whispered how badly she me. I lost it when her tongue traced over the shell of my ear.

"Enough, Tanya! This has to stop." I asserted, jumping out of my seat. "I can't keep fucking around like this just because your Daddy is someone important. I have a wife and I love her. I'm not here for your entertainment. I won't have you ruin what I've worked so hard for. Please, just go!" Marching over to the door, I held it open for her to prove I meant what I said.

At first she looked stunned, like she couldn't believe I had manned up and tried to kick her out. But then her expression turned amused and she actually had the gall to throw her head back and laugh, like I had told the world's fucking funniest joke.

"Do you really think you have any power over me?" she asked, her hysterics finally over. "Eddie, I fucking own you. If I say fuck me on this desk, you ask how hard? Because if you don't, I might accidentally tell wifey all about the "_project" _you've been doing for the last eight months. Who knows, maybe Irina might slip up too?"

Bitch. Fucking- whoreish- slut- bitch!

"I could sue you for sexual harassment, not to mention what Irina did." I threatened, hoping she was as dumb as she looked.

Luck, apparently, wasn't on my side. "Please Edward, as if you could touch my father or Aro. They know every judge in the state; you wouldn't stand a chance against them or me. Especially since you'd been fucking Irina willingly, hadn't you?" Tanya asked, her voice sickly sweet and her expression innocent..

"We both know what happened." I spat at her and her eyes narrowed.

"If you're not willing, I'll take matters into my own hands. Just like Irina did." A shiver ran through me at the mention of her sister. _Between that and the threat of Tanya telling Bella…__No, I couldn't let that happen!_

"Look, Tanya, I'm begging you. I can't lose my wife. I love her so much and I can't keep stabbing her in the back. I'll even quit my job. Please don't tell her and don't try this with me anymore." I begged as a last ditch attempt.

"Life is tough," she began and I knew then that she didn't have a decent bone in her body. She came over to me and played with my tie, while I refused to look at her._ Who knew, maybe I'd turn to stone if I did. _"...and sometimes you have to suck it up to protect those who you love. The truth hurts and for Bella, it would sting like a motherfucker. You don't want her to get hurt, right?"

I didn't say anything. I refused to look at … or even answer that deranged wench.

"Answer me," Tanya ordered but I still said nothing, "or maybe I'll pick up the phone and ask Bella?"

"No!" I shouted and she smiled wickedly. "No, I don't want to hurt Bella."

"Then bend me over that desk and fuck me, Edward."

"No, Tanya, I won't do it..." I started but she cut me off.

"Do you remember what happened last time you refused, Edward?"

"_Irina, no...I-I can't. Bella's waiting for me and I'm not that kind of person." I told her as she tried pulling me to her, using my tie as leverage. "Irina!" I shouted and pushed her away when she kept persisting._

_She stumbled back but didn't fall._

"_I have to go." I went to make a run for the door._

"_Are...are you saying no to me?" she asked, her nostrils flared and her eyes staring daggers into me._

_I stopped dead in my tracks._

_You can do this Edward...I chanted to myself... fuck whatever Aro threatened._

"_Yes. I'm saying no. Now and forever. I'm a married man."_

_Irina seemed to be stunned into silence and I took that as my opportunity to get out. I reached for the door and right as I felt the cold metal of the handle on my skin, something fucking hard clattered against the back of my skull and I sunk into darkness._

_-O~O~O-_

_My he__ad pounded and my eyes were blurry as I woke up. __As I__ started to gain focus, I noticed I was sitting in my office chair; the belt I had been wearing that day was fastened around one of my wrists and my tie on the other, both of them securing me to the chai__r._

"_Fuck," I muttered to myself as I tried to break free, all to no avail._

_I fucking knew Irina was an insane bitch, but this __was__ a whole new level._

"_HELP ME!" I roared, praying to God that there were still people in the building. "SOMEONE PLEASE FUCKING HELP ME!"_

_When I heard no reply, my question had been answered. There was no one here to save me._

"_Would you stop screaming? You __have__ a nasty bump on your head, surely that will only make the pain worse." Irina said sweetly as she sauntered in __the room__._

"_Irina, let me go...I'm sorry, okay...just untie me and we'll talk." I lied, because the moment she untied me I was fucking gone._

"_Do you really think I'm that naïve?"_

"_To be honest, I don't know what the fuck you are." I spat, anger surging through me, leaving the panic __I was feeling a moment ago __aside for the moment._

_My words must have pissed her off because she was glaring hard. "Eddie, you're fucking lucky that you're pretty and that that wife of yours would look for you if you went missing. Because if not, you would be dead by now."_

_Another wave of fear went through me. Was she going to kill me?_

_The horrible thing was that she had the power to do it and get away with it._

_I didn't care about death all that much. I just needed to know for sure Bella would be okay without me._

"_Open!" Irina ordered and thrust a pill at the entrance of my mouth._

_I clamped my mouth shut and turned my head away from her, a pathetic last ditch attempt to stop this. She held my nose and forced me to open, then popped whatever the fuck it was in my mouth and rubbed my neck until I was forced to choke it down._

"_There we go Edward. It wasn't that bad, was it?"_

"_What the fuck was that?" I cried. My chest heaving and my heart hammering._

"_Mexican Viagra." Irina stated and began pulling down my pants and underwear._

"_Wha-" I started but the air whooshed out of my lungs._

_I knew what was coming next. I was about to be violated._

"_Don't worry, it'll be over soon."_

"_NO! Please, Irina! NO!" I begged. But it was no use at all. _

_She didn't care..._

A shiver ran through me and I began to feel ill at the thought of that happening again. It was what forced me to sleep with Tanya when Irina left: the fear. I didn't know how two women could have installed such fear in me. I honestly didn't want to touch Tanya. She was a fucking incarnation of evil and the only way I would ever want to touch her again was if my hands were around her neck, choking her to death.

_But I couldn't lose Bella._

Not over someone as horrible as Tanya and I knew she would just as easily do what her sister did to get her own way. When I got home, I was going to convince Bella that we should move away. Maybe to a different country. I was done with this shit. Fuck my job; I could be a lawyer anywhere in the world.

"Oh Eddie," Tanya purred as I did as I was told. I made sure I was wearing protection. I would never put Bella in that kind of danger.

I was going to vomit. She felt wrong...it reminded me of Irina and _that _day...

"Don't you fucking call my name, whore!" I shouted, before I gripped her hair harder and pulled her head back so I could whisper, "I hate you," in her ear as she whimpered in pleasure.

"No you don't...aww...yeah...I'm better than Bella is...mmm," she moaned. It was disgusting.

_Oh God, how bad have I fucking failed Bella...? _But I could never tell Bella about Irina and how she...

I couldn't even bear to think the word. Let alone tell my wife. If I did tell Bella, she'd never look at me the same way again and I'd rather her hate me than be disgusted by what happened.

"You are nothing...compared to Bella," I spat as I released my grip from her hair and grabbed her hips, I wanted to hurt her, like she'd been destroying me."And if she finds out, Tanya..." I started but she interrupted me.

"Aw...aw yes...mmm...she'll leave you...fuck! ...and you'll come to me!"

"If she finds out, I will ruin you...bury you...and your father."

She finished and I ripped myself from her, not staying in her any longer than I had to. Then I went into Mr Volturi's office and showered, wanting every trace of Tanya Denali off of me before I went home to Bella and lied again.

**-O~O~O-**

I had to pull over a few times on the way home, thinking I was going to get sick, and not wanting to do it in my Aston Martin. Even after showering, I felt dirty and all I wanted to do was go home and hold Bella,_ she made everything better_... Then tell her I didn't want to stay in Forks a minute longer.

What if she didn't love me enough because of how I'd been treating her? Would she stay behind? _Would I even leave without her?_ I knew that answer already; of course I'd never leave her. My fear of losing Bella was why I wanted to go in the first place.

What if she can see it in me that I've been cheating on her? She used to tell me that my eyes were the windows to my soul. What if she saw the sadness and regret in them?

I pulled up outside the house, feeling my stomach twist in nervousness. Although I wasn't positive that she knew the truth, I just had this feeling that she was on to me. I took a breath, got out of the car and made my way inside.

"Bella, I'm home," I bellowed as I dropped my keys and my briefcase on the table beside the door. Something was wrong; she would have said something by now. "Bella?" I called out and went into the living room to see if she was at home or still at Rosalie's. When I walked into the sitting room, she wasn't there, but I heard movement in the kitchen and decided to investigate.

That was when I saw the most perfect sight before me.

Bella was dressed in a tiny, tight, black corset, matching panties and garters with stockings attached. Her hair was straight, although I loved her natural curls, and her make-up was dark and sexy. Her shoes were the highest heels I'd ever seen her wear and I could smell the perfume I bought her for Christmas from where I stood.

_She still loves me...oh, thank you God!_ I thought as an incredibly bright smile plastered onto my face.

Fuck Tanya or what Irina did to me. Bella was all I needed to live and be happy and here she was, wanting me.

"What do we have here?" I asked. My voice deep and husky with lust. She looked like sex on legs and I needed her now more than ever.

She said nothing, just stood there as my eyes continued to roam her body and I began to undo my tie, throwing it somewhere as I made my way over to my sexy-as-hell wife.

All of a sudden, she was just too far away for me to bear. I grabbed her waist and pulled her to me before I began my attack on her neck. I was in a Bella-induced-haze. She was the only thing on my mind as I kissed up her neck to her mouth. I could smell her mouthwatering scent and taste her skin on my lips.

I started getting into it. I pulled away my suit jacket and breathed, "Bella, I love you," into her neck, as she writhed against me. I was going to worship her when we made love from now on; every time would be about her.

I had to do it this way, because of what I'd done. _Whether she knew the truth or not._

She was so beautiful and I hadn't realized I had said it out loud until she moaned her thanks to me. I couldn't wait any longer;I had to see what beauty was under this corset. To claim her once again as my own. _My _Bella.

My fingers went to the back of her corset and my lips didn't even break contact with her neck. I couldn't un-tie it though, and it was pissing me off. _Stupid double knot..._

"Ahhh...do you like this?" Bella asked, her voice so fucking sexy.

"_You have no idea" _I tried to say, but it came out sounding weird because of my breathing. _Why won't this knot just fucking open! _If I didn't get it undone in two minutes, I was just going to cut it off of her body. Nothing was going to get in the way of me being with Bella again.

"Tell me how much you want me!"

"I want you so fucking badly," I told her honestly. _How did she fucking tie this thing?_

"Tell me!"

Wow...Bella never spoke like this before. _I really liked it though_. "I need you like I need air to breath. I need you like a dying person needs medicine, Bella." I rushed out and bit down on her neck._ Still this knot, I'm really about to get a knife..._

"Tell me then Edward, was she worth it?"

...

_No..._

_No...no...no_

_Holy shit._

_This is just a bad dream. Maybe you'll wake up..._

I opened and shut my eyes, willing this image to leave. But it never did. This was real and Bella knew.

I froze, my stomach churned and the blood drained from my face.

I didn't move up to look at her, hoping maybe I'd heard her wrong.

That maybe she hadn't uttered the four words that would ruin my life.

That would take her away from me.

"W-what?" I stuttered, but still didn't make any movement. _Please don't let this be happening to me. I can't fucking lose her... Oh god, I think I'm having a panic attack._

"I asked you if she was worth it. You know, the whore or should I say whores since you had more than one of them when you were working late, didn't you darling?" Her voice was dripping with sweetness and that scared me the most … that she had prepared for this.

She knew about Irina too, but how much exactly? _Had Tanya told her?_

Oh no, oh no...fuck, fuck, _motherfucker_...she was going to leave me, I wouldn't be able to survive.

I slowly moved my head up so I could look at her. Her head was tilted and her expression was composed and seemingly unaffected. _How long had she known? Or maybe this was how Bella reacted to major hurt?_

I started to freak out. My heart bounced in my chest. My legs threatened to cave in and the sweat began to pour from me. I knew if I gave in and blacked out, I would wake up to an empty house and divorce papers.

"It was nothing. They were nothing. I don't even know why I did it," I lied because I knew why I did it. But if I told her that it was because I was afraid, she would definitely leave me.

If she stayed I would give her everything and work to regain the man I used to be.

She was all I wanted. _My Bella._

She began to walk away from me, but I wasn't about to let her go. _This could not be happening..._

"No, NO! Bella please listen. I love you and we can fix this. " I tried but she kept walking. She went into our bedroom, slipped on a long coat and I nearly died when I saw all of her bags packed and ready to go.

She was ready to leave me.

"Oh dear, Jesus, no. Don't leave me," I begged as tears poured from my eyes. "I'll tell you anything you want to know and I will never betray you again. Don't leave me, Bella?" She was ignoring me. I grabbed her arm in a pathetic attempt to make her stay; I was desperate and would do anything to keep her.

She swung around and in one movement, ripped her hand from me. She slapped me across the face with such force that I was sure I would feel the sting for the rest of my life. I blanked for a moment and only snapped back into what was going on when she screamed, "Your words mean shit to me now!"

I knew she was right, but I was determined and shook my head stubbornly. "Talk to me," I urged as my entire body trembled, and more swells of liquid ran down my cheeks. "I d-don't want you to g-go. I'll do anything. Just talk to me! Ask me anything!" I don't know why I told her to ask me questions; she wasn't going to get the truth. _Not_ telling her was the _least_ I could do.

She was angry and the last thing she would want to feel was embarrassment because her husband couldn't defend himself against two women.

Bella looked like she was ready to kill me and I didn't blame her. I deserved it on so many levels, but I refused to give in. I couldn't tell her the truth, even though I knew Bella and I belonged together.

"Fine," she spat and I could hear the venom laced in her words. "How many were there?"

My legs finally caved in on me and I collapsed against the wall. I had never cried as much as I did at that moment. This was really … killing me. Although I knew I deserved far more hurt than even this.

I had to answer her though. "Two..." I spoke, shame seeping into my words. "I-Irina and Tanya."

Bella's lip quivered and she looked away, holding her sides as if she were holding herself together. When she had composed herself after a second, she asked, "Did you love them? One of them or both of them?"

_NEVER. _I could never love anyone like I love Bella.

"NO!" I roared at her. "I only ever loved you." She looked at me disbelievingly, which was probably the worst hit she could have given me. _She didn't believe I cared_.

I knew I'd given her reason to doubt me, but seeing it written on her face was a shot through my heart.

Her face turned from disbelief to fury in a matter of seconds. Suddenly there was a vase flying through the air, "THEN WHY DID YOU FUCKING DO IT?" she screamed as it smashed against the wall, "I gave you everything, for five years Edward! _Five years!_ Of course when Alice called and said she saw you and some bitch going into a hotel together, I told your sister, _'Oh no. Edward wouldn't do that to me. He loves me,'_ Meanwhile, I sat at home by myself while you worked nights. What fucking lawyer works nights?"

_F__uck me_; Alice saw Tanya and me together. That's how Bella found out? That was four days ago though … so Bella had known all along. That's why she was staying at Rosalie's. She must really hate me. My whole family probably knew too. Now I was in trouble with Bella and I'd be disowned by them too. _Brilliant..._

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Please, please don't leave me Bella. I need you, I'm nothing without you. Please don't go," I begged on my knees.

Bella was silent and I knew that her next sentence would either complete me or kill me. "Edward … I loved you so much," she started and I shut my eyes. _Loved...she loved me. Past tense._

It was like I was taking a knife in the gut and every word she said was twisting it, until I writhed in agony. "Don't say it. Please, don't. I won't make it without you. Let me fix this..." I started, but she cut me off.

"I'm done. I want a divorce, and for your sake Edward, I hope she was worth it. You've just lost everything."

Then she was gone.

She was gone and _completely cor__rect_… My everything just walked out the door.

-**O~O~O-**

"Alice," I manage to choke out through my tears when my sister answered the phone. I didn't get to say anything else before she began tearing me apart with her words.

"How dare you call me? You cheating man-whore- fucker! I hate your guts for what you did to Bella. She is my best friend, your fucking wife, Edward! You selfish prick. Do you know how she fucking knew for sure you were cheating? Bella was waiting for you to come home when you called and said, _'Oh, I'm working right now.'_ Yeah you were working all right, working on some slut. I really want to..." I was a sobbing mess as her voice got quieter and there was a shuffling noise on the phone.

"Edward," Jasper spoke, intercepting the phone. I could still hear Alice screaming in the background. "Alice is pregnant. She doesn't need this right now. I called Emmett and he'll take you to your parents' house. Do not do anything stupid," he warned and I laughed bitterly.

"_What?_ Do you think I'm suicidal?" I asked and he took a breath before answering.

"You just fucked up your entire life. I wouldn't be surprised if you were." he answered honestly; his voice was full of hostility. There was no doubt he hated me as much as Alice did. And I deserved it.

"Don't worry Jasper. Because you know what? This isn't the end; I'll get her back eventually. I'll do anything I have to and then we'll be a family again. _I know we will._" I stated, trying to keep myself as positive as possible.

Jasper didn't say anything; must be because he thought I was talking nonsense.

Needless to say, that made me angry. I threw the phone across the room and curled up into a ball in the corner. I hoped if I stayed still I would become part of the darkened room until Bella came back to me.

"Edward?" Emmett's frantic voice yelled as he slammed through my front door. "Edward, where the fuck are you? Don't do anything stupid, it's not the end of the world."

"Yes, it is," I whispered automatically as I stared blankly at a spot on the floor. Emmett came in and when he spotted me on the ground, he threw his head back and muttered a prayer. "_What_? Expecting to find me hanging from the curtain rail?" I snapped at him, my voice ice cold and razor sharp.

"I didn't rule it out," he replied softly, as he sat down beside me and put his hand on my back. "I'm just glad you're okay, Ed."

"I'm not okay. I'm not going to be fucking okay again until I have her back with me."

"Why'd you do it then? I mean, you loved Bella more than anything. I didn't even know you two were having problems."

Oh great, more guilt. I wondered if you could die from a broken heart. _You know __that __already, because if you could, Bella would have died four days ago. _The thought of Bella dead made my heart clench painfully, so I made a mental note never to think about that again.

"That's just it; everything was fucking perfect. We were so in love. We had sex almost every night and I was totally insatiable when it came to her. It's over because I'm a fuck up who ruined the most perfect thing he's ever had." I grumbled, frustrated with myself for not being stronger.

Emmett shook his head and closed his eyes before muttering, "_You__'re an__ idiot_,"

"I know." More tears spilled from my eyes. I covered my palms over them, not wanting my brother to see me like this. "I love her so much, but she hates me," I sobbed.

Emmett, who had been with me through all my stupid mistakes, didn't even have it in him to comfort me. "But I will Emmett; I will bring her back to me."

He chuckled under his breath, "Not unless kidnapping is an option." I was about to tear into him and kick him out of my house. "Come on, we're going to my house for tonight and tomorrow I'll take you to Mom and Dads."

"Just leave me alone Emmett. I'm not going anywhere." I told him, removing my hands from my face.

"I don't trust you alone like this and when Mom and Dad find out what you did, you're definitely going to need me there, in case they kill you. Now get up."

Emmett was right; mom and dad were going to kill me. They loved Bella almost as much as I did. I didn't think I could bear looking at the disappointment in their eyes for the rest of my life as well. But I had to keep telling myself that this wasn't the end. I was confident I would eventually convince Bella that I could be a better person and deserving of her love.

I knew I could make her understand that I wasn't going to be an idiot again. _Maybe even tell her the truth one day..._The truth was a scary thought and Bella's last words kept ringing in my head. _" ...for your sake Edward, I __hope she was worth it. You've just lost everything..."_

"Bella," I whimpered. "It wasn't worth it. Nothing is worth losing you. One day you'll know the truth. I'll be better, I swear."

"Edward?" Emmett questioned, coming out of my bedroom with some of my clothes in his hands. "Were you talking to yourself?"

"No," I answered as I stood up to help him pack my life away.

* * *

><p><strong>Facts about Male Rape:<strong>

**Every 1 out of 5 men has been or will be sexually assaulted in their lives.**

**Rape and sexual assault can happen to anyone, including males. Many thousands of men and boys are sexually assaulted and raped every year, and it has nothing to do with their race, class, age, religion, sexual orientation, size, appearance, or strength.**

**If a man gets an erection it is not just because the man may want it. Getting an erection is NOT under the persons control; it is a REFLEX reaction to stimulation, as is ejaculation.**

**Male rape is no joking matter and should be taken seriously.**

Authors Note:

If anyone is confused, don't worry about it, I'll give you a run down of what's going on in this chapter...

**~Irina advanced on Edward and he tried to ignore her. He was married and he would never willingly betray Bella.**

**~Irina didn't take the hint and still made a play for Edward. She comes from a rich family and doesn't understand the word 'No'.**

**~Irina raped Edward when she didn't get her way and threatened to do it again if Edward did not submit to her.**

**~When Irina left, Tanya took over the same way her sister had. Edward was so terrified of being violated again that he continued with Tanya.**

**~Bella found out, unaware of the full story, and Edward thought if he told his wife the truth, she would be disgusted and even more humiliated to know her husband couldn't protect himself, much less her. So he didn't tell her, figuring it was the least he could do for her.**

**~Bella left and Edward was determined to get her back one day. He still wanted to spare her from the truth though.**

More will be explained next chapter and if you have any other questions related to this chapter, PM me and I'll be happy to answer them.

The last chapter got an amazing response and it's sort of a goal of mine to get 1000 reviews before I hit chapter 30 (the end basically) I know it probably won't happen but I'd love to get as many reviews as possible, so if you would please leave a review, I would really appreciate it.

Thank you to my Beta, RND4EVA, who's amazing and makes the crap I write readable. She also a devote reader of this story and is my Fanfiction besto ;)

Thanks for all the brilliant and inspiring reviews and thanks to everyone who added me to their favorites and alerts.

This chapter is sort of my pride and joy, it's the longest I've ever written, so I really hope you enjoyed it.

Thanks and I'll see you next chapter,

~ Casey


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N: Back to the present with Bella's point of view.**

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight

Chapter 20

I remember him saying the words, but after that I don't remember much of anything else. My whole mind went blank and my body froze as I stared at his terrified and sobbing form.

_Raped_. _Irina had raped him_, he'd told me.

I knew I had to know more about what happened before I did anything, but I couldn't stop the angry feelings that were welling up inside me, waiting to burst through the surface. I wanted to scream at him for the lies he'd been feeding me. If he was telling the truth now, it meant he hadn't confided in me about the worst thing that had ever happened to him. I didn't know what hurt worse, the fact it happened in the first place or that he hid it from me.

"Oh God, you hate me. Fuck no... I should have known this would happen." He bawled, hiding his face in his hands and rocking back and forth.

I wanted to comfort him and tell him he was wrong, but I wasn't sure I could speak or find it in me to tell him I wasn't mad.

"I shouldn't have told you ... I should have kept my fucking mouth shut and brought it to the grave with me."

_He was so wrong._..Oh God... I don't think he was even speaking to me anymore, choosing instead to berate himself. "Y-you were...w-what?" I finally managed to choke out, a sob breaking through me as I got to the last word. "What the fuck Edward? Why are you only telling me this now?" I screamed, standing up and crossing the room to get some distance between us.

"I only recently found the will to admit it to myself. You are the most important person in my life. Could you imagine being in my shoes? To have to admit to your spouse, not only was my _dignity_, my _masculinity_ and my fucking _sanity_ taken from me? _But that I failed you as a husband as well?_ Could you imagine how hard it is for me to admit that? I'm your husband, divorce or not … it's my job to protect you! I couldn't even protect myself from that fucking whore, let alone protect you, Bella! I'm an embarrassment!" Edward was shouting now as more tears streamed down his face and his hands tore at his hair.

My whole body was shaking and I couldn't control my breathing. I couldn't believe he was telling me this now. After two years of being divorced. But I realized we weren't getting anywhere shouting at each other, no matter how much anger I was feeling, _that definitely wouldn't help_.

"Okay...we need to calm down. Sit down with me and we'll take some breaths together. Then we'll talk about this calmly." I walked over to take his hand and sat down beside him. "Just breathe." I whispered, and we both took deep breaths together. It took a while but when we were finished, my breathing had almost returned back to normal and my heart wasn't as frantic. However, Edward's whole body was still trembling.

I rubbed his back soothingly, reminding myself that no matter what I was feeling this was _definitely_ more difficult for him. _I __truly was tor__n__ between anger and concern..._"From now on we have to both agree that we won't shout. We need to work together in order to talk about this." I said, more to myself than to him.

"I promise." Edward dithered.

Where should we begin? _I honestly had no clue_. Was he truly ready to discuss this without breaking down? I didn't think I could handle it if he did.

"You said only Dr. Gerandy knows this…So your family doesn't," I stated because it wasn't a question.

"I didn't even want to tell him. It took him months to get me to admit it to myself. You were the sole reason I eventually tried. But, I'm done hiding things from you. I want to be the man I once was and the only way I'll be like that again is if I have you back. You complete me, Bella."

I heard what he was saying, but I was having trouble computing it. I think I was still in shock. But for him to think I would ever blame him for _that_ was beyond me. I would never understand male pride. How could he be so dim?

"I don't, nor will I ever blame you for whatever Irina did to you. Words cannot express how sorry I am for what happened to you. However, if you expect me to try to move past this, we need to talk about it. Please, start from the very beginning, from when it all happened, and no bullshit this time, I can't deal with anymore bullshit from you."

He looked at me, his brow knitting in confusion. He looked so lost. "You don't blame me? Bella, I'm the one at fault here. She raped me but still…after that, I cheated on you."

_How could he say that?_ "In what world could that possibly make sense, Edward?"

"Because she only… did it… once!" he yelled, standing up off his chair as if it would help get his point across. "I participated willingly after that, because I was frightened!"

I stood up too, so I could look into his raging eyes, filled to the brim with regret. "Calm down and start from the very beginning. Even the bits I know." I asserted in a strong voice and his eyes softened, as if to say _I'm-sorry-for-shouting._ I said nothing in return and waited for him to go on.

"Aro hired a secretary for me because I was taking on too much work. That secretary was Tanya, whose sister was Irina. They came from a very powerful family; Russian mob-powerful. Their family was so powerful that they had every official and judge sitting in their pockets waiting for an opportunity to arise when they could become useful. If the Denali's ordered someone to be killed, that person was dead and no one asked any questions, for fear they would be next. Aro just so happens to be Tanya's Godfather. Her father, Cauis, is Aro's good friend and biggest client. But I knew nothing of any of this until Irina started making advances." His voice was void of any emotion.

As I listened, I began to feel more anger at the thought of him keeping this from me. It was a major blow to me. I would have helped him get through it even if we didn't have a hope in hell of putting those bitches behind bars or in a grave.

"Irina kept coming onto me, and at the beginning it was only small things. Like she would touch my neck or ask me if I worked out. It made me uncomfortable so I went to Aro. I figured there was no point in suing a nineteen year old girl for sexual harassment. So I told Aro how she was making me feel. He basically told me to sell myself to her because it was in my best interest and that he was only telling me this because I _'was like a son to him.'_ He told me her Father was a very powerful man who wasn't always on the right side of the law. Then he ushered me out of his office and warned me not to cross Irina, since she didn't handle rejection well."

"I didn't take Aro's warning seriously. But I knew there was no way I was going to lose my job, considering we were only just starting to get back on our feet. So I told myself that if I kept ignoring her and made it clear to her that I wasn't that kind of person, she would eventually back off. I had convinced myself that it was a silly crush she had on me and she would get over it. _I was very wrong_."

The way he said the last sentence made me shiver. It was a normal enough situation though; he couldn't possibly have known what he was getting himself into. She was only a young girl, barely out of school, trying to get lucky with an older man in her sisters office, someone forbidden to her. Anyone in Edward's position would have felt awkward and they might have filed a complaint, but it wasn't something you quit your job over. _Especially when__ you were having money problems to begin with._

"_That _day, Tanya left to go home and I thought Irina had gone with her. She came to my office though and was trying to coax me into sleeping with her. I sternly told her that I would never do that to my wife and I pushed her off me." He took a deep breath and laughed bitterly. "Aro was right; she really didn't handle rejection well."

"How did she..." I trailed off, not able to say the words.

Edward closed his eyes and took my hand in his, holding it tightly as if it was his lifeline. "I remember reaching for the door handle when something hard hit me in the back of the head. I was out cold and when I woke up, she'd used my belt and my necktie to secure me to my office chair. I was screaming for someone to help me, praying to God that there were still people in the office. But we were the only ones left."

I blurted out the first thing that went through my mind without thinking. "She could've killed you."

His hand squeezed a little tighter. "I thought she was going to. I was scared; more so that you'd be alone, but I'd never felt such fear in my whole life. That insignificant, nineteen year old fucking child had made me feel fear like no other and I was ashamed that I wasn't stronger. It made me sick to think that I was going to die at the hands of that spoiled brat while you sat at home, waiting for me."

My heart ached. I felt sick too, thinking of Irina and the horrible things she did. But the worst thing was, I couldn't even remember if he had been different coming home after what happened that night or the days that followed. To me nothing had been out of the ordinary in my perfect life. I couldn't even remember a time when I distinctly thought _something's up with Edward._

That was because I didn't notice.

"I'm so sorry," I bawled, overwhelmed with guilt for not taking any interest in his life because I was too consumed in mine. "I should've noticed. I was so busy with work and being back on our feet that I didn't even take the time to step out of my bubble of happiness and see what you were going through." I was crying into his neck and it felt wrong that he was comforting me when it should have been the other way around.

"Don't you dare, Bella." he growled. "Don't you dare take the blame for this! This is _my_ fault. _I_ failed you. How could you have known?"

With that last sentence, I was back to rage. "Because I was your wife and I should have known. Even if I didn't notice, you should have fucking told me!" I shouted, losing it and trying to pull away, but he wouldn't let me. He kept me tight against him, rocking back and forth, until I surrendered to the safe haven of his embrace. _My emotions are __really__ screwed up..._

"I'm sorry. I was messed up and I still am. When_ it_ happened, my head was everywhere, like I said. Irina took my sanity. Dr Gerandy said it's normal, considering the amount of trauma I went through. But I know it's just because I'm a fuck up. I was convinced that what she did to me was something no one should hear, that it was shameful and I wasn't a man anymore because of it. That not telling you was the least I could do."

"You're wrong. The least you could've done was told me the truth and not lie to me for the second time, since I now know you lied to me back at the house about what happened as well.

He gulped and took a minute to compose himself before he whispered, "I know that now. I hope I'm not too late though."

I didn't reply right away. I wasn't sure I could say in that moment what he wanted to hear. "I think we need to keep going. I need to know everything."

He nodded but took a while to continue; I moved away from him but still kept a firm grip on his hand, knowing that he took as much comfort in my touch as I did in his.

"After she...raped me...I went to Aro and told him what happened. He was angry with me for refusing her. He said I was like a son to him but when she assaulted me, all he could think about was losing her fucking father's paychecks!" he roared. I'd never seen him so angry. _He had__ s__o much pent up anger..__._

"Edward, relax. Look at me." I ordered and he did so without hesitation. "I know it's hard but you need to be calm."

"I'm sorry. I'll try harder." he murmured and then paused for a moment before continuing. "I told him I was going to the Police and he said that if I did I was as good as dead and they would...you..." He was choking on his words and tears welled in his eyes.

"They'd hurt me too." I guessed and he looked away.

"_Worse."_

It took a minute but I understood what he was saying. They wouldn't just leave it at killing me straight away. They'd do to me what Irina did to Edward, and then they'd kill me, if only to make a point.

"Oh," was my response.

"I told him I was done, I was leaving, taking you with me and never coming back. He told me I could take you as far as I liked but there was no place Irina wouldn't find me and that she wouldn't want _only_ my body after that; she'd want revenge. He said it would be my word against hers that I was having an affair. He made me believe that one slip with Irina could cost me you. And I would _never_ take that big of a risk."

"No," I disagreed. "You chose to take a bigger risk. I found out you were cheating on me when I saw you with your tongue down Tanya's throat in Port Angeles. How can you say you didn't take a risk?"

"I didn't want to do it. I had to give in or let you go and I knew I couldn't lose you. I thought Tanya was nothing like her sister but she was worse. Tanya was bold and impulsive; she also had twice the amount of stuff on me that Irina did. Now not only did I have Irina's words against mine but then I had Tanya's as well. I was in too deep because I panicked when making the right choice was essential."

I was quiet after he spoke, not sure what to respond with. So, he continued, "I'd already tried to end it when you found out, but it was all to no avail. When I lost you, I felt ... _I __don't even know__ how to explain it_. But I wouldn't wish it on anyone. You left and I walked into that building and, having nothing left to lose, I destroyed mine and Tanya's office. I threw furniture around and yelled at her, she was so scared and I loved that I could make her feel like I had felt. Tanya tried telling me that she loved me and that now my wife was gone we could be together." he laughed bitterly once again but this time it wasn't just a small chuckle; it was full on hysterics. "She actually thought that I had feelings, other than hatred, for her."

"I know," I said, interrupting his laughter. He stopped and gave me a quizzical look. "I told you that I saw her in Eric and Ben's club. Eric is dating her and he didn't know about our past when he introduced us. It was clear she was jealous and...I played on it."

"_Played on it?"_

"I said a lot of nasty things and I definitely feel no remorse now that I know the truth." _Not as if I felt any guilt when I didn't know the truth either..._

We sat there together and I think his words were finally sinking in. I got the main parts of what he was saying, but he still left me with a question unanswered. "If you trashed your office and didn't listen to what Aro said, then why in the hell was he your lawyer for the divorce?" I asked, since I distinctly remember Aro being present when Edward came to the hearing drunk.

He smirked crookedly. "I was leaving; no one had any hold over me anymore. Tanya claimed to love me and didn't want me killed, so that left Aro with the job of keeping me silent. Therefore, he was there to make sure I said nothing that could incriminate him or the Denali's."

It seemed as though he was done explaining now and I was still very angry that he'd given me a totally different version of events. I was feeling so many different emotions and I didn't know what to do about them. For one, I wanted to scream and rant at him for everything he'd put me through, and then kick him the fuck out. Then the other, I wanted to hug him, kiss him, promise that it would be better and that now he doesn't have to worry about losing me because I belong to him so completely.

_I was so fucked..._

"Can I ask you something?" Edward said, ripping me from my thoughts. I nodded in return. "Would you have believed me if I'd been honest with you in the first place? Or even afterwards, when we were going through the divorce?"

His question threw me for a loop. Although two years was only a short time ago, I was a completely different person then. I was naïve and I honestly thought the world revolved around Edward and the perfect little world I'd created for myself. I hated him for ruining everything I believed was all I wanted. _So would I have given him the benefit of the doubt?_

"I don't know," I answered truthfully. "I would definitely not have believed you when we were in the process of getting the divorce. I had too much hate for you and there's no point in saying _if you had __told me the truth__, we'd be perfect right now, _because we'll never know. But I don't begrudge you for that anymore, not like I used to. For me, the time apart was needed, it showed me how much I took for granted."

His eyes were still filled with unshed tears and a slight trace of terror. "I love you."

Although I'd blurted it out earlier, before I even realized I had done it, I still felt conflicted. "I love you too. But it doesn't change the point we're at right now." I told him and I could see his face contort in pain. "Don't misunderstand me. I'm not embarrassed nor do I think you failed me in any way. You did nothing wrong and whether it's now or fifty years from now, that bitch is going to pay dearly for what she's done."

"_Now__ what?_ You've said you love me … so be with me. I can give you everything you give to me … if you'd only let me..." he began, but I cut him off.

"You still lied to me. You should have confided in me as your wife and I understand that you went through a traumatic experience and that's bound to have an effect on someone. But how do I know you're ready for this again? Did you even talk to Dr Gerandy about us being together?"

If I was honest, I was hiding behind an imaginary shield again._ Fighting him on this_. I don't know why I was making up excuses; I think it was just my natural instinct since he hurt me, to shy away from a possible threat.

"This isn't about my mental health at all, Bella." he stated, his features soft and understanding. "_You're scared_."

I wanted, with every fiber of my being, to tell him he was wrong. I wanted to scream and shout at him that he didn't get to make accusations like that after I'd listened to him apologize about all the lies he had fed me.

But I couldn't.

He was right. I was terrified.

"I..."

"We'll go slowly," He stood up to kiss my forehead. "I'll wait forever if I have to."

"And I'll do whatever you need me to." I promised in return. If he wanted, I would be his shoulder to cry on and I would do my very best to support him whatever way I could. I needed to put aside my anger if I wanted to help him. "Do you think it would be a good idea if I came along to some of your appointments with Dr Gerandy?"

"You would do that?" he questioned.

"Yes. I'd do it for you."

**-O~O~O-**

"So..." Riley trailed off as I sat at my desk the next morning. I'd gotten close no sleep because all I could think about was Edward and what he'd gone through. Needless to say, I was in zombie mode.

"What?" I asked, not really in the mood to converse.

"I got you two days off from work and that bitch fired, and all you say is 'what?' Here I thought I was your hero, oh well." he sighed dramatically and it got me to smirk in my zombie like state.

"Sorry, Riley. Thank you so much for tattling to Kate. I owe you big time. Anything you want is yours, _my-knight- in-shining-armo__r_."

"Damn right I am. As to the matter of you owing me, _fair maiden,"_ he added with a wink before continuing. "I request a night of wining and dining you. This Saturday? What do you say, anywhere you want to go and if you're lucky, we'll split the check." he joked.

_Way to make it awkward..._ "As much as I'd love to, I sort of have a..._thing.._.going on right now with someone else."

His face showed disappointment for a moment but he shrugged it off, as if it was no big deal. "I understand. I'll just have to be your best friend instead of your soul mate."

"Yeah, guess you're stuck with that." I rolled my eyes.

"Be warned though, if he doesn't treat you right, I'll kill him. I know karate, kung foo, and many other very dangerous words," he joked and I couldn't stop the smile that spread on my face.

"I'll be sure to warn him."

"Don't you forget to and now since you turned me down, consequently breaking my heart in two, I'll let you take me to lunch."

"Well, since I did shatter your heart, it's the least I can do."

We joked around like that for the day and it was good to have someone who didn't know the whole Edward-Bella-drama-fest we had going on. It made me feel normal again and for a while it was kind of nice. _But did I want to be normal again if it meant losing Edward?_

I knew the answer already: _Never._

* * *

><p><strong>Hello everyone,<strong>

**Sorry about the delay, but you know how life is...**

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**Okay well thanks for reading and I'll see you next chapter,**

**~ Casey.**


	21. Chapter 21

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight

Chapter 21

I loved Edward Cullen.

I knew it now more than ever. Even with the horrible things he had done and the horrible things that had happened to him, I was completely and irrevocably in love with him. But I was only human. A damaged one, at that. For the sake of my sanity, I decided I needed to have an Edward free day before I dove back into things with him.

I'd only spoken to him a few times since he came clean about the rape; however I made it clear to him that I held him accountable for nothing that Irina or Tanya did. The more I thought about it, the more I realized he was just scared.

But I needed this. We needed a day apart to sort ourselves out. _Well...I did anyway before I had a mental breakdown..._

"Are you freaking out because of what I told you?" Edward asked when I told him over the phone, Friday night, that I needed more time.

"I'm not freaking out, I swear I'm not. It's just that... I feel like I've already taken in all I can handle for one week, but I know if I just take a breather for a while I'll be better able to take on the world again."

"If you're having second thoughts..." he started, obviously ignoring all I said.

"I'm not having second thoughts-"

"It's okay if you are..."

"Edward, I'm not-"

"...I know it's a lot to handle and believe me..."

"Edward, stop interrupting me-"

"... after everything I said, I wouldn't be surprised if you were. That is a lot for one person to handle..."

"Will you stop-"

"...and I already hurt you so much, so..."

"I'm serious stop talki-"

"...I understand if I'm not good enough-"

With his last sentence I flipped my lid. "I FUCKING LOVE YOU SO WILL YOU PLEASE SHUT UP AND LET ME TALK EDWARD?"

_Silence._

That must have been the angriest way anyone had ever professed their love to someone else. And after I had exploded at him, it was dead silent for a long time. It was starting to feel awkward and I did the only other thing I could think of. I resorted to humor, "Wow! So that's what it takes to get you to shut up? Shouting I love you?" I teased with a meek laugh.

He still said nothing.

_Sooo awkward..._

"Do you mean that?" he whispered.

Why would he even ask that? _Of course I did. _I mean, I'd already told him I loved him twice before. The first time was right before he told me about Irina, and the other was afterwards when we were discussing things. It wasn't that big of a revelation, after all. Or maybe my love for him had more impact now.

"Of course I mean it, Edward."

He was silent again for a while and it was making me nervous. _What was up with him? I was worried that he might suddenly realize he doesn't want me anymore._

"Edward?" I asked and I heard him clear his voice on the end of the receiver.

"I love you too. So much," he started in a shaky voice. _Was he crying...?_ "...and I'll give you more time or whatever else you need. I'll give you anything if it'll help."

Again with heavy talk. This was exactly why we need a day apart.

"I don't want you to misconstrue this. I love you, I'm willing to admit it, but I don't think I'm ready yet to lay all my cards on the table with you. I … I still don't trust you completely. But I know I will if I can get my mind in order and have time to think."

"Like_ I_ said," he quoted me. "I'll wait. _Forever if I have to_."

"You won't have to wait forever. I only need a couple of days." I whispered, not feeling as uncomfortable as I used to feel when talking about this kind of stuff with him.

"Regardless, I'll be here whenever you're ready."

We said goodnight then and he told me to call him when I wanted to see him again. I was happy he was being mature about this and understanding that it was what I needed. But then again, I shouldn't have been surprised; Edward had always been caring...

_Tears streamed my little chubby cheeks as I looked at my smushed and melting ice-cream on the pavement. My Momma was going to get angry; I knew that for sure, because I had to beg her to let me have one. Now it was gone and I was ice-cream less again._

_Edward was by the swings and his Mommy was busy chatting with my Momma and fussing over Alice's new dress. He spotted me crying and his little brow furrowed in the middle of his head. He ran to me then, as fast as his little six year old legs would take him. I envied him with his bright blue bubblegum ice-cream still intact._

"_Why are you sad, Bewa?" he asked as I watched a blob of ice-cream on his nose drip down onto his mouth._

"_I-I dropped my i-ice-cream and M-Momma will get m-mad." I sniffed as I used my sleeve to wipe my drippy nose._

_His bottom lip jutted out and it looked as if he was going to cry too. "We can share mine if you want." he offered, holding out his runny ice-cream for me to take._

"_Gross. I'll get boy cooties!" I shrieked, shaking my head in disgust at the thought of sharing an ice-cream with a boy. Yuck!_

"_Nuh huh, I takes a bath every night and my Daddy teached me how to brush my teeth all by myself." he stated with a proud grin and showed me his gummy mouth. He was missing four teeth in the front and Alice said that Edward got money from a fairy for losing his teeth. I wanted mine to fall out too, but my Daddy said it would happen when I got older._

"_So you don't gots cooties?" I asked because his ice-cream did look really yummy._

"_Nope." he smiled and I took it hesitantly from him. I licked it quickly, then checked to see if I was turning into a boy. When I didn't, we sat side by side in the playground sharing the ice-cream until it was all gone._

"Stop thinking about him!" I scolded myself as I sat down on the couch and turned on another season of _the OC. _I was on the bit where Ryan and Marissa were finally doing it.

Edward and I did it on the beach one time, it was sort of hard to maneuver in the back of his Mustang, but awesome none the less. I remembered how he pulled me onto his lap and we made out for a good hour until we basically started dry humping each other. Then we were faced with a challenge. Should we do it in the mustang or go back to my dorm, where his sister and her boyfriend were no doubt getting it on?

Needless to say, the Mustang got christened that night.

"Stop it..." I warned myself as I squirmed in my seat as I felt the waterworks going on_ down there_.

_Maybe it was time for some self-loving?_

**-O~O~O-**

I spent the next day in denial.

"It's not just a river in Egypt, you know." Alice said in an annoying tone when I told her I didn't miss Edward. We'd gone shopping to make me forget about him and have _me_ time, but I'd see a green shirt in a store and I'd automatically be comparing it to his eyes or I'd see a suit and automatically think how good he would look in it.

_Edward Cullen was taking over my mind._

When Alice realized I wouldn't be coming out of my sullen mood anytime soon, we decided to call it a day and head back home. Jasper had the kids by himself and I wanted to go home and wallow.

"You really miss him, don't you?" Alice asked and I avoided her eyes, looking at the floor of the car as she drove.

"Yeah," I mumbled, and then blurted out what had been playing on my mind since I met up with her that morning. "I love him, Alice."

Her sudden intake of breath caused me to look at her shocked features. I didn't reply because there was no way I was taking back what I said. That would not only be betraying Edward by lying to his only sister after telling him I meant it, but it would also be betraying myself and what I stood for._ If I wasn't going to defend what we were working to build, then what was the point of even trying?_

"You love him?" she questioned and I nodded, keeping eye contact at all times. "Are you sure?" she added in a pleading voice as if she was begging me to reconsider my answer.

"I thought you wanted us to be together, Alice? You said you would support me no matter what."

"I know but ... Bella, I'm still scared for you. He hurt you so badly and I knew this was coming, but now it's here..." she trailed off with a worried expression.

I understood what she was saying. She knew this would have happened whether she supported our relationship or not. But now that the time, where I gave myself to him and trusted him again, was here, she was beyond scared for me.

I had to make her see that _I_ wasn't scared anymore.

"Do you remember on my wedding day, Alice? When I was freaking out because I thought I was going to trip down the aisle or say the wrong line in front of all those people? _Do you remember what you told me?"_ I asked and she nodded with tear filled eyes as she pulled the car over to look at me.

"I-I told you that you marrying my b-brother was a part of fates p-plan; it was always meant to be. That no matter what happens…even if you tripped walking down the aisle, or set the place on fire; at the end of the day you'd be starting your life with Edward_. No matter what_. I told you that you b-belonged with h-him." she cried and I had to fight hard to keep my own tears away.

"I was so scared that day. I knew it was coming but I still wasn't prepared to walk down that aisle, until I spoke to you and you reminded me of why I was there. You were right, Alice, I belong with him. I knew it when he asked me to marry him and I know it now when he told me he'd wait forever for me. Edward and I both made mistakes but I believe it's fates plan that we be together. If I didn't, I would've given up a while ago."

She cried harder. However, this time it was with happiness. She unlocked her seat belt and hugged me tighter than she ever had before as she cried into my neck, and I hugged her tiny frame right back.

**-O~O~O-**

After Alice dropped me home and I started wallowing, I began to curse myself for needing the day away from Edward. I did sort myself out a bit by spending the day with Alice and getting things off my chest. But still, it wasn't worth the sadness I felt when he wasn't around. _Edward made me happy..._

I fell asleep on the couch at around eight thirty, tired from yet another emotionally draining day. I dreamed some more of my childhood, this time about the days I had spent with Alice. Her dressing me up like I was one of her Barbie dolls or her modeling her new princess dress Esme had made for her.

My phone rang out beside me causing me to jump awake.

"Hello?" I answered, a bit groggily.

"Bella?" A velvety voice asked, a bit hesitantly.

A smile immediately lit my face and I felt instantly happier, just hearing the sound of his voice. "Edward," I greeted him, smiling brightly into the phone. "What's up?" _Did I really just say 'what's up?' Kill me now…_

"I wanted to see what you were doing."

"Did you miss me?" I teased. "I assume you did since you're breaking the _no contact_ rule."

"Well, technically I'm allowed speak to you now since you called me on Friday night at eight. Now it's Saturday at nine..." he paused before adding. "...and yeah, I _really_ missed you today."

My conversation with Alice spurred me on. "I missed you too," I told him, in the strongest voice I could manage. It was ridiculous how good I felt saying those four words to him, knowing I was certain about us now.

"So...are you busy? Could I come over if you're not?"

I smiled wickedly at the thought that ran through my mind. "That depends."

"On what?" he asked, a slight trace of fear in his words.

"I'm only on my first disk of _the OC_. Think you could handle watching some more with me?" He hated most of the shows I watched, _the OC_ and _Sex and the City _were his least favorites. I think our tastes in T.V. shows and movies were one of the only things we didn't have in common.

He sighed but agreed. "I'll be there. Oh, and Bella?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you."

And just like that, he set my heart aflame.

* * *

><p><strong>We're getting somewhere on the romance scale. FINALLY! <strong>

**What did you think of chapter 21? Leave a review and please tell me, because reviews help me to write. So please keep'em coming!**

**Thank you to my beta/partner in crime, RND4EVA, for making this story what it is. :)**

**A big thank you to anyone who reviewed, I got back to most of you but for those who I didn't have time to get to, thanks a bunch for the support.**

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**~ Casey**


	22. Chapter 22

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight

Chapter 22

"You don't have to do this, Bella," Edward told me for the millionth time and I sighed in response.

"I know I don't, but I want to. Do you not want me here?"

"Of course I want you here. You don't know how much this means to me that you're willing to do this. I only wanted to be sure you didn't feel like you _had _to be here."

I took his hand in mine and held it. "If we're going to do this, we need to do it right."

He took a breath and squeezed my hand. Dr. Gerandy's secretary, Gianna, came out to the waiting area, "The doctor will see you now." She spoke in a sultry voice, _for Edward's benefit no doubt._ His eyes didn't stray from me, though, and for that I was glad.

The office we were led into was incredible. It looked a lot like Carlisle's study except this was more modern and had an almost carefree atmosphere. The white walls had colorful art on it by several different artists. Since the room was on the bottom floor, glass doors opened to a small patio area, filled almost to the brim with flowers and exotic looking trees.

"Edward, good to see you again. This is Bella, I presume?" Dr Gerandy asked, holding his hand out for me to shake.

The doctor looked to be mid fifty's or early sixty's, and was a bit overweight. Even in his youth he probably wasn't the best looking person but I noticed, as we shook hands, that he seemed to exude professionalism.

"Yes, nice to meet you Doctor…" I replied.

"Please, call me Oliver," he said as we took our seats. Edward and I sat on a large lavender couch while Doc- _Oliver _sat on a single couch in front of us.

"Before we begin, we have to remember that what is said in this office, stays in this office. If there something said here that you do not like, and it doesn't get resolved by the end of the session, we can't hold it against one another. Also, this is a judge free zone and you can say whatever you feel you need to say."

I nodded my head in acceptance and we began.

"Now, I'm aware Bella knows about the incidents that led to your separation but for now, until we settle ourselves into a routine and are comfortable, we are going to focus on lighter subjects. Agreed?" Oliver asked and Edward and I both nodded in acceptance again.

"Great. So, Edward, tell us about last Saturday. You said that you and Bella were having a day apart from each other. How did that go for you?"

Edward cleared his throat. "I didn't like it; I missed her. When we're apart, it reminds me of before we decided to try again. When I remember that time in my life, I get..._depressed_."

"So what you're saying is that, being away from Bella reminds you of when you didn't have her. Of a very dark period in your life?"

"Yes, but we all know just being away from Bella wasn't my most difficult challenge, that was only part of it." Edward smiled bitterly. It was weird talking to someone else who knew everything about what Edward had gone through. Since he told me about the rape, we'd discussed it very little. So having Oliver ask these questions was kind of unsettling.

"Indeed, but you're here together now. Do you think the time away from each other had a positive outcome for you?" Oliver questioned.

"Um..." Edward shrugged. "It made me realize how much I miss her when she's not with me. I guess I forgot since we've seen each other almost every day since we decided to try again."

"Okay." Oliver said as if that was the answer he was looking for. "And you Bella? How was your Saturday?"

I took a breath, knowing I couldn't say it was fine and have him go back to questioning Edward. _I_ _meant it when I said I wanted to do things right_.

"It sucked, to be quite honest. I missed Edward, a lot. Alice took my shopping to cheer me up but everything reminded me of him. Eventually Alice gave up trying to make me happy again and I ended up going home to wallow."

"You didn't tell me that." Edward whispered as he looked at me with shining eyes.

"You didn't really ask." I shrugged.

"So, you missed Edward and Edward missed you. Since you were the one who requested time apart, do you feel it helped you figure anything out?" Oliver asked as he scribbled furiously onto his notepad.

"Yes, I had a talk with Alice about everything. I realized Edward made me happier than I thought he did and that..." I stopped suddenly, feeling the words get caught in my throat.

"What?" Oliver and Edward asked at the same time.

"That...that I really do love him and that there's no point fighting the inevitable when I know we belong together." I rushed out and Oliver smiled, while Edward looked at me in shock.

"Well," Oliver clapped his hands together. "Now we're getting somewhere."

-O~O~O-

"Is there anything new in the Edward department?" Angela asked as we spoke over the phone one night. _She had become increasingly interested in my love life all of a sudden and it was making me uncomfortable. _She kept trying to pump me for information about Edward. Then when I told her, in no uncertain terms, that it wasn't any of her business, she would back off.

_I had a weird feeling though._

"No," I answered curtly, pissed that she kept bringing it up. It wasn't as if she was a taking a friendly interest, it was like she was digging for something. "Why do you ask?"

"Oh you know, Ben and I are out of the honeymoon stage of our relationship so I have to live vicariously through you until we get married."

_Another two years of this...?_ "Right," I said, disbelievingly, noticing Edward's car parking outside. "I have to go Angela, Edward's here. I'll talk to you soon, okay?"

"I want all the gossip later!" she squealed, which was something I had never heard her do before, and then she hung up the phone. I began to wonder if Angela was changing because of Ben. _Was he shaping her to be his model fiancé or something?_

Edward walked in the door and gave me a friendly hug, making me forget all about the new ever-changing-Angela.

"Hello," he smiled into my hair as we embraced. "I missed you."

We had been to see Oliver again earlier in the week, and in that session he asked us about are fondest memories together. _To me it felt like marriage __counseling__ rather than therapy_. But I had to admit, it was helping us. Even though at the start of the sessions, it had been difficult for me. I loved Edward but I was having some trouble getting over him deceiving me about Irina raping him. Oliver helped me put it into perspective, for the most part and it was becoming easier now. More like breathing.

Edward and I went back to normal, laughing and joking, teasing and occasionally flirting. We went to the movies and hung out with Alice and Jasper like a typical couple..._although, we weren't really a couple since I__ hadn't promoted him yet_. Still, it was awesome.

"You saw me last night."

"It was still too long." he murmured into my hair and I felt him place a light kiss on my head.

_He was getting to be too sweet for his own good... _"I missed you too."

"You have no idea how good that sounds to me," he said, pulling away only to greet me with a relieved smile. I raised an eyebrow at him. "I like knowing you feel the same way."

"Dork..." I teased and snuggled back down into his chest. He squeezed my sides, where he knew I was extremely ticklish, and I squirmed. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

"I have a surprise," he whispered suddenly into my ear, causing me to shiver. "Turn around and close your eyes." I eyed him for a moment but turned around, curious and nervous at the same time.

I could feel his breath whooshing onto the back of my neck, his body pressed flush against mine and his nose skimming my shoulder, inhaling my scent. My breathing picked up and my body became alert. _He was so close..._

"Don't open your eyes or turn around until I tell you to."

"_Or what?"_ I challenged him and I could feel him chuckling behind me.

A finger skimmed the curve of my neck and trailed down onto my shoulder, leaving goose bumps on my body. Although it felt as if his touch was setting me aflame rather than making me chilly. Slowly, he leaned in to me, "...or I'll bite you."

_Either fuck me or kill me now, Edward..._

I knew I shouldn't have allowed it, because friends certainly did not act this way with each other. But I was having too much fun flirting with him to care. I don't know how he did it with just four words, but I was beyond turned on.

"Okay." I squeaked out and kept my eyes shut, trying to grasp onto the last shred of control I had left.

"Okay," he repeated with a smirk. I felt something cold and solid on my chest as his fingers moved to the back of my neck and hooked something. "Open your eyes."

I opened my eyes and, immediately, a glint of silver caught my attention.

_A locket._

It was by far the most unique locket I'd ever seen, but that made it it all the more beautiful to me. It was in a heart shape but the front of the heart was covered by two feathered wings made completely of silver. It wasn't big, but it was heavy. My fingers moved to examine it further. The wings opened like doors, both of them revealing a key hole they were hiding in the center of the heart and an inscription beside it.

_'Only he who holds the key shall unlock my heart.'_

"Edward..." I managed to get out but couldn't continue; I was speechless.

"I had it made for you and now seemed like a good time for you to have it."

I looked for a way to get inside the heart, though it seemed like I needed the key to the lock to open it. Then I remembered the inscription, _'Only he who holds the key shall unlock my heart.'_

"You have the key to it, don't you?" I asked and a smile spread on his face.

"I do," he answered and his hands took mine. "I know you're scared and I meant it when I said I'll wait forever for you. I gave you that locket because it symbolizes both of us together. Our hearts are one and I want you to look after mine for me, because every time I walk away from you I have to leave it behind. So when you're ready to share your heart with me, we'll come together. Then together, _as one_, we'll open our heart and see what's inside."

Tears welled in my eyes and I couldn't even find the words to tell him how sweet he was being. Edward was such a broken man, inside and out, yet there was such goodness and love in him still.

"I trust you already." I told him in a low, shaky voice and he placed a small kiss on my forehead.

"No, you don't." He argued.

_What...?_ "Of course I do." I reasoned and took a step away from him. "I trust you completely."

"You think you do, but you don't." he whispered and I was about to lose my cool when he spoke again. "Bella, tell me something. If I dropped to my knees right now and asked you to quit your job, marry me and let me support you, would you? If I asked you to run away with me without a moment's notice because we're both in danger, would come with me, without a second thought?"

I said nothing, but kept his intense gaze. I desperately wanted to shout back that he was wrong…

"If I promised you right now that I would never hurt you again, would you ever doubt that?"

I had to look away then, it was like his eyes were burning into my soul and he could see everything I had so carefully hidden. He could find the answer I wasn't even able to say.

"I-I'm sorry." I stuttered, realizing he was right.

"Don't be," he whispered as he collected me again in his arms. "It's okay and I'm not angry. It doesn't make me love you any less or make me see you in any other light. One day, you'll trust me and we'll open our heart together." he smiled adoringly. "I love you, Bella."

With those words, I crumbled.

Suddenly everything played in my mind. His words were everywhere and for once I didn't try to block them out.

_"You're something special, Bella Swan,"_

_"I figured I would take the chance if it meant holding you for any length of time."_

_"...just be happy here with me. Right now,"_

_"I've wanted you for forever,"_

_"You could never disappoint me Bella Swan. Whatever we do will be utterly and totally perfect just because it's you I'm doing it with."_

I loved him too and I was done fighting him on it.

Standing on my tip toes, I weaved my fingers into his hair and roughly pulled him to me. "I love you too," I stated before I crushed my lips to his, and fireworks exploded around me. He didn't respond for a moment, possibly still shocked, but he soon kissed me back with a fiery passion that made me forget everything but him.

He tasted perfect and as his tongue met mine, I couldn't stop the moan that escaped me; he was Heaven on Earth. I pressed my body closer to his, not wanting there to be any space between us. The thought of pulling away from him anymore hurt me to think about. He didn't seem to mind since his hands dug into my hips and brought me closer, only the layers of flimsy material separating us.

Our kiss began to slow and we would stop for a breath before he would place another peck or two on my lips, then reclaim them in a frantic, needy kiss where our mouths fought for dominance. When my swollen lips began to chafe and Edward's breathing returned to normal, we stood with our foreheads pressed against one another, gazing into each others eyes and smiling like idiots. _It was perfect..._

"You're so beautiful." he smiled and I looked away, blushing.

"Not so shabby yourself," I teased and he laughed in such a carefree way. Like all his problems didn't matter anymore because I was there in his arms.

"Oh yeah?" he smiled and leaned back in to deliver another peck on the corner of my mouth. "Does this mean I'm being promoted?"

I smiled wickedly. "No," I told him and his face fell. He broke eye contact and turned away from me, obviously upset, but I quickly took his head in between my hands. "But this does." My lips attacked his again and somehow we ended up on the couch, making out like two lovesick teenagers.

I knew we had to slow down before things got out of hand. I pulled away slightly, "You can date me now, but don't..._expect_ much."

He gave a mock disgusted face. "You mean you're not going to put out? Well, what am I even doing here if there's no sex?"

"Shut up," I laughed, slapping his arm playfully before I went back to playing with the button on his shirt shyly. "But...if we were going to have sex in the future...would you be alright after … everything?"

His happy mood seemed to disintegrate with my question and I panicked. "I'm sorry it's just that you were fine at the wedding...well, more than fine, actually. You were amazing at the wedding. I'm sure you could probably tell from all the screaming I was doing. But I was worried because I...I don't really remember much from that night. So if you freaked out I don't remember, because you know how champagne goes straight to my head. I'm sorry if you did freak out and I didn't notice because I was too drunk or horny...or maybe a mixture of both..." I rambled before I decided it was better to shut the hell up.

"I'm fine when it's with you." he murmured.

He didn't speak much after that and I felt guilty for ruining the moment and making him think about Irina. "Hey," I said and he turned to me. "You have me and I don't blame you for what happened. She won't dare come near you again."

"It's not _me_ I'm worried about."

"Don't worry about me. I'm fine, I can hold my own. My Dad's a cop, Emmett is a bear of a man and my brother-in-law, and I have you. We'll both be fine."

"I'm not much use to you, Bella." he growled darkly.

"Stop," I ordered. "Don't speak like that when you know you're wrong. You could protect me as much as anyone could and I've never doubted that."

He didn't seem to believe me and there was no use arguing with him when it would get us nowhere. So I settled for changing the subject. "Thank you for the necklace." The corners of his mouthed tugged a little.

"You're welcome." he responded, although it was less cheery than I would have hoped for.

It was starting to piss me off. "If you're going to sit there and sulk all night you're better off just leaving." I stomped away from him and into the kitchen. I couldn't believe we were making out one minute and fighting the next.

I huffed as I washed the dishes angrily. I don't know who I was angrier at; me for bringing up the topic or him for doubting himself and ruining the mood.

Hands suddenly wrapped around my waist, making me yelp in fright. His head buried into my neck. I stood still, not giving in because he totally killed my _just-made-out_ buzz.

"I'm sorry for ruining everything. I should be kissing your feet right now for promoting me and instead I'm sitting around feeling sorry for myself. Will you forgive me?"

He had gotten my forgiveness the moment he followed me into the kitchen, but I was stubborn by nature. "We'll see." I said and lips touched my neck.

"On what?" he asked and continued trailing kissing up my neck.

"On how great you can go about wooing me on our first date."

**-O~O~O-**

"I don't know why guys hate it so much. It's so awesome!" I told Riley from my desk and he raised an eyebrow.

"You made your boyfriend watch two seasons of _Sex and __the City _and you're telling me he didn't complain once? He either really loves you or he's gay."

"He's not really my..." I was about to correct him, but I decided it didn't really matter. "He's not gay, trust me. I made him watch it. Believe me when I say he hates it." I laughed and Riley looked away in defeat.

"Well, looks like you have Mr. Perfect already, if you're interested in another one, you know my number," he joked and I slapped him on the arm.

"Right," I replied sarcastically and began getting back to work.

Work was much better now that Lauren was gone. True to Kate's word, Lauren hadn't stepped foot near the office since she got fired and for that I was glad. I had listened to her nasally voice enough to last me a lifetime.

Kate was also evaluating me to see if I could be advanced in the agency. She told me sometime in the coming month she would let me off paperwork duty and let me back out showing property.

Life was going well, _for a change_.

Except the Angela thing. She was still being weird. So much so, that I opted not to go to _the Glass House_ with her anymore. I couldn't figure out what was up with her. I'd talked to Ben and did some research. He didn't seem like the type of guy to try and mold someone into his idea of perfect, so the only other explanation was that it was just Angela changing. If it was, _who was I to tell her it was wrong?_ If I did, I would be exactly like I thought Ben was, molding her to fit my idea of how she should be and that wasn't right.

It hurt me to not have Angela in my life. But I really didn't like this new pushy version of her and if we weren't going to get along, what was the point of trying to have a friendship?

"You okay, Swan? Seem pretty down all of a sudden." Riley observed as he stood behind me with a stack of papers in his hand.

I plastered a smile on my face. "Yeah, it's nothing. Don't worry about it."

He shrugged and continued on his way. I went back to work and, thankfully, got the mountain of paperwork Kate had given me done.

I got a text at around five from my dad saying he wanted have dinner with me at _the Lodge. _I hadn't seen him in a while so I told him I'd be there. Unfortunately, Edward chose to text me about ten minutes after I'd texted my Dad back, saying that he wanted to have dinner with me also.

"Hello, miss me already?" Edward asked when I called him.

"Hmm, well I definitely didn't miss your cocky attitude."

I could hear him chuckling on the other end. "Good one."

"Thanks, it's a curse really. Anyway, I called to tell you I can't do dinner tonight. I'm going to_ the __Lodge_ with my Dad and I miss him since you're hogging all my time up." I told him in mock anger.

"Crap, I knew I should've called earlier." he said and I smirked a little. _Who knew I was so popular...? _"Tomorrow night you're coming out with me, then. It'll be a date you will never forget. Oh and wear comfortable shoes."

"Hmm...I'll have to check my busy schedule. I'm very in demand nowadays."

"Sure you are." he replied sarcastically.

"Kay, I have to go. I'll call you later about dinner."

"Love you," he cut in and I laughed at his enthusiasm. _Such a nerd..._

"I love you too."

**-O~O~O-**

Holding a conversation with Dad was never easy. He was a man of few words and the only thing that really interested him was sports and fishing, two things I knew nothing, or cared anything, about. But after ten years of living with him, conversation began to get easy.

Until he brought up a certain subject: _Men._

"You seeing anyone lately?" _You had to ask the one question I was avoiding..._

"Um...sorta." I answered, hoping he wouldn't ask for too much detail. I'd been avoiding telling him I was back with Edward. I knew he would freak out if I told him. He wasn't a big Edward fan after the whole cheating fiasco and I couldn't exactly tell him Edward's secret about the rape. "How are you and Sue doing?" I asked, hoping the change the subject.

"Yeah, great...that's um... sort of why I asked you to have dinner with me," he murmured and cleared his throat nervously. "I asked Sue, Seth and Leah to move in with me on Sunday. They said yes."

_Well, color me impressed... _"Wow...congratulations, Dad. I'm happy for you and Sue." I smiled and his cheeks turned red. _Like Father, like daughter..._

"Thanks sweetheart. I'm pretty darn happy too. Anyway enough about me, who is this guy you're _sorta seeing, _I hope he's better than the last one." Charlie said as he took a chunk out of stake and I gulped nervously, playing with my salad. I didn't know if he meant Edward or Jake, but I was hoping for the latter.

"He's a great guy...I like him a lot." I mumbled.

"Do I know him?" Charlie asked._ God, why do you hate me?_

"Yeah," I sighed, giving up, because he was going to find out sooner or later in a little town like Forks where gossip spread like wildfire. Plus, I felt bad for hiding things from him.

"Oh?" he asked with a raised eyebrow.

_Come on, you can do this, Bella..._

"It's Edward."

Charlie's brow furrowed. "What's Edward?" he questioned, looking around him and I smacked my head with my hand in frustration.

"It's Edward Cullen. I'm seeing Edward again, Dad."

His face went as white as a ghost before his eyes narrowed and his white complexion turned to red with a great bulging vein popping out on his forehead. I called it the _You__'__r__e__-in-so-much-fucking-trouble _vein and I'd only seen it twice before.

The next thing I knew, I heard a chair scraping off the floor and Charlie was flying past me with speed I didn't even know he was capable of.

"Dad! Dad!" I screamed, running to him and grabbing his arm. "Stop it! Where the hell do you think you're going?" If I hadn't been so afraid that he was going to beat the shit out of Edward, I would've been so embarrassed that everyone in the restaurant was gawking at us.

"I'm gonna kill that little shit! I was angry when he came over to get your key and said you were just _friends! _But I'm past fucking furious now Isabella Marie Swan! How the fuck could you be dating him?" I'd never seen my Dad so angry, in fact I'd never heard him cuss before when there wasn't sports on the T.V.

I tried to explain that Edward had changed, but, of course, he would hear nothing of it.

He ripped his arm from me and went out to the parking lot. I scrambled right after him.

"What are you going to do? Arrest him?" I spat as he got to his car.

"No, I'm getting my gun and I'm going to shoot that little fucker." With that he hopped in and sped off, leaving me in total and utter shock.

All I could think was;_ If I wasn't so terrified Charlie was going to kill Edward, I'd totally say my Dad kicked ass._

* * *

><p><strong>Sorry for the sort-of cliffhanger, but it had to be done. Originally, chapter 21 and 22 were one long chapter, but I split them into two because I thought it would be better.<strong>

**Edward and Bella KISSED! She promoted him! FINALLY! Things will be getting steamy from here people. I hope you're prepared. And somethings still up with Angela... **

**I have a picture of Bella's locket and Edward's key on my profile. Hope you like it as much as I do.**

**A big thank you to my Beta, RND4EVA. I've been working her pretty hard and yet she always comes through for me. So thank you.**

**I made a banner for this story, it sorta sucks but it was the best I could do, so... whatever. It's on my profile if you'd like to see it.**

**Thanks for all the reviews and for everyone who has recommended this story on facebook or on their FF profiles. But I really want to get as far as I can go on the review scale so PLEASE REVIEW! ****I'M BEGGING YOU TO REVIEW!**

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**See you next chapter and happy reading,**

**~ Casey**


	23. Chapter 23

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight

Chapter 23

_"What are you going to do? Arrest him?" I spat as he got to his car._

_"No, I'm getting my gun and I'm going to shoot that little fucker." With that he hopped in and sped off, leaving me in total and utter shock._

_All I could think was; If I wasn't so terrified Charlie was going to kill Edward, I'd totally say my Dad kicked ass._

"FUCK!" I screamed in frustration, as I stood alone in the parking lot. My Dad was going to seriously hurt Edward, _in fact I wouldn't rule out torture..._

Pulling out my phone, I dialed Edward's number. "Hi," his voice answered.

"Edward you need to-"

"This is Edward, I can't pick up the phone at the moment but if you leave your name and number, I'll get back to you."

"NO!" I roared and left him a message, basically telling him to get the fuck out of Washington before my Dad castrates him. _Yes, __I was being a little dramatic... _

I called Sue next, thinking if there was anyone who could reason with my Dad, it would be her. "Bella honey, slow down." she tried, but I was in too much of a panic.

"He's going to kill him, Sue! You have to stop Dad before he kills my Edward."

"_Your_ Edward?" she questioned.

_Did I say that...? _"Yes, I said_ my _Edward, and I don't give a shit what anyone else thinks. So please, just stop Dad before he shoots him."

"Bella, sweetheart, I'm so sorry but he ran out of here, angry as the devil himself, about ten minutes ago. You say he's going to hurt Edward? Oh dear god, that idiotic man..." Sue murmured under her breath, angrily, but was interrupted by a loud beeping in my ear.

_I had an incoming call...please be him...please be him..._

"I gotta go Sue. Bye," I rushed out and pressed the end call button before answering again. "Edward?" I all but screamed.

"Bella, love. What's wrong? You called me; fucking shouting something about getting out of Washington and you didn't pick up the first two times I called! I was going out of my mind! Are you okay? Where are you? I'm coming to get you." He rushed out and I thanked god he answered before my Dad got to him.

"Where are you?"

"I'm at my parents' home, Bella. Why? You're scaring me; Please tell me you're okay."

"Edward, listen to me, my Dad's on his way to your house. I told him about us and he freaked out. He has a loaded gun and a bullet with your name on it. You need to leave _now_."

Edward was silent for a moment and I was about to scream at him not to waste any more time when he spoke. "Well, that explains why your Father just pulled into my driveway." His voice was eerily calm, and I nearly got sick.

Charlie was already there. _Shit!_

I knew he must have been freaking out, so I decided to give him words of encouragement. "He won't kill you," _I hope... _"He's all bark and no bite." _I really hope..._

"Either way, I'm about to get my ass kicked. I'll call you back. _I love you, __Bella_." Edward hung up. _He fucking hung up!_

Since Charlie had brought me to the Lodge, and then left without me, I was stranded. It was obvious that Edward couldn't come get me, considering he was about to get the shit kicked out of him. I had to get to Edward's as soon as possible, and that left me with a dilemma:

I couldn't call Rosalie because she would be all for Edward getting maimed by Charlie.

I couldn't call Alice because she and the kids were at the Zoo and Jasper was working.

I couldn't call Emmett because he would get too aggressive and probably hurt my Dad for hurting his little brother.

I couldn't call Esme or Carlisle because they would probably be as angry as Charlie if they knew the full story.

So it left me with only one option. _Desperate times call for desperate measures..._

"Hello?" he answered, and I sighed in relief.

"Riley?"

**-O~O~O-**

"Thank you so much! I know you were probably busy and I'm so sorry but it's a real emergency, I swear." I told Riley as we sped through Forks. Riley's driving was worse than Edward's; he had a serious case of road rage.

"It's fine, it's fine," he assured me. I took a moment to look at him; he didn't seem to look very good today. He wasn't his usual tidy self. His pale blonde hair was in disarray and his hazel eyes were tired looking and bloodshot.

"Are you okay, Riley?" I inquired.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I just had a rough night last night. A girl I was seeing left me." he shrugged like it was nothing.

"I'm so sorry. If I'd known I wouldn't have asked anything of you. I'm really very so-"

"Don't," he ordered in a dark growl before composing himself. "I hate the word _'sorry'._"

The rest of the ride with Riley had been awkward, to say the least. I didn't really know what to say and I don't think he did either. We just sat in silence until he dropped me off at the top of Edward's street. I did give him a hug goodbye and told him to be strong; that there was plenty more fish in the sea.

Then like a bat out of hell, I bolted to Edward's house.

"Edward? Dad?" I shouted as I ran inside, terrified that I was too late and one of them was hurt. "Edward, where are you?"

"Inside," A voice groaned, coming from the direction of the kitchen. I ran through the house as fast as my legs would take me.

"_Oh my God_," I gasped at the sight of him. "He hit you!"

Edward's face was bloodied and bruised, like I'd expected it to be, so I don't really know why I was so shocked. His eye had swollen to the size of a golf ball and was black and blue, his nose had two pieces of bloodied toilet paper stuck up it and looked broken.

The anger that was directed at my father took over me. "We have to get you to a hospital and you need to press charges." I ordered, coming over and taking the keys to his car.

"I'm not pressing charges Bella. Charlie will lose his job and only end up hating me more."

"We can't let him get away with this. He's the _chief of Police _and he attacked you, Edward. He, _of all people_, should know better than that. It'll be his own damn fault if he loses his job." I was positively livid. I couldn't believe Charlie had the audacity to harm Edward in his own home, and think he could just skip past the consequences.

But things with Charlie would have to wait until later; Edward was my first priority.

"Do you need anything before we go to the hospital?"

"Yeah I do. Can you kiss me, then hug me and sit with me while you calm down?" he asked as he opened his arms for me. _They looked so good to snuggle into..._

"No," I stated and crossed my arms over my chest so I could resist the urge to touch him. "We need to get you to the hospital. Your nose is_ so _broken."

"Bella, please. It doesn't hurt that much. All I need is some TLC and I'll be good to go." He smiled crookedly and I sighed, giving up and snuggling into him. "Hmm...You feel good." he murmured as he held me tighter to his chest.

He was making me feel calmer but I was still incredibly worried and angry that my Dad had hit him. I was a grown woman for Christ sake. I could date whomever I wanted; I didn't need his permission or blessing.

"Are you sure you're okay?" I asked again and I felt him nod into my hair.

"I'm more than okay; I'm perfect because I have you in my arms. The only thing that would make me feel bad is if you got angry and fought with your father over this," he told me and I frowned.

It annoyed me that he wasn't going to stand up for himself. Standing away from him, I shouted, "You're acting like this no big deal, when it clearly is. He attacked you in your own home!"

"No, I _let_ him into the house. We spoke to each other-" I cut him off.

"Yeah, _spoke _alright. Your black eye and broken nose speaks volumes!"

"-in a civilized manner. He said he wanted me to stay away from you and I told him it wasn't an option. He resigned himself to the fact that he wasn't going to win either way and we shook hands like men," Edward said in a very dignified tone as I looked at him in shock. Then, in a quite tone, he added, "_Then_ he hit me. Twice."

It was silent for a moment before I realized there was no use fighting with Edward. He didn't deserve my anger so I would have to reserve it solely for my Dad.

"I'm sorry he hit you."

"Don't be sor-" Edward was cut off by the sound of the front door opening and then slamming shut.

"Edward?" Carlisle's voice called from the hallway. "Charlie Swan just left me the most insane message," he walked in, looking surprised when his eyes landed on Edward's battered appearance. "God Almighty, he wasn't kidding. Oh, Charlie and I are going to have some words tonight! Get over here and I'll check to see if he broke anything." Carlisle seemed pretty angry and I was glad I wasn't the only one.

"Bella, you should go, there's going to be a lot of blood." Edward sighed, knowing that the smell of fresh blood made me nauseous. It was bad enough already just standing beside Edward and looking at all the dried blood on his shirt and nose.

"Okay," I agreed and placed a chaste kiss on his cheek. "I'm really sorry for what my Dad did. If you're feeling better later, call me?"

"I will," Edward answered as he sat down in front of Carlisle. "I love you, Bella."

I froze and so did Carlisle. _Did he really say that in front of his Dad? Did he want to get the shit kicked out of him twice?_ For a brief second I was scared and didn't really know if I should answer or pretend I didn't hear him. But then I remembered what I'd said to Sue not even an hour ago. _"Yes, __I said__ my Edward, and I don't give a shit what anyone else thinks..."_

So I took a breath and found my voice and my courage. "I love you too," I told him with a smile, and left feeling the nervous butterflies in my stomach flutter away.

**-O~O~O-**

"Where are we going?" I asked, as Edward drove with a smug smile plastered on his face.

"It wouldn't be a surprise if I told you now, would it?" he said with a wink and I realized it was exactly what he'd said the first time we'd gone out with each other.

"Whoa, deja vu. We are literally doing everything we did on our first date." I smiled at the memory of _Geekward_. How I missed his geeky and fuck hot ways, when he would stutter and hand me maimed flowers he'd sat on...Now he was _Sweetward_ but he still had a lot of the fuck hot ways, even with the damaged face...

"I've decided to be very unoriginal tonight."

I giggled and looked out the window into the dark night. I had been excited when Edward assured me that, even though Charlie beat the snot out of him, _literally since his nose had been broken, _he still wanted to go on our date.

When the forest entrance came into view, I realized where we were going. "You're taking me to our meadow?" I gasped, bouncing with excitement.

"I did say I was being very unoriginal and we haven't been up here since we graduated College."

"Yeah," I smirked at the memory. "That was a great date. Who knew one little kiss could turn into you defiling me in a public place?"

He looked at me with a shocked expression before his eyes narrowed playfully. "If I remember correctly, you were begging me to defile you in that meadow." _Damn him, and his sexy crooked smirk..._

"Whatever," I replied in mock annoyance. "You seemed to enjoy it."

"Yeah, I enjoyed it_. A__ lot_." he sighed as he shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

I smirked wickedly in return, knowing I had the same effect on him as he had on me. The upside was, being a woman, I could conceal it better. "You okay over there? You're squirming an awful lot."

He shot me a dirty look before his eyes trained back on the road. "We're here."

I got out of the car and looked around, although it was a bit pointless since I could see hardly anything until Edward pulled out a large flashlight. His hand grasped mine and even with the dim light, I could see his intense green eyes sparkling.

"Say it, I know you want to."

His chuckled a bit before I felt him lean in and place his forehead against mine so we were looking directly into each others eyes. "_I'll keep you safe,_" he whispered and leaned in to capture my lips with his, only to place a soft and gentle kiss on them. "From everything … From the hurt I caused you before, from all that I was, and am still striving to get rid of and-" he stopped mid-sentence, but I knew what he having trouble saying.

"James won't hurt us. He'll never find you if we're careful, and we will be." I tried to assure him but Edward still looked conflicted.

"If he ever comes for me, Bella, promise me you'll leave me and never look back. I would willingly accept death, if it meant knowing you were safe."

I looked at him in disbelief._ How could he expect me to leave him if James came for him?_ That would be when he needed me most; I could never leave him, especially if I knew he was in danger of any kind.

"No, I won't promise you that." I objected and he opened his mouth to speak before I cut him off. "Remember when you told me that you were my husband, divorce or not? Till death do us part, _remember?_ I won't give you up without a fight. Anywhere you go, I'm coming with you." I didn't realize the implication of what I had said until it came out of my mouth. I didn't mean I would take my own life if he died. Because in all honesty, I had no idea what I would do if Edward was taken from me. We were young still, I'd never given it much thought and I didn't really want to.

"We'll talk about this later. Let's just have tonight," I suggested as Edward nodded in agreement, guiding me through the forest up the tiny dark path that lead to the meadow.

When we arrived at the meadow, it was so surreal. He'd decorated it almost the exact same as he did on our first date, with a few minor changes. But what was strange was that, even with all the passing time, it had never changed. Everything was exactly how it was when I last saw it, from the trees to the patches of wild flowers. It was as if this place was an alternate universe, where time never moved on and the outside world didn't matter.

This was our place. Our sanctuary.

"Oooh, I see we went for the fancier option and bought a white plastic bench instead of chairs," I teased and a small blush tinted his cheeks.

"Home Depot's finest," he shrugged and the corners of his mouth tugged.

"It's beautiful," I smiled walking into the center of the dainty twinkling Christmas lights. "It's so amazing. This place hasn't changed at all. When I'm here with you, it's like nothing ever changed between us." I laughed and he joined in, pulling me with him to sit on the bench.

As soon as he sat down, I attacked him, my lips claiming his. He tasted like heaven and hell mixed together. One minute I was happy because he was kissing me, the next I was frustrated because I craved more. His tongue ran along the outside of my lip and I opened for him, feeling his shallow breaths blow into my body as I panted against him, no longer in control of my body. I moaned in delight and I knew we had to slow down or we'd end up doing more than I was ready for.

"I love you." he told me in a low tone, almost a whisper.

"Don't you think that's a bit forward for a first date?" I teased, shrugging indifferently before adding seriously, "I love you too."

"I have a surprise," he announced, bending over to collect something from a large cooler he had beside the bench.

"If it's another locket, I don't want it. I'm never taking mine off." I told him, fingering the heart that rested on my chest.

"It's not a locket, but it is champagne," he smiled cheerily, holding up two bottles in his hands. _This__ man knows me __so well__..._

Two hours later, after drinking both bottles of champagne and laughing so hard our sides hurt, we started dancing. Edward brought his IPod and docking station, and played _Paolo Nutini's _'_Candy_' for me. We swayed together, with my head on his shoulder, and Edward sang softly into my ear.

"_Oh darling, I'll kiss your eyes_

_and lay you down on your rug_

_just give me some candy_

_after my hug..."_

Edward had a wonderful voice and the moment was so sweet, it made my eyes water. _Either that or I had __drank__ way too much champagne. _"I love you," I breathed and turned my head so it was tucked into his neck.

"_Oh and I'll be there_

_Waiting for you..."_

We danced until three in the morning and when I got sleepy, Edward carried me to the car. After driving me home, he tucked me into bed, kissing me goodnight gently.

The next morning, when I woke, I found a glass of water and some _Advil_ beside my bedside table. I couldn't stop the smile that spread on my face or the tears that formed in my eyes. It still felt so strange to be taken care of by someone again.

Edward really loved me and he cared so deeply for me. So the hell with Irina, Tanya, James, or anyone else who wanted to stop us from being together. _We were __happy__._

Edward was _mine_ and this time nothing would ruin our forever.

* * *

><p><strong>Hello everyone,<strong>

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	24. Chapter 24

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight

Chapter 24

I wanted to hit him.

I wanted to smack that stupid mustache off his face and make him feel what Edward felt when he attacked him out of the blue.

"I'm not sorry," Charlie stated in a disinterested tone. _I saw red_.

"Maybe not now, but you will be sorry when Edward presses charges and you lose your job. By the way, what a great chief of police you are. Attacking someone, even when the situation had nothing to do with you." I snarled back at him, digging my fingers into the couch and looking around my Dads living room in an attempt to calm myself down.

I was sorry I even came to speak to him. It had been two weeks since he beat the shit out of Edward and the only words I'd said to him were, '_If you value your life, stay away from me.'_ He must have gotten the message because hadn't tried communicating with me after that.

It was on Sue's insistence that we reconcile. I thought she'd meant Charlie was ready to act like a normal person again and was sorry, but apparently I was mistaken. He was still being a dick.

"It has every goddamn thing to do with me when it involves you, Bella. You're my little girl and I won't let that scumbag hurt you again."

"Little girl?" I asked in disbelief. "How old do I fucking look-"

"Language!"

I paid no attention to him and continued ranting. "I'm twenty six years old! I'm not a little girl. I live by myself, I have a job, I have an ex-husband, I pay taxes; I'm a fully grown adult and I do not need your blessing or your opinion on who I date."

Charlie stood up and began pacing around his living room. "May I remind you that when that fucker cheated on you, you were distraught, catatonic, even though you hid it well. You left Forks, Bella, you left _me _and it scared me, because all I want is to know that at the end of the day you are safe and happy. When he did that to you, I didn't know where you were and I knew for a fact you were upset!"

"I'm happy, Dad. It's only when we're apart that I'm unhappy." I argued and my father rolled his eyes and sighed.

"Enough with the hopeless romantic bullshit. I've been in a marriage that didn't work out, Bells. I know it feels like you can't make it without them, but you can. Trust me, you can. You don't need to go back to him just to forget the sense of loss. Lots of marriages end-" I cut him off before he could finish.

"Stop it, just stop." I shouted, holding my hand up before continuing in a softer tone, "You don't know anything about what I'm feeling, Dad. I understand what you're saying but this isn't about trying to save my marriage. We're not you and Mom. My marriage is over and I know that. But my relationship with Edward is not. There's no sense of loss in what we have now, only the happiness of a new beginning. I know you're worried but this is my decision. And I love him." I shrugged and Charlie grumbled something unintelligent before sinking down into his chair.

"Fine," he sighed in defeat, scrubbing his face with his hands. "I don't care. Do what you want. But if he hurts you, you can go crying to your mother in Phoenix again. Because I warned you that this would blow up in your face."

"Wow, thanks for the support." I replied sarcastically.

"Don't mention it," he grumbled before adding, "Now I'm serious. Don't mention this to me anymore; don't bring him over here, don't let me see him, don't come crying to me when it's over."

Sighing, I gave up and walked out, knowing he was going to be stubborn about this no matter what I said to him. At least we were on better terms than before.

I was only half way home when I got a call from Angela. I sighed heavily, as I always did now when I saw her name light up on the caller ID. She wanted to spend time with me again because she'd said she'd been neglecting me as a friend and had been spending all her time with Ben. It was true. But I didn't mind all that much. It kept the new annoying Angela busy and when she was busy, she didn't have time to interrogate me about my life. Honestly, I missed the old Angela a lot. I missed how it used to be so easy to hang out with her and talk to her about anything.

It sucked that she'd changed the moment that ring went on her finger.

"Hello?" I answered, a bit reluctantly.

"Bella!" Angela cheered and I groaned internally. "We need to meet up, I miss you. We have to talk about everything. What's going on? Hows Edwa-" I cut her off mid-sentence. It was her own bad-luck that she called me on a bad day.

"Angela, I can't do this with you anymore. It's so fucking irritating that you constantly pump me for information about Edward, when it has absolutely nothing to do with you. Then even when I tell you to back off you stop, but then do the exact same thing the next day. I'm not an idiot; I know you want to know something. So why not just fucking ask me?" I screamed into the receiver.

"I-" Angela choked on her words.

"_What_?" I asked, truly curious now. She definitely wanted something from me but it was something she couldn't ask me outright. I wanted to know so Angela and I could move past this. I wanted things to go back to the way they were with us.

"Spit it out, Ang. Come on, I miss the old you and the only way I get her back is if you stop beating around the bush and ask me whatever it is you want."

"I-I'm so sorry Bella. I can't do this anymore," she cried before hanging up the phone, leaving me totally and utterly confused.

**-O~O~O-**

I'd tried calling Angela, but she wasn't answering her phone. Ben said she hadn't come home and I was really starting to worry. _What if something happened to her? _It would be all my fault if she got hurt.

_I shouldn't have snapped at her..._

"Angela, call me; I'm scared. Where are you? Ben said you didn't come home and he's probably freaking out too. Forget what I said. I just had a really shitty day and I've never felt so guilty and horrible in my life that I made you upset. Please, please, please call me." That was only one of the many messages I'd left on her cell phone.

By eleven that night, Ben called me and told me she'd come home eventually.

"Was she okay?" I asked, tears blurring my eyes.

"Bella, she wasn't upset by anything you did. She's majorly..._unhappy_ with me at the moment. She... she left for her Parents house tonight." Ben sighed, and I could hear the frustration and hurt in his voice as he spoke.

"Her parents?" I gasped. "B-but they live in Turkey. When is she coming back?"

Ben didn't speak for a minute; all I could hear was his ragged breathing as he held in sobs. "She's not coming back, she called off the wedding. She doesn't love me, apparently."

Ben proceeded to tell me everything that had happened. He didn't go into much detail, but it sounded as if Angela had changed her mind about marrying Ben over something. Then like the shitty friend I was, I snapped at her and I'd lost her because of it. _Maybe I'd lost her for Ben too..._

"When did she leave the house? She could still be at the airport. If we hurry, we could make it there on time and stop her from going."

"Bella, she doesn't love me anymore. I don't think she ever really did, she liked the idea of marriage to me but then it started becoming real to her and..._I don't know_...she just didn't want it after all."

"I'm really sorry Ben. I'm sure she'll come around though, I know she loves you. I mean, her life is here with _you_. All she ever wanted to do was spend time with _you_ and when she spoke about you, she got this loved up look. She cares Ben and if you care, you'll go after her. Don't let her leave like this." I advised him, because I was sure she was only scared of the unknown.

"Yeah...I'll try my best. But I see no point in fighting a losing battle."

"You can't say that when you haven't even tried fighting."

"Like I said, I'll try my best." he sighed, and already he sounded defeated.

I'd already failed one friend miserably, I couldn't fail another. I owed it to Angela if nothing else. "Do you want to come over and take your mind off things? Edward's coming over anyway." I lied, but I knew Edward wouldn't let me down if I needed him.

"Edward? As in Edward Cullen?" he asked, a trace of surprise in his voice.

"Yeah, do you know him?" _I didn't see how he could know him_. Ben wasn't from around here and from the way Angela used to speak of him; she made it sound like he didn't have very many friends except Eric.

"No," Ben answered quickly. "Eric told me about ...well about...um..." _Oh, that's right._ Eric knew about Tanya and Edward from our squabble in the nightclub. I had forgotten that tramp was Eric's girlfriend_. __That and a__ gold-digging whore_.

"… About Tanya and Edward." I finished for him, saying her name through gritted teeth. Even saying her name was repulsive to me, especially since I knew the truth about what she and Irina had done to Edward.

"Yeah...I'm sorry, I shouldn't have brought it up. But yeah, I'd really appreciate it if I could come over. I need to be in the company of people so I don't drink myself to oblivion."

"Don't worry about it; we'll drink, just not to oblivion."

**-O~O~O-**

Ben was as cheery as a person who just lost his fiancé could be. I was glad I called Edward because I had no idea what to say to Ben. Edward, however, was an expert in comforting.

"You have to be positive about it. Keep telling yourself you'll get her back." Edward drilled into Ben's head over and over again. It seemed to be working though. _I think__ the Vodka also helped..._

Edward and I tried to make an effort not to be too touchy-feely with each other around Ben. Edward said it would only serve to make him more depressed if he saw us all loved up, and I agreed. Still, it was strange. I hadn't noticed how affectionate we were with each other until we had to stop for Ben's sake. _It was practically killing me __to keep my distance..._

"So, have you guys been back together awhile now...?" Ben slurred a bit.

"Yeah, not long. Only a couple of months." I answered simply, not wanting to explain our situation. Edward tried to contain his smile at my answer, but failed miserably.

"You're a lucky guy, Cullen. Bella's one hell of a keeper." he smiled bitterly.

"I know," Edward replied in a low tone as if it was only for my ears to hear, while his baby finger intertwined with mine, out of Ben's sight. I had no idea how that one discreet touch could set my body on fire.

"I work too much; my life is dedicated to my job. That's why Angie doesn't want me." Ben murmured as he took another swig from the bottle in his hands.

"Angela's probably going through something right now. Everything will work out."

"I hope," he mumbled and sighed before standing on unsteady legs. "I'm going to head home. I want to be alone for a while. Thank you for listening to my pathetic whining." _Didn't he know both Edward and I had been there before...?_

"Shut up," I asserted. "It wasn't pathetic. We're your friends, Ben; we're here for you." I assured him and went over to give him a friendly hug which he gladly returned.

"I'll drive you home." Edward promised and grabbed his car keys.

Ben thanked me and staggered out to Edward's car, but before Edward could leave, I grabbed his hands and dragged him back toward me. Pressing my body into him, I captured his lips in a frantic kiss, needing him but knowing we couldn't let Ben see. There were waterworks going on in my pants and I felt like I was going to implode if I didn't feel him against me.

"Come back after you drop Ben home." I breathed frantically and Edward nodded before taking my lips again.

"I love you," he told me, his voice husky and low.

"I love you too. Now go and hurry back." I said this, but my body and lips were unwilling to let him go.

He gave me one last kiss and squeeze for the road, before hurrying himself out to Ben.

While he was gone, I tried desperately to keep myself busy. But all I could think about was the feeling of his lips and body pressed against mine. I knew that if I didn't gain control over myself by the time he got back, we would be doing a lot more than making out.

In all fairness, Edward looked like sex on legs tonight in his dark jeans and baby blue t-shirt. It was a loose shirt, but it didn't look too big on him, it just showed the outline of his perfect pecs and abs whenever he moved. _Screw __it;__ I'm going to jump him..._

"Calm down," I whispered to myself as I took deep breaths, attempting to slow my heart, which was pounding frantically in my chest.

The door opened and I all but jumped on him before he even had a chance to step inside. However, I noticed this time he wasn't as into my kisses as he had been before.

"What's the matter?" I asked as I nibbled on his bottom lip and my hands greedily traveled across his chest, thinking about how it would feel if he did that to me. _Wow, __am I__ h__orny __..._

"Nothing," he dismissed but I could tell something was up with him. I gave him a _tell-me _look and he sighed before continuing, "I don't like him."

"Who don't you like?" I questioned, pushing away my desire and halting my kisses so I could talk to him properly.

"Ben."

I had no idea where this had come from. Edward had been friendly and supportive to Ben when he'd been here. So either something had happened in the car on the way to get Ben home or Edward was really good at concealing his feelings.

"What? You were getting along great before you guys left. Did something happen?" I asked him, concerned now. I caressed his cheek lovingly as a way to comfort him.

"No...Nothing happened in the car. He just...there's something not right with that guy. I'd prefer it if you stayed away from him."

"How can you say that after having only met him once?" I was starting to get a bit pissed. He was telling me to stay away from Ben, whose fiancé just left him, because he was getting a weird vibe after only meeting him once in his entire life.

"Bella, trust me on this one. That guy is no good." Edward pleaded and it reminded of Charlie telling me to stay away from Edward. I was sick of being told who I could be friends with or date. I could feel the anger boil inside of me and I lashed out.

"Of course I'll trust you. You've been such a good fucking judge of character before!" I shouted at him, regretting what I'd said the moment the words left my mouth. I was about to apologize when Edward cut me off.

"That was a cheap shot and you know it," he growled. "That guy is a creep and if you think he isn't, well it looks like the fucking tables have turned. I'm only looking out for you because I love you, Bella. I want you safe and that's all." Edward shouted before marching to the front door.

"Angela left him; I can't just leave a friend when he has no one else to turn to!"

He stopped short and turned slightly. "Ben's not your friend. He's digging for something and my best guess is… your friend Angela was in on it too." I gasped at what he was implying. _I knew there was something up with Angela..._

"How? …What? ..." I couldn't string a sentence together in my state of shock.

"If he comes near you again, tell me and I'll get rid of him." Edward said in an ice cold and razor sharp voice then made a move to leave.

"Edward," I called, "Don't go yet, I'm sorry. You're looking out for me, I was being a bitch."

We said nothing for a moment and he didn't move. I think he was trying to calm down before he answered me. I didn't blame him if he was angry at me. I had lashed out for no reason other than I was being stubborn. He only wanted to make sure I was safe.

"No," he whispered, standing with his back to me. "You're right. I'm a shitty judge of character, but I _have_ been a lawyer for a while. I know when someone is trying to coax something out of you _and Ben's doing just that_." he told me, turning around so I could see his blazing emerald eyes.

"What do you think he wants?"

"I think he's probably snooping for someone." Edward answered, coming over to take my hands in his, which I didn't realize had been trembling, until he touched me.

"But who would want to-" I stopped when realization came to me. All the pieces of the puzzle were fitting together and they were making a pretty clear picture.

"_Tanya_." We both answered in union.

"You said Tanya was dating Eric, who is Ben's business partner and, supposedly best friend. Tell me this then, if they're so close, when Ben's fiancé left him and moved to another country, why would he come to you, who was actually Angela's friend, rather than go to his own best friend?"

I felt like such an idiot for not seeing this sooner. Maybe I was the one who was bad judge of character. ".._Becau__se I told him you'd be here too.__" _I admitted.

"That's what I thought," he said before murmuring curses about Tanya under his breath.

"How did I not see this? I knew there was something up with Angela. She kept asking stuff about you and I, and I never thought it could be Tanya's doing."

"It's not your fault. If it's anyone's fault it's mine."

"Well, there's no point playing the blame-game Edward. It's no one's fault other than that psychotic bitch's. _The question now i__s…_ how are we going to deal with it? "

"Stay away from him, don't speak to him. If he somehow manages to get a hold of you and asks you why you've been avoiding him, tell him it's because I'm jealous. Be careful around him." he warned and I nodded in agreement.

"Oh, there's one more thing," Edward added. I waited for him to continue. "I'm not letting you out of my sight. So be prepared, Ms. Swan, we're going to be spending a lot more time together." _Hmm... Wonder what I could do with a lot more Edward time..._

"Oh?" I quirked an eyebrow. "What will we do to pass the time?" I asked suggestively.

Edward smirked crookidly. "I have an idea or two."

* * *

><p><strong>Hey there,<strong>

**So Ben's in on the whole snoopy thing with Angela. Or is he? So many questions... What do you think is going on?**

**Next chapter will be a big one. Lemons anyone? ;)**

**Thank you to my Beta, RND4EVA, who's awesome-ness never ceases to amaze me.**

I Hope She Was Worth It** was rec'd on_ The Lemonade Stand,_ so thank you to everyone who voted in the pole and thanks to The Lemonade Stand. I really appreciate it.**

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**Okey-dokey,**

**Thanks for reading and I'll see you next chapter,**

**~ Casey**

twitter name: Caseyx457: Add me for I Hope She Was Worth it teasers and snippetts...plus the occasional random tweet about RPattz's sheer hotness.


	25. Chapter 25

Disclaimer:Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight

Chapter 25

Our lips collided, teeth scraped and bodies pushed against each other, as we moaned loudly in the otherwise quiet room. His hands were all over me and I cursed myself for wearing so many layers of clothing. My own hands nestled their way into his hair and his lips began to trail kisses downwards, until his tongue, lips and teeth were attacking my neck. The feeling of his body on mine was so raw and passionate. The loving words he whispered in my ear were almost too much to take.

_I needed this_. I needed _him_. I was done denying myself.

Making out with Edward on my bed was one of my favorite things in the world to do, so I couldn't even fathom how good the sex would be again.

"I'm ready. I want you…" I rasped in his ear as he bit down on my neck. _It hurt so good..._

"Not yet, baby," he replied. I had to do a double take. _He didn't want to have sex with me? _After he had been pursuing me and begging me to take him back? Not to mention, I was lying here, willing and ready … underneath him?

"What do you mean not yet?" I asked. Even to my ears my voice sounded whiny.

Edward stopped attacking my neck so he could speak to me. He looked up with lust filled, hungry eyes. I could tell he desperately wanted me too. _Why torture __both of us...? _"I don't want to rush things," he answered.

"Rush things?" I questioned, skeptically.

"I don't want to rush things because that's what we did in the beginning. We jumped into bed with each other when neither of us was ready. I don't want to make the same mistake again..."

His fingers began to trail down my neck. "It's not about sex. I want _you, _Bella," he breathed huskily before bending down to capture my lips with his, his tongue plunging into my mouth and swirling around my own. "And when I have your heart and soul, like you have mine already, I'll take your body, over and over again."

_Holy shit...my lady parts are on fire... _I let out a mixture of a moan and a squeal … I couldn't exactly describe the frustrated sounds I was making. All I knew was, hearing Edward talking about taking me… _over and over again_ …was not at all helping my resolve to not rush things.

"Edward, you're killing me..." I breathed, causing him to chuckle above me.

"It'll be worth it in the end."

"I know," I told him. I knew he was right, of course. _Still_, this left me with an idea. "We can't rush into _sex, _I agree_._ But you didn't say we couldn't use... _alternative_ methods until we're ready for … _other things_."

I felt his body shake with laughter as he smiled against my cleavage. "No, you're right. I didn't say that," he agreed. I felt his hand begin to trail further down my body. "Is that what you want?" he asked carefully.

I nodded, not able to find my voice.

Twenty minutes later, after a particularly satisfying round of alternative methods, we were exhausted and sated.

"How's that for wooing?" Edward teased between gasps.

"Wow! I guess waiting won't be so bad after all." I answered, panting. Edward and I laughed together before joining in a hot kiss. Then we played round two.

**-O~O~O-**

When Edward and I came up for breath we sat on the couch eating take-out. Both of us were smiling like loons and feeling a hell of lot less sexually frustrated than before.

"So am I promoted again? Am I your boyfriend?" Edward asked, his mouth full of Chow Mein.

I laughed. "I guess giving me three mind-blowing orgasms would get you promoted."

"It was four," he corrected with a smug smile. "The last time you came twice."

"Whatever, it's a win for both of us." I shrugged and acted cool about it, even though inside I was shouting, _Hell yes!_

"You're saying that like it's no big deal, but on the inside you're doing a happy dance." Edward commented and I looked to him in awe. _Mind __reader..._

"Normally I would refute that, but I was seriously thinking that. I'm not even going to lie. I'm impressed. Are you a mind-reader now?" I questioned and Edward chuckled.

"I wish I was so I could know everything that goes on in that pretty little head of yours. Sadly though, I'm not. I just know you really well."

I smiled at that. I liked the idea of him knowing me on that level; it seemed sweet that he took the time to care about silly stuff like what was on my mind.

"Okay then, tell me what I'm thinking right now?" I ordered, sitting up and tucking my knees under me. I tried to make my face void of any emotion but I could tell I wasn't having much luck with it.

"You look like you're having a stroke." Edward laughed and I threw him a dirty look. "Sorry baby," he said, even though I didn't think he was all that sorry. "Now, you're thinking that...I'm so super sexy that you can't wait for me to take you into your bedroom and ravish you."

_It did sound like something I would think... _"Sorry, but no," I answered and he pouted adorably. "I was thinking that I want you to come with me to my Christmas party at work …then afterwards you can take me into my bedroom and ravish me all you'd like."

His lips were on mine before I could register it. "I would love to go with you and I think that after the Christmas party would be the perfect time to thoroughly ravish you." he said with a smirk and I giggled.

"All night?" I questioned, only half-joking.

"All night." he promised, smiling to himself as he devoured the rest of his meal.

We sat and watched T.V. for a while before the tiredness from our _activities _set in and we both had trouble keeping our eyes open.

"Come on," I said after he yawned for the tenth time. "Bed time."

"When you say that, it sounds incredibly sexy."

"As opposed to what? Your mom saying it?" I teased him and a look of disgust came across his face.

"Okay, rule from now on. Whenever I say _sexy_, you can't bring my mother into the discussion." he stated, getting up from the couch and holding his hand out to help me up. I almost skipped to the bedroom but stopped short when I saw Edward heading for the guest room.

"Where are you going?"

"To … bed." Edward answered slowly, as if it were obvious.

"Bed is this way." I motioned to my room and his eyes lit up.

"I get to sleep in your room?"

I sighed, "Edward, I think we're past sleeping separately after today."

I yelped when he ran at me, lifting me up and carrying me bridal style into the bedroom.

"I know my hand is going to fall off soon, but I want you again." he breathed as he laid me down gently on the bed.

Needless to say, we didn't get much sleep.

**-O~O~O-**

I watched him sleeping peacefully, loving how at ease and beautiful he looked with his lips slightly parted and his long lashes enclosed on each other. I was tempted to wake him up so I could_ (sort of)_ have my way with him, but I couldn't do it when he looked so cozy.

After my eyes had greedily ran over his magnificent face, they started taking in his perfect muscled chest as it rose with every breath he took. I was glad I had convinced him to take off his shirt before he went to bed, telling him I'd be too warm with him snuggled against me if he wore it. I think he knew I was full of shit, but he didn't care.

I liked how he had a dusting of hair on his chest that wasn't gross like other guys chest hair and I loved how it got sexier, further down … I looked down to where the hair trailed down his abs and formed into his happy trail.

Looking at him, and his general hotness, was making it more difficult for me to stick to this _not rushing thing._ I mean, it was me who had said at the start that I wasn't going to rush into this with him. But, at this point, I was sure he wasn't going to hurt me_._

The alarm on my beside table went off and Edward groaned before snuggling into my side. "Turn it off. We don't have to go today. We can just stay in bed and play."

I smiled and gave him a quick peck on the lips before hopping out of bed. "As nice as that sounds, it won't help with the not rushing things, so get up. Plus we're not telling Oliver we couldn't go to an incredibly expensive therapy session because you have a hard-on." I teased and Edward snickered.

"One, I'm masochistic, so I would like to torture myself and play with the not rushing things loophole. Two, you're not paying for therapy so to you it's not _incredibly expensive_. And lastly, I have a hard-on for _you, and _it's all your fault for being so amazingly sexy."

"Get up,"

"I already am," he waggled his eyebrows and I rolled my eyes at his innuendo.

Two hours later and we were fresh faced and happy, walking into Oliver's office. Oliver seemed to notice immediately that something was different and questioned us about what we did yesterday. I blushed and Edward sported a shit-eating grin, it didn't take a genius to figure out we weren't playing _Monopoly _all night.

"So I take it all is well since the incident a few weeks ago in the physical aspect of your relationship?" Oliver asked Edward and he nodded.

"Incident?" I questioned, confused. _What were they talking about?_

"A minor setback. I freaked out for a moment when I was...um..." Edward blushed and I was still lost.

"When you were what?"

"I was in the shower_...bathing." _he told me, emphasizing the word bathing.

"_So_…?" I questioned, not sure what that had to do with the incident.

"For God sake," Edward mumbled, his face going brighter than I'd ever seen it go before. "I was..._relieving_ some tension...and I freaked out for a moment."

Relieving some tension?

Oh. _Relieving _some tension.

"OH! Right, I understand now. But...why didn't you tell me you had an incident?" I was a bit disappointed he hadn't confided in me and I wondered if what we did last night would've happened had I known about this before.

"Honestly, I completely forgot about it. It was the day Charlie hit me and I had to get my nose fixed. I called Oliver before I got your messages that day. I'm sorry." Edward answered and the look in his eyes told me he _really __had_ forgotten.

Still, for some reason I was pissed I didn't know about it.

The session went on as it normally did and I could see Edward chancing glances at me when he thought I wasn't looking. He was worried I was angry with him; I could tell by the way he kept his distance.

On the way back home in the car, however, it seemed that the silence got too much for him to take. "This is driving me insane. What are you thinking? Are you angry because I forgot to tell you about me freaking out? I said I was sorry…"

"I'm not angry," I assured him, giving him a small smile. "I guess I'm disappointed, though. You're making it sound like it was less than it was, but you having a setback is something I need to know. It's a big thing and it's not easily forgotten. You knew that had I known you had an episode less than three weeks ago, we would have never done what we did last night."

"You're right. I know that you wouldn't have been with me had I told you about what happened, but honestly Bella, I forgot about it. I was caught up in you last night and I promise if it ever happens again, you'll be the first one I'll call, not Oliver. Okay?" he asked as he took my hand in his, placing a kiss on the inside of my wrist.

"Okay," I smiled, feeling like I'd achieved something.

"Okay," he smiled back at me.

**-O~O~O-**

My work Christmas party, which Edward and I were attending, was a black tie event. I think it was because we had to look like the _high and mighty_, who would also be attending, rather than the average employee. Since it was my first Christmas party with my new job, I wanted to make a good first impression. Thankfully I had Alice to help with that…

"What about this one?" Alice asked, holding up the sluttiest dress I'd ever seen.

"_Seriously_?" I raised an eyebrow and she cracked, laughing her ass off.

"No, I'm just fucking with you."

"Oh, Mommy said a bad word!" Evelyn tattled, tugging on Jasper's pants to get his attention.

"I know, sweetheart. I'll spank Mommy for it later." Jasper winked suggestively and Alice giggled while Evelyn looked confused.

"Guys, that's cruel. Your children do not need to hear that." I could remember how gross it used to be when my mom brought home her _flavor__-__of__-__the__-__month_ and I would have to listen to innuendo after innuendo. I thanked God I only stayed there for summers.

"No, you know what's cruel? Making a guy go dress shopping. Do you see how whipped I am? Come on princess, let's take Henry and go get some ice-cream." Jasper suggested and Evelyn cheered happily as she went with her father.

"I'm so happy I have Jazz." Alice said, all googley-eyed, once they were out of sight. "He's so good with the kids and don't even get me started about what he's like in the bedroom. The things that man can do with his-"

"Okay, that's enough." I cut her off. "What about this one?" I asked holding up a red flowing cocktail dress with a diamond broach on the side which synched it in on the waist. On the back it dipped low into a V-shape and I thought the color would suit my complexion.

"It's nice but it's not_ the one_." Alice insisted so I put it in the maybe pile. "How are you and Angela doing? Is she still being weird?"

"She..." _betrayed me completely, _"...moved back to her parents' home in Turkey." I was choking up thinking about it. I still couldn't believe Angela had helped Ben get information on me for Tanya. It was so not like her, but then again, _what's to say I knew the real her at all?_

"Oh, that sucks. I'm sorry."

"Yeah," was all I could say in reply.

"Found it!" Alice squealed as she pulled a dress from the rack of the designer section. "I found _the one_, Bella!" You'd swear she was talking about finding the man of her dreams.

Though sure enough, she had found the one. It was everything I was looking for and I mentally patted myself on the back for bringing Alice dress shopping with me today.

"It's perfect." I smiled.

* * *

><p><strong>Merry Christmas, forgot to say that last update. Hope you all had a good one.<strong>

** With regards to Edward's incident, I'll be posting an outtake of that soon.**

**I have a picture of Bella's _maybe-dress _on my profile, check it out. As for _the one, _that won't be revealed until later.**

**What chapter of _I Hope She Was Worth It_ would you most like to see in EPOV? To have your say, go to my profile and vote on the poll I have going. Poll closes on the 29th December.**

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**PLEASE LEAVE A REVIEW! I love them :)**

**Until next time,**

**~ Casey**

_twitter: Casey457. Follow me for teasers, snippets and random tweets about RPattz's general hotness._


	26. Chapter 23 EPOV: The Incident

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight

Chapter 23 EPOV: _The Incident_

Since Bella had come back into my life I finally had a reason to get up in the morning. I had a reason to have a smile on my face. I had a reason to feel like the luckiest son of a bitch in the world.

I also had a _raging_ libido.

And since I wasn't going to push her or rush into anything too fast, I had to take matters into my owns hands; literally. It all started when I was in the shower (taking care of business) when I heard my phone chiming on the bed. I had to stop pumping for a moment and try to breathe normally while I debated what to do.

I could jump out of the shower and run, soaking wet with a painful hard-on, to get my phone which was sitting on the bed in my room.

My other option was, I could stay in the shower and continue _loving myself_, then dry my body, solving the hard-on problem and the wet problem. _Also I wouldn't slip on the tiles and rip__ my dick off_...

The last seemed like the better option.

I worked my hand double time knowing this had to be quick and my mind formed different scenario's which ended in me taking Bella over various surfaces. But even my dream Bella, the one that was begging me to love her, did the real Bella justice. She was so beautiful.

I could feel myself nearing the end when my fantasy became a nightmare.

"_Eddie baby, you look tense," Tanya's voice purred in my mind. "Why don't we relieve it..."_

_"Don't worry, it'll be over soon," Irina whispered._

"NO! Get away!" I shouted and tried to scramble away on instinct. My chest heaved as I fell back out of the shower and landed on the cold tiles, a bit stunned at what had happened.

When I realized I'd had an episode, I just lay there for a while, disappointed because this had never happened before. Oliver said it might, but I thought that this was one thing I was strong enough not to give into to. Apparently, I was wrong.

A few minutes passed before I finally got my naked ass off the floor and called Oliver about my incident. He told me not to worry; that it was a good thing. _It has to get worse before it gets better._

I thought he was full a shit. But maybe I was just frustrated.

After that, I got to my cell phone and saw Bella had been the caller who had distracted me from my..._shower. _What made me worry though was the fact she'd tried to call twice and she'd left messages. Normally she never left messages, only ever sending me a text to call her.

"Edward...listen to me carefully," she screamed into the receiver as I replayed the message. She seemed frantic with worry. "Get out of Washington; he's on his way to castrate you. He found out, he knows about us! Actually, I told him and I'm sorry, he didn't take it well. He's on his way to kill you, you need to leave, now!" she shouted and the message ended.

I was panicking and the room seemed to be spinning. James had found me. He was coming to kill me and if Bella knew, that must have meant she'd come into contact with him.

_Get Bella safe..._

_Have to get Bella safe..._

That was all that was running through my mind. I needed to make sure my mistakes didn't impact Bella again.

"Bella pick up the fucking phone!" I shouted as tears began to blur my vision. I was beyond terrified now, but not for me, for her. If anything happened to Bella..._I didn't even want to think i__t..._

She wasn't answering and I was beginning to fear the worst. I hung up, threw on some pants and ran for my keys, intent on driving around town like a maniac until I found her and got her safe. I _h__ave to get__ Bella safe..._

As I made my way out the door, I tried her cell another time and a voice said it was engaged. _Could she be talking to him? What was she doing messing around like this?_

"One last time. Come on, answer me, baby. I need to know you're okay." I said to myself as I called her cell one more time, turning my keys in the ignition of my car.

"Edward?" she answered and I felt the breath I hadn't even realized I'd been holding rush out of me.

"Bella, love. What's wrong? You called me; fucking shouting something about getting out of Washington and you didn't pick up the first two times I called! I was going out of my mind! Are you okay? Where are you? I'm coming to get you."

"Where are you?" she asked randomly. I was beyond frustrated with her and if I was honest, I was scared shitless.

"I'm at my parents' home, Bella. Why? You're scaring me; please tell me you're okay." I begged, only wanting her safe from harm and not caring about anything else.

A Police cruiser pulled into my drive-way and I was about to shout at her to tell me she was fine before anyone took me away from her. If I had to kill someone to make sure James Treckar stayed away from her, I would.

"Edward, listen to me, my Dad's on his way to your house. I told him about us and he freaked out. He has a loaded gun and a bullet with your name on it. You need to leave now." Everything suddenly clicked into place.

She hadn't been talking about James. _Charlie_ was the one coming to castrate me. _Oh thank God..._

I'd never thought I'd say it, but I was so relieved Charlie Swan was coming to kill me. _Instead of James_. At least he wouldn't hurt Bella and that was all that mattered.

The chief got out of his cruiser, looking angry as hell, but minus a gun. I knew he wouldn't kill me, he was an officer for Christ sake, but I was willing to bet he had no problem with kicking the shit out of me to show me whose boss.

"Well, that explains why your Father just pulled into my driveway." I replied, the realization that I was about to get a serious beating finally setting in.

"He won't kill you," she blurted suddenly and not at all convincingly, "He's all bark and no bite."

"Either way, I'm about to get my ass kicked. I'll call you back. I love you, Bella." I hung up before she could say anything. This was going to happen one way or another, I knew that for certain. But I figured her thinking about it was better than her actually witnessing or hearing it.

I took a breath and went to face the Chief. "Chief Swan, what can I do you for?" I asked in the most pleasant voice I could summon as I stood out of the car. I stayed a few steps away from him encase he got straight to the point and kicked my ass. _Even though I was glad he was here instead of James, didn't mean I welcomed a beating..._

"Going to try escape, were you, boy?" he smiled wickedly.

"No sir, Bella left me a strange message and I thought she was hurt. I was going to go to her when you pulled in." Charlie's eyes narrowed.

It was hard to remember the times when Charlie Swan had actually liked me. It seemed so long ago when he used to call me _'son'_ instead of _'boy'_ or '_asshole_'. I used to come to his house and watch baseball with him while I waited for Bella to finish her homework. Several times he came to Thanksgiving dinner with Bella…when he didn't glare at me the entire time. I missed those days, but I wasn't so naïve as to think I would ever get them back.

"Stay away from Bella!" he shouted, the _don't-fuck-with-me _vein popping out of his forehead and his face going red with fury.

"I can't do that," I answered honestly and in a calm tone, never letting my eyes leave his. "I love her."

"_Y__ou don't fucking love her!_ You lost her and now you want what you can't have. You may have fucked with my little girl once before, but I will never let that happen again. Do you hear me, asshole? Never again."

As I stared at this man, and he glared back, I understood that behind this hard facade he was putting up, he was just a guy. A guy who had watched his little girl grow and then saw her shrink again right in front of his eyes. Both times had been because of me. I'd married Bella, promised her everything and then failed her completely.

The way he saw it, I was setting Bella up to knock her down again. As a father, he couldn't let that happen.

"How dare you even think-"

"Charlie, I'm sorry." I interrupted him mid-rant and he stopped to stare at me.

"What? Did you just say you're sorry?" he asked in disbelief. But before he could get another breath to shout abuse at me, I stopped him again.

"I'm sorry I hurt her after I took her away from you and promised to keep her safe. I'm sorry I gave you my word and I broke it. I know you hate me and you have the right to beat the ever living shit out of me for everything I've done, but even if you do, it's not going to change anything. I love her and I'm not leaving her if I can help it. Whatever the divorce papers may say...To me it's still_ 'til death do us part'_." I told him in a sure voice and he stared at me with a scrutinizing gaze, like he thought I had some ulterior motive and he was trying to figure it out.

"You're nothing. Once she's see's you haven't changed, she'll leave you."

The Chief was good. He knew exactly what buttons to press to make me angry. "You're wrong, I have changed!" I shouted, losing my cool completely.

"Oh? Because when I look at you Dickward, all I see is the lying sack of shit that made Bella lose everything."

I had to fight to hold on to my control and not pounce at him like I really wanted to do. First of all, Bella would never forgive me and secondly, Charlie would probably win that fight. "That might be what you see but it's obviously not what Bella sees. She loves me as much as I love her and the only reason you're here today is because you know she won't budge on this. You're hoping that, if you scare me enough, I'll back off." The look on his face told me every word I had said was true.

Bella and I had come too far to let anything stand in our way though. I wasn't giving up now when we were so close to going the distance again.

"I've seen pretty scary things when I was in Chicago. The scariest was that I became something I wasn't and I hated it. It was all because I was impressionable and depressed and I didn't have Bella to remind me who I really was. I've come a long way from being that guy and I won't become him again, Bella's helping me not to. So don't you dare think you can change my mind. _Bella is my forever_. Only she has the power to change that."

There was a dead silence between both of us and the phrase, _if looks could kill _was running through my mind.

Finally he sighed. That one sigh said more than any words could.

_He was giving in._ He knew that there was nothing more he could do, but advise Bella to stay away from me. However, even he knew that wasn't going to work.

"If you so much as make her cry, I will hunt you down, Cullen. You will regret the day you were born. Understand me?" Charlie ground out through gritted teeth.

"I understand," I answered and held out my hand for him to shake. Surprisingly, he took my hand in his firm grip and I thought, _this is new ground. He doesn't have to like me but maybe he can respect me..._

That thought was soon flying out of my head as his fist made contact. I think I blacked out for a moment because I couldn't understand what had happened until I felt another fist collide with my face. I hit the floor in a matter of seconds and I lay there, accepting this as punishment for failing Bella the first time.

He didn't hit me again, _this time_ he only gave me a warning before departing. "That's for hurting Bella in the first place, and the second one was for pissing me off. Think about this pain always and remember it. You'll feel a hell of a lot more if you ever hurt her again."

With that he left me, bloodied and sore in the drive-way of my parents' house.

I must have slipped in and out of consciousness because for a while I swore I had gone back in time...

_I was really freaking out._

_How do I do this without getting killed or shitting my pants? That was the main question._

_It sounded simple in my mind; all I had to do was go inside and say, "Hey Charlie, can I marry your daughter?", then it would be done and I'd be free to skip down the aisle with Bella._

_But actually doing it in real life, going to the Chief while he cleans his shotgun in front of me and then asking to whisk his only daughter away for life, was a lot harder to get out than it seemed._

_That was why I found myself standing at Charlie Swan's house, a nervous wreck and altogether pussy._

"_He loves me like a son already, he won't shoot me." I reminded myself as I marched up the steps of the porch reminding myself that I had to do this if I wanted to start my life with Bella._

_One breath...two breaths and... knock._

"_You can do this..." I chanted as the door eased open and a bright smile lit Charlie's face once he saw me._

"_Edward, good to see you, __S__on. You're just in time, the __game is__ only after__ starting." Charlie clapped me on the back and ushered me inside and on to the c__ouch, practically forcing me to have a beer with him. Finally when he sat down, I worked up my nerve._

"_I actually came here for a reason. Not to watch the game - and it's kind of important."_

_Charlie stared at me intently for a while, making me gulp nervously. Is it hot in here...?_

"_She's pregnant, isn't she?" Charlie blurted and began ranting before I could correct him. "I knew this would happen if I let you two live together, but Bella convinced me __she was mature enough not to get knocked up. Mature eno__ugh my ass! I told her what men are like, no offence to you, Edward. I hope to God __you two both have a pl__an because there is only so far your parents __and I __can take you. Plus I already raised a kid, I'll babysit for you now and then but there's no way in hell I'm doing all that again."_

"_No, no, no," I rushed out. "Bella's not pregnant, Charlie." You could see him visibly relax at my words and breathe a sigh of relief._

"_Whew!" he threw his head back dramatically. "You nearly gave me a heart attack, son. You're both way too young for that kind of commitment. You __both have a bright future ahead of you, especially you, kid. You'll be the finest lawyer Forks has __ever had, __if you're both smart about your lives." Charlie warned and I blushed a little at his compliment._

"_Thanks," I mumbled, before clearing my throat. "Speaking of commitment...You know I love Bella so very much and we've been together for a while now. Well, sir, I um...I want her heart, body and soul...well, not that I only want her body for sex because I would never do that to her, but...I don't get me wrong, I'm attracted to her physically also... it's not only about that though because I want her for like...um... children later...way later...in our lives. I love her a lot. So what I'm t-trying to say is that I really want Bella, heart, body and soul...shit, did I say that already?" I rambled, letting my nerves get the better of me._

_I saw Charlie was just sitting there, looking at me with a raised eyebrow. I knew I was making a mess of the whole speech. I tried to save myself but ended up digging myself in deeper. I decided to shut the hell up when I got to 'how I would always buy her tampons in the store when she asked me to...'_

_Wishing I could die of embarrassment, I sat in the armchair, silence filling the room, with my hands covering my burning face. I couldn't even look at Charlie for what he must think of me now._

"_Edward," his gruff voice called. "What the hell __are you trying to say__?"_

"_I want to marry Bella." I blurted out and finally looked at him, wide-eyed. He sat there unmoving for a moment before the corners of his mouth tugged upwards. I wondered for a moment if he was going to leave me without an answer just to torture me for being a moron and not asking the question like a normal human being._

"_Okay," he said, and stood up to shake my hand._

"_Okay?"_

"_Yes, you can marry my little girl," he stated and I looked at him in total shock. He had actually said yes after the load of crap I'd just delivered him...? "You're like a son to me already Edward, and above all others, I trust you to take care of her."_

_I had never felt so completely honored in my entire life. He was trusting me with her, his most prized possession, (not that women are possessions, of course), and I would try my very best never to let Bella or him down. I would be the best husband I could possibly be for Bella._

_"I promise I'll take care of her."_

"_I'm going to hold you to that promise, Son. It'll break my heart if you break hers." he smiled and clapped me on the back again before we sat back down to watch sports-center…_

When I woke up in my drive-way, it took me a good three minutes to remember where I was and how I got here.

The only thing I really knew the entire time I lay on the cement was; _Charlie Swan was a saint… __for not killing me._

* * *

><p><strong>HAPPY NEW YEAR! <strong>_Only a few days late..._

**There you go, as promised EPOV of _"The Incident"_ mentioned in chapter 25. I'm sorry I'm not as fast with posting as I used to be but I'm trying the best I can.**

**Thank you to RND4EVA, my awesome Beta, who is seriously like Wonder Woman when it comes to fanfiction. How she does it all, I'll never know...**

**Thank you to everyone who voted in the poll for _What Chapter would you most like to see in EPOV? _The end result made chapter 5 (otherwise known as the wedding sex scene) your favourite. My Beta RND4EVA also requested I do Chapter 3 (Where Edward wakes a naked Bella up) in EPOV. Therefore Chapter 5 and 3 will be donated to _Fandom Against Juvenile_ _Diabetes_ to help the cause. If you'd like to get involved the link is on my profile.**

**Thanks to all those who reviewed! We're getting so close to 1000 now and I love you all for it.**

**PLEASE LEAVE A REVIEW! I can almost feel 1000 coming closer. :)**

**See you for chapter 26,**

**~ Casey**

_Twitter: Caseyx457_


	27. Chapter 26

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight.

Chapter 26

As I sat at my desk on a miserable Monday morning, I couldn't help but let my mind wander to all the incredibly dirty things I could be doing to Edward instead of sitting here. I was thinking of how great he made me feel every night we were together, and how only two days had turned us into a couple of horny teenagers; frantic with need. _It sucked that work had to burst my Edward bubble..._

"What's on your mind, monkey butt?" Riley asked in a stupid voice as he came to perch himself on my desk.

"A _Home Alone 3_ reference? What are we, five?"

"No, but you seem to know it well enough to understand my reference. You also seemed depressed and I wanted to cheer you up." he answered and I sighed, giving him an _I'm-sorry_ look, because I was letting my shitty mood get the better of me. "Is there anything I can do to lift your spirits?"

Riley was such a good friend. I was sorry that every time he saw me, there was always Edward stuff going on. He didn't let it bother him though; he wanted to _help _me with whatever was going on.

"It's nothing, but thanks for caring enough to ask." I gave him an appreciative smile.

"What kind of office-neighbor would I be if I didn't care?" He plopped a cup of coffee down on my desk with a wink and a friendly grin. "A bad one, that's what. Hey, I forgot to ask last time, did Edmund escape your Dad?"

"_Edward,_" I corrected picking up the coffee. He shrugged in return. "...and yeah, he got an ass whooping but that's about it. I'm sorry again if I imposed on you that day. I know you weren't in a good place."

Riley shook his head and dropped his eyes. I noticed he was fidgeting and he looked altogether nervous. "Don't, it's me who should be apologizing to you. Bella...I have something to tell you..._something big."_

"How big are we talking?" I asked hesitantly.

"Something so big that it could ruin our friendship."

_Ruin our __friendship? Was Riley working for Tanya as well? _It wouldn't surprise me if she'd gotten rid of Shelly Cope just so she could place another spy in my life. She had stooped to the lowest level to get Edward to sleep with her. What was ruining his life further to her?

"What?" I asked and spied Kate giving me a _get-the-fuck-back-to-work _look. "Actually, maybe we could talk about this after work, Kate's glaring at us."

I turned around and mouthed a sorry to Kate who nodded and walked away. She was a bit more lenient with me than she was with the others considering what Lauren had put me through. I didn't know if I liked it or not. I wanted to be treated like everyone else, not be given any special treatment. _It's like being the teacher's pet in school..._

"Yeah," Riley blurted and nodded fervently. "It's sort of a heavy discussion anyway. It can wait until after work. So...um...yeah...Have a good day, Bella."

The day went by slowly from then on. Each minute seemed to be never ending. Edward texted me and asked how my day was going and what time he should pick me up. To say he was a little concerned, when I told him I was staying back to talk to a guy, I suspected was working for Tanya, was an understatement. But he knew it had to be done. Didn't mean he liked it though...

Needless to say, Riley and I didn't speak much for the rest of the day, or make contact of any sort. I was beginning to think my suspicion was correct and that he had something to do with Tanya. If he did admit he was another person working for Tanya, mob family or no mob family, I was going to kill that bitch.

It made me so angry that she thought she could get away with everything she had done and was still doing. It also hurt that Riley, Angela and Ben would all betray me so easily like that for money or whatever else she was offering_, __or threatening_…I hadn't even considered that she may be threatening them the way she did with Edward.

By lunchtime I was livid, even though I wasn't sure yet whether Riley had sold out or not. _Just when I thought I had one fucking friend..._

"Hello," I all but snarled into the phone when it rang.

"Whoa, who shoved the stick and how far did it go?" Rosalie's voice asked.

"Shut it, Rose. It's one of those days."

"Yeah, I had one of those days last week; it was awesome. Emmett and I had the_ best_ angry sex ever; four times. Let's just say the hood of my BMW needed a thorough cleaning after we were done..."

"Have you ever heard of a filter?"

"I don't believe I have. Besides it's not my fault you're a prude."_ If only she knew..._

"Whatever, slut." I teased and let out a small giggle. Rose always knew how to cheer me up. "Anyway, is there a reason you called or did you only want to tell me about your sex life?"

"Actually yes, I wanted to know whether you and dickwa...I mean_ Edward._.. want to come to our house for dinner tomorrow night. Emmett wants to put all of what happened truly behind us and move forward." Rosalie stated as I tried to figure out whether this was Emmett putting words in her mouth or if she really wanted us to come over.

"It depends,"

"_Depends? _Depends on what?" she snapped, as if I'd insulted her by not accepting immediately.

"If it's only Emmett who wants us to come over, then I really don't think we should. I'd love to if you _both_ wanted us to move forward. But I see no point if it's going to start another war. We only got through one of those and I don't think I'd make it through another one. I value our friendship too much for that." I told her honestly, wanting her to know where I stood in all this.

"I don't think I, _or our friendship_, would survive it either. I wouldn't have asked if I wasn't sure Edward and I could at least be civil with each other, for your sake anyway."

I was positively beaming after that, wishing she was here so I could hug her for being so awesome. I felt like we'd both grown after our fight. We both knew the consequences of our fighting; the people we cared about got hurt, we said things we regretted and we became people we weren't. We didn't want a repeat of that.

"We'll be there then. Thanks for this Rose and thank Emmett for me as well, I really appreciate it and I'm sure Edward will too. I'm glad I have such amazing friends, I love you Rosie."

I knew getting sappy made her uncomfortable, but I couldn't help it.

"Whatever, bitch," she dismissed but I could hear the smile in her words.

"Whatever, slut," I replied through giggles as we said our goodbyes and I got back to work.

**-O~O~O-**

Riley was late after work ended. I had no idea where he'd gone.

I was beginning to worry and Edward was all together freaking out. "You shouldn't be there by yourself with him; it's not safe. I'll come and wait with you and I'll hide somewhere, under a desk or something, so he won't even see me."

"Edward, I'll be fine. There are cameras everywhere and I'll be at the entrance of the building. He can't do anything to me without someone seeing it; Riley is not that stupid." I assured him and it seemed to calm him down a bit.

Edward was waiting in a parking lot about two blocks up the street. I knew he was worried but I needed to talk to Riley alone and if he saw Edward, he would bolt. I wouldn't blame him if he did. If Edward found out Riley was working for Tanya, I don't know what he'd do, but whatever it was it wouldn't be pretty.

"Stay there Edward. I'm fine, I swear. I'll be with you in ten minutes and if you leave that car whatsoever and scare him off, so help me God..." I trailed off.

"Fine," he snapped and added a quick, "But be careful."

I hung up the phone just as Riley came out the entrance of the agency.

"Sorry I'm late. Kate was talking to me and I lost track of time." he rushed out as I waited for him to explain why I was here. He seemed to notice and got straight to the point. "I know you've probably wondered why I asked you to me meet me here."

"Damn straight,"

"Well...I...Bella do you remember the day you called me because you're _boyfriend..._" he spat the word, "...was in trouble."

I wondered what the hell this had to do with anything. "Yeah, your girlfriend left you and you were upset, I remember that. What does this have to do with anything?"

"My girlfriend didn't leave me, I left her. Since I met you I haven't been able to sleep with a woman, let alone have a relationship with anyone without thinking of you. You've bewitched me; I can't think of anything but you! I'm in love with you, Bella!" he blurted out with a raised voice. When he was done, he breathed a sigh of relief, like he was glad to finally get it off his chest.

"Then when I'd gone through girlfriend number five, the third brunette I'd laid eyes on in some bar, hoping she would get you out of my mind, you called me." He paused then continued, "I'd thought as soon as I saw your number; It's fate. She _needs_ me. I nearly got sick when you said you needed me to help save your boyfriend!"

I had no idea of all this, but now he said it, I felt like a fool for missing it this whole time. All the coffees he brought me in the morning… how he'd always go out of his way to help me, it wasn't because he wanted my friendship at all.

_Well at least it's not about Tanya…_

I knew I needed to let him down gently. The question was, _how do I go about __doing__ that? _"Riley, I'm sorry if I led you on. It was unconsciously done, I assure you. But I'm sorry, regardless. I didn't know you felt this way..."

"Don't try sparing my feelings. You either want me or you don't."

"I want you," I started before I continued. "But not in the way you're offering. You're a good friend, though I'm afraid that's all we can ever be...I'm in love with Edward."

Riley avoided making eye contact, alternating between looking at the sky or his shoes but never for more than a minute or so. I was truly sorry that he felt so strongly for me but I couldn't even fathom my life without Edward. I wouldn't leave him for anyone.

"I'm sorry," I repeated. "It is the way it is."

He nodded but his eyes remained downcast. "I know. You love your boyfriend too much to ever consider leaving him. I just hope he treats you with the kindness you deserve."

My eyes stung a little bit. He seemed so vulnerable and sad. I wanted to reach out and hug him, however I knew it would only give him false hope. "He does, and I know you'll find someone like that too."

"Thank you," he murmured before finally lifting his eyes. "So, this is the end then."

Even though I knew that he had strong feelings for me, still I didn't want to end our friendship if I could help it. Riley was a good guy and a loyal friend, I didn't want to lose him. "It doesn't have to be. We can still be friends." I offered and a smile tugged in the corner of his mouth.

"I'll take any part of you I can get." he smiled.

**-O~O~O-**

I was a block away from the parking lot when I spotted Edward sprinting down the street. He breathed a sigh of relief when he saw me. "Thank God," He collected me in his arms and kissed every part of me he could reach. "Are you okay? What happened?"

He didn't even give me time to answer before he grabbed my arms and smashed his lips against mine. He was kissing me slowly, as if telling me with his lips how much he cared, his tongue swirling with mine and making me forget my own name.

His teeth nibbled on my bottom lip before he pulled away and kissed my forehead. "I was so worried. I couldn't sit in the car any longer, thinking you might be in danger. I was coming to get you."

"I'm fine," I assured him for what seemed to be the millionth time. "I was wrong, it was nothing. He isn't working for Tanya after all."

Edward's brow furrowed and his hand trailed my cheek. It was almost as if he couldn't stop himself from touching me. "What did he want then?"

I racked my brain thinking of what to tell him. I could hear my inner monologue saying,_ "The Awkward Moment When...You Have To Tell Your Boyfriend Your Friend Is Madly In Love With You."_

In the end I resolved to tell him the truth, remembering that he had promised to be honest with me about all things, incidents included. I owed it to him to do the same now.

"Do you promise you won't get mad or jealous?" I asked and that brought a look of confusion on his face. He nodded in agreement and I continued, "Riley...he...um... wanted to tell me that he's in love with me. He wanted me to give him chance." I muttered, not looking to see his reaction because I was a coward.

I only registered Edward had begun to march down the street when I heard him growl, "Where is he?"

"Edward stop," I plead, going after him and talking hold of his arm, effectively halting his advances. I lifted his clenched fist up to place a soft kiss on it, in an effort to calm him down. "You promised." I reminded him.

"I did not worry myself to death so that son of a bitch could make a play at _my_ girlfriend!" he roared and got out of my grip to continue his long strides down the street. He was ready to start a brawl over something stupid.

"Edward!" I screamed, trying to stop him and thanking God there was no one around to witness this shouting match. "Fine. Get yourself beat up again. I won't be there when my dad has to arrest you for assault!"

That stopped him in his tracks and he let out a frustrated growl before he glided back up to me and took my hand in his, pulling me with him back to the car. I almost had to run to keep up with his pace.

We didn't speak the whole way to the car. But finally broke the silence half way through our journey home as we entered the forest road that led to my apartment on the outskirts of Forks_. _

"If he so much as touched you.._._"

"Give it a rest. He didn't do anything; he said he loved me…_I said I loved you…_we agreed to be friends. That's all that happened. I don't know why you're being so possessive all of a sudden."

"Because I love you and today I went out of my goddamn mind with worry!" he shouted, his nostrils flaring and his eyes scorching.

"Pull over!" I yelled.

"I'm not pulling ov-"

"Pull over!" I insisted.

"Fine!" he yelled as he pulled into the side of the deserted road.

I unclasped my seat belt and crawled over so I could take his face in my hands. "I am yours, Edward. Do you think I would ever let someone take me away from you? I love you."

His eyes bore into mine and his breathing was still heavy as he too released his seat belt. He stared at me intently before he clashed his lips against mine. He didn't need words to tell me what he was feeling, his kiss said everything: _I'm yours, take me._

And take me, he did.

By the time we had finished I had a shredded shirt and just-fucked hair. _(Though there hadn't really been any fucking.) _

But you know what;_ totally worth it._

"If we get caught by the police chief for fooling around in a public place, it'll be worth it." Edward smiled, reading my mind.

Rose was right; _angry__ orgasms are the best!_

* * *

><p><strong>There's another chapter, hope you liked it and sorry for the delay.<strong>

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**~ Casey**

_twitter: Caseyx457_


	28. Chapter 27

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight

Chapter 27

"You're going to kill me," he panted as his arms brought me tighter against his naked body.

I was only wearing my white cotton panties_ (__adventurous, right?) _so the feeling of his skin on mine was driving me crazy. That's why, _for now anyway,_ when Edward was naked in a room with me, I made the rule that my panties would stay _on. _Because I was already way too tempted. Who knows what I would do to that man without a boundary to stop me_. Oh, the possibilities..._

"Hmm, we wouldn't want that to happen," I said in a sultry tone as I moved to straddle him. "You're far too pretty to waste."

I let my lips glide down to gently touch his. I kept it to a chaste kiss

One peck...two pecks...three pecks and- "Whoa!" I managed to get out before I was pinned on my back with Edward above me; he deepened the kiss.

His tongue ran along my bottom lip seeking permission to enter and I was too far gone to say no. My hands found their way into his unruly auburn hair as his hands slid up the outside of my thighs.

"I love you, Bella."

"_Edward._.." I sighed, and it was heavy with lust and frustration.

"What do you want, baby?"

"_You! _I want all of you..."

"Soon, Bella. I promise I'll take you soon. The party's only a few weeks away," he breathed on to my chest, causing me to shiver in delight and Edward to smirk. "I love how responsive your body is to me. Every touch..."

He kissed me again, as if to prove his point, and I couldn't stop the moan that slipped past my lips as our tounges tangled.

Suddenly an alarm sounded on my phone.

"No!" I was seriously about to cry...then die of sexual frustration.

"What's wrong? What's the alarm for?"

"We have to get ready to go to Rose and Em's now." _I wanted more Edward time..._

"We'll cancel then." Edward whispered, coming back up to nibble on my ear.

"We can't cancel when they're doing this for us. They want to be more accepting and put everyone's bullshit behind us."

Edward tried to give me the puppy dog eyes but sighed when he realized it wasn't getting him anywhere with me.

"Fine," he grumbled as he crossed his arms and rolled onto his back away from me. "But we're continuing this when we get back. My parents are gone and it's every guy's dream to christen his childhood bed."

"We can continue this at my apartment afterwards, since your parents could come home at any time. Where are they anyway?" I asked finally. _Because the moment I st__epped in the door tonight, Edward had dragged me away like a possessed man..._

"They're in Seattle for the night. Dad has a medical conference and Mom went with him. We have the house to ourselves all night long."

"Is it just me or does this feel like the old days again? We have to wait until your Mom and Dad are gone out until we can fool around." I giggled.

"You're right," Edward chuckled before he licked his bottom lip and hunger flashed in his eyes. "But back then I didn't really know what you liked. Now I know your body. I know what makes you hot and bothered. I know where to touch you..." He whispered deliciously dirty things into my ear and I was actually panting by the time he was finished. My body was on fire and he knew exactly what he was doing to me.

_He was trying to torture me._

"You'll pay for that." I warned him as I hopped off the bed and stormed into the bathroom, leaving him chuckling behind me.

**-O~O~O-**

I knocked on the front door twice before I turned to Edward. "No fighting, no evil glares and no name calling."

"Bella, I hate Rosalie and she hates me. We both understand that it's a mutual dislike. We have come to an understanding, because we love you and Emmett and want to make both of you happy. Everything will be great."

I leaned towards him and he seemed to get the hint, coming down to my level so I could give him a quick kiss before we went inside. And our quick peck soon turned into a game of tongue_-twister._

"I told you we couldn't leave them alone for a second or they'd be fucking." Rosalie laughed as she stood in the doorway. I hadn't even realized she'd been standing there.

"Shut up," I laughed as a blush covered my face and I pulled her in for a hug. It wasn't long before massive arms pulled me into their embrace.

"Belly-bean! It's been too long," Emmett boomed as he squeezed the life out of me.

"Emmett, stop. You'll hurt her." Edward scolded and Emmett plopped me down onto my feet.

"Sorry, you know I'm a hugger." He shrugged before going back to the kitchen since he was the chef for the night. Emmett wasn't a great cook but at least what he made was edible compared to some of the other..._creations_ Rose had tried to serve.

"Edward," Rose greeted curtly.

"Rosalie," he returned before I felt his fingers lace with mine. I smiled at him and kissed his cheek, my gesture telling him I was happy he was he trying to get along with Rose.

"Thanks for having us over. What are we having by the way?" I asked Emmett.

He replied, _"A super awesome secret recipe!_"

Edward groaned and Rosalie snorted. "That's code word for meatballs and spaghetti."

"No," Edward objected with a slight smile. "That's Em's code word for giant meatballs, barely cooked spaghetti and a mountain of cheese to top it off."

"I heard that!" Emmett's voice boomed.

"I meant you to!"

Dinner went surprisingly well, although through the night I noticed Rose was looking at Edward and I strangely whenever we kissed or touched. She stopped after a while and I thought it was weird, but I just shrugged it off. _Maybe I'd ask her about it another day..._

We ate Emmett's spaghetti monstrosity. Well I picked at mine, since Edward hadn't been joking about the barely cooked spaghetti or giant meatballs. When we were done, three of us sat around drinking wine and remembering the _good old days._ Edward didn't drink though, since he was the designated driver_._

It felt so..._normal_. I loved it.

The best part of the evening was that Edward's hand stayed in mine the entire time, his fingers squeezing mine when Rose said something embarrassing about me or something that made me a bit mad.

I took a sip of my wine just as Emmett spoke up. "Hey Eddie, remember when Mom found your porn collection?" Edward's face turned bright red, all the way up to the tips of his ears and I spit wine everywhere. "Bella obviously remembers it."

"Nuh-huh. You're forbidden to bring it up, remember the dirt I have on you Swan," Edward teased, mouthing '_sex-hair'_ and '_Diego' _to me before I blushed scarlet.

"Sorry Em, you're on your own."

"Hah!" Edward cried in victory. "Now if you want to talk about embarrassing moments, remember when Dad found Rose and Em having sex on the hood of his car when he looked back on the security tapes of the garage?"

"_WHAT_?" Rosalie screamed and Emmett shot Edward a death glare.

"He didn't even see anything; I was covering your entire body, baby. Well...that's not all I was doing to that body of yours," he winked and Rose scowled.

"Rose, relax and think about this. Carlisle is smoking hot, so what if he saw you naked? _See, now that's not so bad, is it?_ " I shrugged and tried to contain my giggles when Emmett and Edward both turned to look at me in shock.

"_What?"_ They both shouted in union.

"Not that I'm letting this go, Emmett. But I have to agree with Bella. Your Dad is a total DILF." Rose commented.

"_Doctor_ DILF." I corrected with a chuckle. Rose and I broke out laughing, as the guys gaped at us in horror.

"My wife thinks my _father_ is hot? I can't believe it!" Emmett shook his head in disbelief.

"Oh come on! Rose and I drooled over him all through high school whenever we came over. Don't act like you didn't notice." I laughed as I remembered Alice screaming at us to stop checking out her dad.

I'd known the Cullen's since I was a child. I only had a mild crush on Carlisle when I thought Edward was a _'poopy head_' and had cooties in the first grade. Then when I realized how amazingly handsome Edward was in high school, all thoughts of his smoking hot Dad went out the window. _Doesn't mean I didn't enjoy the view once or twice..._

"_Gross_," Emmett shuddered as Edward sulked.

It was funny to see Edward act like this. I'd told him time and time again that I would rather have one night with him than spend the rest of my life with any other man.

Edward was _it_ for me. Whether '_it'_ involved marriage again or not, _although I was nearly positive it wouldn't…_ a long and happy life with him would be enough for me. In fact it would be more than enough; it would be everything!

I thought of how he made me feel, both innocent and not-so-innocent alike, his touches ignited something in me, set my body aflame with lust and made me feel alive. I couldn't ... No, I_ wouldn't_ live without that again.

**-O~O~O-**

"It's just disgusting, Bella!" Edward whined as we made our way home.

"Whatever," I shrugged, smirking to myself at his little rant.

"It's not _whatever_. It's my Father!"

"Who happens to be smoking hot." I added with a giggle and Edward glared. It was fun seeing him getting all riled up... not to mention extremely sexy. What made this even funnier was Edward was seemingly jealous. _Of his … Dad!_ I giggled again silently.

"How would you feel if I said your Dad was smoking hot?" he spat in a condescending tone.

"I'd be a little concerned because, one; you're my boyfriend, and two; I was pretty sure you didn't swing that way. _But I did always wonder ..."_ I told him in mock surprise as he shot me another dirty look.

"Oh come on, that was funny."

"Whatever," he grumbled as we pulled up outside the Cullen's home_._

He stood outside of the car with his hands shoved in his pockets and his posture rigid. _Boys!_

"Come here."

"No, why don't you call my Dad and ask him to kiss you since he's such a _DILF_." Edward mumbled with disgust, but did as I asked anyway, walking closer to me.

My lips immediately sought his and my arms wrapped around his neck as we made out in front of the house. Edward tasted superb, like cola and mint. _Yummy..._

"Carlisle is hot but you've somehow inherited his hotness and doubled it. Plus he's old and is like a second father to me. So, I guess I'm stuck with you EILF; _Edward I'd like to fuck._"

A small smile spread on his face and he laughed softly through his nose. "Thank you BILF and you're right; you're stuck with me forever."

"And always." I finished for him and we ended up frantically grappling at each other's clothes as he threw the front door open and carried me up the stairs and to the bedroom, my legs wrapped around his waist the entire time.

When we got to the bed, Edward laid me down before he stripped his own clothes off, and came back to me. I squealed as he began his attack on me, his hands squeezing and his lips roaming.

"Rip it off," I moaned as he got to my shirt. "When you did that in the car, it was so sexy."

Suddenly buttons flew everywhere and something took over me, I jumped at him and attacked him like he was the last drop of water in the middle of the desert. My hands explored, my lips kissed and my teeth sank into his skin. _I was a bit of a vampire when it came to Edward..._

Before I knew it, I was wearing only my panties and grinding up against him until his hands grabbed my hips to calm me.

"Bella, slow down," Edward chided as my hips ground against his again, hard and fast.

"Why?" I asked, not slowing my pace.

"Because if you don't, I won't make it to the good parts." He eyed me with a crooked smile and it made me blush for reasons unknown. "And we have all night long with each other."

His words somehow made me emotional and that's when I realized I was slightly more tipsy than I realized at first. "We have forever,"

"And always," he added with a chuckle. "Is that our new motto?"

"I guess it is." I shrugged, but couldn't stop the stupid smile from spreading across my face. "I love you."

"As I love you, my Bella. Now, let me show you how much I love you."

"_Holymotherfuckingshit!" _I screamed.

It was at that moment in time that I realized … _it really rocked to be in love_.

* * *

><p><strong>I can not tell you how good it is to be back writing. It's only been a couple of days but it feels AMAZE-BALLS! My computer committed suicide last week and it took a while for the guy to fix it. I was dying of writing withdrawals. Anyway, I hoped you liked this chapter.<strong>

**We are so fucking close to 1000 reviews and if we get to it, I might just cry. PLEASE LEAVE A REVIEW! If you read any of my other stories (which are quite embarrassing because they're un-betaed and my first attempts to write ever) you'll know that getting to 1000 reviews has been a dream of mine since I started writing. Help the cause?**

**THANK YOU RND4EVA! My Beta worked with incredible speed with this chapter and did a fantastic job, if I may say so myself, so thanks a bunch. **

**Thank you all for the lovely reviews I received for the last chapter. Sorry if I didn't reply to you, I got most of them but my computer was screwed up...**

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**Sorry for the long-ass A/N but I missed you all.**

**Have a good week. :)**

**~ Casey**

twitter: Caseyx457.


	29. Chapter 28

Disclaimer: StephenieMeyer owns Twilight.

Chapter 28

"I'm not having one!"

"Okay, dear."

"I mean it."

"I'm not doubting you."

"And _you_ are not throwing me a party." I warned Edward as he smiled crookedly.

"Bella it's your birthday, you only get to be twenty-six once in your entire life. Let's celebrate it."

"Just because you're old, doesn't mean you have to try and live vicariously through me."

Edward glared, but amusement danced in his eyes. "I'll have you know as of today there's only a year between us."

"No. You're only twenty-seven for another three months and then someone, whose name begins with 'E' and ends in 'ward', is another step closer to thirty." I nudged him with my elbow. "You're like a male cougar already."

"What can I say?" Edward chuckled as he pulled me from my spot on the couch and onto his lap. "I like' em young." He squeezed my sides and I squirmed around his lap into a fit of giggles. He knew I was extremely ticklish.

Somehow our little tickle fight turned into a kissing game. I think Edward won, though I wasn't complaining. _I really really_ _like second place... _"We have to do something," he breathed, smashing his lips against mine before I could object.

I kissed him back with vigour until I needed to catch my breath.

"We could stay here and have birthday orgasms." I laughed at the hungry look in Edward's eyes when I spoke; he was so easy to fuck with. _(No pun intended)_

When he realized I was _(sort of)_ kidding, he tickled me again for fucking with him.

"Don't start something unless you intend to follow through." Edward warned and I giggled silently. "I'm taking you out tonight. We'll go the traditional route; dinner and a movie."

"Sounds good to me."

"You think that sounds good, wait until you see what we're doing after..." he purred seductively into my ear. My legs squeezed together in anticipation.

"What are we doing after?" My breath hitched on the last word.

"I can't tell you or it will ruin it."

"Now you have to tell me." I whined.

"It'll be amazing and by the end, you'll be screaming."

"Promise?"

"Oh I promise," he chuckled. "When you see what I have in store...well, let's just say you'll be _very_ surprised."

**-O~O~O-**

Edward took me to my favourite Italian restaurant before we went to see the movie. He was really pulling out all the stops, slipping the waiter a twenty and telling him to gives us a quiet spot then ordering fancy champagne I couldn't pronounce.

Though it did make me wonder something... "Where are you getting the money to do all this?" I blurted before I could stop myself.

"Huh?" he asked.

"I mean, not that I'm complaining, but you don't have a job anymore. You're living with Carlisle and Esme and yet...slipping the waiter a twenty? I don't understand...where is the money coming from?"

We sat down at a table in a quiet corner at the back of the restaurant.

"Well, after.._.he._..came to my apartment. I went to Tyler and he and Emmett told me to get every last dime I had, forget about all my shit in my apartment and just skip town. Start over..." he shrugged. "The money is my inheritance from my Grandparents and at the time, even when I was at my worst, I at least had the respect not to spend the money on blow." Edward laughed bitterly in spite of himself.

"Edward..." I tried to apologize but he cut me off.

"No, don't apologize. I'm a bad person Bella, I accept that and I wish I could change the past. _But I can't._ I can't change anything that happened. What I can do is put it behind me and move on from it." His hand moved to cup my cheek as his thumb stroked it gently. "I truly think that you're the only good part of me. My own Guardian Angel..."

The words _Guardian Angel_ clicked in my head and my hands moved down to trace the outline of my locket. "_The wings_...the wings on the locket...because I'm your Guardian Angel?" I stuttered in realization as happy tears sprung in my eyes. He was so sweet all the time.

A small smile played on Edward's lips. "You caught me. You're more observant than I gave you credit for."

My hand continued to play with the locket as I recalled just how many meanings it had and how perfectly it suited us. He had it made for me and we were made for each other. _A perfect fit.._.

"Edward, you're wrong." I said and he quirked an eyebrow in return.

"What? About you being observant?"

"No, about you being a bad person."

"Bella …" he started and I could tell he was about to object so I cut him off.

"The fact alone that you feel so much regret for what happened only strengthens my belief in you. You're kind, loving and you'd do anything for someone you care about. You're a good man Edward, I know it, and I love you."

He was silent for a moment as he looked at me, emotion burning in his eyes as they locked with mine. It was as if he could see straight through me and he liked what he saw. _I know I did when I looked at him_.

"Do you want to say it, or should I?" he smiled as he held my hand from across the table.

"You go ahead." I laughed.

"I love you too, always,"

"And forever."

**-O~O~O-**

"I'll be two minutes, I promise, I just gotta take a leak."

"Wow honey, no need to sugarcoat." I snickered as I walked alongside him up the Cullens' driveway.

"Bella?"

"Yeah?"

"Remember that you love me." He told me before he swung the front door open.

"Happy birthday, Bella!" All my friends screamed at the tops of their voices and streams of confetti-crap blew everywhere. I nearly wet myself in fright. My cheeks flamed as everyone's eyes landed on me and cheers rang out.

I turned to glare at Edward who was chuckling softly behind me.

"Told you you'd be surprised and that it would make you scream." He shrugged as he bent down and planted a chaste kiss on my pouted lips.

"I told you I didn't want a party."

"_And I didn't listen_."

I gave him a dirty look before I plastered a smile on my face and greeted everyone. The place looked like a nightclub and there was no doubt in my mind that Alice had been the force behind the decorating squad. She tended to go overboard..._a lot_.

"Yo smalls, what's kicken?" Seth greeted as he towered over me and engulfed me into a hug. Seriously the kid was only seventeen and already he was six foot two, I felt like such a shrimp compared to him.

"Hey Seth, I'm good and you really need to lay off the growing beans."

"Whatever, if you weren't my _sister-from-another-mister_ you would so want me." Seth usually referred to me as his _sister-from-another-mister _since his Mom, Sue, was dating my Dad. Seth and I had always gotten along; it was his big sister, Leah and I who had gotten off to a rocky start. She seemed to be okay with me now, but occasionally she would go back to her bitchy ways. I tried to ignore it as best I could.

"Dream on tiger, she's mine." Hands circled my waist and I laughed as Diego spun me around.

"Diego!" I squealed in delight as he put me down. I hugged him to me, ecstatic to see my friend again.

"Where have you been, chica? I've been missing you like crazy, and who was that fine piece of man-meat?" He eyed Seth hungrily from where he stood across the room.

"That's my _brother-from-another-mother_!" I slapped his arm. "And he's a minor, only seventeen...plus he's not even gay. So keep your hands to yourself." It was gross having someone refer to Seth in a sexual way, to me he was still that little kid who read comic books and watched cartoons. _He was like my little brother..._

"I'll buy the minor stuff, but chica my _gay-dar_ is going off the charts with that one. And trust me; I'm never wrong when it comes to this stuff."

"Huh," I pondered the idea. I'd never seen Seth with a girlfriend and he'd never done anything to make me suspect he might be gay. He was always out wrestling with the guys or sleeping over at Jared's hou- "Oh my god, Seth _is_ gay."

"Told you," Diego shrugged as he sauntered away.

I didn't have a chance to think about it further before I was dragged away to blow out twenty-six candles on the biggest goddamned cake I'd ever seen. Then all eyes were on me, cameras flashed, Sue and Charlie were telling me how proud they were of me, Edward was telling me he loved me, my phone was ringing, people were shouting at me, all at the same time. Although I was flattered and honoured that they cared, it was enough to drive me crazy. _I do not enjoy attention…_

As soon as I was out of the spotlight and everyone was focused on the food being served, I slipped out the back door to collect myself and answer my stupid phone.

"Hello?"

"Bella, honey, happy birthday." My Moms voice spoke softly through the receiver.

"Thanks Mom. It's crazy over here, you wouldn't believe it. The Cullen's threw me a giant party. You know what I'm like when I'm the centre of attention." I laughed awkwardly.

"Oh trust me, I know sweetie." she giggled, probably at memories of failed birthdays and tantrums. "So the Cullen's huh? Your father mentioned you and Edward were an item again."

"You and Dad still speak?" I questioned, surprised. Whenever I remembered them speaking it always ended in shouting or tears.

"Yes, of course we do. Your Dad and I may not be what we once were but he'll always be my friend and the father of my child. I'll always have a part of him and remember our time together. But we've moved on and you know what. We're better than ever." As soon as she said that, I knew exactly where this conversation was going.

"Don't Mom." I tried but she ignored me.

"I'm saying this to help you. Believe me when I say I know how you're feeling but Bella-"

"Mom, I know what I'm doing and I'm sick of everyone telling me otherwise so stop."

"Sweetheart, you're still young and hung up on the fairy tale life you had together. You just don't want it to end, that's all."

"Mom, stop it. I love him." I was beginning to get angry.

"And I still love your father, I always will..."

"Not the way I love Edward."

"Honey, I've been there..." With those words, I just snapped. Images ran through my mind of her walking out the door; and then not seeing her for weeks afterwards.

"No you haven't because you haven't been sure of anything a day in your damn life. You change jobs every twenty minutes! You wouldn't know what it is to work for something because as soon as things get hard, you run away and try to bury it behind you. You left me and you left Dad but you couldn't bury us so you just avoided us. When was the last time you made an effort to see me? _After my divorce?_ You don't know anything, so don't tell me how to feel. I come to you about a lot of things but relationships aren't one of them." I growled and she became silent.

Her tattered breathing on the other end made me wish I had never uttered a single word. And when I heard a small sob, it was like taking a knife to the gut.

"I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have..."

"No...You're right. I don't know enough about relationships to give advice. It's my fault. Every word you said is nothing but the blunt truth. I'll try harder though, Bella, I promise I'll try harder for you."

I wish I could've said she didn't have to. I could've lied to her and told her she was already doing a stand up job, but what good would that do? It wouldn't do anything but help tear us further apart and I missed my Mom.

"I will too. I love you, Mom."

"I love you too, baby. I'm sorry. Happy birthday."

The line went dead before I could say anything else and I was thankful that I could be by myself for a few moments. I'd had too many deep conversations tonight and my head felt like it was going to explode if I went back into the party. So I stayed outside, alone with my thoughts and the fresh air.

"Best birthday ever..." I whispered to myself as I leaned back against the concrete wall.

"Why is that, now?" A deep voice asked and I yelped in fright, turning to see Seth standing before me with a cheeky grin on his face.

"Jesus Christ, warn a girl before you sneak up." I growled as I tried to slow my heart.

"Sorry, smalls." he shrugged and took out a pack of cigarettes from his back pocket.

"Since when do you smoke? _Does Sue know_?"

"Since I decided I wanted to smoke and didn't care what my Mom thought. Since when are you and Cullen back together?"

"Since I decided I loved him and didn't care what anyone else thought." I replied and he smirked at me, lifting the cigarette to his lips and taking a drag.

"Bullshit."

"What now?" I asked.

"I said bullshit."

"How is me loving Edward bullshit?" I questioned, really not in the mood to explain this again or have another argument.

"No, I agree with you fully that you're in love with Edward. I saw it when you kissed. But I say bullshit to the _'I don't care what anyone else thinks'_ crap you're spewing." He told me as he slid down the wall and sat on the ground, patting the spot beside him.

I sat down and watched the darkened clouds with my head on his shoulder before I responded. "It's not bullshit, I really don't care."

"I've known you for years, smalls. I can see you're telling yourself that you don't care, but when someone says something going against you two, I think you're not just trying to convince them. You're trying to convince yourself too."

I said nothing, not really sure if it was the truth or not.

"You over think everything. You think nothing is simple but only because you make it hard for yourself. Let yourself love the dude. Fuck, everyone else and their ideas about what you should do with your life. It's yours to do whatever you want with. Who wants to play by the rules anyway?"

I laughed and suddenly realized Seth, the kid I'd known for years like a brother, was a fucking genius.

"You're right."

"Hell yeah, I am."

I don't how much time passed in comfortable silence before I spoke again.

"How come you never told me…?" I asked softly. He knew what I was talking about.

"You never asked," he shrugged.

"I never thought about it. You were always just my Seth. I guess I didn't think you'd grow up so fast." I smirked and nudged him with my elbow playfully.

"Smalls, if anyone asked me if I was gay, I wouldn't lie to them. It's who I am. Life is precious, and time is the one thing we can never get back. I can't afford to waste any of it pretending to be someone else, just to fit their idea of perfect. That, short stuff, is a crock of shit. And since you're pretty old now, I'd say you better not waste any more time sitting here with me." Seth nodded to Edward as he came around from the side of the house, evidently searching for me.

I had no idea how or where a seventeen year old boy got that kind of understanding about life. But I was sure as hell thankful for it.

He'd made things crystal clear for me. _This kid should_ _write a book or something..._

"You know Seth; I don't think I will waste any more time." I smiled and placed a kiss on his cheek before standing up to go over to my Edward.

"Where were you? I couldn't find yo-" My lips cut him off as they worked to replace all the times I hadn't been there to kiss him, the days we'd spent apart and the times I didn't get to say '_I love you_'. Seth was right; we'd wasted a lot of time.

But I wouldn't waste anymore.

"Make love to me." I breathed as my hands tangled in his hair and Edward's eyes gazed into mine intently.

His lips captured mine again, and our bodies tried to get closer than they already were; leaving no space between us as we continued our heated exchange in the middle of the yard.

This time there wasn't alcohol in our systems. We weren't lonely and unloved. We weren't apart and _I didn't care what anyone else thought_.

We were together and this went beyond love.

"Yes."


	30. Chapter 29

Disclaimer:Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight

Chapter 29

We headed straight back to my place in a sort of haze. All I could focus on was Edward as we sat in the back of the taxicab. His hands were everywhere, but then again, not where I wanted them to be. He was driving me insane. I could feel the electricity pulse between us all over my body, buzzing like live-wire, and yet all the kisses we had so far had been chaste and savoring.

I felt like I needed his body more than I needed air to breath.

"Edward," I half sighed, half moaned when his lips came to skim over my collarbone.

"No sex in cab!" The driver called back to us, making Edward and I chuckle and cool it a bit on the touching scale.

I'd never felt this way before, not even when we were married. My body actually craved him like an addict who needed her fix. _Edward was like a drug to me..._

"That seventeen dollars." The driver told Edward in broken English.

"Keep the change." Edward replied as he helped me out of the car. We clasped our hands together as we walked to the front door.

Once we got inside, the atmosphere was thick with lust again and I couldn't stop myself from pulling him close to me and clashing my lips against his. Before I could deepen it though, Edward pulled away.

"Why don't we bathe together before we go to bed?" he suggested in his velvety voice.

"Yeah," I answered in a breathy whisper.

Before I could object, he swept me into his arms and carried me to the bathroom, sitting me on the counter as he ran the bath. When it began to fill and steam rose into the air fogging up the room, he began to undress. And _fuck_if it wasn't the most erotic thing I'd ever seen...

He began first with his tie and shirt, throwing them on the floor as I unabashedly stared at his muscled chest down to the 'V' of his abdomen. I tried not to drool, but when the pants came off it made it a million times more difficult.

"Like what you see?" His smug voice snapped me out of my revere.

"Shut up," I murmured. My face flushed as I stood away from the counter and began removing my own clothing.

As I stood out of my panties and bra I noticed Edward gawking with his mouth wide open.

"Like what you see?" I teased and his arms were suddenly around me.

"_Always_,"

I stood out of his embrace and stepped into the tub waiting for him as he removed his last item of clothing and sat behind me in the warm water. I could feel him pressed against the small of my back and I couldn't wait to fix that problem for him.

His hands slid around my body so they were splayed out on the top of my stomach, my breasts skimming his arms with every breath I took. My head rested back on his shoulder giving him easy access to my neck.

"I want you," he breathed as his tongue traced over the shell of my ear. "I love you."

I only managed to whimper in response as my eyes closed and I relaxed into him. "I want you to feel pleasure like you've never felt it before..."

"_Edward._.."

"But I need..." he trailed off.

"What?" I asked. "Edward, you know you can ask me anything."

"I need... to hear you say it again. To promise me this isn't just another thing to you."

"I love you," I whispered as I turned and held his head in between my hands. "That's a promise I'll always keep."

He looked into my eyes and smiled when he saw the honesty and emotion burning in them. He kissed me softly and I knew I'd never live without him again; I was his.

"I love you too." He smiled into my hair and began to get out of the tub, taking me with him pressed against his chest.

He sat me on the bed. We didn't even bothering to dry ourselves off. Now all I wanted to do was show him how much I loved him.

"Come here, please?" I beckoned him over with my index finger and he smiled his trademark crooked smirk. He came to me and I managed to flip us over so that I was on top and he was below.

"You're sure?" he asked and I smiled and kissed his cheek softly.

"I'm sure of you. I love you, Edward."

"I love you too, Bella."

He gave me one last lingering kiss before he hitched my leg up slightly around his waist and pushed until we were connected. I lost myself in him until the pressure became too much and lapsed into a blissful euphoria.

We just lay there for a while afterward, completely spent and sated. Edward's head was on my stomach, his body between my legs while my hands played in his hair. Every now and then one of us would break the silence and that was only to say three words.

"_I love you."_

**-O~O~O-**

Needless to say, it was by far the best birthday I'd ever had, and I'd had some pretty awesome birthdays. It wasn't about stuff like flowers or expensive gifts...apparently though, Edward thought differently.

"I told you I didn't want anything." I explained, as he tried to distract me by trailing kisses down my stomach. But I was stubborn as hell and I refused to let him give me anything else. He'd already given me the best gift … _and that was him_.

"You also said you didn't want a party and look how that turned out." he reminded me, coming up so that we were eye level with each other. "Bella, I love you. I'll always want to give you everything and you'll always hate it. But just for today, please accept my gift since you've given me the greatest gift of all...your virginity."

"_My virginity?_ What do you mean?" I asked, confused.

His face turned shocked and he gasped. "You mean you're not a virgin? I'm hurt," he joked, holding a hand to his heart. I had to laugh at his bad acting. "Now since you've broken my heart, you'll have to accept my gift."

"I'll hurt you in a minute..." I grumbled, playfully slapping his arm before he pulled me into them and kissed my forehead.

"All joking aside, I want to give you nice things, Bella, because you deserve them. And if it helps, Alice picked it out with me so it will go with your new dress for the party."

I sighed. He must have put a lot of effort into it if he went shopping with Alice. God knows how many stores she made him visit. Though I admit it made me really happy that he cared that much to go and buy me a stupid present I didn't ask for. _I love him..._

"Okay, show it to me," He raised his eyebrows and I rolled my eyes. "The present, pervert."

Chuckling, he stood out of the bed and the covers fell, revealing his naked body. _Damn...no one should be that good-looking..._ I couldn't stop a giggle from escaping my lips when I saw his cute little butt though. It was adorable_...I kinda want to bite it..._

"Ow! Did you just bite my ass?"

"No..." I lied and slid back under the covers, laughing.

"You're strange," he chuckled rubbing his cheek as he came back to bed and handed me a little black box.

A box that looked like it could fit a ring inside.

A certain type of ring…

_Oh God no_!

I was _so_ not getting married again. Why would he even consider proposing marriage? What would this prove- _Wait...listen to Seth, Bella. Relax and everything will work out fine._

"This isn't what I think it is… _is it?"_ I asked him, praying to God he would say no.

"That depends. What do you think it is?"

"You know what I think it is."

"I don't know what you think it is."

"You do know what I think it is. _You know you __do_."

"I really don't know. But how do you know that I know about what you know."

"I'm confused." I said, as Edward smirked.

"Me too, I was just screwing with you that last time. I lost you at 'you know you know'."

"It's not...a certain type of ring...is it?"

Edward suddenly looked a bit pale at my question. "Do you want it to be?"

"No," I answered truthfully then continued, my voice less than a whisper as I spoke. "I don't think I ever want it to be."

We were both silent for a moment as I toyed with the box in my hand, avoiding his eyes.

Would this be a deal-breaker for him? Would I even consider marriage if it meant staying with Edward?

_Chill Bella...let the chips fall where they may..._

"It's alright, Bella," Edward shrugged, kissing me softly. "I understand and I honestly couldn't care less if we don't get married again. The only thing that really matters is that we're together. I don't need a piece a paper to tell me that you're mine. All I need is you."

His words made me feel like a weight was being lifted off my shoulders.

"Thank you for understanding. I guess I just don't see the point in marriage anymore. Things are going fantastic the way they are. To me it's like signing that stupid piece of paper ruins everything. Maybe I'm jaded because of our marriage and my parents marriage failing but I think marriage has just lost it's meaning to me. Who says a couple has to be married to be in love, or to have children together? It's the twenty-first century for crying out loud." I rambled.

Edward had a sparkle in his eye and a bright smile on his face. "You still want to have children with me?"

My cheeks flushed because I couldn't believe I'd said that out loud. But when I pictured Edward, smiling with my little red-haired baby asleep on his chest like when he was holding Henry, I realized I wanted that. _I wanted that badly..._

I wanted to watch our child grow while Edward held my hand. I could imagine both of us smiling, grey and old, as our grandchildren played around us.

I wanted to have a proper life with Edward. And I wasn't the least bit ashamed.

"Yes, I do…_But in a few years_." I quickly explained. "I don't think we should get ahead of ourselves yet. Especially in our current situation. Bringing a child into our lives while this thing with James is still hanging over our heads isn't something I'm prepared to do."

"You're right, I wouldn't want to do that either." Even as he said that, a small smile lit up his face and he cleared his throat before looking away. He seemed to be choking up a bit.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah," he nodded and looked back at me with shining eyes. "I just...can't believe we're having this conversation. You don't know how long I've dreamed of this moment."

He kissed me again and laughed softly through his nose. Suddenly I remembered the little box I had sitting in my hand that caused our whole discussion.

"We went a bit off track there for a moment," I laughed as I held up the box. "I'm going to open it now, so don't distract me."

I opened the box and gasped softly when I saw two pearl earrings sitting delicately in the center. They were both hanging from a line of diamonds and there was no doubt in my mind that they were real. With the Cullen's, their motto was_ go big or go home_.

"Edward..." I was speechless. He was an idiot for spending so much money on me but I was touched that he did.

"Do you like them?" he asked as he practically bounced up and down.

"I love them, thank you. Oh my God, I can't believe you did this." I laughed as I brought him to me and claimed his lips.

Our kiss turned deeper and slowly Edward worked his magic on my body again.. Then we were together, rocking against each other until we couldn't take any more love and collapsed in a heap. Spent and stated we fell into a silent slumber.

It was in that moment that I realized … I had a future again.

* * *

><p><strong>Sorry about any confusion with this chapter. I messed up when re-posting so I hope it didn't cause a problem for anyone.<strong>

**Thank you to my Beta, RND4EVA.**

**Hope you enjoyed it anyway and leave a review.**

**~ Casey**


	31. Chapter 30

Disclaimer:Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight.

Chapter 30

I woke up on Monday morning to an empty bed. An Edward-less bed.

It only served to remind me how much it sucked that I had to go to work. Don't get me wrong, I loved my job, but I loved sex with Edward even more. Right now, he was in his own bed since I knew last night that I would have to be up bright and early for work. And with Edward here, we both knew that was so not going to happen. _It's his fault for being so damn__ed good in bed..._

With a sigh, I managed to find the willpower to untangle myself from the sheets and make myself look acceptable for work. With the help of a strong cup of coffee and some make-up, I looked as alive as I could at seven fifteen in the morning.

"Good morning Bella," Riley greeted me with a bright smile as I trudged into my cubicle. _A morning person...great..._

I did notice, however, that today he was dressed very casually. A black V-neck t-shirt and jeans were not usually his style. He was more of a suit and tie kind of person. I wondered why Kate would allow him to dress this way? She'd have my ass if I came to work looking so unprofessional. _Maybe I wasn't the only one being given special treatment...?_

I grunted in response and flopped down into my chair.

"How did you enjoy your time off? A week must have felt like forever. How'd you manage to save up that vacation time? As soon as I get it, I use it."

Someone was filled with questions today and I was _so _not in the mood to answer. I needed at least two cups of coffee in my system before I was anywhere near friendly. Still, I felt bad for everything that had happened between us so I sort of owed it to him to make an effort.

"It was great and I still had some time off because of that Lauren thing. How have you been?"

He looked down to his feet as he nodded. "Good, can't really complain."

"I'm glad. I'm sorry we haven't really spoken much since..._you know_...and I would really like to go back to how it was before. You're a good friend, Riley." I smiled and he forced a smile in return.

"I'd like that too, Bella." It turned awkward then, since we both didn't have anything else to add to that.

"I'm going to go get some coffee." I only used it as an excuse to escape.

"I made some earlier. There's still a full pot over there." Riley pointed to the staff room and I gasped as he turned his head.

I noticed a long scar trail up the side of his neck and stop below his ear. It didn't look fresh, but it must have been one hell of an accident to have left him with that much of a scar to remember it by.

Riley noticed my gasp and his hand instinctively shot up to cover it.

"Sorry," I apologized, "That was rude."

"No, we're friends and it's not a big secret or anything. The whole office was probably talking about it when I first came, since I know the Mallory's so personally."

That must have been how he'd gotten the job so quick after Shelly left. I mean, the woman had barely cleaned out her desk before he was sitting at it. Still, maybe without the connections he would have been the best man for the job. _Who was I to judge?_

"My mother wasn't around as a child and my father was abusive so...erm...well, the Mallory's took me in after this happened," He gestured to the scar. "I don't want you to get the wrong idea though; I didn't get this job because of my connections."

"I didn't judge you."

"Of course not," he smiled shyly.

"Wait... you lived with the Mallory's? So that's why you told on Lauren that day? Kate trusts you."

Riley blushed and rubbed the back of his neck. "Oh yeah...forgot about that...well, me and Lauren used to be..." he gave me a pointed look and I shivered. _Riley could've done so much better. _"...yeah, I was sixteen and horny. It seemed forbidden at the time, now it's just nasty. Lauren hasn't seemed to get the message after all these years though."

"Now I get your joke about her humping your leg."

"It was good, wasn't it?" he asked with a mischievous grin. I shrugged. "I thought it was."

We were quiet again, something that seemed to be happening a lot lately.

"I'm sorry you had to go through that with your father, Riley."

"Yeah... me too," was all he said before he left.

I felt sick thinking about Riley as a kid being beaten by his Father. Lord only knows what the man did in order to give him such a scar and nobody deserved that, especially not a child. I'd say the hardest part for him is looking at his marred flesh and remembering his life before the Mallory's.

Riley's story stuck with me all day, I couldn't seem to shake it. It was so sad that he'd gone through all that but I was glad he came out on top. Still, at lunch when Rosalie called, I was thankful for the distraction.

"How's the day been treating you?" she asked.

"It's been...different...but good. How about you?"

"It's been good. I finally made something edible but I don't think it counts since it was microwavable. I went to the gym and after that, I got my nails done. Oh, and I think I'm pregnant." She said it so casually; as if she'd only told me she'd gone for walk. I was in shock.

"You think you're pregnant?" I asked, slowly making sure I heard her right.

"Well, I didn't get my shot last month since Emmett said he'd be cool with having a baby. My period is late and my boobs hurt. I eat everything already so there's no telling if my appetite has changed." It was true. She did eat everything, almost as much as Emmett. It was so unfair that she ate so much but didn't gain a pound.

"That sounds about right. I think you must be pregnant." I laughed at the weirdness of the situation. "Congratulations Rose."

"Yeah, thanks. Who knew it would happen this fast? Well in a way I'm happy. Lord knows I'm not getting younger." _Ouch...That __was a punch in the gut..._

She took no notice of my silence and continued on. "Helen Donahue, you know her? Total bitch, had a boob job last year- yeah, she waited until she was thirty five to have a child and then had to pay big bucks for a surrogate. Think of how weird it would be to know someone else is having your kid for you because you can't get pregnant yourself. That's why we didn't want to wait any longer."

Her snobbish side was out in full force. I tried to compose myself and remember that I was still young and Edward and I had a lot of time before we started having kids.

"...Bella? Are you still there?"

"You can't say that stuff, Rose. It's not a bad thing to have a surrogate and some people will do anything to have a child. It's not Helen Donahue's fault she waited too long. Maybe she and her husband weren't ready for kids or maybe relationships weren't really working for her up until now?" I argued and realized I wasn't really speaking about Helen Donahue anymore.

Thankfully, Rose took no notice. "Whatever. Anyway, we should have a dinner again to celebrate. Last time was fun, even though Edward was there."

I rolled my eyes and smirked at her, seeming to have gotten a grip over my emotions again. "Gee, how nice," I said, sarcasm dripping in my voice. "Yeah, we should do dinner again. It was fun, Edward enjoyed it too." _A bit too much thanks to my under the table teasing..._

"He loves you, y'know." she blurted randomly.

"Yeah, I know."

"I saw it by the way you looked at each other at dinner. I'm sorry I didn't trust you."

_So that's why she was looking at us weird..._

"I forgive you. I know that you're only looking out for me."

"Good, because I like you, Bella. And I love our little heart-to-heart chats at lunch time, they make my day." she joked and I giggled with her.

"Whatever, slut. I have to go. Congratulations again about the baby."

"Thanks...em.._.IloveyouBella._" she rushed out and hung up the phone before I could answer. Rose wasn't a very mushy person, so I had to laugh at her awkward attempt at showing affection.

"Love you too, Rose." I said into the empty receiver, smiling the whole time I said it.

**-O~O~O-**

As soon as I stepped in the door, I got a text from Edward asking if he could come over. Apparently he missed me as much as I missed him. _I knew it was sappy, but __I didn't care..._

He got to my house within minutes of my reply and I knew he must have been on his way before I even said yes to him. Not like I was complaining though, since he attacked me with kisses the moment he was inside the apartment.

"I missed you today," he breathed out harshly against my lips.

"I mi-" Was all I managed before he had me pinned on the sofa beneath him. His hands opened my blouse and moved the material of my bra out of his way. His lips moved down to my hardened peaks, making me forget my own name as his tongue swirled around them and sucked eagerly. My hands twisted in his copper hair.

"You taste so good," he groaned and I whimpered as he bit down gently on my nipple.

"That feels good... Oh Edward...Bedroom now..."

"No, right here." He stood up from the couch and his hands moved down to open his belt buckle while I rid myself of my shirt. He didn't even bother removing his trousers; only pushing them below his hips, before he flipped me onto my stomach, so my butt was sticking off the side of the couch. He moved my skirt up passed my hips and his breath caught when he saw me.

I might have done something naughty before he got here. Since I knew once he arrived it would lead to something of an erotic nature.

"Fuck!" he growled as his hands slid up to cup my bare ass. "You're not wearing panties."

I giggled and wiggled my ass. "All for you, baby."

Another growl rumbled in his chest before I felt his mouth on me. _Right_ _there._ Both of his hands were firmly planted on my ass cheeks as he licked away to his heart's content..._and mine too! _When he added his fingers into the mix, I knew I couldn't take much more without imploding.

"Edward...awh_... __Pleas_e?" I cried as I buried my face into the cushion of the couch while my hands clawed at it.

His stopped his ministrations and I could hear the tearing of the foil wrapper before I felt him at my entrance. His hands gripped firmly on the small of my back as he slid himself into me.

"Ahhh...that's it," he breathed once he got all the way in. He began to move and this time, unlike the others, wasn't soft and gentle; this was frantic and needy. We had only made love before, but this was _fucking. _Rough and hard. Raw and primal.

He swiveled his hips slightly and I gasped loudly when he found the spot that made my eyes roll into the back of my head.

"I've been..._thrust_...thinking..._thrust._..about..._thrust._..this..._thrust._..all day..._SLAM_."

"Oh fuck, Edward! Faster, baby!"

His hands gripped me tighter as his hips moved with such speed I didn't even know the human body was capable of. It wouldn't be long for either of us, I knew that much. _I was having a hard time remembering my name though..._

"Yes...yes...right there, Bella. Oh...I'm gonna cum..."

"Not yet, baby." I almost cried as I worked my hips against his, desperate for my release.

"So close..."

"No...I need it..." I begged.

"Oh God, Bella. You need to cum...NOW!" he roared as his hand snaked around and pinched my clit, blurring the line between pleasure and pain. I felt my whole body unravel in ecstacy before I sank against the couch and felt Edward's cock soften inside of me.

"Holy shit," Edward exhaled and collapsed against me. When his weight got to be too much on me, he rolled over and leaning against the couch for support. "I didn't mean to be so quick with you; but I really missed you today."

"Trust me, I'm fine." I grinned like a cheshire cat as I climbed into his lap and kissed him passionately.

"Next time, I'll be slow and gentle."

"Honestly, I really liked rough and hard."

"You _did_?" he asked, surprised. I nodded and sucked on his Adams-apple because...well...because I _could_.

"And feel free to take me on whatever surface you want because couch sex...is super-hot." I fanned myself for dramatic effect.

"I'll keep that in mind. I'm going to get a bottle of water. Do you want one?"

"Sure," I smiled and moved myself so he could stand up and fix his pants.

The phone rang just as he left the room.

"Hello?"

"Ben isn't who you think he is." A voice whispered conspiratorially.

"_Angela_?" I breathed. My shock was evident in my tone. "Are you okay? What's going on? What do you mean he's not who I think he is?"

"I didn't want to do it, Bella. He said it would help you if I helped him. I thought...I...I loved him and that you would...that you needed...But he can't love anything. He's so wrapped up in_ her_," Angela rushed out, her voice nothing more than a whisper. I could imagine her tears flowing as she spoke.

This was the Angela I knew. She cared and she was telling me the truth. I couldn't lose her again.

"Angela, you have to tell me what's going on, please?" I begged and all I got in return was a strangled sob.

"I can't. I've already said too much..."

"I'm begging you; tell me what's going on. Did he threaten you? I can help you if you tell me. I swear-"

"He didn't threaten me. But Ben is liar and you can't trust him. He'll screw anyone over who gets in his way."

_Gets__ in his way? What the fuck was going on? Is Ben part of the mob too? _"Angela is he dangerou-"

"I have to go."

"No Angela, stay on the line!"

"I'm so sorry, Bella."

"Stay on the li-" It went dead and I was left a shaking, sobbing mess.

Edward caught me before my legs caved in and I bawled hysterically into his shoulder. All I got from that conversation was that Ben couldn't be trusted and she couldn't tell me what she knew. _I'd known all that __already __though..._

The question was..._what did Angel__a know?_

"What happened? Tell me why you're so scared? Bella, I'm freaking out, please tell me? Are you hurt? Do you need to go to the hospital? Bella!" Edward squeezed me against his chest and rocked us back and forth. He was clearly panicking but I couldn't seem to get enough breath to tell him.

"Sh-she called me." I finally managed to choke out.

"Angela? It's about Ben isn't it?"

"Edward, she said we can't trust him. She said he's wrapped up in Tanya."

I was trying to tell Edward that we needed to stay away from Ben. That he could be dangerous. He didn't seem to understand though because he started muttering to himself ways to get to Ben.

"No! You don't understand, Edward. Angela said Ben's wrapped up in Tanya. I think it means they're together! God only knows why they involved Eric. You escaped by the skin of your teeth with that Russian-whore before because she's convinced she loves you. If you go to Ben, someone she might be involved with, she could easily change her mind about loving you, or Ben could turn on you out of jealousy. You're walking on thin ice Edward; you can't tempt fate any longer. We need to play it safe." I rambled. If anything I was only trying to convince him to stay away from Tanya because I was terrified of losing him again.

Edward didn't seem to like what I had to say. He stood up and immediately began pulling at his hair, trying to control his temper.

"So what the fuck do you suggest? I sit here and let the people I care about be terrorized for my mistakes? I can't do that, Bella." He shook his head and began pacing again.

"Edward," I called and held his face in-between my hands. "Angela made her choice. She chose Ben and she paid for it. She can leave and forget him but you can't escape this. You need to think about what this means for you." He shook his head again, but I didn't let him speak. "I know it sounds selfish and cruel but it's true. Until someone makes a direct threat to us, we're not playing this guessing game anymore. We're staying out of it."

"Bella, no..." he started, but I couldn't let him finish. The thought of being torn from him again was too much for me to bear.

The hole in my chest that had healed since I took Edward back, ached at the thought. I knew if I lost him, it would rip open again and I would bleed internally. I don't think I'd make it without him.

"I lost you once, Edward Cullen. I will not lose you again. I won't live without you and I will certainly not lose you because of _her_ again." I cried, tears streaming my cheeks as Edward's pained eyes locked with mine.

"I won't let that happen. I'm here," His arms pulled me into him and our lips collided. I felt nothing but him as his tongue moved into my mouth.

Soon we were stripped of our clothing and were joined in a desperate need to feel each other; skin against skin. I needed to be connected to him and remember nothing but his warm embrace. When I was with Edward, the pain in my chest didn't hurt anymore.

"I'm here," he repeated with every thrust and I lay my hand over his heart to make sure it was the truth. Every beat I felt under my palm convinced me that this was real, that he was here with me forever. But it also reminded me that I wouldn't make it if those beats ceased.

We lost ourselves in those moments. But as we came apart, he whispered a promise that I knew one day he'd have to break; whether he wanted to or not.

"I'll never leave you, Bella."

* * *

><p><strong>A bit of a downer, huh? Well, we knew everything with Tanya would catch up with Edward eventually. <strong>**So only five more chapters left and then we're (cue sad music) finished... It's been a great ride though.**

**Thanks to my Beta, RND4EVA. She is the ham to my sandwhich. Love to you, Dee. :)**

I Hope She Was Worth It has been nominated for **two Torch Awards**!** Best Cliff Hanger and Most promising** **(WIP).** My lovely Beta, RND4EVA, has been nominated for **Best Beta**_ (Which she won a long time ago in my book) _for this story also. That's a total of **three** nominations for I Hope She Was Worth It and we need your help. Voting starts **March 12th** for the people's choice award. So get your voting hats on, it's time to rumble! Okay... I got a bit carried away. Please vote for us, it would mean the world. **http : / / thetorchawards (dot) blogspot (Dot) com / **

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**Thanks for the reviews and recommendations this story has gotten from it's wonderful readers. **

**My newest story is also in the works, if you want a sneak peak at the banner it's on my profile. It's called **The Chick With The Striped Socks **and it's going to be all EPOV or Pervward as I like to call him. Swing by my profile if you want to check it out.**

**Thanks and I'll see you next chapter,**

**~ Casey**


	32. Chapter 31

Disclaimer:Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight

Chapter 31

"_I'll never leave you, Bella."_

"You can't promise that. One day something will take us away from each other. It could be an accident, sickness or old age..." I whispered into his chest and curled further into his naked body.

"Even if I died tomorrow, I'd never leave you. In this life or the next, I'm yours."

"So we'll be together in heaven, huh? I thought you didn't believe in that?"

A sad expression formed on his face. "I don't, but if I did, I doubt they'd let me in."

_Yes, they would!_ I wanted to scream at him, but I wasn't in the mood to argue with him about it. Instead I showed him that even divine intervention couldn't stop us from being together. "So we could be together in purgatory?"

He laughed softly through his nose before looking at me intently. "Nothing that has you in it could be purgatory; to me that would have to be paradise. No fear, no pressure, just you and me forever."

"And always."

I sighed longingly, inhaling his sent as I did before I pulled him closer to me.

"What's that poem about loving someone more after you die?"

"_How do I love thee_?"

"Yeah, that one. Recite it for me, please? It sounds so much better when you say it." I admitted as my eyes began to droop with exhaustion.

"Anything for you, my Bella," He gave me a chaste kiss on my lips before he began to speak.

"_How do I love thee? Let me count the ways._

_I love thee to the depth and breadth and height_

_My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight_

_For the ends of Being and ideal Grace._

_I love thee to the level of every day's_

_Most quiet need, by sun and candlelight._

_I love thee freely, as men strive for Right;_

_I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise._

_I love thee with the passion put to use_

_In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith._

_I love thee with a love I seemed to lose_

_With my lost saints, I love thee with the breath,_

_Smiles, tears, of all my life! And, if God choose,_

_I shall but love thee better after death."_

"I love you, Edward."

"I love you too, Bella," His soft eyes narrowed at me playfully. "But if you tell Emmett I recited poetry, I'll kick your cute little ass."

"Sure you will." I rolled my eyes at him and laughed.

"Okay, maybe I won't kick it. But I will do something to it; something more _satisfying.._."

I hit him playfully and he rolled over, pretending to be in pain. Even though he couldn't keep the smirk off his face long enough to convince me that he was actually hurt. He came back to me after a few minutes of goofing around and we lay together again.

In his arms was exactly the place I wanted to be. Though I'd needed the space at the time, I couldn't believe, only a few months ago, I was convinced I was better off without him, _forever_. I wasn't able to imagine my life without Edward anymore. An existence without him seemed pointless and... _empty._

"Edward, I don't think I'm ready for paradise just yet. So we'll both have to work on staying alive until then and having a great life together."

"Of course! Why didn't I think of that?" he asked, sarcasm dripping from his voice. I ignored him.

"We deserve to have something so good; so amazingly spectacular that it'll never be forgotten."

"We already have, love," he said to me. "We have each other and I'll never forget that."

I smiled. A real fucking bright smile, as I held his hand, our fingers entwining together over his chest, directly above his heart. The last thing I registered before sleep overtook me was Edward's soft lips on my forehead.

**-O~O~O-**

Light was streaming in the windows as I woke up, naked and alone, on the living room floor. I wondered if Edward had gone to the bathroom but when I knocked and asked if he was in there, there was no answer. When I opened the door, the room was empty.

I checked the bedroom next and called for him, but I couldn't find him anywhere. He was gone. Without even telling me goodbye before he took off.

Needless to say, I was pissed.

I knew I might be overreacting, but I thought that after our deep conversation and love making the night before, that he'd at least text me to say he had to go somewhere instead of leaving without so much as a kiss goodbye.

"This is so unlike Edward." I growled in frustration before realizing what this could mean.

_Leaving without a goodbye, or at least a note to tell me he had __gone__, __was__ very unlike Edward._

He would never do that..._unless _something big happened. Or he had something very important to do that he knew I wouldn't approve of. My heart was in my mouth as I ran for my cell.

**Tell me you didn't – Bella**

**I can't - Edward**

**You promised me - Bella**

**I had to talk to him. I'm sorry – Edward**

"Motherfucker!" I ran to throw my clothes on and get to him before he got himself killed.

Edward had gone to him…literally hours after I'd asked him not to. He'd gone to Ben Cheney… the one guy I begged him to stay away from because I was afraid he could be dangerous.

Edward had broken his promise to me.

_He never really promised you anything..._My head screamed but I was in too much of a panic to listen.

I was out the door and in my truck within minutes, driving like a woman possessed. Scenarios kept running through my head of him being beaten to a pulp by Ben or having a gun pulled on him while Tanya fucking watched. I was freaking out andmy panic only increased when I realized I had no clue where Edward and Ben were.

My hands were shaking and my tears began to blur my vision. I couldn't tell where the road was, and I knew I had to stop. I pulled over to the side of the street and let everything out. I had no idea where I was, I'd just gotten in the truck and driven frantically in my state of panic.

Now that panic had subsided, anger took over.

"Pick up," I chanted as I called his cell phone. "Pick up. Pick the fucking phone up Edward!"

"_Hi, this is Edward, I can't pick up the phone at the moment but if you leave your name and number, I'll get back to you..."_

"I fucking hate your guts, Edward Cullen!" I screamed, rage taking over me.

I felt betrayed, even though he'd never actually promised anything. I had assumed he cared enough to respect my wishes and not do anything stupid… for example: _going to __see__ someone who's directly involved with Tanya Denali and who we __had been__ warned to stay away from. _"How could you? You're a liar, you're a fucking liar!"

I hung up and the tears that normally accompanied a breakdown rolled down my cheeks in streams. I hugged myself into a tight ball, my knees pressed against the steering wheel while I tried to let go of the anger and hurt I had inside me._ Some things are easier said than done..._

He was probably going to get hurt and I was powerless to stop it. I'd begged Edward, gave him a big speech and every reason not to go to Ben. Yet none of it got through to him. He'd gone against my wishes, he'd endangered himself and not once thought about me or his family when he made such a reckless decision. _What if he'd gotten killed?_

My phone buzzed next to me and I wiped my tears as I looked at the caller ID.

**Incoming Call - **_**Edward Cullen**_

One part of me refused to answer, the other part of me needed to so I could be sure he was okay. I couldn't make up my mind and soon it rang out. A bleep informed me he'd left a message and, before I could stop myself, I played it.

"Don't hate me, please, don't hate me. I'm sorry. I know you didn't want me to go but I had to go, I _had_ to. I'm fine, nothing's wrong with me, I swear. Ben only wanted to talk and he's not a threat, Bella, I swear it's just like Angela said. Ben's not dangerous to us...Please pick up...talk to me... I know you're angry but I'll make it up to you. I love you, Bella." His voice sounded so pained and I couldn't listen to anymore.

I wiped my puffy red eyes, turned off my cell phone and drove home.

**-O~O~O-**

"Emmett?" I asked when he answered.

"Hey Bella, you okay? You sound upset."

"I need you to call Edward and ask him if he's okay." Concern had gotten the better of me in the end, but I couldn't bring myself to call Edward myself; I felt betrayed. Still, I loved him and I needed to know for a fact that he was safe. I couldn't sit here and not know if he was downplaying an injury or if he really was fine after he admitted he'd talked to Ben.

"What happened? Where's Edward? Are you hurt?" Emmett's voice immediately turned in the opposite direction of caring and affectionate. It was hard and concerned, as if he'd been expecting a phone call like this for a while now. I could hear Rosalie in the background, demanding to know what was going on and if I was okay.

"Nothing happened," I lied. "He's in the doghouse for forgetting dinner reservations and I haven't spoken to him since yesterday. Would you mind calling him and seeing how he is? I want to make him sweat for a while; so he'll learn his lesson." I was getting good at lying; _but__ I hated it_.

Emmett breathed a sigh of relief before he chuckled heartily. "Whew, you had me worried there. Yeah, I got you. I've been there before with Rosie. But do me a favor and don't make him sweat for too long? He's half of himself when he's not with you."

He didn't realize how bad his words made me feel. It was like a razor cutting into my skin.

"Yeah," I managed to choke out before I hung up and went back to...whatever the hell I was doing. _Wallowing? Being angry? _Both!

I barely had time to put down my house phone back onto the receiver when someone began banging at my door. I had a good idea who it was.

"I know you're home! Bella, open the door!" Edward's voice pleaded from the other side.

I knew I needed to talk things out with him but at the moment I was pissed. _Beyond pissed._ I needed this time to be angry and get everything out of my system. Then, we could speak to each other civilly. Then I knew I could save myself the worry and be sure I wouldn't kill him.

"I don't want to see you right now, Edward." I shouted back, not opening the door because I knew seeing him would weaken my resolve.

"Bella, don't shut me out, please? I love you. I know I'm a stupid fucker and you didn't want me to go but Ben called _me_. He asked me to meet with him so he could explain everything. I knew if I had told you, you would've beg me to stay. It was important-"

"Important? More important than the promise you made to me." I cut him off.

"I didn't promise anything!" he argued, his hand pounding the door in anger.

"I'm not having this conversation right now with a door between us. We both need to cool down and I think you should go home now."

"I'm not leaving until you speak to me!"

"I'm not ready to fucking speak to you! I need to calm down before I kill you myself." I told him honestly because I was on the fucking edge of going crazy.

He sighed on the other side of the door. "I'm coming back here tomorrow morning before you go to work. We're talking about this then. Promise me?"

I snorted at his use of words. "I refuse to make any promises, since apparently promises don't mean anything to you."

**-O~O~O-**

When I turned my cell phone back on, I groaned when I saw all the texts and calls I'd received.

**What's really going on? Edward's a wreck – Emmett**

**Why is my bro all brooding and sullen? You know what, I don't care. I'm betting it's his fault. Are you okay? XOXO- Alice**

**Edward's a fuck but he's torn up about whatever the hell he did wrong. Give the guy a break, doll. He loves you ;) - Jasper**

**Emmett said Edward fucked up. You okay? - Rosalie**

**You won't answer so please call me. I just want to hear your voice – Edward**

**I'm so sorry – Edward**

**What will it take for you to speak with me tonight? I'm going out of my mind - Edward**

**I love you. I know I fucked up but I'll make it better. I'm calling you now to tell you how sorry I am and how much I love you. Please pick up the phone – Edward**

**1 Missed Call From **_**Edward Cullen**_

**2 Missed Calls From **_**Edward Cullen**_

**3 Missed Calls From**_** Edward Cullen**_

I threw my phone at the ground and glared at it. I was hoping that if I glared hard enough it would magically break into a million pieces and be gone forever. _Why did I even buy a cell phone? My life was easier without it..._

Edward was worrying, though, and I felt bad. I wasn't going to leave him, I was in too deep to do that. But what he did still stung. _Correction_; It hurt like a motherfucker. He knew how I felt about what he did and yet he did it anyway. Tears collected in my eyes and I willed them away.

I was _sick_ of crying. I was exhausted, hungry, I needed to shower badly and my eyes stung. I had spent the entire time crying and I wondered exactly how many tears I had left to shed before my eyes ran dry.

I decided to get my sorry ass off the floor and get my shit together. I would talk to Edward tomorrow morning and we'd be fine. He'd say he was sorry, tell me he wouldn't do it again and we'd go back to normal. _Well normal for us..._

I got in the shower and washed away my fears and anger. I needed to remind myself that everything would be better tomorrow.

**-O~O~O-**

_BUMP, BUMP, BUMP!_

My eyes heaved open and my head managed to detach itself from my pillow. I glanced at my alarm clock.

**4:29 AM**

"What the fuck?" I said to myself, though it probably didn't sound coherent at all.

I groaned as I rolled out of my cozy, warm bed and hissed as the cold air hit my skin. _Did I mention I'm not a morning person...? _My eyes wouldn't open more than halfway as I stumbled to the door and searched for the key.

_BUMP, BUMP, BUMP!_

"Hold on already!" I shouted, my voice filled with sleep as I unlocked the door to have two arms wrap around me and lips attack every inch of skin they could reach. I was about to scream when I realized who it was who practically jumped me.

"Oh God, I'm so sorry. I'll do anything you want. Please don't be mad anymore. You don't know how worried I've been," he breathed into my hair and his arms hugged me tighter.

Had it not been four thirty in the morning, I would've given him some smart ass remark about how he had done enough to worry me for a lifetime over the course of our relationship… But like I said, _four thirty in the morning! _Instead, I inhaled his mouthwatering scent and hugged him back, burying my face into his chest.

"I thought you were going to leave me." He said into my hair, his voice only above a whisper.

"I'd never leave you. I love you. But I still think you're a dick for doing that to me. Oh, and you're not getting laid anytime soon." I told him, though it was muffled because my face was buried into his shirt.

He chuckled softly but it came out like a sigh of relief. "I can accept that. It's true and I realize I'm a dick for doing that to you. I know had it been you, I would've gone out of my mind with worry. I'm so sorry, Bella."

I was released from his arms but his hands soon found mine. I looked up to see he was wearing the same clothes he'd worn when he came here two days ago. He looked exhausted, with dark bags under his eyes.

"See why I waited to have this conversation? Had you said that yesterday when I was pissed, I would have ended up yelling shit at you that I didn't mean. Now that I've cooled off I can tell you that I accept your apology." I stood on my tippy-toes to kiss him.

"Thank you." he whispered against my lips.

"Now, how much sleep did you get last night?" He smiled and looked away bashfully.

"That's what I thought. Come on, I have to be up at six so we can sleep until then. Why'd you come so early anyway?"

"I couldn't wait any longer. It was killing me." He admitted and I shook my head at him for being so sweet in a really-stupid kind of way.

We lay under the covers in bed and he snuggled up to me so we were spooning. I smiled mischievously as an idea came to me.

"Hey Edward?"

"Mmm?"

"I'm totally telling Emmett you recited poetry."

* * *

><p><strong>I fucked up this chapter when re-posting also. If you noticed, sorry. If you didn't, nothing even happened. Go about reading the rest.<strong>

**Thanks to my Beta, RND4EVA. Love ya, Dee.**

**Leave a review :)**

**Casey**


	33. Chapter 32

Disclaimer:Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight

Chapter 32

"I can't believe you told him," Edward grumbled as he stepped into his jeans. He was still sulking because I'd told Emmett about the poetry he'd recited to me.

"What can I say? I am a woman of my word," I giggled, looking back at him in the mirror as I threw my hair up into a ponytail. Alice was taking me for a girly day at the spa so I could get prettied up for the Christmas party tonight.

I had no idea why my boss thought we should hold a Christmas party in November but she assured me that, to her anyway, this was the best time for one. Still, Kate told me that it was essential for my career that I go tonight. If I wanted to get back to where I was before I'd gotten fired, I had to be prepared to schmooze and kiss some ass.

"So, I'm really never getting laid again?" Edward asked, pulling me from my thoughts, as he walked slowly towards me.

"Whoa, slow down. I said you're not getting laid _anytime soon. _Never again is a really long time..." _I'm a woman...I have needs too. _

"Hmmm...It is a long time," he whispered as he stood behind me, his fingers pulling me to him while his lips attacked the side of my neck. _God that fee__ls good... _"A _really_ long time."

_Keep your cool, Bella. Do not jump your smoking-hot boyfriend while he tries to seduce you..._

"Edward," I breathed as his hands began to move further up my body. I knew I had to stop this quickly or I'd give in. "You're only torturing yourself. I'm not having sex with you."

He chuckled darkly into my neck. "Good thing I'm masochistic."

"Hmmm..." I contemplated the idea of a quickie when I remembered why we weren't having sex in the first place. "No. We aren't having sex because you're being punished for making me worry," I said defiantly, proud that I had the restraint to say no when my body was screaming, _DO IT!_

"But Bella," he whined. "I'm so horny. We haven't had sex in three months!"

"It's been two weeks, Edward."

"Well, it feels like three months!"

I plastered a sympathetic expression on my face. "My poor baby, maybe I should help you out?" He nodded eagerly. I grinned wickedly as I picked up his right hand. "Edward's hand, meet Edward's dick, Edward's dick, meet Edward's hand. I can tell this will be the beginning of a beautiful friendship."

I laughed hysterically as I skipped out the door.

"They're already best friends!" he shouted and followed me out of the room with an adorable pout on his face. _Some people are just so easy..._

**-O~O~O-**

"So are you excited for tonight?" Alice asked as our nails were being buffed and polished.

"Yeah, I guess so." I shrugged.

"Jeeze, Bella, contain your excitement," she replied sarcastically.

"Sorry, I know I'm being a total buzz kill but I just...I don't know."

Alice looked at me in shock for a moment. "You're feeling it too?"

"What?" I asked, bewildered.

"Bella, I wasn't going to say anything, but I've been having these weird feelings about you going to this party. It's a strong feeling too. I don't think you and Edward should go tonight."

Damn Alice and her all-seeing visions. She often had these strange feelings about things and they were rarely wrong. She once had a feeling that Edward and I would get married, eventually that came true. She had another feeling that she would meet a guy in a bar we were going to that would be her soul mate; she met Jasper that same night. Then she always had to have a special feeling before she named any of her kids.

It was _strange _and I'd never bet against her before.

"You're sure?" I questioned, because if I chose not to go to the party tonight it was the end of my career with Kate's agency.

"I'm not a hundred percent sure. I have a feeling that something's wrong but then when I try to dig further into this emotion, it stops completely. It's like someone has stopped something to do with you dead in it's tracks. I can't really explain it." Her voice was filled with confusion and I could see her stare go blank for a moment before she shivered and came back to me.

Now I was worried. With all our stuff going on, which Alice wasn't even completely aware of; it would be a really weird coincidence if she just had a vision of something going wrong. We really couldn't afford any more bad luck.

"I'll talk to Edward about staying home. If he thinks I shouldn't go, we'll stay," I told her and she nodded in agreement. I was more than a little freaked out about this whole thing.

"Promise me if you go that you'll keep your cell on you at all times?" Alice questioned, her voice filled with concern.

"Trust me, I'm really freaked out. I don't think I'll go anywhere without it for a while."

**-O~O~O-**

Edward was making lunch for the two of us when I got to his parents' house. Esme and Carlisle weren't around when I arrived. I figured they must have gone out, knowing I'd be coming over.

They were acting like children because Edward and I were together and what irked me the most about the whole situation was that it wasn't Edward they were worried about. They were worried about _me_ getting hurt. They had literally abandoned their own son and chosen to worry about me instead when, frankly, I didn't need their help at all. I was the safest I could be with him.

"Bella, love. Do you mind setting the table? The salad is nearly ready." Edward smiled and kissed my lips chastely.

I was setting the plates down on the table when I began to speak. "So, I was talking with Alice in the spa..."

"Oh yeah? Did you both have a nice time?" he asked.

"Yeah, yeah, it was great. Anyway, we were talking about tonight and she said she had a..._feeling_."

His eyebrows raised and he stopped what he was doing to look at me. "Like...one of _her _feelings; a vision."

"Yeah, she said it was as if something was off. She told me I shouldn't go tonight and I was thinking it doesn't matter if we don't go. I can always find another job somewhere else." I shrugged, trying to make it sound like no big deal that I was going to get fired again.

Edward thought about it before he shook his head. "No, you love your job. It took you so long to get one and in this economy, it'll be even harder next time. Besides, sometimes Alice gets it wrong. Do you remember when she predicted that Emmett and Rose would never get married? And when she said we'd have a kid in our first three years of marriage? We made damn sure that prediction didn't happen. We need to go to this party and everything will be fine. I promise nothing will hurt you; I won't let it."

When Edward said that, it did make me feel like we were making something out of nothing. I mean Alice did make a wrong prediction sometimes and she did say she wasn't really sure this time.

"It's probably nothing."

"Yeah, you're probably right," I agreed. I really couldn't afford to lose my job again especially over something that we're not even sure about. _It was just a feeling __after all..._

We finished lunch and I washed our dishes while he dried them. It was still early by the time we had everything cleaned up, so we decided to watch a movie for a while since we were alone in a big house and didn't have to get ready until seven.

We watched the newest _Jane Eyre _movie...well, I did while Edward did everything he could in an attempt to seduce me, trying to convince me to go upstairs with him. I must have had a lot of willpower because _boy...did that man have game_...

I was glad the movie I picked didn't have any sexual scenes, because I was beyond turned on without it. I didn't need anything else to weaken my resolve, no matter how much I wanted to jump his bones.

"You know you want to, Bella," he whispered deliciously into my ear, nipping it lightly while he was there.

I bit down on my lip in an attempt to stop the whining noise come from my throat. It didn't help at all.

"See? You want me as much as I want you." My eyes flickered to his crotch before I could stop myself. "Give in to me and I'll make you feel _so good_."

I shook my head stubbornly. He chuckled in return.

"You're so fucking stubborn. Feel what you're doing to me; what you have been doing to me for the past two weeks." My hand had a mind of its own as it grazed the denim of his jeans. Edward struggled to keep his breath even while his eyes clouded with lust.

_Jesus Christ, why was I even bothering to fucking fight this? I clearly wanted it._

"My God! I'm stubborn?" I yelled as I stood over him. Edward looked at me in shock. "You better get your ass upstairs and fuck me into oblivion in five seconds or things won't be pretty."

His mouth popped open slightly before he grabbed my hips and slung me over his shoulder caveman style. "You are the sexiest woman in the world!"

**-O~O~O-**

At seven that night, after my hair and make-up was done perfectly, I was ready to don my dress for the night. I slid it over my body and marveled at how the soft material felt against my skin. It really was a beautiful dress. The bodice was black, low cut, and sleeveless. It was simple, yet elegant but then a blood-red bow with a diamond encrusted broach in the back, made it simply perfect for tonight.

My hair was flowing down one side of my head in chocolate curls and the earrings Edward had gotten me for my birthday accessorized the dress perfectly, just as he'd promised me it would when I'd freaked out over them. And although my locket didn't really go with the whole outfit, it was something I wasn't willing to part with, if only for a night. My black platforms and clutch finished the whole ensemble perfectly and I couldn't believe the dark haired beauty staring back in the mirror was actually me.

"Wow," Edward breathed as I came out of my bedroom. His eyes seemed to rake over me like mine did with him every time I saw him in a suit. He'd gone for a black suit with a crisp white shirt and skinny black tie. He looked like sex on legs. "You are seriously the most beautiful woman I've ever seen."

"Ditto," I replied and he raised an eyebrow. "You know I meant man and ruggedly handsome, right?"

"That's more like it."

Edward drove Carlisle's _Merced__es_. He said Alice insisted since the black car would match our dark outfits. It wasn't as if anyone was going to see the car from the party, so I didn't see why it made that much of a difference.

Halfway to the party I notice a black sedan following our car. When Edward pulled in to get gas, the car waited too. When we pulled out the car followed again. I waited for a while until I was one hundred percent sure it was following us before I mentioned it.

"Edward, there's a car following us." I blurted, looking back to see it was still trailing us.

He looked in the mirror for a moment before looking back to me. "Don't worry about it. It's nothing."

"But-" I didn't have much time to think on it before the valet was taking the keys and ushering us into the party. I wasn't about to let the whole car thing drop though. Edward and I would be discussing it later.

The event was in full swing when we got inside. It was being held in a lavish ballroom in Seattle's nicest hotel. A band was playing jazz music in a corner while the agency sucked up to the high and mighty of Washington. It made me wonder how the hell I ever landed this job.

"Are you okay?" Edward asked as he handed me a glass of champagne. "You seem nervous. If it's about the car, it wa-"

"Bella!" A voice called, cutting Edward off. I turned to see Kate running towards me with a tall dark haired man by her side. "You're here!" she smiled, though it sounded forced.

"Isabella," The man greeted, shaking my hand and Edwards. "I'm Leonard Mallory. Nice to meet you."

_Leonard Mallory. _I could distinctly see the resemblance between him and Lauren but I'd thought he and Kate were divorced. Rumor had it that they couldn't stand to be in the same room together without making a spectacle of themselves. Shelly had told me,before she'd left, that one time Mr. Mallory had to be forcibly removed from an event when a fight the couple had been having got out of control.

"You too," I replied, shaking his hand wearily. Kate's eyes watered slightly as my hand touched his. _I__ wonder what the hell is going on..._

"Enjoy the night, Ms. Swan. You never know when it could be your last." Mr. Mallory said as he grabbed Kate's arm and all but dragged her away.

"Was it just me or was that really weird?" I asked Edward.

"Extremely weird. Stay away from that guy in future. He gives me the creeps."

"Trust me; staying away from him won't be a problem."

We mingled a lot after the incident with _Mr. Creepy_ and Edward didn't leave my side the whole time. Throughout the night I kept a lookout for Riley, but I didn't see him. I wanted to be on the lookout, because if he did come over, I wanted to warn Edward so he wouldn't lose his temper and get me fired. Edward still wasn't cool with the whole _Riley-telling-me-he-loved-me_ thing. I really couldn't blame him though, I'd freak out if it was the other way around.

"Who are you looking for?" Edward asked as I did a scan of the room one more time.

"Riley. I haven't seen him around."

"Your _friend,_" he spat the word.

"Yes, my _friend_. He's a good one too, so be nice when we see him. He's a really good guy once you get to know him."

I looked back to see Edward's face had gone pale white. His eyes bugged out of his head like he'd saw a ghost and he looked utterly petrified. "Don't do that. There's no competition or whatever it is you're worried about. I'm yours."

I placed a hand on his chest and looked up in concern as I felt his heart begin to race under my palm and his breathing quicken.

"Edward?"

I looked around the room to where his gaze was locked on and didn't see anything out of the ordinary. But Edward was as still as a statue; it was like he was in shock.

"Edward? What's going on? _Edward!_" I shook him gently.

He whispered something but it was too low for me to make out. His hand latched onto my wrist and clamped down so tightly that it was painful. His face was still pale and he looked like he was about to faint.

"What?" I asked again, my breathing too becoming erratic.

"Run. We need to run," he growled and kept a hold on me as he rushed me through the crowds, spilling drinks and pushing people in his haste to get out. I noticed Leonard Mallory smiling evilly as he sipped champagne across the room. _Something wasn't right..._

Once we'd escaped the ballroom, Edward was in full blown panic mode. His hands were shaking and he was running so fast while pulling me that I was having trouble keeping up with his pace. He didn't seem to be listening to anything I said; instead he kept murmuring things to himself. We reached the last door of the hallway and Edward ripped it open, practically pushing me inside. The sign clearly said we weren't meant to be there.

**Basement Storage**

**Staff Only**

"You're really fucking scaring me, Edward," I cried as mascara ran down my face in streaks.

"We need to get out. Stay beside me. Don't you fucking move, okay? _Okay_?" he shouted, grabbing my wrist tighter.

"Okay!"

He flicked open his phone as he pulled me around the large space. It was empty, except for a few boxes and chairs stacked here and there. The walls and floor were grey and the only light in the whole place were the few dim lights hanging on the ceiling, the rest of the place was dark. It was eerily quiet and I knew something bad was happening, I just didn't know what.

"Fuck!" Edward cried, slamming his phone down as he searched for the exit door of the room frantically, throwing boxes and chairs around while murmuring, "No fucking signal...can't call Ben... I need to get her out..."

"Why do I have to get out? Edward?"

It went silent for a moment before the noise of a door slowly squeaking open filled the room. Edward pulled me behind his back and I swear his whole body shook in terror as footsteps followed us inside the room.

"Edward, Edward, Edward," A voice taunted; a familiar one. "You really thought you could escape me, didn't you?"

"Stay behind me and do as I say. If something happens to me, run as fast as you can out of here. Leave me behind and go to my father," Edward breathed, his voice low and raspy.

"No Edward," I cried, confused and scared.

"There's no time, just do it! I love you, Bella and I'm so sorry," he sobbed, tears streaming his cheeks.

A figure emerged from the shadows and I gasped loudly when his face came into view. Things began clicking into place. I was sick to my stomach when I realized how close to him I'd been all this time, unaware of what danger he posed. _How could I have not seen it all before?_

The scar on the side of his face wasn't his father's doing at all; it was Edward's.

_"...I whipped out my pocket knife and cut his face. It left him with a scar but it didn't stop him."_

Why Mr. Mallory and Kate had been acting strange and how he'd been placed next to me in work. It was so we could become close; to make his twisted game more interesting. He hadn't been born a sick fuck, nor had he been one before he was put into foster care; it was learned behavior.

"_...well, the Mallory's took me in..."_

"_He told me of how he had grown up with abusive foster parents..."_

It was him all along.

"_Riley_?"

Riley's mouth twisted into an evil smirk. "Sorry Doll, but my name is James."

* * *

><p><strong>Um...Surprise? Shit is about to hit the fan people and all questions will be answered next chapter. Are you all excited? I am. Plus I got a lot of dark inspiration from the C<em>osmopolis<em> trailer so it's going to be a blood bath...well...maybe.**

**Voting is open for _The Torch Awards_, so please go vote for I Hope She Was Worth It if you have the chance. ;) : / / thetorchawards . blogspot p / voting _ 12 . html**

**A big thank you to my amazing Beta, RND4EVA, who rocks my socks! Thanks Dee.**

**I've donated my last outtake of IHSWWI to _Fandom For Preemies._ It's called _The Baseball Box _and it's the story of when Edward's Mam and Dad found Edward's porn collection...all thanks to Bella. It's just something light and funny to give to an extremely good cause, so please donate and give what you can. :)**

**Please leave a review. You have no idea how happy I am when I hear the little ping on my phone telling me I've gotten another review. It makes my day.**

**I've got a picture of Bella's dress on my profile so swing by and check it out if you want.**

**Okay, that's all for today and I'll see you next chapter,**

**~ Casey.**


	34. Chapter 33

**A/N:** Isn't my Beta, RND4EVA**, _AMAZING _**for getting this out so quick? I think she is :)

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight

Chapter 33

_"Riley?"_

_Riley's mouth twisted into an evil smirk. "Sorry Doll, but my name is James."_

"What?" Edward asked, his expression ill and his voice weak, as he looked at me. But he already knew the answer to his question. "He was here all along."

"Honestly, Edward," James sauntered over to us slowly, each step he took was another inch Edward pushed me behind him. "Did you really think Tyler wasn't going to sell you out the moment I got to him in Atlanta?"

Edward said nothing and either did I.

"Yep, he sure did. Tyler sold you down the river in a heartbeat. It didn't save him though."

James had killed Tyler, he was admitting it. But it didn't make sense to me. His death had been ruled as suicide; Tyler had overdosed on prescription pills.

"Tyler killed himself!" I shouted before I could stop myself.

"Bella," Edward warned.

James gave me a sweet smile that made me sick to my stomach. To think I'd trusted him. It made me want to puke. "Do you think the police force in Atlanta are above taking bribes? Because, if the bribe is generous enough, I'm sorry to tell you honey, _they're not."_

I squeezed Edward tighter to me, realizing this could be the last few moments of our lives. James was about to take everything from us, everything we had worked for and fought for. He was going to make sure Edward suffered for something he didn't even do.

"Fuck you, James!" I spat.

"Awh Bella, don't be like that. We had some good times together, didn't we? Like every morning in the office when I would bring you coffee and pretend that you were my everything and that no one would ever compare to you. I was good at it too, wasn't I? I was good at being in love. I was good at it because I've felt that way before-"

"Fuck you and Victoria!" Edward roared, his hands behind his back pressed something cold into my hands. I hid the handgun he'd given me behind me while Edward inched forward towards James. "I didn't even like her and she still begged me to fuck her."

James' face was livid. His nostrils flared, his eyes narrowed and his hands clenched into fists beside him. Edward was trying to provoke him. He was sacrificing himself to save me. If James attacked him, I could have the chance to run, maybe shoot him...but it would be too late for Edward.

"She was a miserable little whore, only staying with you for the drugs but meanwhile fucking everyone behind your back. One night I came home and she was lying naked on my couch, high as a kite, and begging for it. Begging for me to give her everything you couldn't..."

"Shut the fuck up!" James finally screamed. "If you had any idea how many times I had Bella over there alone..."

"That pisses you off too, doesn't it? I asked myself why you didn't kill her. I mean, you had her alone so many times; you had so many opportunities. It was because all along you wanted to make her love you, wasn't it?"

"I'll kill you right now-"

"You wanted to make her leave me, like Vicky left you, and then you'd kill her. You wanted to make me feel what you felt when you lost everything permanently."

"I will destroy you-"

"But no matter how much you promised to love her, brought her coffee and played your sick little game, you were nothing compared to _me._ Vicky thought so too. That's what crawls under your skin the most, isn't it? That not one but _two_ women you were close to wanted _me more_." Edward continued to taunt, a smug smile on his face but in his eyes I could still see fear.

"I'll show you Mister fucking perfect!" James held a gun up to Edward's head. But Edward didn't seemed frightened of death at all.

I, on the other hand, was terrified.

"No! Stop please!" I yelled and Edward's eyes widened to tell me to _shut-the-fuck-up_. I couldn't let him die for me. I didn't have it in me to do it.

James' smile widened and his eyes lost all traces of anger and became bright again.

"That's right. Love conquers all, doesn't it Bella? You don't want Edward to die because he is your world." He pressed the gun to Edward's head harder, his eyes staring straight through Edward's. "And you, Edward, were so depressed when _Bella_ left you because of all those other women you fucked."

"No," Edward breathed, seeing something I didn't. "I'm only with Bella because Victoria's dead. I loved _Victoria_. We were going to move away together after she left you and start a family. We wer-"

"I don't believe you," James sang, a bright smirk forming on his face. He began pushing Edward back towards me, the barrel of the gun still pressed against his head. "You were only with Victoria because _Bella _didn't want you."

"You're wrong!"

"You love_ Bella. _You and _Bella_ are going to move away and have kids together!" Every sentence James said his voice rose to the point where he was shouting.

Edward's breathing picked up and his chest heaved, his eyes darting to me ever so often. "That's a lie."

"Nope, I don't think it is. Bella was the answer to everything all along. The answer to all my problems. Why didn't I do this before? Anyway, fuck you Edward Cullen," Suddenly the gun was away from Edward's head and pointed at me. "And goodbye Bella Swan."

"NO!"

**BANG!**

Edward's wide eyes stared at me, full of tears and regret. His lips took mine slowly and I forgot everything else in the room. _Was I dead? _His mouth separated from mine and his hand touched my cheek softly. Every touch showing me how much he loved me.

But I couldn't register what had happened.

Not until Edward's eyes went wide and he fell to his knees before me.

Then onto his stomach, where I could see the blood that stained his white shirt.

And the gaping hole in his back where he'd been shot.

Edward had jumped in front of me. He'd saved my life. But at the same time ended it.

Anger surged through me as I watched blood pool around the man I loved and held up the gun that was placed in my hands moments ago. James' eyes became wide as I aimed towards his head. He hadn't been expecting that.

I closed my eyes and then,** BANG, BANG, BANG! **Three shots had been fired and rang out around the room.

But I hadn't even pulled the trigger.

"FBI!" Ben shouted as he flew through the door. He'd hit James solidly in the chest three times and he'd flown back into a pile of chairs as blood splattered the walls around him. He was dead instantly and I was fucking glad.

I didn't waste any more time thinking about that scumbag. I was turning Edward over in a heartbeat and breathed a sigh of relief when I saw his eyes flutter open. His breathing was ragged and his body was convulsing. _This wasn't good..._

"Get an ambulance!" Ben cried to someone outside the door. "Lauren, do it now!"

"Edward," I sobbed as I held his head in my lap. "Stay with me, okay?"

"_Bella,_" he breathed. His voice barely audible. "Paradise," he smiled weakly, tears spilling from his eyes and his teeth stained with blood.

"You're not dying," I cried, holding him tighter to me. "You can't leave me. You promised."

"Baby..._Locket_...open...locket," he begged his body convulsing faster and harder in my arms.

"I'll do it when we get you to the hospital."

"Now!" he growled, though it was anything closer to a whisper.

I couldn't deny him, not when he was in so much pain. With shaky hands, I took the small key that was on a chain around his neck and brought it to the locket he'd given me months ago, when we'd only just begun again. I opened the wings and pressed the key into the center. It turned and opened with ease, letting two golden rings fall into my lap.

"Our wedding rings." I laughed as the tears rolled down my cheeks freely.

"I...I...I love you. Always." His smile was pained, his eyes dim and watering.

"And forever."

Edward's body relaxed in my arms, his chest ceasing to heave.

"Edward?"

Nothing.

"No, Edward? Answer me!"

Silence. He wasn't breathing anymore.

"Baby, answer me! EDWARD!"

Suddenly arms grabbed me and pulled me back away from him while I thrashed and struggled, screaming and crying, in my attempt to get back to him.

"Bella, they're paramedics. They can help." Ben's voice spoke into my ear.

"NO, EDWARD!"

"Calm down, they're here to help. So am I. They'll do all they can to save him." I could hear the doubt in Ben's voice. He thought it was too late; that _my_ Edward was gone._ Impossible..._

"He's not dead," I chanted and wailed into Ben's shoulder. "He's not dead."

"No heart beat! If we don't hurry, we'll lose him completely." A paramedic shouted over his lifeless body.

"He's not dead."

"One, two, three," They called as they pumped down on his chest.

"He's not dead."

"Clear!" Two pads went on his chest and Edward's whole body jolted.

"He's not dead."

"Clear!"

He wasn't dead. He couldn't be. I wouldn't be able to stand here alive if he was gone. My whole world would just shatter and I would cease to exist.

He wasn't..._could he be?_

"We have a heartbeat!"

**-O~O~O-**

Waiting._ It __sucked_.

Especially when it's the person you love the most that's on the operating table. The Doctors said they had to remove the bullet that was lodged in his back. They also said they had to stop any internal bleeding, since he'd lost a lot of blood.

They told me that Edward only had a fifty, fifty chance of surviving the surgery.

That meant there was an equal chance he wouldn't.

Everything was so fucked up. So many things were clicking into place and I couldn't even begin to deal with it.

"_Bella?" A voice asked after the doctors had checked me out._

"_Ben?"_

"_We need to talk." He __gave me a__ small smile__. "If you're up for it?"_

_I said nothing, __but __he came into the room and sat beside me anyway._

_"I'm sorry about Edward."_

_"He's not dead. There's nothing to be sorry for," I growled back at him. "Look, you wanted to tell me something? Get on with it."_

_He sighed. "My real name is Nahuel Benjamins and I work for the FBI. I was undercover to take down a large Russian family who have been the head of crime in America for the past ten years. Edward was directly involved with some of the members of this family; Tanya Denali, Irina Denali, their father and their godfather, Aro Volturi. I was so close; I had files that included evidence of laundered money, corruption, drug dealing on everyone but the girls. I knew if I didn't take them all down at the same time, then my efforts would have been useless and I'd be a dead man. They'd kill me before the day was out and be back on the streets in no time._

_So I tried to get information from Edward, since he seemed close to them at a point, and then I met Angela__. I loved her. I loved her so fucking much but used her for so long that it got too much for her and she left me. Edward eventually figured everything out; he's a smart guy. We met up one day and he told me what he knew. I filled him in on why I was trailing him and h__e told me what happened __to__ him__. __He told me __what _they did_, and they're all going down for it, Bella."_

_I gasped. Tanya and Irina were going to prison for what happened? Edward would finally get justice._

"_You're sure?"_

"_I am. I have everything I need." Ben-Nahuel-whatever, assured me._

"_But Eric is your best friend. He's dating Tanya."  
><em>

"_I asked Eric to help me…and he agreed. We dressed him up and put him in Tanya's line of fire so we could keep an eye on her. He's rich, so naturally, she couldn't keep her hands off him. This case has been my obsession for the past ten years; I wasn't going to let her slip through my fingers again."_

"_So then why were you there tonight when all this happened? You had what you needed, why did you stick around?"_

_Ben __nodded. "Edward__ and I made a deal. I would protect you from James until he was caught and in return __Edward__ would__ testify and press charges against Irina and Tanya. It's the only reason he told me what happened."_

_My eyes watered once again. Edward had literally done __the most difficult__ thing __he could in order__ to protect me. He'd let someone in to his fucked up past and __look where it got him__…shot by some psycho and fighting for his life._

_"You did a shitty __job of protecting_ him_." I spat._

"_I was trying to get to you both. But Leonard Mallory had guys to keep me away. I had to deal with them first. It was Miss Mallory who actually saved your life."_

"_Kate?" I guessed._

"_No... me," A voice said and I turned to see Lauren smiling sadly behind me. "I'm so sorry, Bella."_

"_Lauren?" I questioned, shocked. "Why would you...? You hate me."_

"_I don't hate you. I never did. I was trying to make you see what was going on. I've grown up with James and my family all knew why he was coming back. My Father encouraged it, he always has, he made James this way. And my mother encouraged it because James has his hooks in her so deep. But I couldn't let him hurt you, so I tried my best to make you leave without giving anything away. I was dead if they knew I was trying to help you." Lauren admitted._

"_You were trying to make me quit." All those times; the yelling, the demanding, the rudeness. Lauren had been trying to save me. _

"_Yeah," she smiled. "My Father turned James into his clone when he fostered, and eventually, adopted him. They're both evil and I've been trying to get away from my family my whole life."_

"_I'm sorry and thank you. Both of you." I told them sincerly. They'd done all they could. Only time would tell if it was enough._

I was dragged back to the present by familiar voices.

Emmett and Rose were the first to arrive and I was guessing that was because Emmett was Edward's emergency contact. Rose's eyes were rimmed red but Emmett was in a worse state and completely broke down when he saw me covered in his brother's blood from head to toe.

"Oh fuck...oh fuck, he's dead, isn't he? Oh my God, he's dead. Edward...oh my fucking God." He had to sit down because he couldn't breathe.

"Emmett, he's alive." _For now..._

"What? Oh please, he's alive?" he finally breathed, his pale features coming back to life a bit more.

"His heart stopped for a couple of minutes but the paramedics revived him. He's in surgery right now, there's a fifty percent chance he'll survive." I breathed, my voice emotionless but my eyes still swelling with tears. I played with the rings in my fingers, clutching Edward's the tightest. My hope was beginning to dwindle. _He'd have to be super human to survive this..._

Rose's hand held mine and she smiled meekly at me. I wished I could smile back to thank her for supporting me, but I couldn't. I could only nod my head and watch Emmett crumble again.

"And a fifty percent chance he won't," he added and put his head in his hands. "I have to call Mom and Dad."

"I'll do it, sweetheart," Rose offered as she used her other free hand to rub Emmett's back.

"No, I have to do it."

He marched off with his phone in hand and Rose came back to me, enclosing her arms around me and pulling me onto her chest while I cried all I had left to cry.

"He's so sweet. Edward didn't deserve this. He doesn't deserve to die like this. He should grow old with me, surrounded by our grandchildren. Not on an operating table surrounded by people he doesn't know."

"Bella, shush. We're not going to lose him. He loves you too much to give up."

Emmett came back, his eyes stained as red as mine. "They're on their way. Alice is with them and she's a mess. She says she had a feeling that something bad would happen. She's been on edge all night."

I cried harder. "She warned us not to go."

Emmett stared back at me, dumbfounded. "She warned you? She _warned_ you and you still went?"

"Emmett stop, this wasn't her fault." Rose warned him.

"He wanted to go, I told him we didn't have to but he said Alice was wrong sometimes and that we'd be fine. So I agreed with him. I agreed with him and now look where he is. It's all my fault." My head fell into my hands as I sobbed.

"No, Bella, no!" Rose hissed. "This is not your fault. It that scumbag James' fault. He shot him, he's the crazy one and he paid for it. He's dead, it's over. When Edward comes out of that room, you can start your life again."

"_If_ he comes out of that room," Emmett mumbled and Rose shot him a glare.

"He's going to make it. Keep saying that to yourself. Without hope we have nothing. _He's going to make it._"

"He's going to make it." I whispered and so did Emmett.

"Come on, louder. He's going to make it!" Rose shouted.

"He's going to make it!"

"He's going to fucking make it!"

"He's going to fucking make it!" I roared and turned to see a doctor standing in the doorway.

"You're the Cullen family?" We all nodded. "I have some news for you all regarding Edward, though you should probably...sit down."

_Sit down? What? Was it bad news? He couldn't be...? No..._

"Oh my God," I whispered and the room went black.

* * *

><p><strong>Okay, so... I'm going to go hide. I recieved a few death threats last week saying people would have my head if I didn't update quickly. I have a feeling I'm going to be getting a lot more after this chapter. It's cool though, if anything I'm happy you like it that much. :)<strong>

**So Edward's life is hanging in the balance. Ben was really an FBI agent called Nahuel Benjamins who was looking for dirt on the Denali's. Lauren is the good guy and Kate's crazy. See? Nothing with my stories are ever as it seems. I TOLD YOU!**

**A GINORMIC, GINORMOUS THANKS TO MY BETA RND4EVA (a.k.a Dee) She works speedy and it's always awesome. Thank you so much, Dee. Also she and _KarenCullen2007_ have a story together called "_We Start Rememberin' When_" and it deserves so much more reviews than it gets. So if you get the chance to check it out, please do. You can find it in my favourite stories.**

**Don't forget to vote for _I Hope She Was Worth It_ in _The Torch Awards_. Voting is closing soon so if you have the chance, swing by and vote for us: **h t t p : / / thetorchawards . blogspot . com / p / voting _ 12 . html

**Thank you all for your wonderful reviews and rec's. They're always so amazingly heart-warming.**

****I've donated my last outtake of IHSWWI to _Fandom For Preemies._ It's called "_The Baseball Box" _and it's the story of when Edward's Mam and Dad found Edward's porn collection...all thanks to Bella. It's just something light and funny to give to an extremely good cause, so please donate and give what you can:**** h t t p : / / fandomforpreemies . blogspot . com /

**Okay, I'm going to go hide. See you next chapter and don't forget to hit reveiw. )**

**~ Casey**


	35. Chapter 34

**A/N: **Sorry about the upload confusion. FF was a fail this morning.

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight

Chapter 34

"_Bella," his voice both whispered and echoed throughout the room. "Bella."_

"_Edward?" I breathed, my head pounding and my heart __thumping. I glanced around but recognized nothing. Everywhere I looked seemed to be bright white and shining, only making Edward, who stood before me dressed in the same colors seem all the more angelic. In fact, even he looked unnaturally pale, like he wa__s made from __the palest__ marble. I looked over him thoroughly, ignoring the thumping in my head as I appraised him._

"_You're here. You're alive." I smiled and ran to him, only to have him rise into the air like smoke when I touched him. "Edward?"_

_I felt a breeze flow past me quickly and I turned to see him behind me._

_His face suddenly became somber. "You shouldn't be here. It's not time."_

"_Not time? For what?" He looked at me with a sad smile and I understood what he was saying. "No...no, Edward. If you're gone, I don't want to go back. I'm supposed to be with you, it's where I'm meant to be."_

"_Are you__ ready for this to be the end__?__ For this to be the twilight of your life, __even__ though your life has barely started__?__ You're ready to give up everything."_

"_It's not the end," I argued. "It's the beginning."_

"_You can't give up on life yet."_

"_Then neither can you."_

_His eyes stared at me intently before crystal teardrops sprung in his eyes, shining like diamonds in the light. "I don't want to be __anywhere__ without __you. I love you."_

"Bella? Mrs. Cullen, can you hear me?" A voice spoke, trying to tear me from Edward. Through my confusion I wondered why the voice kept calling me Esme's name.

"_You have to go," Edward said in a bittersweet tone._

"_No, I want to stay. Don't leave me!"_

"_I won't. I'll never leave you."  
><em>

"Mrs. Cullen?"

"_Edward! Keep fighting, stay strong," I screamed though the room began to dim._

"_Bella," the ghostly voice whispered pleadingly, almost like he was begging me not to leave him._

"Edward." I found myself murmuring as my eyes focused on the light shining above my head.

"Mrs. Cullen? We're getting you some water. Why don't you try sitting up when you're ready?" The man leaning over me said as he helped support me so I could sit up.

Everything came rushing back to me as I was handed a cup of water and took a tiny sip. I had been in the waiting room when the doctor had come in to update us about Edward and I'd collapsed.

My breath caught again as I looked frantically at the doctor who was about to either save me or kill me.

"He's alive?" I choked out, my voice shaky.

"Mrs. Cullen, why don't we wait for a moment until you're feeling better? Then I'll update you on your husband's condition."

_Husband_. I'd forgotten I'd told them I was still Edward's wife. I knew if I told them I was anything less I'd be kept out of the loop. Details about patient's health were shared only with immediate family, per hospital rules. I didn't think I could have handled not knowing.

"I'm fine now. How is he?" I urged, putting aside the water to listen to what he had to say.

The doctor sighed and went to close the door as I took in my surroundings. I was in a tiny room, all the walls the same bland shade of grey. They must have carried me in here when I fainted. Emmett and Rose weren't here though. _Did they know if Edward was alive or not yet?_

The doctor sat down across from me. "I'm afraid I have some bad news..."

-O~O~O-

I sat beside _his_ body; bruised and beaten. Unmoving, yet still he was beautiful. He was different than he'd been in my hallucination, not pale or unscathed, but his face was peaceful in his slumber. It was as if he knew James was gone and that I was safe.

I was wondering how our lives had gone from amazingly perfect to utterly devastated in one night. How one sick man had changed all of our plans with the pull of a trigger?

Esme sobbed quietly in the corner to my left, Carlisle clutching her to his chest as if he could take the pain from her and store it inside himself.

Emmett looked on in dread at his brothers still body, his eyes occasionally looking at me before he huddled closer to Rose.

Alice was on her knees praying to a much higher authority than the doctors in this hospital. I'm sure Jasper and the children were doing the same thing at home until the babysitter came. Then Jasper could be here to support his wife and brother-in-law.

While I, sat there motionless, heartbroken and eyes swimming, with Edward's hand in mine.

_Mourning._

I mourned the life we'd never have- the one that was never meant to be.

I mourned the bronze haired children that would never see Edward as their hero or adorn my knee and call me _'mother'_.

I mourned Edward's life as it had been and how it could have been now that James was dead. I'd longed to see Edward unburdened, untroubled and without worry. I wanted to look into his eyes and see nothing but sheer happiness.

I mourned for a lot, but a bright smile took over my face when I remembered that I had a lot more to be thankful for, just as the doctor's had said.

He was _alive_.

That was all that mattered to me.

Though the 'P' word haunted us still and loomed in our midst, we would deal with it together if the time came. If all we had was each other, then I knew I had everything I needed.

"I love you," I whispered in his ear and kissed his cheek.

"_I am afraid I have some bad news...though I'm glad to be the one to tell you he's alive." The Doctor announced._

_I choked out a breath I hadn't been aware I was holding. Relief flooded through me and I felt like the weight that was crushing my shoulders had been lifted._

_He'd fought for us. He'd made it._

"_Thank you," I wailed, smiling and snorting as I shook the Doctors hand._

_"Mrs. Cullen, although he's survived, it was by a very narrow margin. We lost him for over three minut__es on the operating table. That's a very long time and something we are not comfortable with. He's on life support and, while he may be alive, he's in a critical condition. He's suffered a lot of internal damage, so we had to put him into a medically induc__ed coma __while he__ heals and..." The Doctor, whose name tag read Dr. Cyrus Bloom, trailed off and I knew there was more he had yet to tell me._

"_It's okay, I can handle it," I lied. I was already crumbling to pieces. "This is the man I vowed to love in_ sickness _and in health. I need to know."_

_Cyrus sighed and I knew whatever he said was going to break my heart one way or another. I think he knew that too but I preferred to just get it over with..._

"_Mrs. Cullen, I'm afraid the bullet may have damaged your husband's spinal cord. There is a strong possibility he could be paralyzed."_

_I sat there in shock, unmoving as the news settled in._

_"If he is, it would be from his waist down. That would not only mean he couldn't walk again, but that..._conception_ would be __impossible."_

_My eyes closed of their accord. I was devastated, crippled with pain. However I couldn't help but think that it __really__ didn't matter. All I needed was Edward._

"_It's okay," I murmured. "We'll adjust if the time comes. I love him, he's all I need. As long as he makes it out of here alive..."_

_The doctor nodded and produced a small pitiful smile._

My heart hurt as I rehashed that conversation.

I knew it didn't really matter to me whether he was in a wheelchair or walking; I'd love him regardless. But it hurt me to know that Edward would always have a reminder of how close he'd come to death, thanks to James. And it also hurt to know the emotional strain he'd be under after losing his ability to walk. _If he lost it, we still __didn't know..._

"I'm here for you, Edward. When you wake up, we'll all be here for you."

**-O~O~O-**

Hours of waiting for Edward to wake up, turned into days of waiting.

Days turned into weeks.

Then before you know it, it had been a month. Still no Edward.

"How are you holding up, Kiddo?" My Dad asked, his hand coming to rest on my shoulder. For the man who was against Edward from the start, he had really been my rock through this.

He'd held me as I cried and stayed with me in the hospital. He'd forced me to eat, bathe and sleep, reminding me that I wasn't the one in the hospital bed. _"You're no use to Edward dead. Go home and rest,"_ he'd say and I'd realize he was right.

I needed to stay strong for Edward. He'd need me when he woke up, more than he ever had before.

"Barely. I am absolutely drained and I know it won't get any better until he wakes up," I answered, tired of lying to everyone and saying that I was coping. Clearly I wasn't. _Honestly, how could anyone cope at a time like this?_ I just took every day at a time. I was basically living on hope; there was nothing more I could do.

"I'm sorry, Kiddo. It'll get better though, you have to stay strong. I'm going to go home and have a nap, get some food in me that's not hospital crap. I'll be back again this evening."

As my Dad was about to walk out he threw a small smile at Edward's sleeping form. "You love him, don't you?" I blurted.

My Dad seemed caught off guard with my question. "Yes. He's like a son to me." His eyes watered but he shook it off and grunted, "It broke my heart when he broke yours. He was like the son I never had, _but you are my baby_. When he hurt you I knew I wouldn't take his side, no matter what. I felt..._betrayed_. He swore to me that he'd take care of you, that he'd never hurt you and I'd believed him. I hated that son of a bitch for a long time. But when you called to tell me he'd been shot, and was in critical condition, I was... devastated."

I'd never heard my father speak so much in his life, let alone about his feelings. I couldn't believe what he was saying, but finally I got a better understanding of him.

"Thanks Dad, I know Edward cares about you too. I love you."

"Love you too." He threw me a small smile before leaving.

I was alone in the hospital room with Edward. Sitting with him again, I ran my fingers through his soft and fluffy hair. Since he was sleeping I'd started using conditioner in his hair, he'd never done it before, even though I'd begged him to, so I just thought_ "__…__when in Rome__…__"_ and went for it. It was a good decision on my part.

It felt like forever since I'd seen the bright emerald of his eyes or laughed at one of his crappy jokes. I'd never felt this lost before. I missed him. I missed talking to him. I missed watching movies wrapped up in him and listening to him complain.

"I miss you." I told him.

A noise sounded from somewhere, a low rumbling. _What the fuck was that?_

"Bella," A voice croaked harder and I shot back in my chair on instinct when I realized where it was coming from. "Bella!"

"Oh my God," I breathed. "Edward, baby, can you hear me?" My hands touched his face as he struggled to control his arms. "Don't move yet, okay? You're safe here with me, just let me get the doctor to check you out."

"Bella!" he shouted, flailing more.

"No, Edward, I'm staying right here. Feel me baby," I held his hand and guided it up to my cheek. It seemed to calm him down significantly. "I'm right here."

I leaned over, not breaking my connection with him, and pressed the call button. The doctor and staff were up in minutes, ushering me out of the room as they took care of him.

"Bella!" I could hear being screamed as I was made to wait outside. The agony in his voice made my heartbreak all over again. He sounded so scared and disorientated. "Bella!"

I didn't want to waste any time I had with him, so as soon as they sent me out I was dialing Carlisle's number.

"Bella? Is he okay? What's going on?" Carlisle's frantic voice answered.

"He's awake."

A cry escaped him as he shouted for Esme. "We'll be in Seattle as fast as we can."

"BELLA!" I heard Edward roar as the nurses told him to calm down. I didn't give a shit anymore if they told me I couldn't be in there; he needed me.

"I'm coming!" I raced into the room, pushing through the nurses who were trying to make me leave once again. His eyes were still closed and he was panting like he'd run a marathon. This was to be expected though, he was probably still high with the amount of drugs in his body and disorientated from being unconscious for so long.

"Bella," he cried again, tears streaming his face as different hands prodded and poked at him. He seemed to be trying to open his eyes but wasn't having any luck.

"I'm here, Edward. I love you, okay? Nothing's going to happen. You're safe." My hand clutched his and he breathed a sigh of relief.

"I kept fighting," he slurred.

I gasped in shock. "You...my..." I couldn't speak. I'd asked him that in my dream, I'd asked him to keep fighting. _"Edward! Keep fighting, stay strong."_

_It was a dream, wasn't it? _Maybe there was paradise for Edward and I after all.

"I know baby, I know."

**-O~O~O-**

"What's going on? Is he okay? I thought you said he was awake?" Emmett boomed as he came bounding in the door. Strangely he was alone. I'd expected Carlisle and Esme to be with him, Rose at least. He must have been close to Seattle when I called.

"Shhh!" I hissed. "He's only sleeping. Apparently being in a coma for a month doesn't really count as rest."

"A month?" Edward's voice croaked, thick with sleep. "I was out that long?"

Emmett's mouth pulled up in the corners at the sound of Edward and his eyes filled with the tears he'd kept inside for over a month. "Yeah, it was a long time. And don't do it again, you have no idea how boring it gets without you and your constant bitching."

"Sorry Emmett," he breathed and winced.

"Don't strain yourself, baby," I told him and kissed his forehead. He smiled sleepily at me but it was pained. "I think it's time for your meds."

"No!" Edward argued. "It's not that bad. Besides if I take them, they'll make me drowsy and I'll miss Mom and Dad."

I couldn't argue with that, though I was concerned that he was in a lot of pain.

"Alright, but promise to tell me if it gets too much."

"Promise." I bent down slightly and closed my lips over his. His head tilted up slightly as if trying to get closer to me. But when he groaned in pain against my lips, I pulled back, terrified I'd hurt him. "Are yo-"

"I'm fine, I'm fine."

"I'm going to go call Rosie. I'll be outside, 'kay?" Emmett touched Edward's shoulder briefly, looked into his eyes and smiled happily, like Edward was his favorite person in the world. In a way, I think he was.

That left Edward and I alone for the first time since he woke up and was coherent. He seemed to look me up and down before speaking.

"You look tired. Please tell me you've been taking care of yourself. Are you eating and sleeping like you should? Not staying here with me the whole time?"

I laughed the first real laugh I'd laughed in days. "I missed you. You have no idea how crazy I've been," I smiled, but a sob slid out at the same time. It was a mixture of both, and I couldn't decide which was more evident.

"I'm sorry for everything and I understand if you want to leave..."

That _pissed_ me off. "You think I'd wait, cry and nearly waste to nothing beside your bed for four weeks if I was going to leave you the moment you woke up? I'm sorry, but you're stuck with me." I held up the wedding ring that was now placed on my left hand again. "Till death do us part, buddy."

His eyes lit up as he took in my ring and he smiled the first real smile he had smiled since he'd woken up. "You're wearing your ring."

I shrugged and tried to play it cool. "You're wearing yours."

He looked down and noticed the ring on his finger. _The one I sort of put there... _

"That's why they kept calling you Mrs Cullen. I didn't say anything because I thought they just assumed..." he paused for a moment. "And, I guess, I missed hearing it._ A lot."_

"I missed it too. I missed you more though. You had me worried sick."

His smile turned into a small frown. "We were pretty close to the _'Til death do us part_' thing."

"Yeah, too close. It's never going to happen again." I promised and brushed my fingers through his hair.

We were silent for a moment before Edward spoke.

"Is _he_ dead?" I knew he was speaking about James.

"Yes, he took three shots to the chest. He was dead before he even hit the ground. Ben ..._Nahuel_ did it."

"You know?" He raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah, he told me everything after it happened."

"I was trying to protect you."

"You did and you're such an idiot. Who the fuck do you think you are taking a bullet for me? Huh? Of all the stupid, dumbass things to do and you chose that? I can't believe you'd put me through all of that. I nearly died worrying about you. Don't ever do that to me again." Hiccups broke my words because of all my crying.

"Still so fucking stubborn. I love you," he smiled.

"Still so fucking reckless. I love you too."

I kissed him then because I couldn't resist. I had to because although I'd kissed him moments ago, we'd missed out on a lot of time. Time that I planned to make up for. My lips clashed with his and he sucked my bottom into his mouth as I tried to find any possible way to get closer to him.

"Bella?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm ready to tell them."

I froze. _Surely he wasn't talking about...?_

"About Tanya and Irina?" I asked, as he nodded. "I'm here for you. We'll do it together."

"Thank you."

"For?"

"For loving me no matter what." He kissed me again, soft and sweet, before his parents burst in the room, a mess of tears and joy as they cradled their son, who seemed to be unbreakable. _He'd risen from the dead twice after all..._

**-O~O~O-**

Everything had calmed down after everyone had hugged and kissed Edward to their hearts' content. But we were all avoiding the elephant in the room, one which Edward himself wasn't aware of. He had only been fully awake and coherent for about two hours now. He was also in too much pain and was too weak to even consider moving, so he hadn't been able to tell if he could walk or not. We certainly weren't in a rush to let him know that being paralyzed was even a possibility.

Carlisle offered to be the one to break the news to him since everyone else said they didn't have the heart to do it after all he'd been through. But when I saw the sheer pain in Carlisle's eyes, I knew I couldn't allow him to do it. No father should have to explain to their son why he'd never walk again.

So I said I'd do it and Carlisle never looked so grateful.

Esme stood over Edward, her lips attached to his forehead. "Get some rest sweetheart; we'll be back later tonight. We love you."

"Love you too, Mom."

Everyone said their goodbyes and exited the room except for me. I refused to leave Edward's side and assured everyone I'd be staying nights for the duration of his hospitalization.

I was walking back over to him after shutting the door when he spoke.

"Bella?"

"Yeah, baby?"

"Why can't I feel my legs?"

I had to grab the wall for support, so I could keep myself from falling. The doctor's suspicions were right. He wouldn't be able to walk again.

Although, I had been preparing all night what to say if we got to this point, I couldn't speak. It was like the wind had been knocked out of me. Instead my silence told him everything.

"Oh God," he whispered. "That...that sucks." He laughed humorously but it turned into a deep, troubled sigh instead. "That _really_ sucks."

"It doesn't change anything," I tried but he cut me off.

"Of course it does, Bella. I'm a cripple! What about the life we had planned?"

"We can still have it!" I told him and rushed over to hold his hand in mine. "Of course, it won't be exactly what we expected it would be, but I think we'll have an amazing life still anyway, just the two of us-"

His face suddenly grew pale and he looked like he was going to be sick. "_Just the two of us?_ Meaning...?"

I looked down, knowing that if what I'd already said hadn't broke him, this definitely would. "Having children isn't an option for us anymore."

Silence.

Edward was void of any emotion.

"Fuck!" he roared suddenly, his hands clawing at his hair as angry tears streamed his face. "Fuck! Fuck!"

"Edward, calm down. It's okay."

"Fuck! Oh fucking fuck! Oh my God!"

"Edward, I don't care. I don't need anything or anyone else but you."

"How can you not be angry?" he choked out, his hands still tangled in his hair. "I've taken everything from you. I've wasted your time for eight years before and now I've wasted another year!"

_I coul__dn't believe what he was saying_. Could he truly believe that I could be angry for something that was completely out of his control? And how could he think that he'd ever wasted my time?

"I could never be angry over this. You've taken nothing and given me everything in return. For nine years you've shown me love like no one else and sure, you hurt me, but it showed me how much I took love for granted. Edward, I'll never take it for granted again. What we have is so special, we can't lose it. I won't let us."

He whimpered as my hand touched his cheek. "You'll love me still? Even like this?"

"You're the same to me; you'll always be my Edward. Always and forever."

Our hand touched and his fingers intertwined with mine.

"Promise me?" he whispered.

"I promise, Edward. I love you. Everything we'll go through will be worth it; _you're_ worth it and we'll do this together."

He smiled small and kissed the back of my hand before bringing me onto the bed so I was lying beside him. Our cheeks touched and our tears mixed while he held me tightly in his arms.

This was the boy I used to _share _baths with as a child.

This was the boy I used to _make _mud pies with when I didn't want to play dolls with Alice.

This was the boy I hadn't realized I _loved_ until college.

This was the man I _married _and the man I _divorced_.

This was the man I chose to _love again_.

This was the man who took a _bullet_ for me.

Now, this was the man I was going to spend the _rest of my life with_ in total and utter happiness. No matter what stood in our way.

"Forever starts now."

* * *

><p><strong>Don't kill me yet!<strong>

**I know you all didn't want Edward paralyzed. _But have a little faith in me and wait for the epilogue?_ I promise you won't be disappointed. I couldn't write Edward walking out of Hospital without a scratch after his heart failed twice, getting shot in the back and being in a coma for a month. I just didn't think it was realistic. Hope you'll stick with me because I know you'll all like the ending. **

**Anyway,_ I Hope She Was Worth It_ won _1st Place_ in the _Torch Awards_ for Best Cliffhanger. Woohooo! Thanks to the judges and everyone who helped this story get there.**

**I Hope She Was Worth It and also myself have been nominated in the iSparkle Awards. Voting begins May 1st so if you get the chance, vote for us in the iSparkle Awards.**

**A big thank you to my Beta RND4EVA who makes this story what it is.**

**Thank you to everyone who left a review and recommended this story. **

**PLEASE LEAVE A REVIEW. I know a lot of it won't be good after this chapter but I'll take it anyway.**

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**Alright, I'm going back to my hiding place. **

**See you (hopefully) for the last chapter.**

**~ Casey**


	36. Chapter 35: Epilogue I

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight

Chapter 35: Epilogue I

Albert Einstein once said, _"There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The __other is as though everything is a miracle."_

As time went by, I began to lean toward the third line more often than not.

_**February 17**__**th**__** 2012...**_

"Edward, do you need anything before I take a bath?" I asked as I leaned against the door frame. I watched him in the living room, staring at the blank screen on the TV, sitting in his wheelchair, since he refused to let me help him out of it.

He shook his head and mouthed _no_ to me before going back into zombie-mode. He'd been in a deep depression since the hospital released him the month before. Losing his independence made him very unhappy and although he tried to hide it from me as best as he could, I could see right through him.

"Edward, honey, it'll get better."

"What?" he laughed humorously. "My legs or my life?"

It was the first time he'd openly admitted to being unhappy, so I knew today must have been a particularly bad day. "I know it's hard. But everyone told us it would take time to adjust." I came into the room and went over to sit next to him. I took his hand in mine and kissed it gently. "All we need is time to get used to everything."

He nodded sadly before his eyes watered. "It's not fair."

"I know. Life rarely is."

"You shouldn't have to adjust. It's not you sitting in this chair. You can _walk _away and find someone who can give you everything that I can't," he grumbled.

"Stop. How many times do we have to go over this? I'm never leaving. You can't push me away or try giving me an out. I might as well be in that chair with you," I told him and he winced at the idea. "Nothing worth having in life is easy, Edward. We need to work through this."

I small meek smile grew on his face, though didn't quite touch his eyes. "You're right."

"I know. I always am, it's a curse really," I joked and he rolled his eyes.

"I love you, you know."

"I know you do and I love you too. Always,"

"And forever," he finished.

"Okay," I breathed, glad we'd talked about this. "Shout if you need me."

I went and jumped into the bath, relaxing in the warm water as it released all the tension in my body.

Being a care giver for Edward was a hard job but I wouldn't have anyone else do it and I enjoyed spending the time with him. When I thought about it, Edward and I had come a long way. Before, in the early years of our marriage, if one of us had an accident or something had happened that left one of us in this position, I don't think we would have made it through together.

We'd both been shallow, naïve, ignorant and stubborn. I would have given up hope if my perfect world had crumbled around me and Edward would've panicked and done something drastic. We'd rushed into marriage, made mistakes and realized _a lot _after the fact.

After everything had happened, we'd realized the difference between love and loneliness, happiness and sadness, life and death. We'd been going through the motions and had we not lost so much, I would have said we were better off going through the bad to get to the good.

When I started to prune, I knew it was time to exit the bath. As I walked into the living room, I found Edward sitting on the couch. "How did you get there?" I asked in amazement.

He shrugged, like it was nothing, but I could see victory dancing in his eyes. I sat down beside him and leaned my head on his shoulder. His arm wrapped around me and he pressed a kiss on the top of my hair.

"It's like the old days," he smiled.

"It's better," I argued.

We watched some crappy TV show for a while. I was beginning to dose on Edward's shoulder when I noticed something different. Something that should _not _be happening. Suddenly I gasped and jumped away from him.

"_What_?" he asked, franticly searching the room.

I gasped as I tried to find air in my lungs to speak. "Y-your feet!"

"What's wrong wit-" He stopped mid-sentence, his eyes widening.

He saw it.

I saw it too.

But it couldn't have been possible. Not unless there was someone up there looking over us.

But it was happening, and this wasn't a dream.

This was_ real_.

"You're moving your toes."

**-O~O~O-**

"Mr. Cullen, I have some amazing news for you," Dr. Bloom said as he strolled in with Edward's chart. Edward was sitting in the hospital bed while I sat beside him. "Though it's not so good for the Doctor who gave you your original diagnosis."

"But that's you," I replied and Dr. Bloom nodded his head.

"You're right it is. I missed something big."

"_Well_?" Edward prodded, impatient to hear the news.

"Mr. Cullen, when I reviewed your condition, I failed to see that your form of paralysis is incomplete. Therefore it was possible you could regain feeling once your body began to heal fully. You've suffered from an incomplete form of paralysis called _A cauda equina lesion_ or spinal shock for short."

I was silent, trying to let the information sink in. Edward on the other hand wanted more.

"Spinal shock?" he questioned.

"It's a form of shock associated with acute injury to the spinal cord. Temporary suppression of reflexes controlled by segments below the level of injury. The period of shock may last from hours to months. It's beginning to wear off because the swelling of the injury has gone down."

"So, I'll walk again?" he whispered, his voice scratchy.

"You will, it will take a while though. See the bullet snagged the lumbo-sacral cord in your spine. That means while you will walk, you'll have a limp. You'll probably require a cane or crutches. However you won't play sports or go running again since your muscles and nerves will be weak."

Tears splayed down Edward's cheeks as I sat in shock. I couldn't believe we were being given a second chance.

"And everything will be in working order?" he asked, his eyes darting down to his crotch.

Dr. Bloom laughed through his nose. "Yeah, it should when you're fully recovered, though I can't promise you anything with regards to conception."

I looked to Edward to give him a smile. I didn't want him to worry about the future. I wanted him to be thankful he was here in the now. _God only knew, I was_.

"Thank you, Doctor."

Edward shook hands with Doctor Cyrus Bloom and that was the last we ever saw of him. He'd resigned after misdiagnosing Edward but we hadn't blamed him for the mistake. If anything, we owed him more than anyone. He'd saved Edward's life, _more than once now._

He'd given Edward something money couldn't buy;_ hope._

**-O~O~O-**

_**November 16th 2014...**_

There were many things I was thankful for in life.

One was for my family. They were the ones who stood behind me at every turn. Who held my hand through every dilemma and kept me together like glue when I broke down.

They were there for us when Edward told them about his past. _What __Irina and Tanya had done to him…_

"_...and then I came back here. Once I saw Bella, I knew I was a goner all over again," he finished and I squeezed his hand in support._

_Everyone was speechless, not really knowing what they could say at this point. They __ha__d misjudged Edward, but then again I __had __done that myself__. The silence in the room was broken by Esme's pained sob._

_"Why...Why wouldn't you tell us?" she choked out._

_Edward held her hand in his free one. "I was ashamed, though now I see I had nothing to be ashamed of and...There was nothing that we could've done back then. Their family had too much power. I couldn't take burdening you with something I wasn't sure I'd ever get justice for."_

_Carlisle cleared his throat, choking up, before he pulled Edward in his arms. "I am so sorry. We failed you. We all did, apart from Bella."_

_Emmett nodded his head in agreement as Rose looked on, truly remorseful._

_"It's okay, you didn't know," Edward told them. "But the main thing is I'm getting justice now. They're go__ing __to jail__ for a long time __along__ with the rest of their family. Even if Irina and Tanya get out they won't make it far without their family for protection."_

"_Either way, Edward," Rose spoke, shocking the hell out of us all. "We'll work for your forgiveness."_

_There was a silence as they stared at one another. It was strange for everyone; Rose and Edward had been sworn enemies for years. But I think this was her way of saying she was sorry._

"_There's nothing to forgive."_

Secondly, I was thankful for Doctor Bloom and the hospital staff in Forks and Seattle that had not only brought Edward back to life but had given him a goal to reach for the future. With their help and dedication, Edward had learned to walk again within a year.

_His face was filled with deep concentration and his hands clutched the bars at his sides as his Doctor spoke words of encouragement to him. Sweat poured from Edward's face while I looked on hopefully._

"_You can do it," I assured him._

_Slowly, ever so slowly, Edward got one leg to move in front of the other before he collapsed of exhaustion._

_To some it was a small victory. To us it was everything._

Third, was for the wonderful man I'd married...then divorced...then married _again_. I was thankful that he was alive, healthy, and most importantly, happy. In the past two (almost three) years I'd never seen Edward so full of life and truly vivacious. If anything, nowadays Edward was spreading love instead of doom and gloom.

"_Hey Edward, look at you go, man." Nahuel shouted as he came inside with a six pack of beer in his right hand._

"_Yeah," Edward smiled. He'd really aced recovery and learned to walk again in no time. "It feels good to be back on my feet."_

_Nahuel greeted me and __leaned in for a hug, which I returned gladly. Since __everything was over with__ James, we'd actually become close friends. It took a while for me to warm to him, but he and Edward acted like they'd been friends for years._

_A knock on the door sounded and I bit my lip. "I hope you don't mind but we invited someone else."_

"_No, not at all." Nahuel assured me._

"_Angela!" I greeted as she ran into my open arms. "I missed you."_

"_Bella, I only heard what happened, oh my God. How is he?" Angela looked good. Her skin was glowing and though her eyes showed some degree of happiness, I wasn't convinced._

_"He's fine..." is all I got out before a bottle dropped behind me._

_"Angela?" Nahuel asked, his voice barely audible._

"_Nahuel?" Her eyes lit up and Edward and I smirked at each other._

_One look and our work here was done._

Then last but not least, I was thankful for the wonderful baby girl I held in my arms. The one with bronze hair and dark brown eyes. The one that would adorn my knee and call me mother. The one that would look up to Edward as her hero.

My baby- _Our__ baby._

"_Edward?" I whispered as I lay naked in his arms, tired and spent after our lovemaking._

"_Yeah, sweetheart?"_

"_What would you say to having kids now?" I asked and played with the hair on his chest._

_Edward's head shot up and his smile was infectious. "Really? Now? You're ready? Let's get to it then. We should probably fix up the spare room into a nursery and we'll go to the doctor tomorrow and pick up the pamphlets on pregnancy because Rose said they're really good. They must be good because they're having twins." he rambled excitedly, smiling the whole time._

"_And what if I told you that...I was already pregnant?" I asked, biting my lip while a smile spread on my face._

_Edward shot out of bed. His eyes shining as he looked down at me. "Already? You're sure?"_

_I nodded and before I even had time to blink Edward was down, kissing my belly that wasn't even showing yet._

"_I love you and I'll be the best father ever to our child," he promised._

He'd loved her beyond words even then, just as I had.

Our little Abbey.

"_Abigail Bloom Cullen," Edward tried as he rubbed my swollen tummy months later._

_It fit perfectly and made my insides turn warm and fuzzy. "And what if it's a boy?" I challenged._

"_It's not." He scoffed, shook his head and kissed my rounded tummy softly. "That is my little princess in there."_

_I got all choked up and I don't know if it was hormones or just me being crazy but I needed Edward to be tied to me again in every possible way. He was such a good man; I'd be a fool not to want him by my side forever._

_"Marry me?"_

_Edward looked at me queerly. "What was that?"_

"_Marry me again. Right now, today."_

"_Are you sure-"_

"_Get a suit, we're getting married right now," I paused after I stood from the bed. "...I just have to pee first."_

_From the sound of Edward's musical laugh, he __was all for getting married again. And get married we did, that very day we went to the local registry office and signed on the dotted line. We didn't need rings or a fancy ceremony. We used the ring I hadn't taken off since Edward had surprised me with it__ in the locket and only had Edward's_ _parents and Charlie in attendance as our witnesses._

It was perfect because it was imperfect. Like us. I was officially Mrs. Edward Cullen _(again)_ on October 2nd 2014.

Of course, Edward had been right all along about the baby being a girl. Abbey came out finally after six hours of labor on November 16th. She was _stubborn_, refusing to come out quickly or latch on when I tried to breastfeed.

"Just like your father," I muttered but couldn't keep the grin off my face the whole time. We all knew she got her stubbornness from me...I was just too stubborn to admit it.

I couldn't believe we were parents. That finally it was our turn. Alice and Jasper had Evelyn, Henry and little Bonnie. Emmett and Rose had Brady and Paul, who were twins, and clones of Emmett in both looks and behavior.

Now we had Abbey and everything was perfect.

I smiled at Edward's sleeping figure in the hospital chair next to my bed, although I'd fought with him about sleeping there hours before. You'd think after all we'd been through he'd take better care of his back.._but no_...

"I wouldn't have it any other way," I admitted and kissed my princess's little button nose, and then watched her tiny face scrunch up because I'd disturbed her slumber.

I sighed happily.

After all we'd been through; the highs, the lows...the _really_ lows. I'd have to say that the struggle was worth it. Without it, I don't know what would have become of me and Edward. Perhaps we'd be adrift in the sea of loneliness had it not be for Tanya and Irina, who at the time had forced us apart, yet ultimately brought us closer together.

I snorted at the thought of them. They were rotting away in a jail cell with the rest of their family and in my opinion, it was where they belonged. _They weren't __getting__ out of there anytime soon...unless it was in a body-bag..._

I was positive that if Edward and I had of carried on in our marriage without interruption, we wouldn't have made it. We were too young, too foolish.

But thanks to life … and death, we'd been forced to grow together.

If somebody asked me now if I believed in miracles, I'd say yes. Without them I'd have nothing. I wouldn't be holding my miracle in my arms right now or snuggling up to him every night if I didn't believe.

Still, even though miracles can happen, there are things in life we have to fight for.

But the only things you fight for are the ones that are truly worth it.

"_I hope she was worth __it..." _The words rang as clear as day in my head and came out of my mouth before I could stop them.

"She wasn't worth it," A velvety voice in the corner answered and I looked to see emerald eyes gazing at me. "But getting to fall deeper in love with you than I ever imagined was possible…that was worth it…"

_Seriously, __this man__ can make my heart skip a beat with one sentence..._

"I love you," I smiled and Edward came forward to claim my lips softly, his hand cupping the back of my neck as he did. And when we separated it was only for him to leave a kiss on each of his daughters sleeping eyelids.

"I love you too."

"Always,"

"And forever."

* * *

><p><strong>Okay, before you all jump on me with medical terms, I'd like to remind you I'm an art student. Not a doctor. Plus this is Fanfiction and I couldn't let Edward be paralazed for life. My heart just wouldn't take it.<strong>

**I really can't believe this is the end. It's seems like only yesterday I was annoyed at all the suckie Bella's in cheatfics and decided to write one of my own. Being me I also had to give it a darkside hence how James was born.**

**In other news**_**...Robstenlovefan**_** recommended a song to me that was perfect for this story. If you have time go to youtube and check out I won't let you go by James Morrison. Thanks to you Robstenlovefan.**

**Great news, I'm doing a two part epilogue and then the outtakes will be posted later on. ;)**

**Don't forget to vote for _I Hope She Was Worth It_ and me in the iSparkle awards on May 1st.**

**Okay, starting my big line of thank you's.**

**First off thank you to PeppahLouie, my first Beta who believed in me and started me off on the right track.**

**Second, thank you to my wonderful Beta/partner in crime, RND4EVA, who has been so amazing and my right hand woman through all of this.**

**Third, thank you to KarenCullen2007 who was awsome when it came to awards time and was a great friend throught the whole process.**

**Lastly, thank you to my amazing readers (you guys) for everything. You stuck with me through the highs and lows, and when most people wouldn't give me a chance you all did, so thank you.**

**Thank you for all the wonderful reviews and recommendations, it means everything to me.**

**Please leave a review because this is a very emotional time for me. It sucks that this tale is coming to a close.**

**Bye now,**

**~ Casey**


	37. Chapter 36: Epilogue II

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight

Chapter 36: Epilogue II

_**November 2017...**_

_Serenity._

_Peace._

Those are two things you do _not _get when you have a three year old bolting around the house and latching onto whatever she can get her chubby little hands on.

"Abbey! Be careful," I warned as I saw her jumping up and down on the couch like a child possessed. Then..._whoop!_ What do you know, she's on her butt crying her eyes out and we both know there's only one person who can make it better.

"Edward!" I called and he came rushing in, albeit a bit awkwardly due to his limp, at the sound of his baby in tears.

"My little princess Abbey, what happened?" he cooed as he picked her up and she curled into his chest. Her crying turned to a low whimper in his arms. Of course she was Daddy's Little Angel and I knew that his love for her in no way diminished the love he had for me.

I had to admit watching them together was the cutest thing I'd ever seen and I couldn't stop the smile that spread on my face.

"I was...bouncing," she snuffled and her bottom lip jutted out as she told of her brush with danger. She didn't pronounce her words correctly yet, so it sounded like she said, _'I oz bown-sing__'. _It was adorable, even Edward couldn't stop himself kissing her rosy little cheeks. "And...and...I fell on the floor."

"Awh poor baby," Edward pulled her tighter against his chest and shot me a smug smile. I rolled my eyes, though I secretly couldn't wait for the years when he'd become the enemy. _Then it'd be my __time__ to shine... _"You know what, I thought I heard mommy asking you to stop?"

Abbey went silent so, true to the parent code, he used her full name. "Abigail Bloom Cullen, did Mommy ask you to stop bouncing?"

The poor kid looked everywhere but at Edward as she nodded her head.

"And you didn't listen?" _Uh oh...S__trict__-__ward __was__ coming out..._ Abbey's bottom lip jutted out further and wobbled. You could see it was taking everything Edward had not to comfort her.

"I think you should apologize and promise to listen to Mommy in future."

The munchkin turned her head swiftly, her bronze curls bouncing with the movement as her chocolate doe shaped eyes locked with mine. "I'm sorry, Mommy. I'll listen."

"That's a good girl," I made my way over to the pair in front of me and pressed a kiss on my baby's forehead. "It's my fault you were born without coordination."

Edward snorted. Abbey's face scrunched up to show she didn't have a clue what we were talking about.

"Okay Angel, how about some cookies to heal your wounds?" I asked and was met with screams of delight.

So that's how we spent our evening, baking cookies that Abbey didn't even get to eat because she fell asleep while we were mixing the batter. We made sure to take pictures, _because_ _every parent needs something to embarrass their children with when it comes time to bring boyfriends home..._

Edward and I took Abbey and carefully stripped off her sundress, which she had insisted on buying because it was yellow like _Belle's _in _Beauty and the Beast. _If anything, I was just glad she'd chosen something that wasn't pink. Everywhere you looked in her room was either pale pink or soft cream. No exceptions, because in Abbey's own words, '_Princesses wear pi__nk.'_

We dressed her in her Barbie PJ's and settled her down for the night. Edward and I took our time smothering her in kisses before we left, knowing we wouldn't wake her. _She slept like the dead_. Then we retreated back to the kitchen.

"That was easier than usual," Edward said as he trailed kisses up the side of my neck while his hands snaked around my waist, pulling me against him. "What should we do with all our free time?"

I could feel what he wanted to do against my hip. But I figured I'd make him work for it. "Clean up the cookie batter then get some sleep?"

"Nope, I had something more _pleasurable_ in mind."

"More pleasurable, you say?" I asked and a smile spread across my face.

"_Way more_ pleasurable," he breathed against me, his lips skimming my ear as he dragged out the word.

I turned around and locked my arms around his neck, bringing his lips to mine as he devoured me completely, turning me to mush. His lip sucked on my bottom one before he relinquished it so his tongue could play with mine. A moan escaped him and he'd decided he'd had enough of this torture.

"If I could carry you like I used to, you would be over my shoulder and naked in no time."

I laughed at him for a moment before I pulled him towards the bedroom, shutting the door. We were always careful about closing the door, since we'd developed a knocking rule with Abbey. _Let's just f__orget why we even needed to create__ the knocking rule..._

Edward, true to his word, had me naked within two minutes, like he wanted to get me undressed before I could change my mind. _Yeah, like that was happening_... He was down to his boxes himself as he laid me on the bed.

"You have no idea how long I've been waiting for this," he breathed as he stood above me. "Three weeks without being _with_ you is too long." I moaned wantonly. It _had_ been too long. He'd been traveling for his new job, where he was providing legal services for male rape victims.

Earlier in the week Abbey was sick, so the last couple of days we hadn't really found the time for this. But finally our daughter was in bed, Edward didn't have work the next day and we were alone. Nothing would stop us now.

**-O~O~O-**

After a rather heated session, we lay panting together; utterly spent and worn.

Now was the perfect time to tell him. He was happy, stress free, relaxed and sated. Yet I couldn't do it. I don't know why I was nervous to tell him, I mean it wasn't like he was unhappy the last time. But this time was different.

Last time, we'd been ready to have a child; _one_ child. Two was an entirely different story. Especially since this one was unexpected. But every time I tried to open my mouth, the words just wouldn't come out.

"Are you okay, Bella?" Edward asked, sensing something was up.

_Well I feel queasy __and__.._._ I missed my period so__…__ I might be pregnant. Whoop whoop!_

_Everything is great. You knocked me up again. Way to go sperm._

Instead nothing but a hoarse, "Yeah, I'm just tired," came out before I snuggled down and turned my back to him.

"Are you sure? You've seemed kind of off the last couple of days." _Damn him for knowing me so well..._

"I have news," I admitted. "And I have no idea why I'm so nervous to tell you but I am."

Edward sat up on his elbow so he could look at me properly. "What's going on?"

"Well...um...I missed my... em..." He looked back at me blankly. "I think I'm pregnant," I blurted finally.

Edward's eyes widened and his mouth gaped a little. When he seemed to get over the shock of it, he spoke. "Not that I'm not happy about you being pregnant again, but how is that possible? We've been so careful I don't see how..."

I looked away and my lip wobbled. _Don't notice, don't notice... _

He noticed.

"No, no Bella. I'm sorry, don't cry. I'm really happy about it, I promise. I can't wait to be a father again and to see Abbey with a little brother or sister. I was just...surprised that's all. Come here." He pulled me into his arms and kissed the tears that were flowing down my cheeks.

I think it was the whole pregnancy thing that was making me emotional. I honestly had no clue why I was crying, because Edward assured me I'd only taken him by surprise.

"S-sorry," I stuttered as more tears flowed freely._ Fuck you, hormones.._.

"No, I'm sorry. I was insensitive. I really am thrilled about it."

"I know," I snuffled and tried to get control of myself.

"We're going to have another baby and it'll be perfect just like Abbey." He smiled brightly after he'd said it, like he was trying it out. Slowly he slid down my body until he reached my stomach, and like he'd done with Abbey, he placed a small kiss there.

I smiled and this time tears of joy ran down my cheeks.

"Edward?"

"Yeah?" he answered, his face still smiling down at my stomach.

"I'm glad I bet on you."

**-O~O~O-**

_**July 2018...**_

My face literally hurt, that's how much I was smiling as I looked at my daughter talking to her little brother while he lay in the Moses basket.

"You should have seen Mommy's belly. It got _so_ big!" she exclaimed, her's arms stretching dramaticly to show the tiny infant. "It looked like she had a beach ball under her shirt but daddy said it had to get big so you could live there until you were ready to come meet me."

Edward came in the room, overhearing Abbey talking to her brother. He stood behind her smirking at me as we eavesdropped on their conversation.

"Then when you came out of Mommy's belly, Daddy was crying but he said they were happy tears and I think that's stupid 'cause nobody cries when they're happy." Suddenly there was a gasp from her and she spun around to me. "Look Mommy, he opened his eyes!"

"Really sweetheart? It's probably because he loves listening to you." Her smile took up half of her face.

Edward sighed happily before he leaned down and pressed a kiss on Abbey's head. "Remember, Tyler is only a baby, Abbey. He needs to go to sleep and do you know what time it is now?"

She shook her head.

"Nine o'clock, sweetheart. It's very late, so why don't I read you a princess story, then we'll go to bed and you can talk to Tyler all day tomorrow?" Her mouth turned into an_ 'O'_ shape as she nodded.

She ran to me quickly and wrapped her arms around my neck. I held her to me and pressed kisses on her cheeks. I had missed kissing her goodnight the three nights I'd been gone. It was my first night home from the hospital with Tyler.

"Night Mommy. I'm glad you and Tyler are home now."

"Night baby, and we're happy to be home with you too," I replied. When she left my lap, I watched her tip-toe over to Tyler's basket. She leaned down and pressed her lips against his cheek softly.

"Night Tyler," she whispered and ran to Edward who caught her and lifted her up to bring her to her room.

The door closing behind them woke Tyler. His wails pierced through the room and I heard Edward shout an apology as he carried Abbey up.

"Aw poor baby. Did silly Daddy wake you with the door?" I asked Tyler. He wiggled his tiny arms around looking for me before I picked him up and cradled him against my chest.

_My unexpected miracle; Tyler Emmett Cullen._

We'd named him Tyler after the man who'd basically given his life for Edward. It didn't matter that he'd told James where we were, he'd given up his life to protect Edward in the first place. So we thought it only fitting for him to be recognized for it.

Considering everything Emmett had done to help put Edward back on the straight and narrow, and because he'd always been a big brother to me, we were naming our son's second name after him. He was kind and fiercely loyal and it was nice to see his face when we told him.

I looked down at Tyler, his thin strands of hair already sticking out in a million different directions, making him look more and more like Edward.

"It's okay, little man. Mommy has you," I cooed and he settled after getting in a comfy position in my arms, his head resting on my breast as if it were a pillow.

I smiled and couldn't seem to grasp how I'd ever thought the life I had without Edward was good. I realized I had been nowhere near happy. _N__ow that I knew what happiness was._

This was my dream and everything that mattered.

My family.

My future.

My forever.

**The End**

* * *

><p><strong>And that's it. Oh my God I can't believe it's over. I still don't think it's hit me yet.<strong>

**Anyways, as I said there will be outtakes posted later on from the various charitys I've donated to and another one that my Beta suggested. Look out for them. **

**If you like my writing, why don't you look out for my next story _"The Chick With The Striped Socks,"_ (as told by pervward) that's coming soon. It's got a bit of darkness, a lot of smut, raging teenage hormones, angst, humor, mystery because you know me and secrets, christmas sweaters and knee socks. _The whole shebang really_. Here's the summary: **

_Edward is desperate to fit in after his dark childhood. Too bad he's head over heels in love with the outcast of Forks. A typical story of boy meets girl... if the girl was a complete anomaly and the boy was irrevocably obsessed with her. _

**Thank you to my Beta, RND4EVA, who I wouldn't have been able to get anywhere without. She really is the glue that held this story together so thank you very much Dee. Love ya.**

**A big thank you to my readers and I can't even explain how greatful I am to you all for sticking with me when most gave up.**

**Don't forget to review and tell me how you liked the very last chapter of I Hope She Was Worth It. I'd love to hear from you and thank you all for the wonderful reviews you've already given me.**

**I Hope She Was Worth It and also myself have been nominated in the iSparkle Awards. Voting begins May 1st so if you get the chance, vote for us in the iSparkle Awards.**

**Well, this is me signing off. Until next time (and I really hope there is a next time)**

**~ Casey**


	38. FandomAgainst Juvenile Diabetes outtakes

_**I Hope She Was Worth It Outtakes: Chapters 3 and 5 EPOV.**_

_**Written for Fandom Against Juvenile Diabetes.**_

_**Rated M for dark themes and lemons.**_

_**Written by Caseyx457**_

_**Beta'd by RND4EVA**_

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight

Chapter 3 EPOV

"How's it going lil bro?" Emmett yelled as he marched into my room, not even bothering to knock_. How did he even get in to my hotel room without a key? _

I couldn't meet his eyes, knowing that if I did he would see the truth in them.

"What's wrong? Did something happen? Is it one of _those _days?" he asked, clearly concerned. My eyes began to blur and I sat on the edge of my bed with my head in my hands, defeated yet again by my demons. If I tried to speak I knew I would lose it and spill my guts to him.

"It's because Bella's here, isn't it? You promised me you'd be okay if we invited her. Why didn't you tell me it was too much, too soon Edward? I'll take you home if you want. I'll do anything to make sure you're okay. _I'm sorry I asked too much of you."_

Finally I couldn't take it. Hearing her name set me off and I could no longer bear the weight of my conscience. My brother had been the one who'd helped me through my darkest days so when I lifted my head, he knew automatically that I had used.

"I slipped, Emmett. She said she was seeing someone and that he was coming to the wedding… _Jake_." I spat his name, hating how it tasted on my tongue. "It got too much and I slipped."

"Jesus, where did you even get the coke?" he growled, looking pissed as hell while he marched around my room to find any remaining drugs on display.

"It doesn't matter. The point is I used. It's gone now and I hate myself for it. You can't tell Mom and Dad, though. They just barely agreed to bring me back to Forks and not send me off to rehab."

"No, they agreed to take you back since there's a murdering psychopath after you because you boned his girlfriend. Even after I told you to stay away from them, I might add. "

"I didn't touch Victoria!" I shouted, standing up to my full height to show Emmett I wasn't afraid of him.

"Don't give me that bullshit! There's no way you cheated on Bella with two broads and then abstained from sex for two years afterwards. I understand you have needs but did you have to fuck _Mr. Crazy's whore_? Look where that got her. Look where it got you!"

My thoughts ran to the image of Victoria's cold dead body, lying in a pool of her own blood on the white carpet. I only saw a picture from the police report, but it was enough to stick in my mind forever. But Emmett was wrong… I didn't _touch_ Victoria, although she had wanted me to. It was sad that she died for no reason, other than leaving a man who was clearly insane.

"_I didn't do it!_ I have my reasons for not having sex with Victoria. Clearly, you don't know me as well as you think you do." I spat and marched into the bathroom to splash cold water in my face. _As if the water could wash away the thoughts in my mind._

"You're right, Edward. I knew the old you but this new you always confuses me. One minute he's on the road to recovery, the next he's snorting lines because Bella's life is going well." Emmett sneered and I looked at him intently, trying to see if he even realized what he was saying, or just letting words spew out of his mouth.

Finally he closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "I'm sorry; I'm being a total dick when you need me the most, Bro."

"Stop it! I let myself and everyone else down."

_I was so sick of being stuck here_; first I would be getting better and then something would hit me hard and knock me down again, where I felt like I had to start over. That left my family and me to have to build me back up again, only to wait for the next time I would come tumbling down.

"What do you want to do?" Emmett asked in a calm and understanding voice.

_What did I want to do? _Leaving was not an option. If I left, I would only sink further into depression, knowing that Bella and I were in the same place and that I missed that time to talk to her, to be near her again.

"I want to see her again. I want to know for sure she's happy and I want to see this _Jake_ asshole for reasons I don't even understand." I answered him honestly.

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" Emmett asked skeptically.

"Who knows?" I shrugged. "But it's something I feel like I have to do."

Emmett sighed and stood up. "Okay, if you have to. Listen, I have to go pick up Tyler at the airport. You can go wake Bella up for Rosie but do not do anything stupid or try anything with her." He warned me, giving me a stern look, which he inherited from Mom. "Before I go, swear to me, on Bella's life, that all the coke is gone."

"I swear," I had already flushed the last of what I had down the toilet.

"Okay, I believe you. See you later and remember, don't do anything stupid."

**-O~O~O-**

Bella's room was only one floor above mine and I decided to take the stairs to give myself time to calm down and think of something to say to her.

Something like, _"Does Jake make you happy?" _and then try not to get ahead of myself and ask,_ "Do you think you'll marry him?" _The thought of Bella marrying someone else made me want to curl up into a ball and die.

When I got to her door, I took a calming breath before I knocked. When she didn't answer the third time I knocked, I was about to bash the door in to make sure she was okay. Luckily, I saw a house keeper coming my way before I broke anything down.

"Excuse me, would you be able help me?" I asked and the woman nodded her head eagerly. Her eyes were roaming up and down my body, practically eye fucking me. "I forgot my key and my_...wife_ is inside sleeping. I don't want to wake her up." I smiled at the thought of calling Bella my wife again. It felt good even to pretend for a moment that I was worthy of her.

"Oh," The woman said, seeming disappointed that I was taken. "Fine." She swiped a little card through the slot and the door popped open.

"Thank you," I smiled and went inside, noticing immediately what a pig-sty Bella's room was. She had never been a tidy person and I smiled at the memory of the bathroom in our old house. Bella would have clothes, bras, make-up, towels, hair products, and anything else you can image thrown all over the place. I, on the other hand, was a neat-freak and had to have everything in order. I would spend the entire day organizing and cleaning the bathroom, only for it to be messed up again the next day.

I actually missed cleaning that bathroom after her. _I missed everything to do with her._

"Bella?" I whispered as I stepped further into the dark room. I found her a tangled mess in the middle of the sheets. Her hair looked like a birds nest and her face was smeared with make-up from last night, but she still looked incredibly beautiful to me.

"Bella?" I called again, crouching down in front of her.

"Edward," she replied, her voice hoarse. _She sounded so hung-over..._

"Bella, wake up."

Suddenly she flew up out of the bed screaming. Practically giving me a heart attack at the age of twenty seven. She held a flimsy white sheet close to her body and I realized she must have been naked underneath it. Meanwhile my cock came to life for the first time in two years.

I knew that this didn't look good. I'd basically broken into her room while she was naked, scared the shit out of her and now I had a boner to top it off. _Wonderful..._

"Edward, what the fuck are you doing here?" she demanded and I froze. That white sheet left little to the imagination and it was hard to think of the reason I came here in the first place, let alone explain it right so I didn't look like a pervert.

"Don't worry...I just...it's three o'clock...Rose wants...Emmett sent me!" I finally decided I'd blame Emmett since he could do no wrong in Bella's eyes. She'd probably give Emmett a disapproving look but they'd be joking and laughing two minutes later.

"Oh my god," she muttered under her breath, her cheeks flaming now. "…Um... turn around while I get decent."

I did as she asked, but noticed I could still see her in the mirror in front of me. I also noticed her ogling my ass when I turned around.

"If you try to peek, I'll murder you, Edward Cullen." I was about to tell her I could see just as she dropped the sheets but...WOW! All thoughts in my mind stopped the moment I saw her beautiful body again. All the blood in me had rushed down to one area and I was thankful my jeans could conceal my problem well.

She hadn't changed one bit; her breasts were perky and luscious. Her supple behind was as tight and perfect, while her long milky legs looked as soft and inviting as ever. _She was absolutely breathtaking_.

I hadn't been with anyone in two years, nor had I felt the need to be. But after one look at Bella in all her naked glory, I began to hunger for her in a way that I thought had been extinguished in me entirely. My whole body was burning for her and my pants had become increasingly tight.

All her jumping around to get her clothes on did nothing to help my problem. But finally, when she managed to get her shirt over her head, I let out a breath of relief. If she had kept jumping around like that, I would have came in my pants, and I hadn't done that since high-school.

"Okay, I'm decent." she announced. _Oh, baby, yo__u're much more than decent…_I wanted to tell her.

I turned around, my hard-on still painful, and she seemed to notice there was something up (no pun intended), because she quirked an eyebrow while I desperately tried to compose myself. "Are you okay?" she asked.

"I'm the breast I've ever been," I answered and realized my mistake too late. _I_ _really had a one track mind in that moment_. "I mean, I'm the_ best_ I've ever been. Best," I repeated, mentally smacking myself in the head for being such an idiot.

"O-kay, anyway, you said Emmett sent you. Why?" she asked and I had to take a minute to try and remember my reason for coming up here in the first place.

_Ah Rosalie...that's right..._"Rose wanted to know if you were alive and sent Emmett to get you, but his friend from college, Tyler, flew in today and he wanted to meet him at the airport, so I said I would come and wake you up."

"Wait...how did you get into my room?" she inquired, her eyebrow raised in question. _Shit...if I didn't look like a psycho before, I'm definitely going to look like one now..._

"I may have lied to the house keeping staff and said that it was my room." I admitted, my face heating up a bit in embarrassment. It really did look weird and Emmett was going to kill me when he came back from picking up Tyler.

"Well, I'm alive, so, will you tell Rose that I'll be down in half an hour after I take a shower?"

I nodded, thankful she wasn't screaming at me or calling the police.

Now seemed like a bad time to bring up the whole, _"Are you happy with Jake,"_ thing so I decided I'd leave it until the rehearsal dinner tonight. Everyone would be having a good time and I would add it in to our conversation smoothly when I had not just seen her naked.

"Thanks for coming to wake me up, by the way." she thanked me and I smiled, happy she didn't hate me anymore than she already did, before I left the room.

As I left Bella's room, I caught Rosalie coming down the hall. "What are you doing up here?" she snarled, her eyes darting to Bella's door.

"Wake-up call." I smiled.

**-O~O~O-**

Elevators.

They always seemed to take forever. Especially when your sister and her husband are making out together, while standing beside you and forcing you to witness it, no matter how much you complain.

"Edward, we can do whatever we want. I don't have Evelyn with me tonight so if I want to stick my tongue down Jazz's throat, I will." she growled and Jasper chuckled.

"Sorry, Edward. Y'know how pregnancy makes her. Not that I'm complaining." Jasper winked before going back down to Alice's lips.

"Please stop it. This is a two hundred dollar suit. If I get sick on it you're paying for dry-cleaning."

"Whatever! This is our floor anyway. Later Edward." Alice called as she and Jasper exited the elevator, leaving me to sigh in relief now that they were gone and I didn't have to be subjected to that anymore.

I was alone for literally two seconds when the elevator stopped again and the doors slid open, only for an angel to appear. Bella stood before me in a dark dress which had glints of sparkles in it, shimmering in the light as she moved. It showed her long legs perfectly. Her hair was up, although I loved when it was down…still, she looked like heaven and hell wrapped up in one.

"Bella," I whispered, unable to control my voice. "You...you look incredible." _Incredible, in fact did her no justice_. She was beyond incredible, there wasn't even words to describe how devastatingly beautiful she looked.

"Not too shabby yourself," she acknowledged, nudging me gently with her elbow. Then she moved as far away from me as possible. _Did she really hate me that much...? _"So, Gucci huh?"

_Yeah, I made Alice pick out suits for me because I wanted you to see me and think I looked good even though I'm a drug addict who is being hunted by a psychopathic killer... _"Oh yeah, y'know Alice. I really don't care about designer brands. She could dress me in a suit from Wal-Mart for all I care; so long as I have clothes on my back it's all good."

The doors of the elevator opened and we both stepped out. Our conversation had been easy and I really wanted to know more about that Jake guy she was seeing. I tried to approach the subject gently.

"So, when's Jake getting here?" It sounded a lot smoother in my mind.

She seemed hesitant to answer, "He's not coming. We're not...seeing each other anymore."

_Someone up there still liked me_.

It was over between them.

She wouldn't be marrying him.

She wouldn't be having his children.

She wouldn't be in love with him anymore.

It felt like a weight had been lifted from me, but then I remembered how selfish I was being. Bella probably loved him, and since it was over, she was probably hurting and here I was acting like a jerk.

"I'm sorry." I told her, as convincingly as I could manage.

She called me out on it though. "No, you're not."

I didn't want to lie to her again. "No, I'm not."

**-O~O~O-**

Immediately after dinner, the party was in full swing. Most people were laughing and dancing. I, however, sat in the corner drinking for most of the evening, only coming out when my Mom asked me to dance with her.

For the entire evening, my eyes stayed trained on Bella. _She was so beautiful.._.

Emmett and Rosalie had claimed each other on the dance floor along with the other couples, so when a slow song came on and I saw Bella standing alone, I knew it was now or never.

"May I have this dance, Ms Swan?" I asked as I came up behind her, she turned to me with a twinkle of mischief in her eyes.

"I don't know," she answered and I frowned for moment, thinking she was going to turn me down. "Can you keep your hands to yourself?" she teased and I chuckled, whisking her onto the dance floor.

"I promise nothing," I laughed, as I pulled her body closer to mine, although kept a respectable distance.

Having her in my arms was like something out of a dream, or a long awaited homecoming. This was where I belonged. My heart was beating erratically from being so close to her, and all I could do was stare into her enchanting brown eyes.

I still wanted to know if her life was fulfilling and filled with joy. I wanted her, no, _needed_ her to be happy. It was the only way I could truly let her go. "I've missed this, Bella. I've missed _you._ But you do seem happy."

"I am happy. Why wouldn't I be? I have everything I wanted," she told me. But Bella had never been a very good liar. _She wasn't happy...and I did that..._

Guilt washed over me and I wanted her to hit me, to shout at me and threaten to kill me for all I did to her. For taking away her life because I wasn't strong enough to fight away Irina or Tanya...But she didn't do any of that, because Bella was kinder and stronger than anyone I knew. She deserved everything and yet got nothing for it.

"That's good," I choked out, knowing the truth but realizing it wouldn't help if I confronted her in her lie. "You look beautiful by the way." _She really did_.

"You said that already," she replied and I smiled, wanting nothing more than to kiss her then and there.

"I know."

"May I cut in, _Edward?"_ A voice from behind spat my name.

I looked to see a tall, dark skinned man glaring at Bella and me. She seemed to know him and I realized the man must have been Jake.

_It fucking killed me... _

He had a right to hold her, when I didn't. But I knew if I had a chance of keeping her, I'd never let her go. Reluctantly, I realized what was best for Bella and I released her. _I was lucky to have even gotten a dance from her..._

I was giving her back to the man she loved.

That man wasn't me anymore. I had to accept that someday.

Then after I'd walked away, I turned back to see them, their lips smashed against one another as Jacob stared straight into my eyes.

His eyes said everything as his mouth closed over Bella's; _"You've lost."_

And I had. I'd lost everything.

* * *

><p><span>Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight.<span>

Chapter 5 EPOV

"_It's a nice day to start again. It's a nice day for a white wedding!"_ Emmett screeched at the top of his lungs and I cursed _Billy Idol_ for ever recording that song.

To be honest, I was glad Emmett was enjoying himself, it was the happiest day of his life and he deserved every kindness for what he'd done for me in the past. He was the best brother I could've asked for.

"Okay, okay, we get it. You're getting married, but let's save that wonderful voice of yours until karaoke time... when I have consumed a_ lot_ more alcohol." My Dad told him and I burst out laughing.

Emmett glared at me. "Shut it, Eddie. I'm an amazing singer; Rosie said so," he replied smugly.

"And Mom said I would be president one day." I added and my Dad high-fived me.

"Good one," he applauded.

"_Jerks_," Emmett mumbled.

Emmett was still in his boxers and socks. Even though we had very little time to get to the church, he acted as though he didn't have a care in the world. Whereas I was already dressed and waiting for him, so I could go see Bella. I wanted to make sure she was really alright after the whole Jacob debacle yesterday.

I was seriously considering going to his house and breaking his face, so that he wouldn't be able to force another kiss on any woman ever again, especially Bella.

"Come on; get your ass in that tuxedo or you won't be marrying Rose on time." I warned him and on that threat he seemed to get his act together.

We did eventually make it to the church with time to spare. What surprised me was that Emmett didn't seem at all nervous standing on the alter waiting for Rose. He was cool, calm and collected. He knew everything would work out and he'd be happy.

_Rose, on the other hand, was completely freaking out._

"Oh...shit balls, I'm freaking nervous," she admitted, as she fidgeted and squeezed the life out of the flowers in her hands. I had been in the room for about five seconds before I saw Bella, _and what a magnificent sight she was to behold_.

Her dress was a champagne color (don't ask me how I _even_ know that) and it matched the tiny ribbon that went around Rose's waist. Her curled hair was cascading down her back, the way I loved it, and the dress clung to all the right parts of her body. My mind went back to the day when I saw her naked body in that mirror. _Get control of yourself or you'll be waddling down that aisle with a painful erection..._

Turning my attention back to Rosalie, I remembered my fathers advice to me on my wedding day._ "Don't worry Edward, just remember that it's Bella coming down the aisle for you and you'll be fine." _I recalled how truly nervous I was on my wedding day. But once I saw Bella walk down the aisle to me, her white dress flowing and her eyes twinkling, all those worries was the one for me; I had always known that.

"Don't worry Rosalie, just remember that it's Emmett at the end of the aisle waiting for you and you'll be fine," I assured her as I came to take my place beside Bella, who was doing her best to ignore me.

"Okay," Rosalie breathed before she began chanting, "Just Emmett and me, just Emmett and me, just Emmett and me..."

The doors swung open and music filled the church as we began our march. I knew by the look on Bella's face that she was worried about falling._ Plus, she did look rather unsteady in those heels..._I offered her my arm and although she seemed hesitant to take it, she latched onto me and the spark ignited_. I wondered if she felt it too. _Whenever she touched me it seemed my whole body came alive. It was the strangest sensation and I wanted to feel it more._ I wanted her whole body pressed against me..._

When we'd reached the end of the aisle, I reluctantly let her go so we could take our places on either side of the church. Through the whole ceremony though, I couldn't stop gazing at her, thinking about how it felt when she touched me, how beautiful she was and how much I truly craved her. _She was like a drug to me; I needed my fix of her presence... _I also realized the true extent of my loneliness. I could crave her as much as I liked, but she wasn't mine to take.

Applause erupted around us and my _Bella Bubble_ popped as the ceremony ended. Rose and Emmett had come to shake our hands before they were claimed by the crowd of guests and pushed into welcoming arms.

We exited the church to get to the hotel but before Emmett got in the car, he took my arm and whispered, "If anything happens at the reception, tell me. Don't let yourself down again."

"I won't." I promised and he nodded in acceptance before going back to reclaim his bride.

**-O~O~O-**

_Charlie Swan_. He hadn't changed a bit. He was still as scary as ever.

Bella had warned me to stay away from him. But he'd been by her side constantly the entire night, unbeknownst to Bella. I think he was keeping an eye on her because he knew I was here. I, however, had inside knowledge (my mom told me) that he was leaving early because his girlfriend, Sue Clearwater's, daughter, Leah, had broken her arm and Charlie wanted to go home early to see if she and Sue were alright.

That meant once he left, I would have all the time in the world to dance with Bella. The problem was, I had spent two years without her and that time apart had made me more than impatient. _I wanted to dance with Bella now._..

I decided that getting abuse from Charlie would be worth it if I got to hold her now. _Seriously, this was borderline obsession, but that's what Bella does to me..._

Charlie was dancing, quite awkwardly, with Bella, and I was about to chicken out and wait for my turn, when I heard her say, "Dad, I'm fine with Edward here, really. There's no need to go home."

_Go home?_ _He was trying to cut out my Bella time?_ No, I couldn't let that happen. I walked up behind him. "May I cut in, sir?" I asked and Bella's eyes widened in a _what-the-fuck-are-you-doing _kind of way.

"Dad..." Bella said in warning but Charlie took no notice.

"No you may not cut in Edward," Charlie started and I felt a little uneasy being so close to him as he spoke. _The man owned guns and my experience with them hadn't been good so far..._ "Unless you want me to kick your ass, I suggest you stay away from my little girl. You've hurt her already and I'll be damned if I let you do it again."

My legs were starting to feel a bit like Jell-O and I was sort of regretting my decision not to wait until Charlie had left. But still, if he was trying to take Bella away early I would never forgive myself if I didn't try to cling on to every little moment I had left with her. _Who knows, the next time I saw her she could be married with children._

"Dad," she scolded him before adding, "It's only a dance and I know you're trying to protect me but what happened between us is none of your business."

Charlie obviously didn't like Bella's response and turned red-faced with fury. "Bells, this is the asshole who was unfaithful to you for eight months. I can't let that go."

Images of Irina and Tanya came flooding into my mind and I had to fight to stay in control and not shut down like I normally did when that happened. My hands shook and beads of sweat collected on my forehead, but I managed to control it and compose myself.

Charlie trudged off to go and vent to my Father as I collected Bella in my arms. "I thought he was going to kill me. I really think I just shit myself," I joked, trying to lighten the mood. "God, I always knew he was scary but that was..."

"It's your own damned fault, I told you specifically to avoid him. Did you think I was kidding when I told you he would kill you?" she asked angrily and I couldn't stop the smile that spread on my face at how cute she was when she was mad.

"I figured I would take the chance if it meant holding you for any length of time," I answered honestly and had to fight the urge to press my lips against hers. They looked so soft and inviting, but I knew the only thing I would receive if I tried was an ass kicking and a restraining order.

I wasn't aware I had brought us closer together until I felt her chest pressed up close against mine. It seemed as though I was no longer in control of my body. "The way you look today is indescribable by the way, truly," I wanted her to understand how breathtaking she was to me.

"Edward..." she breathed, saying my name like a plea. I could see what she wanted to say as clear as day on her face; _I've missed you, but I can't._

"Don't," I objected, my eyes in return telling her, _I need you, take me. All that I am is yours. _"Just be happy here with me. Right now,"

The room full of people disappeared and suddenly it was only us. I'd forgotten everything but her. Her smell, her voice, the feel of her pressed against me, it was all I knew in those few moments.

"I..." _can't..._

"Bella," _I want you..._

She had bewitched me, taken over my heart, body and soul as she always had. She_ owned _me. My eyes closed and I could feel my body lean towards her, her breathing was slow and measured, deep with lust as mine was.

Maybe she wanted me as much as I wanted her? Maybe she felt the same pull I was feeling too? The one that connected us to each other, and pulled us back together when we were apart.

We were so close; my bottom lip touched hers until reality suddenly came crashing back.

"I'm sorry," she choked out, scrambling away before running off.

I was in shock for a moment and I didn't think I could comprehend what just happened.

I had almost kissed Bella.

_She had almost kissed me too!_

There was hope for us. _I had to go after her..._

I sprinted to the elevators, but when I didn't see her, I knew she was either already in her room or she had taken the stairs. So I went, running up the stairwell with everything I had until I saw her, shoes in hand, mascara smudged around her eyes and running down her cheeks.

Bella held up her hand before I could even open my mouth. "Whatever you're going to say, don't..." she warned but I didn't listen. She had to know I wasn't looking for some quick fling, that I would never intentionally hurt her.

I only wanted to be with her.

"I refuse Bella. I refuse to believe I've lost you forever. I'm going to work so hard to win you back."

"I told you this before, your words mean shit to me now!" she roared and I pressed her against the concrete wall, needing her to stop screaming and look at the sincerity in my eyes as I spoke to her.

"I know. Believe me I know. I failed you before, but I've grown and I've changed. I'm not the same idiot I was two years ago Bella, and I need you. Every day I go without you I'm dying inside; I need you in order to survive. Please," She shook her head as if to say, _"It's not worth it."_

"Please, I'm not asking you to marry me or fall madly in love with me again. I only want a chance, because I've discovered life means nothing without you in it. I only want a chance to win back your trust."

Her eyes looked at me intently and I was getting ready to go drop to my knees and beg her to let me prove I was worth the risk. Instead though, before I could even register a change in her expression, her lips were on mine, frantic with need and lust.

I was a goner, everything in my head flew out as fireworks shot across my vision and my hands tangled in her hair. Our bodies pressed against each other, fitting perfectly as if we were made for one another. Soon our tongues swirled with the each others and I moaned embarrassingly loud at the taste of her. She tasted like strawberries, sunshine, champagne and pure..._Bella._

I was growing hard as we grappled onto each other, our mouths fighting for dominance. I couldn't help it, it was the effect she had on me and I knew she had to notice it by now, it was rubbing against her belly. Her moans grew louder as well and I fought hard to regain my control and not hump her like some crazed animal.

Then Bella damaged my control significantly. "Bedroom Edward," she ordered in a breathy and lust filled voice. _She wanted to have sex? Already?_

"Are you sure Bella? We're going really fast." I questioned, since I wanted our relationship to work and I thought if we rushed into sex, it would complicate everything.

"Do you want me or not?" she asked boldly, as her lips trailed down my throat, sucking on my Adam's apple and making me whimper with need.

_How could she even ask that?_ I had never wanted anyone so much in my entire life. So many times tonight I had been close to putting her over my shoulder and dragging her away so I could ravish her.

It was hard to think straight when she was doing naughty things to me and so my answer didn't come out as smooth as I would've hoped it would sound. "Of course I do...i-it's just...I want to do right by you."

Bella didn't seem to like my answer, and part of me didn't either. "I'm telling you; take me!" She ordered in the sexiest voice I'd ever heard. With her words, my control vanished and something took over me.

I swept her up in my arms, her legs wrapped around my waist as I claimed her lips again in this all-consuming need for her. She licked, nipped and kissed my neck, lips and everywhere she could reach as I carried her to her room. I struggled to open the door when what I really wanted to do was slam her against the wall and have my way with her.

_But Bella deserves to be worshiped and that's what I'm going to do..._

When I finally manage to get the door open, and us inside, I discovered the bed was too far away so for the time being we'd have to make do with the wall.

"I love you so much, I always have," I managed to breath out, in a husky voice as I suckled on the tops of her creamy breasts, delighting in the moans she made and how her body responded to me. I stripped off some of my layers, my shirt and jacket, wanting to feel my skin pressed against Bella's as soon as I could. My fingers had a mind of their own as they undid the zipper on her dress. The second my lips were not on hers, she stood up and let her dress fall to the floor, leaving her in nothing but a pair of lace panties and_ fuck-me_ heels.

_So beautiful..._

Since the day I had woken her up, I'd been dreaming about all the dirty things I could do to her and now I had her, naked and alone in a bedroom, I was going to take advantage of it.

Picking her up again so her legs were wrapped around me, I took her nipple into my mouth and nipped, sucked and licked to my heart's content. Her heated center rubbed against my abs and I groaned at the thoughts of what was to come.

When I turned my attention to her other nipple and bit down, Bella decided she'd had enough of my torture. "Edward, please..." she begged and I flew over to the bed, collapsing on top of her; my erection pressed against her warm center. _Why do I still have my pants on...?_

"Off," Bella ordered, reading my thoughts. She definitely didn't need to tell me twice. They were gone in a heartbeat and my cock stood tall and proud between us. For a moment I was worried I'd have an episode during sex with Bella, but then I remembered how safe I felt with her and how she made everything better.

I bent down, running my hands up the length of her thighs until I had a hold on the fabric on her hips. "Can I take them off?" I asked, wanting to make sure I had her full permission before I did anything.

She nodded and lifted her hips to allow me to remove her panties. The last barrier was gone between us and soon I would be back to where I belonged; united with the woman I loved. She started to remove her shoes next, but I stalled her hands before she could do anything. "No, the shoes stay on."

She didn't seem to mind.

I kissed her with wild abandon, thanking her yet again for giving me the honor of being with her, as I then positioned myself at her entrance. I was about to plunge myself into her when sense came rushing into my head.

"Protection?" I asked, since an unplanned pregnancy was not a good way to start a relationship.

"Bottom right drawer," she rasped and I raised an eyebrow, knowing the condoms were complimentary but wanting see that beautiful blush spread down her body. Sure enough, she flushed, her cheeks and chest glowing a light scarlet. "They're complimentary, you have some too."

I started to chuckle but stopped dead when she yanked the foil wrapper out of my hand. She had the cutest look of concentration on her face as she took the foil in her mouth and ripped it, pulling the contents out.

Her hand grasped my erection and I gasped at her touch. I was really aroused, so I knew I had to take my time once I got inside her or I wasn't going to last. She gently rolled the condom down the length of my cock and I instinctively bucked into her hand. _It had been a long time...I couldn't help it..._

Suddenly, it hit me. _This was it._ I was about to make love to Bella. Nothing was stopping me, I'd done the impossible; we were going to be together again.

"You're sure?" I managed to choke out, my body needing her desperately to say yes but my everything else wanting her to say no, to tell me this wasn't only about sex; _that she wanted me._

"Yes," she replied and it was bittersweet. She needed me on some level but not truly on the level I wanted her.

Still, this was a stepping stone. The physical could add to the love aspect of our relationship and I would take anything she was willing to give to me.

"I love you," I whispered, so low I'm not even sure she heard me, before I pushed into her.

Her warmth and wetness enveloped me and I groaned, pushing myself as deep into her as I could go. I kissed every surface of her body within my reach. Wanting her to feel how much I needed her in every move and touch of my body. I pulled out slowly and then, a long groan tore from my chest as I pushed back, her hips meeting mine and creating the most delicious friction.

My body urged me to take her faster, pound into her with all my strength and ravish her until she milked me dry. But Bella deserved so much more, so I kept my pace slow and steady, also trying to savor this long awaited moment.

"Are you okay?" Bella asked breathlessly.

I barely understood what she was saying, the feeling of being in her was making it hard to think, let alone form a coherent sentence.

"I want to savor it...ahh...I don't want... _fuck_...this to end." I answered through gritted teeth as I let my head fall into the crook of her neck, inhaling her scent as I took her body.

It was getting to be too much for me to take and although I wanted it to last forever, I was going to cum soon. I needed to pick up the pace if I was going to bring Bella to completion with me.

My thrusts became faster, Bella's moans louder and I could tell she was close. Her arm began to snake down her body, coming down to where we were joined and I hissed. _I wanted to be the one to get her off; she would get off with my body alone..._

I pinned her hands above her head as I continued to pound into her tight channel. "I'll make you cum, only me." I ground out.

"I need it," she begged but I didn't budge, instead I picked up the pace, thrusting so hard I was sure we were going to break the headboard. I could feel my orgasm building in me and I knew I didn't have long left, so hearing Bella scream, "Oh...yes Edward...so close..." was like telling a child you'd just bought a toy store.

Finally I gave into my urges to take her with all I had. I picked up her legs, wrapped them around my waist and plunged relentlessly into her tight, velvety heat. I could feel the moisture from her pussy dripping onto my thighs. I was so deep inside her that I couldn't stop my eyes from rolling back into my head with each movement of my hips.

I wanted to make this perfect for her. To show her that_ Jacob_ could never make her feel the way I would make her feel.

"Only I will ever make you feel like this," I growled, the dominant and possessive side of me taking over. Bella seemed to like it, because I could feel her body tremble and begin to tighten around me. "Come for me Bella, come on my cock."

Her tight channel squeezed around me as she convulsed with pleasure. I gave in to the tightening in my groin, roaring her name as I went over the edge. Stars shot around me as everything I had spilled out of me and into the condom.

I had never before felt such intense pleasure and I was literally gasping for air when it was over. I fell limp on Bella, trying desperately to keep as much of my weight off her as possible, but it was hard when I was barely in control of my body.

When my limbs didn't feel like jell-O and I was able to move, I removed the condom, tying it in a knot and throwing it into the garbage, before I pulled Bella into my arms and then onto my chest.

Her breathing was still crazy and her heart was flying like a humming bird's wings. I figured singing was a good way to get her to sleep. I decided on _James Blunt's_ song; _High._

"_Beautiful dawn,_

_lights up the shore for me._

_There is nothing else in the world,_

_I'd rather wake up and see,_

_with you._

_Beautiful dawn,_

_I'm just chasing time again._

_Thought I would die a lonely man,_

_in endless night._

_But now I'm high,_

_running wild among all the stars above._

_Sometimes it's hard to believe you remember me."_

She was asleep in a matter of minutes. My singing always seemed to lull Bella into a peaceful slumber, and I was more than willing to sing all night long if it made her happy.

I couldn't seem to stop touching her as she slept. She looked so perfect. My hands combed through her chocolate curls as I sang, and my mouth only closed when it was to place a soft kiss on her beautiful face.

It was hard to believe she was here in my arms again.

"Forever's not long enough, Bella."

* * *

><p><strong>Deep, Edward...reeeal deep. <strong>

**Any who, how's life been treating you since I last spoke to you? It feels like ages, doesn't it? Well this was just my donation to **_**Fandom **__**Against Juvenile Diabetes. **_**I thought I'd share it with you now that I'm allowed post it. Hope you liked it.**

**The Bella and Edward outtakes are going to be the next things posted so keep an eye out for them.**

**Don't forget to vote for I Hope She Was Worth It in the iSparkle awards. Voting closes May 11****th**** so please throw a vote our way.**

**Thanks to Dee for beta-ing this yet again... (the woman is simply amazing)**

**Don't forget to leave a review and please keep an eye out for my new story coming soon; **_**The Chick with the Striped Socks**_**...**

**~ Casey**


	39. Outtake I Part I

Disclaimer:Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight.

Outtake; Part I

"_If anyone should be horny, it's me._

It had been eight months since Edward got the news that he would walk again, and while he could walk now, he was still working on regaining full balance and strength. Sometimes his legs gave out from under him, other times he depended entirely on his wheelchair to help him get around.

Still, I was so incredibly proud of him. I couldn't help but think of how lucky we'd been. It had been a close call, one which Edward was determined to put behind him. It was also something we would never forget.

But while I also wanted to put the past behind us and move forward in life, I didn't want to move at too fast a pace. Edward wanted to go double time, forcing himself to be better in order to give me what he thought '_I deserved'. _He wanted everything now that he knew it was achievable, and he wasn't going to stop until he had it.

I was okay with that. In fact, I was more than okay; I was _ecstatic _at the prospect of a proper life with him. But since all that with James had happened, I knew I could never risk Edward's well-being again. Anything too strenuous could hurt him while he was still weak and then he'd be back to where he started.

But of course, he was sure he was strong enough for _everything_.

I sighed. "You're not strong enough; I won't risk hurting you."

"You're not going to hurt me. I'm not made out of porcelain," Edward replied, still trying to get me to give in. He snuggled up closer to me on my side of the bed, leaning on his elbow as he trailed kisses up my shoulder.

I shook him off, tired of arguing with him. The thing was, I wanted what he was asking more than anything._ It had been so very long_... But risking his safety wasn't worth it, so I had to be the responsible one out of the two of us.

"We're not having sex until you're fully healed and the doctor says it's safe."

He groaned and rolled his eyes before flopping back down on his back. "For the fifth time, the doctor said it was okay as long as I don't put strain on my back or stand. That means we _can _have sex, you'll just have to be on top."

My eyes narrowed at him. "Oh and riding you wouldn't be putting strain on your back?"

His eyes darkened at my choice of words and he seemed to daydream for a moment. _I think I had an idea what his daydream was about... _I clicked my fingers in front of his face and he seemed to snap out of it.

"Bella, I'm so fucking horny. I nearly lost it yesterday when you bent down to get the remote and I saw the red thong you were wearing; that's how horny I am! Please, baby? I promise you won't break me. We'll be so careful..."

I huffed and crossed my arms over my chest. "You're acting as if I haven't given you anything in the past six months. _If__ anyone should be horny, it's me_."

In all fairness, it wasn't like he hadn't tried to repay the_ favors_ I'd given him. I just wasn't really bothered that much about getting off afterward. I like to think that I was waiting until I can enjoy it properly with him; when we could both reach completion together, looking into each others eyes.

He smirked crookedly and was back by my side in an instant. "Are you?"

_Yes! Fuck me before I die of sexual frustration! _My mind screamed.

"No, I'm not." I lied.

His smirk stayed in place as his fingers skimmed my side, down to my stomach before slyly slipping under the covers. "Are you sure?"

His fingertips gently glided over my skin until they reached the cotton of my panties. "Because I could make you feel so good, Bella. Want me to show you?"

I was quite sure if I bit down any harder on my lip, I would draw blood. He had no idea how much I wanted to feel him. Soon I was getting caught up in the moment and, as much as I tried to hold it in, I whimpered. _Damn him..._

"I knew it; you want me as bad as I want you. Tell me, Bella. Tell me you want me?"

I feared if I opened my mouth, I wouldn't be able to stop the moans that were threatening to spill. But I had to stop this before things got out of hand.

"No!" I shouted and jumped off the bed. "Edward, we're not having sex until you are fully healed!"

"Bella..." he began to argue.

"And that's final. End of discussion." I stormed off out of the room. He was much too tempting to be in the same room with now I knew what he was after. And also he knew my weaknesses.

I sighed and mentally cursed Esme and Carlisle for making Edward so damn beautiful that I couldn't resist him.

I knew I couldn't go back to bed without him pestering me, especially when I wanted it so bad. So I resigned myself to the fact I'd be sleeping alone, headed to the guestroom and slept there.

**-O~O~O-**

During the night, I felt eyes watching me.

My eyelids inched open and I sprung up in alarm to see a dark figure loomed over the other side of the bed, looking directly at me. I knew who it was immediately due to the shadow's head having a million different points sticking out everywhere.

Edward slid in the bed silently and snuggled up to my side before pulling me into his arms. "I'm sorry," he whispered and kissed my temple.

I sighed. "You know I'm just worried about you getting hurt, right?"

"I know. But...I see the things we used to have and all the things that are possible yet again and now...I want them back. I want to be able to give you everything you give me and more."

I placed my hand over his which was resting on my hip. "I love you. But for now, we're taking it easy. Okay?"

"You won't hurt me. So I'm not giving up yet," he told me. "And I love you too."

"And they say I'm the stubborn one," I grumbled in return before dozing off again.

**-O~O~O-**

The next night Edward had gone out with Emmett and Jasper. I was feeling down and needed to vent so I decided to call Rose.

"He's been constantly begging me to have sex, Rose. It's taken all I have in me not to fuck him like an animal right on the spot."

Rose giggled on the other side of the phone. "I don't see why you don't just give into him. If he thinks he's strong enough, why not believe him? Or if he's wrong, let him learn the hard way...no pun intended."

I sighed. "I can't do that, Rose. I don't have it in me to watch him learn the hard way. Not after I've watched him suffer like he has already. I really think it would kill me."

"Bella, you're overreacting. If Edward says he's well enough for you to screw his brains out and you want it too, why not go for it? Why is it so hard to take his word?"

"Because I already thought I lost him once and the pain...it was...God it was unbearable. Knowing he was really hurt was horrible but the waiting was...I have no words but I wouldn't wish it on anyone. I couldn't go through that pain again. I won't let him either. I just can't, Rose," I admitted and looked down at the ground as I let Rose absorb the information. Our quick phone call had turned into a very deep conversation.

"Well maybe you shou-"

"Bella?" A deep voice from behind startled me.

I dropped the phone in shock and spun around to see Edward standing behind me. His expression told me he'd just heard everything, though I prayed I was wrong.

Taking the cowards way out, I hunkered down to grab the phone and avoided eye contact with him.

"Rose, I got to call you back. I'll talk to you later." I didn't wait for her response before hanging up, knowing she'd heard Edward's voice and would understand why I was so abrupt.

Slowly, ever so slowly, I got up and met Edward's gaze. "How much did you hear?"

He seemed to think about his answer carefully before speaking. "Enough."

"Yeah," I nodded awkwardly. "That's what I thought. Look, I-" I tried.

"No, Bella. There's no_ 'look, I'm sorry_' in this conversation." He composed himself before he continued. "If you have a problem between us, you come to _me_. You don't have to go blather our problems to Rosalie."

"She's my friend and I just had to vent-"

"I know she's your friend, but do you know how much it fucking hurts that you told her instead of me? _We're_ partners, not you and her. And if you're really worried and that's the reason you won't have sex with me, fine. I'm an adult, if you'd told me this and explained it, we could've worked on it; talked about it."

I knew I was in the wrong. I should have spoken to him before venting to Rosalie. But I was stressed and tired and instead of apologizing, I lashed out. "You're an adult, really? Because this argument is so fucking childish! I can't speak to my friends now, is that what you're saying?"

He scoffed. "Are you really twisting my words right now to make me the bad guy?"

Guilt flooded through me. He was right. "I don't have to make you the bad guy." _It's me __who's__ the bad__ guy. You're always the good one..._

The words came out all wrong though and the look of hurt that crossed his face was like a punch in the gut to me. To him my words had a different meaning. To him I'd just said, _"I don't have to make you the bad guy, yo__u always are."_

"You're going to play that card?" he whispered, his expression defeated.

"I didn't mean it like that," I growled.

He was silent as he looked at me for a moment and then finally he sighed tiredly and closed his eyes. "You know what; we'll talk about this in the morning. We're both tired and shouting isn't going to solve anything."

"Edward," I tried, grabbing his hand as he began to limp out of the room.

"We'll talk about it tomorrow." He kissed my head chastely, but it had no emotion behind it and I knew I'd really hurt him.

"You're in therapy tomorrow," I pointed out.

"Then we'll talk after, I promise."

"I love yo-" He was gone before I could even finish. I sat down at the kitchen table, running a hand through my hair in frustration.

He was always so forthcoming when things were bothering him. I was always the one pestering him about the importance telling each other things and working as a team. I was such a fucking hypocrite.

I'd messed up. It seemed to be happening a lot lately.

"_Fuck."_

**-O~O~O-**

Edward hadn't spoken to me at all the next day…Unless you count a six word text he'd sent me.

**With Emmett. Going to therapy after. ~ Edward**

He'd been asleep when I was leaving for work and not in when I'd gotten home. So here I was trying to busy myself around the house so I could try and think of anything but him.

He was supposed to be home at seven and just as I was about to call him, I couldn't help but cringe at myself. _What am I doing? He's only twenty minutes late. Am I re__ally that clingy now?_

I flopped down onto the couch behind me. No wonder he was angry, I'd been so crazy lately. One moment I was needlessly clingy, another mindlessly angry and the next loving. My mood swings had to be giving him whiplash.

A key jingled in the door but I stayed where I was. Maybe Edward was getting sick of me? I couldn't deny that we had been a little on edge with each other lately and avoiding topics that made us uncomfortable. But I'd attributed that to us struggling through Edward's healing process and stressing over the future.

"Bella, I'm home," he called and I laughed under my breath as I heard the familiar clanging of keys. _Some habits of his never changed... _"Bella?"

"In the living room!"

His heavy footsteps slowly lead him into the room where he spotted me on the couch. In his hands was a big bouquet of tulips. He handed them to me and accompanied them with a breathtaking kiss.

"I'm sorry for fighting with you."

"No, I was being a bitch, as usual. I'm sorry," I told him and welcomed his lips again.

"Let's just move on-" he tried but I cut him off.

"No, we can't keep moving on from stuff like this without hashing it out. Let's talk about it, because it's ignoring the cracks in the ice that leads to us both drowning."

He smiled confusedly. "Not that I'm complaining, but when did this realization come to you?"

"About five minutes ago when I thought about how wrong I was to snap at you."

He sat down on the couch with me and pulled me into his arms. "I overreacted. But it wouldn't be a bad thing to talk about why you don't want to be intimate yet."

I groaned internally. "I meant talk about the whole me betraying your trust thing, not the sex thing!"

"Bella, come on. We have to talk about it."

"Fine," I grumbled. "But you already heard what I said to Rosalie. What more is there to say?"

"The truth," he replied, caressing my cheek with his hand. "I know there's more to it than just the fear of hurting me."

He was wrong. There wasn't.._.was there? Well, maybe..._

"Yeah, I guess there could be... one other thing." I mumbled, my cheeks flushing scarlet.

"You can tell me." His deep eyes held my gaze and for some reason gave me the strength I needed to tell, although I was still a tad hesitant.

"It's stupid."

"I don't care."

"It's...I'm...I'm not ready. It's just...I want you, I really do but even after all this time, I'm still in shock. And on top of that, if I hurt you...I'm afraid I'll shut down all over again."

Edward nodded his head, absorbing the words as I said them. "I understand and I'll wait as long as you need..."

"Why do I sense a _but _coming?"

He smiled. "_But..._ maybe you should seek professional help to deal with things. Lord knows I'd be lost without Oliver Gerandy."

I really thought I'd been fine, if not shaken a lot, by the whole James thing. But all I'd really been focused on was how close I'd come to losing Edward. I hadn't given a second thought to the fact I'd not only witnessed a killing but I'd almost been the person who'd carried it out. Maybe Edward was right. _What had I got to lose?_

"I think you're right. I'll look into it."

**-O~O~O-**

"How did it go?" Edward asked after he home in from his session with Oliver.

"It was...you know.._.therapy," _I shrugged. I had just finished my first week of therapy with my new therapist, Kebi, and while she was a nice woman, I was having trouble opening up to her. I wished I could go to Oliver like Edward did but I couldn't since Edward was his patient.

Kebi and I had only gone over the basics so far; what I was hoping to achieve with therapy and what I had gone through. It was weird telling someone who was practically a stranger about James and Edward. I was out of my comfort zone and I was really trying to open up, it just wasn't coming any easier.

Edward leaned over and kissed my forehead, breathing in my scent as his arms encircled me and pulled me close. "It's always hard at first, but it comes easier if you keep at it. Promise me you'll give it a chance?"

I smiled meekly and nodded. "I will, I promise."

"That's my girl. I'm so proud of you."

"Proud of me?"

"You knew you had some issues to work through, you accepted that and now you're doing something about it. It took me two years of denial and you only a day to set up a session."

"Thanks," I whispered and placed a kiss over his eyebrow.

"I love you."

"Always."

"And forever." Edward's nose skimmed along my neck and caused me to shiver. My pulse raced and my heart began to beat out of my chest. It was just the effect he had on me.

Then his warm lips pressed against my skin, trailing them down till he hit my collarbone. I closed my eyes and concentrated on the feel of him. Without realizing it, I was on my back and he was above me, working his way down as he kissed the valley of my breasts. _I was s__o glad I__was wearing__ a V-__neck..._

Our innocent kiss soon turned into something deeper. Although I heard a nagging voice in the back of my mind, I tried to push it away and gave back everything Edward was giving me. Kiss for kiss. Thrust for thrust.

Then, after one especially powerful thrust, his eyes squeezed shut and he gasped in pain… _Not the good kind of pain._

_What the fuck was I doing?_

"Fuck," I gasped and pushed him off so I could help him. "Your back. Oh my God, how could I have been so stupid? I knew this would happen!"

"Bella, I'm fine. It didn't really hurt that bad. Come on, come back to me," he pleaded and opened his arms.

"Get real, Edward. You're hurt. I'm not going to...I can't believe I...you knew I didn't...I wasn't... We couldn't..." I think I was having a panic attack because I was choking on my own words and gasping for air.

Edward's hand pulled me so I was sitting on the couch and he rubbed my back soothingly as I broke down. "Breathe, Bella. Breathe."

"I hurt you..." I cried as tears began to spill from my eyes. _Holy shit, I was more fucked up than I thought I was..._

"You didn't hurt me; it was my fault for being careless. I knew I was putting strain on my back and it was selfish and irresponsible of me to have let that happen. Don't cry, angel. I love you and it's not your fault."

"If I...If I lost you...I wouldn't...I couldn't..." _Live without you..._

Edward seemed to understand what I was saying and kissed the tears off my chest before he took my hand and placed it over his heart. "You won't lose me, feel my heart beating, baby. It beats for you and because of you. I'm alive because you give me reason to live and fight. I'm not going anywhere without you."

That seemed to calm me down a lot and after a while I seemed to pull myself together again.

But that begged the question; _what would happen the next time I broke down?_

"I think I need to see Kebi more than three times a week."

* * *

><p><strong>Hey,<strong>

**Sorry about the wait but you know how life is...**

**Anyway, I hope you liked it and don't forget to review.**

**A big thank you to my beta RND4EVA, who is so amazing. Thank you Dee.**

**Thanks to everyone who voted in the iSparkle awards but sadly we didn't win. I'm honored to be nominated though ;)**

**Thanks for all your reviews and hopefully I'll have the next chapter up soon.**

**Bye now,**

**Casey**


	40. Outtake I part II

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight

Outtake I; part II

_Opening the Cocoon and releasing the butterfly O_

It had taken weeks for me to be comfortable talking with Kebi, to finally feel like I could be completely open with her. But at last, we had gotten there and it was time to discuss the whole reason I was here in the first place; _the night of the party._

Kebi had started off easy, asking how I felt while I was getting ready, what Edward and I did beforehand...I blushed beet red when she asked me that, so I left out the part where Edward and I had wild sex on the stairs of his parents' house.

Finally though, we were getting to the hard stuff.

"So Bella, how did you feel when you found out James was Riley? I mean it must have been a shock; a friend turned to foe in a moment and then..." Kebi, my therapist, trailed off. She flicked her long black hair over her shoulder as she spoke.

"He's dead," I finished for her. "Obviously it was a shock to me; I could've never guessed in a million years that James was _that_ sick... I had been alone with him so many times and he could have killed me ten times over. But judging from what Edward told me, I shouldn't really have been surprised to find out how deranged he really was."

"So you were shocked and surprised?" Kebi asked. "That was it?"

"Well, no... When he...held up the gun," I breathed, shuddering at the memory of James holding the barrel against Edward's forehead. "...at Edward, I remember thinking; this is it. Edward's going to die and yet another person is taking away my forever with him."

"You feared for Edward's safety most of all? Not even a tiny moment of fear regarding your own life?"

I thought about it for a moment. I remembered the dark damp basement as James stepped into the light and removed the shiny metal weapon from his jacket. But not once was I concerned that I might be in the firing line. All I remember thinking was that Edward was shoving me behind him when all I wanted to do was reverse our positions and protect him away from the danger.

"No, I felt like if I lost him, I'd die anyway. So what was the point of being afraid for my own life when everything I had was there, in danger, right in front of me?"

Kebi jotted notes down in her notebook before coming back to me with another question. "Can I ask what it was like for you when Edward was shot?"

I sucked in a strangled breath. This was something I couldn't bear to think about, let alone speak of.

"You can do it Bella. I know you can," Kebi encouraged.

I exhaled and played the memories that had plagued my dreams for weeks in the hospital, waiting for Edward to wake up.

"When it happened, it was like slow motion. One moment he was trying to rile James up to give me a few minutes to escape, then the next he was in front of me lying in a pool of his own blood." My hand fidgeted on my lap as I recalled that dreaded day.

"Then I spoke to him and he was so weak. And after two minutes, though it felt like a lifetime, he just went limp. I remember Nahuel looking at me with such pity and his eyes said it all; _he's gone_."

_"He's not dead," I chanted and wailed into Ben's shoulder. "He's not dead."_

_"No heart beat! If we don't hurry, we'll lose him completely." A paramedic shouted over his lifeless body._

"Paramedics were shouting and everyone was pulling me away from him, but I didn't want to leave him; I couldn't. They all thought he was dead and I knew I was the only one who had any hope left. I was scared that if I left him..." I trailed off as my throat closed up and my eyes filled with tears.

"_NO EDWARD!"_

_"Calm down, they're here to help. So am I. They'll do all they can to save him."_

I took a moment to collect myself and try push back the memories that were haunting me when Kebi handed me a tissue. "The waiting was the worst; knowing there was a chance that he might not make it out alive. And I knew if he was going to die, he wouldn't have wanted to go like that. He would've wanted his family surrounding him instead of strangers prodding and poking at him.

I wanted to make sure if I lost him, he would at least die in peace and with dignity. But I wouldn't have been able to even get that for him. That was the most excruciatingly horrible time of my life and I'm so terrified if he gets hurt, I'll have to go through it again."

Kebi looked at me with sympathy flooding her hazel eyes. The way she was looking at me was like she really understood what I was saying. It was as if to her I wasn't just another patient, I was a friend who she wanted to help.

"Waiting for news on something that is so unpredictable, that's so easily changeable, can be hardest thing to endure. A lot happened that night Bella and I think you shut yourself off after that event, your brain made a cocoon around itself; a protective layer. Anything that you think constitutes a risk to Edward you won't even consider because you're so afraid of going back to that time when you were affected the most by his pain."

I let the information sink in before dabbing my eyes with the tissue.

She was right, I barely gave Edward's suggestion of being intimate a thought before I said no and stormed off like a child. Maybe my brain was trying to protect itself in any way it could. It wouldn't be the strangest thing that's ever happened.

"So what now? Do you give me happy pills until I'm ready to open up?" I asked, trying to lighten the mood.

Kebi chuckled. "Nope. No pills required, I'm afraid."

"Darn it," I joked. "Then what?"

She smiled tenderly, scooting forward in her chair to take my hand in hers. "We break open that cocoon, we talk about what it is that makes you shut off and we work through it. We can do this together, Bella."

I squeezed her hand in mine. "Thank you."

**-O~O~O-**

Edward had no idea what was going to hit him.

Dr Kebi Imorta was amazing. Incredibly amazing. She'd done so much for me in such a short amount of time. It had been a month and a half since we'd "_opened the cocoon and released the butterfly" _as she called it.

She really made me feel like I wasn't doing this on my own, like getting better wasn't some chore I had to do so I could be good enough for Edward. She made me look forward to our sessions and made me feel like I was going for _me_; not anyone else.

And Edward had been such a great help too. He was so supportive about the whole thing and he'd been the one who had pushed me to go in the first few weeks when I was on the verge of quitting.

Now here I was, in the skimpiest lingerie I owned, waiting for Edward to come home. _Ironic really..._

He was actually at therapy himself at the moment. Though he'd reduced his time with Oliver to only one day a week since he felt like he'd overcome most of his demons. He didn't have problems with addiction anymore and had dedicated himself to physical therapy more than anything. It was also a way for him to have male-bonding time with Emmett, which I was glad they had since their relationship had been under strain the past two years. Now they could go back to being brothers.

"Baby, I'm home!" he called as his keys clanged down on the wooden table and footsteps sounded in the house.

"I'm in here," I called as I lay down in the center of the bed.

I was pretty sure you could see my nipples through the scrap of lace I was wearing and I may have gone overboard with the petals on the bed, but this was going to be our first time since the accident so I didn't care.

"What's going on in-_wow_!" he gasped as his eyes roamed my, practically naked, body. I couldn't help but bite down on my lip in anticipation. "You...are we...you're so...um..."

"_Edward_?"

"Hmm?" he hummed, his eyes still not leaving my body. He looked as if he was in a completely different world.

"It's time to lose the pants."

"Fuck me," he breathed and frantically began unbuckling his belt with shaky hands.

"That was the plan."

From that moment on, Edward became a man possessed and it thrilled me to no end to know it was _me_ who was doing that to him.

Once we were joined, he warned me that we had all the time in the world for sweet passionate love. But for now, he needed me. It had just been too long for him to be able to control himself. Who was I to deny him? _Plus, I enjoyed every moment of what he was giving me._

As Edward bared his body to me and vice versa, I knew nothing could hurt us again. Not a bad back or a crazed killer or even two psychotic sisters.

No, Edward and I had been through it all and we were never stronger.

"I love you," he choked into my skin and relaxed against me. Then he kissed my skin softly and tried to gain control of himself again. I raked my fingertips through his mop of bronze hair as his head lay on my naked chest.

"I love you too, Edward."

* * *

><p><strong>Hey,<strong>

**As you can tell, I am another writer whose work is threatened by the rating thing on Fanfiction. I completely disagree with it but what can you do? I'll find another website to publish stories on and I'll continue writing if they pull it. If in the event, this story does get pulled, I'll tell my readers where I'll be writing from then on and maybe you'll stop by my new page. I have everything saved so it shouldn't be a problem...just a hassle really. I hope you'll continue reading my stories.**

**So there you have it and the last outtake for Fandom for preemies will be up tomorrow morning. Thanks all so much for reading.**

**Thank you to my Beta, RND4EVA, you have been not only my Beta, but a great friend also. Thanks so much and I look forward to working with you in the future.**

**Thank you for all the wonderful reviews you have left. You don't know how much it meant to me that you liked it.**

**Okay, so this is it now, I promise. **

**Bye,**

**Casey**


	41. Fandom for Preemies Outtake

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight.**

**Outtake of I Hope She Was Worth It.**

**Donated to Fandom for Preemies.**

**Rated M for bad language and sexual references. :)**

**Author: Caseyx457**

**Beta: RND4EVA**

**(Banner on profile if you want to check it out)**

**-O~O~O-**

**A/N: This is just a**_** little**_** outtake of an event I mentioned a lot in **_**I Hope She Was Worth It**_**. I decided it would be a lovely thing to donate a light and funny outtake for a cause like this, because it's very close to my heart. I hope you enjoy it. ~ Casey**

**-O~O~O-**

**I Hope She Was Worth It Outtake: The Baseball Box**

**BPOV**

_10__th__ November 2001_

_Forks, Washington._

"I have no idea why your parents feel the need to buy a bigger house. This one is huge as it is," I grumbled as I helped Edward pack things into big cardboard boxes. _Okay_... by 'helped', I meant, I sat there and complained while he did all the work.

I couldn't risk going back into Alice's room when she was sorting out her closet. Not only would she thrust clothes on me that I would never wear, but she'd also make me try on outfit after outfit... I don't think I'd make it out alive if I went back in and I didn't want to take any chances.

But in Edward's room it was a totally different story. There were boxes everywhere, sure, but it still had that relaxed atmosphere. No rushing to get to the new place faster. It was just me and him talking while he packed away a life time worth of memories. _Our memories..._

"It's not like we're going far. So we won't be living down the street from you anymore, it's not a big deal. We'll still only be a ten minute drive away." Edward shrugged while he ran his hand through his perfectly disheveled bronze hair. I'd had a thing for Edward since I hit puberty. Suddenly he wasn't only my best friend or Alice's brother. No, he was my insanely _hot _best friend and Alice's sexy-as-hell brother; the star of all my naughty day-dreams and fantasy's.

"Yeah, but it's a thirty minute walk and I can't drive for another year!"

Edward smiled smugly.

I narrowed my eyes and resisted the urge to stick my tongue out at him. "Just because you're two years older than me and drive a stupid car, doesn't make you great."

Edward laughed and pulled me into his arms. I inhaled his scent discretely. _God he smelled good... _"No, the fact I'm such an incredibly awesome friend makes me great. The car only adds to my general coolness."

The scent of Edward was messing with my head; I wasn't able to form a coherent sentence. "Em...erm...uh...yeah."

"Bella?" he asked, unraveling me from his arms to look down on me. "You okay?"

His emerald eyes were gazing at me and I was mesmerized by them. It wasn't fair how much he could affect me. I really wanted to weave my fingers into his mussed hair and full his lips down to mine...

"Bella? Hello? Earth to Bella."

"Yeah, I'm here!" I blurted a little too loudly and blushed. Edward looked at me strangely for a moment before he went back to packing. I decided it was time to make myself useful and started with the box under his bed that was labeled '_Baseball stuff'. _I opened the flaps and...WOW!

"THAT IS NOT BASEBALL STUFF!" I shouted as I stared at the various DVD's, most with naked people on the cover. Edwards head flung up from the box he was currently unpacking. He looked like a deer caught in head lights. With lightning speed he ran over to me and ripped the box out of my hands.

"What the hell Bella!" he roared. His whole face, from his cheeks to the tips of his ears, flamed in embarrassment. I stood there shocked for a moment before realization hit me.

I had just found Edward Cullen's porn collection.

Hysterical laughter escaped my lips before I had time to stop it. Edward looked out the window, avoiding my eyes at all cost as I doubled over.

"It's not that funny," he grumbled, holding the box tighter to his chest.

"Y-your...face..." I managed to choke out between laughter. "What the fuck? _Glad-he-ate-her! Forest Hump!_ What was the other DVD called? Oh, _Intercourse with the Vampire!_"

My stomach was literally about to explode, that's how hard I was laughing. Edward seemed about ready to curl up on the floor and die. But as bad as I felt for embarrassing him, I couldn't stop laughing. My body literally convulsed on the floor as I tried to control myself. It seemed the more I tried to stop, the harder I laughed.

My laughter turned to quiet giggles after about ten minutes. Then I took deep breaths and willed myself to keep a straight face while I stood up and turned to Edward.

"I'm sorry I laughed, but it was..." I trailed off. I could feel the laughter threatening to flow out again.

"Whatever," he mumbled and put the box aside.

Guilt washed over me and I felt like a bitch for embarrassing him so badly. He was a guy. Lots of guys had collections like..._that. _"Hey, don't be embarrassed. I'm sorry for laughing. I mean, all guys have porn collections. I think it's...hot."

_I DID NOT JUST SAY THAT TO EDWARD! _My mind screamed at me.

Oh God, I wanted to die. I'd told him he was hot. I told _Edward _he was hot._Great, now he'll never speak to you again because you're crushing on him._

"Really?" he asked, catching me by surprise.

"Urm...yeah. It's really hot. Do you remember this summer when I was dating Josh?" Edward's eyes narrowed slightly when I mentioned Josh's name. I had no idea why. "Well, yeah...I...found his... and it was awesome." That was a total lie. I'd been hanging out with a guy for a few weeks when Charlie and I went to Florida with the Cullens. Josh was nice, and he took pride in his appearance, something most fifteen year old boys didn't really seem to do. Problem was, when I found his stash...let's just say that unless I grew a penis, Josh wouldn't have been making out with me anytime soon.

Edward came forward, barely inches away from me now. Our noses were nearly touching and if I stood on my tippy-toes, we could be kissing. I was too much of a wimp to do it though.

He looked kind of nervous. "You're into that?"

"I guess," _but only if it were with you, _I added silently.

He was so close, I was pretty sure this wasn't friend territory anymore; it was something completely different. His nose grazed over mine and a blush covered his cheeks again.

"So...you'd think I was...if you...had seen mine?"

_Is he asking what I think he's asking?_

"Uh-"

"Seen what?" A voice called and we put as much space between ourselves as we could manage. Both of our eyes widened to see Esme looking at said box. "Oh, your baseball stuff!" she squealed and walked over to it.

I froze and looked at Edward in horror._ Busted! _But instead of waiting for impending doom, Edward sprung into action. "No, Mom!"

His running body blocked my view though I could see his hand reach out to take the box from his mother. The next part ... I didn't have to see to know what happened.

"OH MY GOD!"

"It's not what it looks like!"

"Edward Anthony Cullen! "

"It's not even mine! I swear!"

I looked on in horror as he tried to dig himself out of this one. I figured it would be better if I didn't say anything, since I'm such a bad liar. I'd probably only end up getting him in more trouble.

"What's going on in here?" Dr. DILF, (A.K.A Carlisle) asked as he strolled into the room. Seriously, if I wasn't so obsessed and entranced by Edward, his Dad would totally steal the title of _leading-man-in-my-dreams._

Edward made a whining sound when he saw the whole family (apart from Alice who was probably too enthralled in her closet to come) had gathered for this event. I thought he'd been embarrassed before when I'd found that box...but this- this was the shit that haunted you forever.

Edward threw a look at me that screamed, _"Do something!"_

In return, I gave him a look that said, _" Sorry buddy, you're on your own."_

"Carlisle, we've raised a pervert! Edward, what is this? _Boldfinger?_ Oh dear God..." I clamped my teeth into my bottom lip, promising myself that I would not laugh; Edward was embarrassed enough.

"Clitty clitty bang bang," Carlisle managed to squeak out. The corners of his lips twitching constantly while he held another DVD in his hand. He _so_ wanted to laugh...

"This isn't funny at all!" Esme glared daggers into Carlisle.

"Esme, he's a teenager. He has needs and urges like everyone else."

"Oh my God, kill me." Edward groaned into his hands that were placed over his face.

"No son, it's nothing to be ashamed of."

"Of course it is. Carlisle this is filthy! Even Emmett didn't bring this level of pornographic materials home with him."

"Trust me, he did. He just wasn't as careless as Edward was. You have to learn to hide the porn, kid." Carlisle chuckled but Edward didn't remove his hands from his face.

I decided it was a good time to announce my presence. Edward looked like he was in physical pain now, so I thought I'd try helping him out.

"Um...He's telling the truth. The box belongs to another guy. Another guy who's name is..." I trailed off, trying to think of someone Esme didn't know. "Pete-"

"Peter Florence?" Esme asked.

"No...John-"

"John Clementine. I knew he was no good."

"No, not John." Christ, how many people did this woman know! "JOSH! Josh from Florida gave the box to Edward." I smiled, proud of myself for thinking of Josh. Edward looked like he wanted to kiss me, that's how happy he seemed. _Or maybe it was wishful thinking on my part..._

"Yeah, it was Josh from Florida. He's a really sick kid." Edward shrugged and gave me a breath taking smile. My knees threatened to buckle, he was that beautiful. I don't know how I'd get by when he left for college. He'd only have three years to go when I got there anyway, that was _if_ we went to same school.

Esme seemed to accept our lie and nodded before telling Carlisle to throw the box away. Though Carlisle lingered in the room with a look on his face that told us he could see through our bullshit.

"I should throw this box out, but _Josh from Florida_ would probably miss it, right?" Carlisle asked with knowing smirk.

I blushed and looked away while Edward cleared his throat awkwardly.

"That's what I thought." He chuckled, placing the box on the floor before he left the room, closing the door behind him.

An uncomfortable silence filled the room as Edward took the box and placed it back securely under his bed. I didn't know if he wanted me to go or stay and I felt too awkward to ask him. I mean, he was probably angry at me. It was my fault his parents found the box that lead to the second biggest embarrassment a teenager could face; next to getting caught jerking off, that is.

My cheeks turned a deep crimson as I thought of Edward touching himself.

"Bella? Do I have to keep calling or are you going to answer me?" Edward snapped, his voice irritated. _Yep, he was totally pissed..._

"Sorry, I was thinking," I mumbled, my cheeks bright crimson, and avoided his eyes.

"I was saying thank you for covering with the whole Josh thing. Mom bought it and Dad's not going to say anything. You saved my ass," he told me as he pushed a piece of stray hair behind my ear. I slowly met his gaze and a crooked smile plastered on his face. "Then again, you did put me in the firing line to begin with."

"It's not my fault you're kinky, asshole." I replied, playfully hitting him.

"So fucking violent."

"From what I've seen, that's how you like it." I smirked and raised an eyebrow daring him to challenge me. He didn't.

Instead he leaned down to press a warm kiss on the corner of my mouth. His soft lips didn't just kiss, they caressed my skin and made my whole body tingle like live-wire was running through it. His lips were unlike anything I'd ever felt before and my breathing all but stopped the moment we made contact. Never in my fifteen years had such a chaste kiss been so thrilling. I about died and went to heaven.

"Thanks again, Bella." His eyes captured mine and I forgot where I was.

"Yeah...uh...I'm gonna...Alice needs me," I spluttered. I could hear his chuckles as I stumbled out of his bedroom, slightly dazed.

If I didn't know any better, I'd say Edward Cullen liked me more than a friend.


	42. A Life In Pictures

Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight

I Hope She Was Worth It

A life In Pictures

_**14 Years Later**_

I sat with my legs curled into each other as my hands dug into over a decade of memories. The photos were mostly all of the kids and our family, with the odd image of Edward and I together; someone catching a glimpse of our stolen moments. Every picture came with a fantastic memory and not one passed by my gaze without a smile on my face. They were full of cheesy smiles and funny expressions...they were perfect to me.

A picture of Edward and I holding a new born Abbey caught my eye and I paused for a moment to study it. We looked so young, so full of happiness and joy_. We obviously had yet to experience sleepless nights..._ I thought to myself dryly. But given the chance, I'd do it all again. My children were the cherry on top of a perfect life.

"What's got you up here all by yourself?" A deep velvet voice asked from the doorway. I looked up with a smile to see my husband looking at me curiously.

He hadn't changed. Time was kind to Edward. But I guess he was just one of those people that would be devastatingly handsome no matter what. The only things that remotely showed his age were the tiny crinkles by his eyes and the silver strands at his temples. Yet he was still the most beautiful person I'd ever seen.

"I'm just feeling nostalgic. I thought I'd look through the old family album," I answered as my eyes drifted back towards the photo in my hand. "Want to join?"

Edward limped over and although he tried to hide it, the cringe in his eyes told me it pained him. His back had worsened over the years, but the many doctors we'd seen assured us it was nothing serious. You couldn't just get shot in the back and walk away from it without any damage being done, I suppose. For a while, Edward had no need to go to physiotherapy, but in the last five years it was essential he went at least twice a week or he'd be bedridden.

I sat on the bed and brought the box with me before he had a chance to join me on the floor. He eyed me with a look that said _'I could do it if I wanted to._' I just rolled my eyes and placed a pillow behind his back as he sat down.

"I'm not an old man, y'know," he muttered grumpily.

"Yet you're acting like a child."

His bottom lip jutted out comically and I couldn't not laugh.

"What's this?" He took the photo I'd been holding and scanned it. A smile lit up his face as his finger traced over Abbey's angelic features. "I can't believe how fast she's grown. It's as if just yesterday I was holding her in my arms for the first time. And now look at us; she's all packed up and on her way to college."

Tears welled in my eyes.

'_Okay Bella, so Abbey is leaving next week? I've allowed you to reminisce by looking at our old pictures,__ but no more tears!' _I told myself and shook them away.

Edward's hand wrapped around my waist and squeezed gently, letting me know he was here for me. He knew what a hard time I was having letting her go.

"They have to fly the nest sometime, Bella. Our baby has grown up."

"I know," I sighed with shaky breath. "It's just she'll be so far away and what if she needs us or something ba-"

"Stop!" Edward cut me off. "Bella, do you realize who you're talking about?"

I tried to compose myself. I knew where he was going with this.

"This is our daughter we're talking about. Do you remember when she was in the second grade and someone stole her best friends _Hannah Montana_ lunchbox? We got a call from the school saying she'd stormed into a classroom and demanded justice." I laughed. My baby had always been a law abiding citizen. Charlie had been so proud when he heard about that one. "Or when Tommy Philips was spreading rumors about Tyler? She was the first one to knock on his door or warn him not to mess with her little brother ever again."

"I can still hear his mother screaming down my ear to keep Abbey off their property or she'd call the police. She should have looked at her own kid before she started judging mine." I scowled.

"If I recall, you told her just that in a more untamed manner," Edward laughed and I blushed, though inside I was proud. "She's her mother's daughter, Bella. She's fearless and smart and she's ready to take on the world."

I sighed again but I couldn't deny that he was right. "It's just hard to believe how time has flown. She's nearly twenty years old, Edward! How can we own a twenty year old daughter?"

He smirked crookedly and it still made me hot and bothered. "Time is a bitch."

"Tell me about it."

"She'll do good in Florida."

"She'd better. We're paying a shit load of money for her to go to college there," I joked.

"Tell me about it," Edward chuckled deeply.

"Still stealing my lines, Cullen?"

"I'm sorry; I just deliver them with so much more charisma than you do."

I raised an eyebrow and smiled. "Sure you do."

"Can we continue looking at photos or should we keep talking about how great I am?"

"More photo's, most definitely." I nudged him in the side playfully and he feigned hurt.

"For that jab I think we should keep talking about me."

I rolled my eyes but couldn't stop the giggles from erupting.

I pulled a picture of Tyler when he was about six or seven sitting on Carlisle's knee.

Whatever light atmosphere had been when we were joking around was now replaced by a heavy sense of loss. Edward stared at the picture for a long time before his eyebrows furrowed and his eyes welled with tears. He placed it aside on the bed table.

"We all miss him," I whispered and leaned towards Edward, embracing him.

We had lost Carlisle three years ago. He'd only been in his early seventies when we'd found out he had _Lymphoblastic Leukemia_. He berated himself for not seeing the signs when he'd been a well-respected doctor for most of his life. But he was too busy enjoying his retirement, seeing his grandchildren grow and his family expand that by the time we found out about it, it was just too late.

He'd held on for just under a year before he couldn't fight any longer.

It hit us all hard. No one saw it coming. But no one was hardest hit more so than Esme. She was a shell of her former self without Carlisle by her side and after fifty years of being together, she couldn't cope with life without him. Only recently had she begun to come back to life. But you could see it sometimes when she thought no one was looking; she'd look into the clouds and you could tell she was wishing he was here with her. We all were.

But then again, maybe he was. Maybe he never left_. That's what I'd like to think anyway._

"He was a great father…and a better man than I'll ever be. I miss him a lot," Edward admitted into my shoulder. I was shocked. He never really spoke about Carlisle; the wound had always been too fresh.

"I know, honey. But you're a great father and an even better man. He was so proud of you."

He lifted up his head and again gazed at the picture. "Do you really think so?"

"I know so," I assured him.

He smiled but I could see he didn't quite believe me.

"I remember on Tyler's third birthday," I started and suddenly I was there, relieving one of the perfect moments in my life. "The party had ended and it was twilight. Everyone was in the backyard around the fire except for us. Tyler was out cold in your arms and Abbey was resting her head on your lap. You were playing with her hair and she was dozing off. I was supposed to be getting desert but I couldn't stop looking at the three of you; it was beautiful. And suddenly there he was beside me."

I smiled remembering Carlisle's warm cinnamon smell and how everything about him reminded me of home.

In a way, he was my second father.

"He put his hand on my shoulder and we watched together in silence. You had no idea we were even there, you were too caught up in our children to notice. And finally after about ten minutes, Carlisle squeezed my shoulder and said_, 'He didn't come out of my belly, but my God, I've made his bones, because I've at__tended to every meal, and how he sleeps, and the fact that he swims like a fish because I took him to the ocean. I'm so proud of all those things. But he is my biggest pride. Do you know who said that Bella?'_ I didn't even try to guess. I was still too caught up to think_. _Then he told me:_ 'It was John Lennon.'"_

Edward's brow furrowed. "Dad hated John Lennon. He said he respected him for his charity work but anything else after the Beetles was total bullshit."

I chuckled. "Yeah, he was still a little bitter that his favorite band broke up."

"So why would he say that?"

I smiled. "He said… and I'm seriously quoting every word_; 'I respect him for his charity work but everything else after the Beetles is total bullshit…"_

"Damn, I really knew the old man," Edward choked out as he struggled to keep the tears at bay.

"Then right before he left me to sit with you, he kissed my head and told me, '_But for once__ I can finally see where he's coming from.'"_

_**-O~O~O-**_

We'd strayed away from the photos for about a week after the Carlisle talk. It was emotional and it hurt to speak about him still, even after all this time, but I could see what a positive effect it'd had on Edward. He was light and carefree. I think he'd finally moved on from mourning the loss of his father now that he knew Carlisle had been proud with him and content in life before he died.

The kids didn't notice the change, they were all too distracted with Abbey's move to care, but I did.

I hugged her tightly as if she would vanish the second I let her go. "Take care of yourself in Florida, Baby."

"I will, Mom," she assured me, letting me have this moment, even though I could tell she was itching to detach herself from me and get on the road. "I love you."

"I love you too, Abbey. Are you sure you don't want your dad and I to come up with you for the day and help you get settled?" I offered for the nine thousandth time.

"No, Mom. Really I'll be fi-"

"It's just that I worry about you doing this alone. I don't want you to feel like you have to…"

"Mom, really. I'm an adult now. I'm perfectly capable of unpacking some boxes-"

"Even independent people have Moms and Dads that help them out now and then."

She sighed and gave Edward the _'help me'_ look. He chuckled and pulled me off of her before he crushed her into his arms and kissed her head. "Have fun, sweetie. Call us when you get there so we know you're safe?"

"Will do, Dad. Love you."

"Love you too, Sport."

"Ugh, we get it you love them. Get out of here already. I'm sick of this," Tyler whined behind us. He was just trying to act tough, like his sister leaving was a good thing. He was going to miss her.

"I love you too, Tyler. Not just them. Come here." She wrapped her arms around his stiff posture. At fifteen he was already so much taller than her. He was the spitting image of Edward in more ways than I could count. He had the mop of bronze hair, the lanky posture and the strong Cullen jaw. The only thing I could claim I gave him was the brown eyes.

Slowly he wrapped his arms around her, but not tightly. For a moment, I swear I saw him close his eyes and take a breath before he released her. "Yeah, yeah. Get outta here."

Edward laughed at his son's antics and squeezed his shoulder and my hand in support. Abbey got in the car and drove out of the driveway, beeping the horn as she went.

And that was it. My baby had officially flown the nest.

"She'll be back before we know it," Edward stated.

He was the only one who seemed to be holding it together.

"Yeah," I agreed and dried my eyes. "And she'll probably bring back her boyfriend or fiancé next time she comes home," I added lightly.

Tyler grunted in agreement.

The smile on Edward's face drained right off. "Don't be ridiculous! She's too young to have boyfriends, let alone get married."

"Edward honey, when did we start dating?"

"In college…" His eyes widened. "No, it was a different time back then. Kids are different nowadays. Abbey is too smart to go out with mindless, drooling teenage boys… no offence Tyler."

"Hey!" he protested with a smile and hit his Dad's arm playfully.

"But seriously, she can't… She's just too…"

"Wait a go, Mom," Tyler laughed at his father's expression. "I think you're going give Dad heart failure."

"Nope, that'll be his daughter's doing. They have to fly the nest sometime, Edward," I mocked.

"We have to call her back. She can go to college in Seattle- no wait; she doesn't have to go to college at all. She can work with me on the building site."

"What building site?" Tyler and I asked in unison.

"Just a plot of land I'm going to invest in. It's where the tower I plan to lock her in will be located."

"Yes dear," I patted his arm with a giggle. "Now how about we look at some more photo's before dinner?"

"Can we get pizza?" Tyler asked.

"Why do you continually ask for pizza when there are three frozen ones in the freezer?"

"It's not the same," Came Edward's voice.

"What the hell? You're supposed to be on my side?"

"I will take whoever's side I believe to be right."

"Thank you, Father," Tyler nodded smugly at Edward and already I felt the loss of girl power since Abbey left.

"Boys," I sighed.

**-O~O~O-**

When the pizza, which had been ordered not the one from our supplies, was devoured, Edward and I started for the stairs to relive more memories.

"If you guys are going upstairs to do it, please wait till I have exited the house," Tyler voiced with his mouth twisted in disgust.

I rolled my eyes at him. Edward looked at me with a hopeful expression.

I slapped his shoulder.

"What? He offered to leave. I'm just saying we should advantage," Edward defended.

"Tyler, your father and I are not going upstairs for sex." Tyler shuddered at the word. "We're going to look at the old family albums. Would you like to join?"

The kid looked positively green. "I'll go. Just promise me never to use the word _'sex'_ and '_would you like to join?'_ in a sentence _ever _again."

I sighed and chose to ignore that last sentence.

The box was exactly how we'd left it. In the corner of the guest bedroom, with the picture of Carlisle and Tyler placed on the bedside table.

"Grandpa," Tyler smiled when he saw it sitting there. "Is it weird that I've been thinking about him for so long, trying to remember every detail that it's almost made me forget what he looks like?"

"You're trying too hard," Edward rubbed his back soothingly. "If you just trust that you'll never forget him, it'll come more easily."

He nodded.

"Oh my God, Edward look at this!" I laughed as I held the picture out for him to see.

"Whoa, that was a long time ago. I look exactly like Tyler."

"What?" Our son questioned.

We handed him the picture of Esme, Edward, Alice, Emmett and I all crammed into a tiny square photo. I couldn't have been more than fifteen. It was taken outside the Cullen's old home just before they'd moved.

"Yeah, we really do look alike…except I'm better looking."

"Sure you are, Kid. Whatever you got, you got from the maestro." Edward pointed at himself with his thumb.

Something flickered in my memory and a burst of laughter left my lips. Edward scanned the picture with a furrowed brow before his eyes widened and he looked up at me. He knew what I was laughing at.

"Please, Bella. Not in front of my son."

The laughter continued so much that soon I was rolling around the bed in my fit of giggles.

"What's going on?"

"Nothing Tyler…" Edward tried to assure him.

"Yeah nothing Tyler," I choked out. "I just found a very interesting box that day-"

"Bella," he warned, but amusement shone in his eye.

"That picture was taken on the worst day of your father's seventeen year old life. Shall you tell him or should I?" I asked with a smug smile on my face.

"What the hell is going on?" Tyler demanded, his brown eyes darting between the two of us.

"What your mother is referring to is…_well_…it was a time before the internet…"

"Oh my God, you had a box of porn, didn't you?"

Edward flushed scarlet and I burst out in giggles.

"Yes Son. Yes he did, and Grandma Esme walked into his room and found it when we were unpacking. Luckily Carlisle saved the day."

"It was your Mom's fault. She did virtually nothing the entire day and finally she decides to help but she had to go for the exact box I told her _never_ to touch."

"And now we know why. Gross, Dad." Tyler words said one thing, but the broad smile on his face said another. Edward would still never live that incident down.

"Please, I've seen your internet history," Edward shot back and Tyler flushed scarlet.

My faced scrunched up in disgust. No mother ever needed to hear that about her son.

I decided it was best to move onto the next picture. This one was a picture that had been taken quite recently. It was of Edward and me with the kids, along with Alice and Jasper's litter at Henry's award thing. He was being recognized that day for his work in pharmaceutical science.

"Alice and her uncanny predictions," Edward laughed.

"You're sister is simply amazing. I'll give you that."

I remember her smug smile the day she told me Henry had invented a new medicine that stopped some sort of whooping cough in infants. The moment she told me the news I heard her voice ring through my mind, as clear as the day she'd told me why she chose to name her son Henry.

_"I was sitting in the hospital, feeding the baby, when all of a sudden he starts coughing. Not just a tiny cough, like a middle aged smoker cough. I started panicking and the baby can't breathe so I shout for help, because Jazzy wasn't there. Then out of nowhere this guy wearing white scrubs takes the baby out of my hand, gives him this weird drink and, viola, he's better. I ask the guy his name and he says, 'Henry.' Then I woke up and it just... fit."_

I swear to God, after the incident with James, I swore never to doubt her again but that; it just sealed the deal further for me.

"Hey guys, what's this?"

Edward and I both looked at our son to see him holding a photo of Rosalie and Emmett's wedding. It was a reject photo from Rosalie's album which she gave to me in a pissy state afterwards. Edward and I weren't even making eye contact and I looked like his touch physically hurts me. While he just looked depressed, unhealthy in general. He was too thin and his eyes are sunk into his head with dark shadows framing them.

I didn't know then what he'd been through or was going through, just like Tyler had no clue what went on before he was born.

We'd promised to tell the kids all that had happened when they were older but there never seemed to be a right time. I mean, they knew Edward had gotten shot and everyone in Forks knew about the Cullen's and James. It's been the talk of the town to this day so it was impossible to shelter them from it. But that's as far as it went.

But this picture was the beginning of our journey. Edward and I locked eyes and he nodded his head, silently agreeing with me that Tyler deserved the truth.

"That was a long time ago. You're father and I weren't married," I answered.

Tyler's eyebrow furrowed. "But you and dad got married straight out of college… this was taken like seven years later…"

"We never told you this but…we think there's a lot you should know. The rest of the family know because they were there. But we'd tried to shelter you and Abbey from the truth until you were old enough." Edward paused for a moment. "For a while your mother and I were divorced."

Tyler's mouth popped open.

"Divorced? For how long?"

"Two very long years," Edward sighed.

"But…why? How? You two love each other more than anyone I know."

"We do now. But it took a long time to get back to where we are now."

I held Edward's hand before I began talking.

"It all started with a phone call from Alice…"

* * *

><p><strong>Okay well this is just something I wrote as an experiment. I hope you enjoyed it and please leave a review, I'd really love to hear what you think one last time.<strong>

** I loved every second of writing this story but I've decided that writing is no longer apart of me. So this will be my last update...like ever. For all of my stories.**

**I know I'm an asshole because I have unfinished stories but I just don't have it in me, nor do I have the time to sit down and write anymore, although a part of me wishes I would never have to give it up. I know it's for the best though. You're probably sick of me at this stage anyway so I'll keep this short and sweet...**

**Thank you so much for reading my work, it's been an absolute joy and an incredible journey. Thank you for the kind words and inspiration I got with every review submitted. Thank you to my beta's and my deepest apologies to readers of my unfinished work. **

**Thanks for everything,**

**Casey**


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